A/N: I hope you guys like this story and stay with me. It's my first ED related fic but it's not a topic I'm unfamiliar too. Also, that being said, please do not be offended or whatever by anything I write and do not think that I am saying anything horrible about people. I definitely know the struggles of EDs which means that I would never write something outrageously unrealistic…because I know the truth of these issues. Also please feel free to review, PM, etc. I love feedback.
Trigger warning: eating disorders (EDNOS, Anorexia, Bulimia), self-harm
Disclaimer: I do not own any Glee characters
Chapter 1: Prologue
Kurt had been at the center for a week now, but mealtime hadn't gotten any easier. He sat in the cafeteria staring down at his tray - one carb, two small starches, a moderate serving of dairy, a glass of water: this was what they expected him to eat…all of it. He didn't want any of it. He sipped on his water through a straw and looked around the room. He couldn't stand seeing people eat, all he could think about was how many calories something was that they were putting in their mouths and it made him want to scream. The boy watched as so many people at other tables were struggling similarly to himself, most of them were girls, but then his eyes landed on a boy with dark curly hair and slightly tanned skin. He was sitting at a table alone which you weren't supposed to do, and he had on long sleeves which was against the rules in the dining room.
Kurt had never seen the boy before and figured he must be new, but Kurt expected him to be doing the same, just looking at his plate, maybe picking at the fruit or something. Kurt was intrigued by him, and was surprised to see the boy eating quite well actually, finishing every bite on his plate and drinking all of the water. Kurt looked down at his own still-full plate and sighed. He wished he could be like that boy, he wished he could so easily eat the food. He took a tentative bite of steamed vegetables and chewed slowly, finally swallowing and looking up to see if anyone had noticed, not knowing what he hoped for. When he glanced around the dining room again, he noticed the boy was gone. Kurt didn't think much of his sudden absence though…if anything he was jealous that he had gotten to leave and Kurt was still stuck at that table.
After what seemed like hours of agonizing torture, Kurt finally managed to down most of what was on the tray and asked one of the cafeteria supervisors if he could be excused to go to his room. Once he was granted permission – he guessed the nutritionists were in a good mood today because he had left half of his bread – he quickly exited the dining room and headed down the hall toward his room. He knew he wasn't supposed to spend much of the day alone in his bedroom, but dinner had been particularly hard, and he needed to have a few minutes to himself and to write in his journal.
He wrote about what he'd eaten, his feelings about the day and his meals, and about the dark-haired boy who ate. Kurt had had a long day and he figured no one would miss him in the day room, and he really had no desire to go to community, so he tucked himself into bed early and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
