Disclaimer: I don't own the absolute magnificence that is the Harry Potter universe.
The first time he's hit with the curse he can barely keep the scream off of his lips. It's worse than he imagined. It's worse than anyone can even have the capability to imagine, it's that bad. Hermione tried to explain the feeling to him once, on a particularly bad night at Shell Cottage, but she had started shaking and he'd hastily changed the subject.
After a mission gone wrong, he doesn't need an explanation, because he's experienced it first-hand. He's hit with the spell when his own guard is down to shield Harry, and he collapses. The pain starts in his shoulder where he's been hit, but it quickly spreads to the rest of him so that it soon feels like his body is on fire. Only worse. He's in agony.
Pain has a weird way of lengthening time. The more you hurt, the more you forget what it was like before. What is apparently only a few seconds feels like a lifetime for Ron, and he can't imagine having to endure it for longer. The concept of time doesn't seem real anymore- how can all of that pain be defined by a few seconds?
After they capture the rogue Death Eaters, Harry asks him if he's okay. All he can do is nod, because he's still shaking and his mind feels fuzzy. Harry understands, of course he does, because he's been through it too. In the past.
But despite how he knows this moment has changed him, there's also a small part of Ron that's glad it happened. He now understands why Hermione screams so loud during nightmares, why Harry often wakes up covered in sweat. Before, he'd always possessed a twisted desire to know what they'd been through, because how was he possibly supposed to comfort them, when he had no idea what exactly it was he was supposed to be comforting them from?
It makes him feel sick when he realises that Ginny has more than likely faced that pain. Maybe even more than once. Maybe even frequently. Maybe even regularly. Anger bubbles in his stomach just thinking about it, but more than that he feels disgusted, because no one should have to suffer through that, least of all his little sister.
Suffering isn't a competition, and Ron is aware of that. But he's also aware that both Harry and Hermione experienced the Cruciatus Curse far worse and for much longer than he had. And he's haunted by the fact that he can now put their pain into perspective. If a few seconds had felt like torture to him, then Hermione's must have been pure hell. It's now that he realises just how close he came to losing her. To losing all of them.
That night, they're lying in bed and it becomes abundantly clear to Ron just how wonderful she is. He'd helped her recover at Shell Cottage, and he'd watched her grow stronger. What he hadn't known was that he was only seeing the physical aspect of her recovery- the bit that was on show. Hermione had healed her mind by herself. Her bravery hits him full on as he leans closer towards her and takes her into his arms. She lets him. He'd told her it'd been a hard day at work, even if he hadn't told her the details, and she'd accepted it. She always does.
He lies there, and he tells her he loves her over and over again, to which she always responds that she loves him too, and he finds himself content. Because they're not perfect, they're a little broken and messed up; but they're alive. There is more to pain than for however long it physically hurts, because half of the pain is in the recovery. And he thinks they're recovering just fine.
A/N: Thank you for reading and, as always, reviews are very very appreciated!
