Disclaimer: All rights to the name "Strawberry Panic" belong to Madhouse Studious, Lantis and any other of their affiliates. I do not own this franchise nor do I profit from the writing of this story.

Author's Note: Some irrelevant stuff. Watched this anime because I wanted to watch some romantic comedy after the very dire, gory and political "Shigurui" which I recently finished (by the way watch Shigurui. It is epic beyond words.) and what I ended up getting was something far beyond my expectations. So here is a little something. Enjoy.


The sound of the deep, somber voices of men singing Salve Regina reverberated about the chapel as Tamao Suzumi sat at the back pew not really paying attention to what was going on but getting immersed into the music anyway even if it was being sung in Latin at the moment. This was definitely different in comparison to her fellow peers who would sing the same songs. The girls sounded innocent, pure and devoid of any sin. The best of them sounded like cherubs from Heaven itself, extolling the virtues of God and Heaven above in voices of white purity.

In contrast the sound of these men singing the same songs were wrought with solemnness, pain, regret. It literally sounded like a cry for deliverance; the entirety of their tainted souls prostrating themselves before the Lord begging for forgiveness. To beg for a chance to walk in the Garden of Heaven. To show their worth and subject themselves to any trial so that, in the end, their souls could match the purity in which their counterpart could display with their mere voices.

It was funny now that Tamao thought about. Some of these men, she was sure, have been chaste all their lives completely dedicated in follow the path of the Lord yet they still sang as if they were not worthy, that they still begged for guidance and acknowledged their sinfulness. Likewise Tamao knew some singers in the choir that sang like angels, full of innocence and purity, and yet would turn around and start making out with their girlfriends or partake in even more iniquitous acts. It was an interesting contrast to say the least.

Still, Tamao could not help but feel as if she could relate to the pain these men sang of. She too felt solemn, regretful and unworthy. It was the start of the new term and several months since that time when she and Nagisa were to run for Etoile. It didn't even matter to Tamao if they had won or not. What had mattered the most was the fact that she was going to be with Nagisa. That by running with her she was showing to the entire world that there was no one more important to her than Nagisa. Not the school, not her circle of friends, not even God or her parents.

Especially her parents.

They were often busy and had little time for her. The few times she did go home she normally returned to Astraea Hill a day or two afterwards. Tamao was sure that her birth was a mistake, that her parents did not wish to have children and that the only reason they did not abort was because they were Catholic. Tamao had no siblings and was often left alone at home. She spent most of her lonely days reading plays, The Bible, or writing poetry. No, her parents did what they had to do to make sure she survived and that was it. Tamao was sure that wasn't love and in respect she did not love them either.

Nagisa was her everything. She truly loved her with the entirety of her heart. So much so that she could not bear to see Nagisa sad, even if it came at the expense of her own happiness.

When Shizuma had declared her love to Nagisa during the election Tamao almost gave in to her selfishness. A terrible rage welled within her body and the desire to rebuke Shizuma with harsh words was overwhelming. How, during those silent moments, she wanted to drag that witch by the hair and cast her outside to the snow and tell her to be gone. That she was no more welcome to this sanctuary as a leper was to society. How dare she come and proclaim everlasting love to Nagisa after having hurt her so many times? That each and every time that Nagisa came back broken she, Tamao, would take up the arduous task in putting her back together again. Every tear that fell from Nagisa's eyes for that white haired she-devil filled Tamao with more contempt for the former Etoile. How undeserving Shizuma was of those tears. Nagisa deserved so much better.

However no amount of anger could reign in her desire to see Nagisa happy. Tamao saw just how Nagisa's eyes sparkled with the utmost yearning for the woman before them. This...interloper who had time and again seemed to be on a never ending quest to make everyone suffer the same torment as she did. It was not fair to her and certainly not fair to Nagisa. But it could not be denied.

Nagisa loved Shizuma.

Tamao, from the instant she saw Nagisa become enchanted by the she-devil's web she knew that she had lost. Nagisa would forever be beyond her reach.

The blue haired poet would often revisit that time, usually on nights when she was alone. She would go back and weave through all the different possibilities. Most were of her taking a stand against Shizuma. To show Nagisa the error of her ways, to prove that she too loved her and could make her happier than Shizuma ever could. Tamao could re-do that decision over and over again in her head but it did not make the slightest difference now. In her everlasting love for Nagisa she decided to do the one thing she knew would make Nagisa happy.

She let her go.

The moment Nagisa had locked hands with Shizuma the blue haired poet had felt as if an icy hand had gripped her heart. It took everything in her power to remain standing and look proud and confident in her decision. Her own sorrow was of no consequence compared to what Nagisa wanted. If Nagisa felt happiest with Shizuma then so be it.

Tamao felt a gentle hand touch her shoulder and saw that it was one of the sisters walking alongside a man, more than likely a Bishop from far off Europe.

"Suzumi-san. It is getting near curfew. You should start heading back to Strawberry Hall if you have nothing else to do."

Tamao thought vaguely of just obeying the order given to her from the older nun but had a small nagging question in her head. It was a quaint curiosity and Tamao welcomed it. It took her mind off of Nagisa even for just a moment.

"Begging your pardon sister but I wanted to know why these men are here?" asked Tamao politely.

The older man and the nun gave a small smile to the young woman before them. The nun was whispering in the man's ear no doubt translating what was said to her to him. He smiled and soon ventured forth a response.

"I am Bishop Delann of the Saint-Denis institute in France. It has been a long while since I have come this far east but was assigned to make sure that everything was running smoothly here. The men present came along for the ride most of which have never even ventured outside of France, much less Europe so you can imagine how they jumped at the opportunity to widen their horizons. I hope we have not been a bother. I know that this is an all-female institute after all."

Tamao was surprised that a man his importance was speaking to her and she was even more surprised to find that she could understand him considering that he was not speaking Japanese at all. Tamao had always made top marks in her French classes and now it was time to put them to the test.

"I see. Thank...you for responding to my questions." replied Tamao meekly not sure if she got her words right. The bishop looked mildly surprised by her response but his eyes held a joyful mirth.

"You speak our language well. I'm happy to know that Miator has been astute with its students in learning French. It used to be a language which important politicians used for their treaties during the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries. It never hurts to learn more languages. I know about four myself though I am completely mystified by your native tongue. Anyway I'm shifting towards irrelevancies now forgive me child. I will not keep you any longer."

"One more question if I may Father."

"What curiosity! Well I can grant you one more I suppose. But the last one. I do not want to undermine your Sister's authority, after all, I am in her care."

"O-Of course not! I just wanted to know...never mind...I'm sorry. It was silly of me. Thank you for your time."

With that Tamao bowed to both her Sister and Bishop and soon made her way out of the chapel at a near run. The older nun and Bishop exchanged concerned glances.

"That girl I swear. She has been like that since she the election. I guess she is taking the loss harder than I thought." replied the nun in fluent French.

The Bishop wasn't quite so sure about that. Most kids tended to bounce back from disappointments like that. No this looked like something else entirely.

He sighed.

There was no helping it. In an effort to promote total dedication to the Lord most of the Catholic schools were strictly all male or all female to prevent the distractions of relationships. All this did was push the students into forming relationships with each other regardless of gender.

He himself did not have any problem with same sex relationships. Love was a gift from God regardless of who shared it. Of course he knew some of his peers did not agree with him but still he couldn't see how God, in His infinite mercy, could condemn a happy couple to Hell. Especially to a kind young girl like her.

No she would go to Heaven regardless of her feelings for other girls he was sure of it. For if Jesus could forgive a murderer why deny a kind girl like her the same courtesy?

With that said the bishop turned back to his business. He would be leaving for France tomorrow and so he would not know whether the kind girl would find relief or not but he was not worried. In fact he smiled. The bishop resolved to pray for her tonight and hoped that she would find the respite she was desperately seeking.


Yaya Nanto sat alone in silence. Her room already dark as the sun set just outside her window. Ever since Hikari had become Etoile alongside Amane they had been assigned a room together leaving her alone now. It was so rare that she got to see Hikari. She was always busy doing one thing or another and whenever she did have free time she would spend it with Amane.

Yaya really wanted to be happy for Hikari but she knew that it was impossible. Nothing would truly make her happy now, not without Hikari by her side. She collapsed on the bed her hair fanning underneath her body like a black pool swallowing her into the abyss.

No damn it. Don't cry. I already said that I wasn't going to cry anymore. Hikari is happy now so I should accept it.

Even as she said this memories of the past started to flash before her eyes; wonderful, beautiful memories so vivid that she was fully immersed in them. Joy, sorrow, anger, hurt, envy, all of these were but a small modicum of the emotions that she was experiencing all at once. The one constant between these shifting memories was the fact that they all contained Hikari in them. Everything from the most mundane study sessions to the final ceremony of the Etoile.

D-Don't cry...please...I can't...I have to be happy for her...

She desperately wished to turn the hands of time backward and start all over so she could relive those wonderful times again when it was only her and Hikari. Yaya grinned mournfully. It was impossible and she knew that better than anyone else.

Her body began to tremble as lithe fingers dug into her arms, the slender nails beginning to draw blood. The anger always went hand in hand with her sorrow. One never came without the other. It was like all the old folks said. 'Misery loves company' and what better company than that undying anger.

The first target of her anger was Amane.

What had started off as a cool acquaintance soon evolved to dislike and now it was full blown hatred.

For many months Yaya tried to deny it and attempted to reason with herself. How could she be angry and hate the one person that could make Hikari smile? No matter what she told herself it never worked and now her anger had evolved to the point to where she could hardly tolerate the Prince of Spica any longer.

It wasn't fair!

She was the one who had first found Hikari and reached out to be her friend. It was she who had been her roommate all this time, going through silly arguments, or doing homework together, or sharing secrets at the dead of night when everybody else was asleep. The times when Hikari cried on her shoulder when she was hurt. Where was Amane then?

No, all Amane had to do was ride up on that beast, strutting around like some cliché knight in shining armor while garnering the attention of all the girls at Spica. Why in the name of Heaven did Amane have to pick Hikari? She had the pick of any other girl she wanted, ANY other girl. Better yet, what did Hikari see in Amane that caused her to drift from the one person who had looked after her all that time?

I hate you Amane! I hate what you have done to us. Why did you have to take the one thing that was precious to me? I don't ask much in this world. If I were only to have Hikari and nothing else then it wouldn't matter. She is the only one for me. Was this fated? God...did you ignore my prayers? My desperate pleas? Was this part of your grand design?

As David coveted the wife of Uriah the Hittite he then ordered his general to send Uriah to the front lines of battle where he was then felled. It was then that David swooped in and took the widow, Bathsheba, and made her his own. And the only thing you do, God, is send an old prophet to rebuke him? A mere slap on the wrist? Why did you allow this injustice to happen? Did not David have several wives already and a harem on top of that? Women of his pick and choosing and yet he was still not satisfied? Not until he took the only important thing from a faithful man and sent him to his death for his dedication? How fucking cruel!

And now you still stand aside and let this injustice continue. Amane is the David of this school. All the girls that would fall to Amane's feet could you, God, not send at least one of THEM to her instead? That you could sway the heart of one of that hoard to fall for Amane and have her respond in kind? It is not beyond Your power. Then why did it have to be Hikari? She is my Bathsheba! My beautiful partner, my angel! She was the light of my world. The only source of happiness that You would afford me and now You would snatch her from my hands like a thief in the night and bestow her on Amane even though she already has everything she could ever fucking want!

I sit here in the darkness where even Your eternal light can't enter. I am blind, deaf and mute, crippled and unknowing. I do not care about anything other than Hikari.

I hate You.

All my life I dedicated in worship of You, praying only to be happy and content and nothing more. You give me Hikari and then snatch her away from me so that she can be in the arms of another. What is the point in making me experience a minute of Heaven if you are to condemn me to lifetime of Hell?

No.

Despite everything I cannot lay the entirety of the blame on You Lord.

I did a horrible thing to Hikari and now she will not go near me. I lacked the courage to express my love for her and now she is beyond my grasp forever. The worst hate I can bear is reserved for myself. I am and always was unworthy of Hikari. How can I ever hope to compete with Amane?

Are You listening or am I just rambling in the dark? Do You truly even care for me? Does my voice even reach Your ears or are You now deaf to my ramblings now that my part is done? Will Amane continue to be blessed beyond belief while I rot away? Amane and Hikari will live on. One hundred, two hundred, hell even a thousand years from now their names will still be here at Astraea Hill, immortal as they are engraved in the annuals of the Etoile. And me?

I'll just be forgotten.

Alone.

Hikari...

Did I no longer matter to you? You shed tears on my behalf and yet you would still leave me with nothing when, if you had refused Amane, she still would have had the entire school to choose from. Did that never occur to you?

I wish I could hate you Hikari. I wish that I could hate you so much that I can make you hurt, to make you feel what I'm going through. To force you to realize just how much you are torturing me. But I can never bring myself to hate you. So you will die, blissfully happy in the arms of the person you love most. You will forget that we were once friends.

You will forget the name Yaya Nanto.

But even if my brain turns to mush, even if the fucking worms have already started eating it as I lay on my death bed, STILL I will remember you! For you are that precious to me.

I love you...

Hikari...

Yaya closed her eyes and curled herself in fetal position as she began to weep.

It was hopeless.

She was alone, miserable and wretched with no one to take her into their arms and say that it was going to be alright. She was totally alone, she was sure of it.

Even when, in reality, she had company all along just outside her door.

She too was crying for she heard Yaya and could relate to the pain she was going through but unlike Yaya this person would not allow herself to sink into despair not when there was still breath in her.

Tamao, her eyes still full of tears and her arms trembling, soon gathered her courage and knocked on the door.


Author's Note: I really hope this fic turned out well. I just finished the anime today and fell in love with it and wanted to write something for it immediately. Hopefully it turned out well. Thank you all for reading hope you enjoyed.