Author Note: Hey everybody. I haven't written a fic on The Outsiders in like a year. I got completely reobsessed (I think I made that word up lol) with it after the new DVD came out. Does everyone know about that? If not, I can give you the details. Let me know if you want to know about it plz! Anyhoo, back to the point here! The summary pretty much explains what this fic is all about, but FYI it takes place a few months after the book. I'm pretty sure that the book took place in the fall, so it's now winter in the story and it's winter break. I will update roughly about once a week!

Disclaimer: The story is my own, but the characters all belong to S.E. Hinton. Also, parts of the book are quoted, so that completely belongs to S.E. Hinton. Those parts are in italics. I always forget to do a disclaimer for the chapters, so if I do, that goes for always! And one final thing. I don't really know how I came up with the title. It just sort of popped into my head (don't worry, I'll work it in with the story), so if I heard that somewhere or something, like it sounds like a song, and accidentally stole it, plz don't sue me, thank you very much!

(Man, long author note. lol!)

Ponyboy's POV

I walked home in a daze. It was the last day of the semester and it was now winter break. Two-Bit and Steve were with me. We had to walk home everyday together because walking alone always leads to trouble. Once I walked all alone and got jumped and that scared me half to death. Then, I walked, at night, with just Johnny, which wasn't really safe enough either considering that changed my life forever. It would be a long time before anyone would see me walking by myself. I knew walking with me annoyed the heck out of Steve. I always annoyed him when I tagged along, but most of the time Soda invited me, so it wasn't my fault. Two-Bit didn't seem to mind though. But, then again, good ol' Two-Bit doesn't really mind about anything. Sometimes I think he doesn't have a care in the world, but he's one of those people that you just can't help but love (maybe for that reason.

So there we were walking home. For Two-Bit and Steve this was just any other day, but not to me. For some reason though, things never seemed to be normal with me. I got my essay, the one I wrote after Johnny's death, back. I made an "A" which was good I guess. It would keep things with Darry ok; everything would be just dandy with him if I made good grades. But, not with me, things just could never seem to be ok with me. An "A" was not what I wanted…..I wanted Johnny back. All I wanted was for him to be alive again. That's what I needed, that would make things better, that would make everything ok, but that was the one thing that could never happen. I started dreaming that it did, dreaming that he would come back to life, or maybe never die in the first place. Yeah, that was good, cause if he never died, then Dally would be alive to. If Johnny never died…… I broke out of my dream. I was scaring myself because I was actually starting to believe me. I had done that for a while, after he died. For a while I had convinced myself that I killed Bob and that Johnny and Dally were still alive. I had realized the truth though and that was when I wrote the essay. Now though, it seemed that I knew the truth and still… I ignored it I guess I just wasn't ready to deal with the pain. I still wasn't over my parent's death when Johnny and Dally died and I wasn't ready to handle it, so I just ignored it. I told myself to stop thinking about it so much. Johnny and Dally were dead and that was all there was to it. It really wasn't making me feel to hot, getting all worked up over this. I tried to tell myself to quite making a big deal about everything all the time and to be thankful that I still had Darry and Soda and the gang. I could have slapped myself over the head right now. I don't know why I have to make things so complicated all the time. It seemed like I did that all the time. I mean, I would just start getting upset all of a sudden for no apparent reason and then things would be a big mess.

We were home before I knew it. I was hardly paying any attention and nearly tripped over the curb by our house. Two-Bit and Steve went home and I walked in. I was supposed to do some cleaning up around the house before Darry got home, but I really didn't feel like it. I was trying to make up some excuse for not starting it, so I smoked a cigarette to pass time and then sat in the bedroom staring at my essay for a long time. I finally decided that staring at it wouldn't solve anything, so I opened up to a page and began reading…

"I know," I said "Well," I said, thinking it over, "you ain't like any of the gang. I mean, I couldn't tell Two-bit or Steve or even Darry about the sunrise and clouds and stuff. I couldn't even remember that poem around them. I mean, they just don't dig. Just you and Sodapop. And maybe Cherry Valance."

Johnny shrugged. "Yeah," he said with a sigh. "I guess we're different."

I just sat staring dumbly at the paper. I couldn't move. I couldn't really do anything except sit and stare like an idiot. I could feel a hard lump grow in my throat and just wanted to bawl. Or maybe I just wanted a cigarette, man, I really wanted a cigarette.

I understood now. Now, after all this time, I knew why I needed Johnny. I knew it all along, but now I understood it. He was the one who understood me and now I just needed someone to talk to, but how could I talk to Johnny? How could I talk to him when he was gone? How could I talk to him about him? How could I tell him how much I was hurting because he was gone? I knew I needed to calm myself down, but it was hard because I just felt so…alone. No one understood me. Johnny was gone. I couldn't talk to Cherry. I'm not an idiot and I know that I'll ruin her reputation. Then I thought, Soda, thank God I still had Soda. Soda was the one person who knew I wasn't over Johnny's death. I hid it from Darry, I had to. I mean, we were getting along and everything and even though he tried hard to understand, he just didn't dig. Two-Bit and Steve were the same way, but unlike Darry, they didn't even really try to understand. But then again, maybe I never gave them the chance. I don't know, but it doesn't matter, all that matters is that Soda is the only one I can talk to and I just wished he would hurry up and get home because I really needed someone right now. Just then, I heard the door slam and Soda yelled for the mail. Then I heard his shoes drop to the floor and he went into the kitchen for a glass of chocolate milk.

"Pony," he yelled cheerfully, "where are ya? Man, last time I checked I had I had a little brother around here somewhere!" I wanted to yell that I was in here, but I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, I would start bawling like a baby. I finally managed to yell that I was in the bedroom, but my voice was raspy and it cut off when the lump in my throat got to hard and dry to speak. I heard Soda's feet pounding on the floor and he ran in half falling and sliding on the floor with his stocking feet.

"Hey Pony, you ok, you sounded upset." He kneeled down on his knees to face me, since I was sting on the chair. He looked at me and I knew I was bawling, and I was so happy that it was Soda and I didn't have to hide my emotions. "Pony, what is it?"

"I don't know….I just…I feel really confused and I can't seem to get a handle on things ya know?" I said weakly, between sobs. My voice was shaking and I struggled to keep the tears in. He nodded sympathetically. "I really miss Johnny and I can't wrap my head around everything." Saying this out loud made it sound just plain dumb and I sort of felt embarrassed that I was upset all of a sudden about this. "I guess I'm just a wussy."

"No Pony," Soda said soothingly, "come on, you ain't a wussy." He pulled my head toward him and I buried my face in his shoulder. "Pony I don't want you thinkin' bad stuff about yourself, got it? You just miss your best friend and there's nothin' wrong with that."

"Don't tell Darry, ok?"

"Ok, I won't and don't worry, things will get better ok."

"I hope so, it's just I need someone...I'm so glad your hear right now Soda, cause I just can't deal with all this…" My voice broke and I began sobbing uncontrollably.

"It's ok, Pony, I'm here…I'm here." I slid off the chair and fell into his lap. He rocked me gently. "I'm here Pony, it's ok, easy baby easy, it's ok, you'll be ok, I'm here…."

"Soda," I mumbled shakily, "Promise you'll always be here."

"Pony, you know I can't promise that..." He stopped himself when he saw my face. He paused and looked at me reluctantly. Not wanting to upset me more, he smiled softly. "Pony…you know I'm always here for you."

"Promise," I said forcefully, "Promise you'll always be here."

"I promise."

After that I stopped bawling uncontrollably and continued to cry softly in Soda's lap as he rocked me.

Hope everyone liked it. This is the first time I don't have a story completely planned out, so I'm a little nervous. There might be medical related stuff later, which I usually just make up, so I don't have to research stuff! (Big grin, WINK, WINK) (- :

Btw, I'm reading through this and man, I start a lot of sentences with "but", sorry about that, my grammar sucks, but I guess Ponyboy doesn't really talk correctly, so oh well! Also, my quotations look weird, like they go the same way; I don't know what's wrong, sorry!