AN:A quick existentialist piece I wrote a long time ago on my Iphone and lost. This is my attempt to recreate it. I kinda succeeded.

Star Trek isn't mine.


Kirk stared at the folder for a long time before opening it.

Her name had been Meghan Johnson. She had joined the Enterprise four months ago. Came out of the academy with decent grades and no demerits, specializing in geology and terraforming.

Kirk had never met her. He usually greeted all new additions to the crew when they came on board, but he had been unconscious in sick bay when she had arrived. And then, somehow, he had just never gotten around to it.

Somehow she had never gotten close to anyone. She must have shared some interests with someone on board, but the most she ever socialized was grabbing some lunch with her shift mates. After each shift she had returned to her room alone.

Her room was full of things when Kirk first entered it. Sketches and notes on paper, PADDs of books scattered about, half a glass of tea on the counter. And pictures. Pictures of her laughing, smiling, being happy, always surrounded by others, People who loved her.

Kirk felt guilty, but Spock logically pointed out that her friends and family back home would no doubt have a much more personal funeral back home to truly honor her memory.

Kirk read her eulogy and tried to summon a feeling besides regret and failure. He read about her accomplishments and awards at the academy, her achievements on board and the paper she had published. All things that could be found in her personnel file. None of her likes or dislikes, her dreams, hopes, or loves.

He looked out towards the crew standing there, heads bowed respectfully. They would always remember her, but just as the ensign who killed herself. No one would see someone on the street and for a fleeting moment think it was her. No one would be doing something years from now and think "Meg would have loved this."

The blood was cleaned up. Her personnel effects were packed and put in storage for the next time they were near earth. Someone else sat in her chair during her shifts. Someone else did her work and it came out the same anyway.