"Behold!" shouted Elrond as he placed his hands around the sacred item. "This is the new power of the world evermore!"
"Righteous!" said Aragorn as he faceplanted onto a taco and devoured it like an Orc with a severe lack of etiquette.
Legolas charged in with a magical can of bean soup and began dishing out free samples for his brohans.
Elrond's elf eyes widened as he caught a glimpse of Legolas's elf ears. "GASP!" he said in that exact way because it's part of the stinkin' plot.
Gimli hobbled in and put his axe on the table. He proceeded to slurp up all the bean soup and then took his tushy to the max.
When Aragorn saw the dwarven doodle-designer achieve it's highest state of glory, he began to carve a sculpture of Frodo's toes.
"What is that!?" barked Elrond as he licked the spatula clean of beanly residue.
"I made this magnificent tribute to the Hobbits who save glorious lives within our realm of harmonious attitude, my duderino," replied the gorgeous mane-wielding hunk.
Elrond noticed the good looks that Aragorn had at his disposal and pouted at the thought of not possessing the prettiness. "DESTROY IT!" he roared as his mouth engulfed Thailand (which is now a canon location in Middle-earth).
Sam waddled in with a box full of tasty chocolates and put them onto Legolas's graceful tongue one by one. "I sure hope Mr. Frodo is appreciative of my service to this attractive elf!" he hoped stupidly.
Frodo walked out of the cornfield with platform shoes on his nasty little feet. "Don't want no Sam Gamgees 'round here…" he said in his moody tone.
Sam began to cry due to his overwhelming abundance of emotion that makes him look dumb but is actually really important due to his character development that involves bread and spiders.
Gimli snuck over to Sam and captured the salty droplets of eyeball leakage within his canteen. "This will be for our survival!" he cried heroically.
Legolas chuckled. "You mean… the Chaos Emeralds?"
Everyone gasped and then Elrond said "GASP!" because of the prettiness gene within all elves, even the half-elven breeds.
Gandalf kicked open the door and put a slice of magic pizza on the table to assert his importance as a wizard or whatever. "One pizza to rule them all, boiiiiiiiii!" he boi'd.
Frodo frowned and made the grumpiest face ever grumped. He shot the deadly glare on unhappy grouchiness at Sam. Sam blew up due to his friendship overload.
Gandalf pointed his wizard fingers at Sam's exploded bits. "MORE PIZZA TOPPINGS GALORE!" he squealed as he pounced upon the Hobbit remains and added them to his collection of goodness and cheese.
Legolas did that really hot smirk and turned to Gimli. "I am such a flavourful individual!" he said sneakily.
Gimli pouted and took his shoes off. He flexed his toes for all to see like some amazing dude from the future named Squidward Tentagimli.
"Gosh!" said Aragorn. He picked up his sword and plunged it into the discarded shoes. He then pulled out a map from the fallen sole-diers and read it aloud. "We just found the buried treasure, my wholesome crew!"
Everyone cheered except for Elrond because he was still being haughty and gorgeous like most half-elves do on Thursday.
"Someone say 'pizzeria party'?" chirped Gandalf as he set the pie down in front of the Fellowship of the Stinkin' Banana Republic.
"Most bodacious, bruh!" said Aragorn in the gnarliest tone he could muster.
"But, oh my!" cried Legolas in a mischievous manner. He pumped the pedal on the table and the surface rose high up off the ground. Now Gimli could not reach the pleasant treats.
"By Odin's beard! I cannot eat the pizza slices of harmonious righteousness, dawg!" wailed the short, short idiot.
Legolas smirked and ate both his and Gimli's slices. Gimli cried about the loss and then it was time to watch the newest episode of Cow's Unlimited only on 4kidsTV!
THE GRAND END
