I looked at the clock, 4pm, great my turn to patrol. Not that I minded it too much anymore. Since joining Jacob's pack things had been much better. Especially now that it was summer and the boys weren't at school, those days had been lonely.
I'd even started seeing the Cullens as people. It wasn't easy at first, but I had to make the effort considering our pack was so linked to them. I still couldn't bring myself to like Bella, I hadn't liked her as a human so there was no hope now. So that's how I find myself sat in the Cullens lounge, finding it hard to prize myself away from their satellite dish.
"I've got patrol now, see you later." I called as I opened the front door.
"See ya" Jake and Seth both called at the same time from the kitchen where Esme was making them and Nessie something to eat. I swear they take bro-mance to a whole new level.
"Bye Leah, have fun." Esme called back.
Pfftt, fun, yeah right, I thought as I made my way to the tree line, quickly stripping off my dress and phasing. Whoever invented dresses needs a medal. Once summer rolls around I can get away with just wearing a dress without people thinking I'd gone mad, and it make phasing so much easier.
As soon as I phased I knew something was up. I was met with a barrage of angry thoughts from both Embry and Quil.
Are we gonna tell her?
I really don't know, she has a right to know and all but I think it'll just make things worse Embry thought.
Well we can't do anything about it right now anyway. I don't know about you but I'm way, way to angry to phase back right now.
They clearly hadn't heard me phase. I wondered who they were talking about but I didn't have to wait for long as both of them were thinking about what had just happened.
I could see that they had been in Emily and Sam's bedroom, snooping no doubt. The fuckers had done that once in my room, after much blood loss they never tried it again.
They'd found Emily's diary, jackpot, this going to be so good. They were flicking through their thoughts so fast I couldn't make out the writing but just then a disc slipped out from between the pages. I could see them debating whether or not to play it.
They decided to play it after checking Emily was still in the kitchen. I was debating whether to phase back or not, a disc found tucked in a diary probably isn't going to be pg-13 viewing and I certainly didn't want their bedroom antics to be forever ingrained in my mind, but by the time I decided to phase back it was too late. Through Quil's mind I saw the two of them going at it, missionary position, Sam's technique obviously hadn't improved. It was almost comical but then I noticed that Emily's cheek wasn't scarred and that Sam looked a lot younger. Istopped dead in my tracks.
This was before imprinting, before Sam had become a wolf.
Leah?
Oh shit, Lee! How much did you hear? Embry asked.
Enough.
I started running again, but not towards La Push, I went into auto pilot, making the usual run around the Cullen boarder. How could they do this to me? They blamed everything on the imprinting but that had nothing to do with it, they'd been hurting me before then. How many times had she come to visit me before Sam became a wolf? Six or seven times that year. Had it been going on for that long? Did she just visit me so she could sleep with my boyfriend?
I could tell that Quil and Embry were trying to catch up to me and they were probably trying to communicate with me but I couldn't hear them, all I had in my head was the image of them together.
They both knew that I had low self-esteem, Sam was the only person that had ever made me feel special and I confided in Emily how much I hated my body and all the while they were going behind my back. The only person that had made me feel special didn't even mean the things he'd said to me. Imprinting hadn't robbed me of him. What had I become because of them?
When I first phased I was still upset over the break-up, especially as not a week after Sam broke up with me I saw him and Emily holding hands on the beach. Imprinting had been explained to me that night and I had accepted it. Sure I was still coming to terms with it, and it often crossed my mind on patrols. I understood and accepted it but that didn't mean I wasn't still angry about it. That's when the guys started to hate me. They resented that they could no longer let their thoughts run wild, that a girl being in the pack meant no more fantasies and free porn courtesy of Jared. They didn't like the fact that I didn't hero-worship Sam like they all did and I felt the resentment roll off of everyone except Seth. That's when I decided to be a bitch, if they weren't going to like me anyway and if I had to run around on all fours and have to share their thoughts then I wasn't going to make mine pleasant. I was already technically a bitch, why not make it official?
The only two people I didn't hate were Seth and Jacob. Seth because he's my brother, and impossible to hate anyway. Don't get me wrong, Jacob frustrated me to no end, and still does most of the time, but I felt sorry for him because everyone could see that Bella was never going to choose him. I didn't show him pity because I hated it when people pitied me. I was bluntly honest with him in the hope that he'd see the light and give up but all it got me was an earful from Sam.
God, I had been so nasty to everyone because I was hurting and they'd all just brushed it away with one word: imprinting. I was hurt and no-one understood and now I know that I didn't have to be like that.
I stopped dead in my tracks as the next thought hit me: My dad. He had defended them. He knew about the legends and after I phased Sam replayed the conversation he'd had with my dad where he asked him to defend him and Emily to me. Sam had used my dad as a scapegoat, easing his guilt. I used to be so close to my dad but he'd started defending Sam's actions to me and I'd turned against him. I hated my dad and then I'd phased in front of him causing his death. My dad had defended them for nothing, he argued with me for nothing, he knew I'd hate him and did it anyway, in the belief that imprinting was to blame. He probably thought that it was worth it, that we'd be able to mend our relationship one day, but then he died.
I phased back, giving into the tears that had been threatening to fall since the last time I cried, the day my dad died.
I somehow managed to pull my dress on, I knew that Quil and Embry would find me and I definitely did not want to be butt naked on the forest floor. Them seeing me sobbing would be bad enough.
I didn't have to wait long for the sound of eight paws pounding the dirt to reach me. I wasn't sure if I could speak but I desperately didn't want them seeing me like this.
"Lee? Leah?" Quil had phased back and was quickly making his way over to where I lay curled up.
"Go away." I whispered.
"Leah I'm so sorry you saw that. We didn't know whether to tell you or not."
"FUCK OFF. I don't want your sympathy. I want to be left on my own." I screamed. I made a vow after my dad died that I wouldn't be seen as weak by anyone; I wasn't going to break that now, especially being second in command, Quil and Embry could not see me like this.
I heard retreating footsteps and then I was alone, in the woods, sobbing uncontrollably like a little girl.
I don't know how long I laid like that, unable to move, but as the sky started turning darker I heard their approach by their whispers.
"Guys she said she wanted to be alone. I'm worried about her too but she'll come back when she wants to." Embry pleaded. God I felt bad for all the times I called him out on his father. I'd apologised after he'd joined our pack but that didn't make it right. He was so quiet and cared about everyone and I'd bullied him so badly just because I knew that it would affect him, Sam, Quil and Jacob all at the same time; minimum effort, maximum results.
"I don't care," Seth hissed, "I'm not leaving her here."
I could just make out their figures now through the trees and my tears and I was touched, all four members of the pack came running into the same clearing, all human, all wearing the same expression on their faces; concern.
"Oh Lee," Jacob came running over and crouched down in front of me, "We're so sorry. We didn't mean to leave you for so long but when Quil and Embry came back and told us what had happen we phased and couldn't calm down."
Although my sobbing, thankfully, had eased off, my throat was so hoarse I didn't think I could talk.
"Do you think we should get her back now?" Embry asked moving closer.
"I'll take her." Seth reached down to pick me up.
"I'll walk." I managed to squeeze out. They each shared a look as I went to stand, "what? Just because I'm upset doesn't make me incapable."
I unsteadily got to my feet and Seth wrapped an arm around my waist supporting me.
We walked in silence for what felt like forever, I assumed none of them knew what to say to me.
I wondered what had happened when Jacob and Seth had been told. I quickly checked over Jacob and Seth, relived when I found no obvious signs of a fight, at least they hadn't attacked Sam. If anyone was going to do that then I was.
"So," I croaked, "you guys didn't do anything did you?"
A smile formed on Jacob's lips, "No we thought we'd leave that to you." It's times like these when I actually like the pack's mind link. We were all so attuned to each other that sometimes we knew what the other was thinking even in our human forms. I managed to return the smile; although I'm pretty sure it looked like a grimace considering I was still crying. See this is what happens when you repress tears for too long, when they eventually flow they don't stop.
I wasn't really aware of where we were headed until we arrived at the Cullen house. I was actually glad they hadn't decided to take me home, my mother didn't need to see me like this. I still stiffened though, thinking of having to explain why I was crying to a house full of vamps.
Seth leaned down towards my ear as Jacob opened the door, "They already know. We couldn't exactly hide our thoughts from Edward and everyone wanted to know why there was suddenly two wolves in their lounge."
They phased on the spot? Right in the middle of the Cullen house? Did it get them that angry? Did they all care so much?
Looking up from his piano Edward nodded.
"Oh Leah. I am so sorry. I wasn't sure what to do for you," Esme said as she rushed forward to give me a hug. Normally when she'd try to show any affection towards me I'd run the other way, screaming, but I just wasn't in the mood. I suppose it was quite sweet, she didn't have to do anything for me, I'd gone through heartbreak before, I could do it again couldn't I? "So I bought you ice-cream."
I raised my eyebrows, "Ice cream?"
If vampires could blush I'm pretty sure mommy-vamp would be beet red by now. Edward snorted but the corners of his mouth were slowly turning up. Ha I was right, she would be.
"Oh…umm…well Alice sometimes insists on girly movie nights and I've noticed that in quite a few of them the girls eat ice-cream when they're upset. I didn't know what else to do." She said sheepishly.
"Thank you." I sniffed as Seth released me and Esme led me to the dining table. I took a seat and in a flash she was back in the room with three tubs of different flavoured Ben & Jerry's and a spoon.
She set them down on the table before explaining that she was going to fix some dinner for the boys. I dug the spoon into the first tub and let the coolness sooth my sore throat. I was half way through when I realised that holding the tub was causing the ice-cream to melt faster than I could eat it.
"Stupid werewolf heat." I muttered.
I heard a chuckle and looked up to see Blondie leaning against the doorframe with a bemused expression.
"Here." She glided over and sat in the chair next to me and held the tub. "I won't make it melt."
"Thanks." I smiled, realising that I was no longer crying. I surprisingly got along well with Rosalie. We weren't best friends by any means but we had a mutual understanding of how the other one's mind works.
As I started the second tub more people decided to join us round the table. First came Seth, who shot me a sympathetic look and I smiled weakly in response. I really hadn't wanted for Seth to see me like that, he's my baby brother, I'm supposed to be there for him, not the other way around.
Jacob, Edward, Quil and Embry soon followed, each taking a seat around the giant table. Alice flittered in moments later carrying a giant filo-fax and plopped herself down next to Edward and began flicking through it.
I was wondering if everyone simply wanted to see my downfall, see me finally crack. Edward shook his head just as Jasper and Emmett appeared. Esme was still cooking dinner and I was pretty sure Bella was at the cottage with Nessie and Dr vamp was at work, no one would willingly pass up ring side seats to the Leah Clearwater mental breakdown show. Edward smirked before he started talking.
"No Leah, we're not here bask in your misery."
"Then what do you all want?" I asked looking at each of the faces round the table.
"We want to know what you want to do about the situation." Jacob stated. "If you want to take a chunk out of Sam then I won't stop you."
"We'll pin him down if you want." Quil said.
I sighed "I don't see how that's going to help. If anything I'm just going to look worse. The elders will certainly have something to say about it. It wouldn't go down well."
"I'm sure once you explain why you did it, they'd be understanding."
"Please Jake, do you really think I want the entire Rez knowing?"
Jacob, Quil and Embry were all about to protest, obviously wanting a fight, but Alice cut them off.
"I can mess up their wedding for you," she waved the filo-fax in the air and wiggled her eyebrows mischievously, "you know, order the wrong flowers, mess up the color scheme, things like that. Of course it would ruin my reputation but I'd be willing to do it given the circumstances."
The wedding! I'd forgotten all about it, I was supposed to be maid of honour. How was I supposed to get through that? I couldn't believe that Alice would offer to ruin the wedding, she'd begged Emily for weeks to let her plan it and all the Cullens had special permission to go onto the reservation for the day. I couldn't ruin the trust that had been built up between the elders and the vampires, it had taken months to get to this stage.
Emmett snorted, "Oooh yes the ultimate revenge, getting daisies instead of lilies, Alice that has to be the worst idea I've ever heard!"
"Well if you're not willing to fight him and you don't want to ruin the wedding what are you going to do?" Seth asked. I was surprised Seth was in on the whole revenge scheme, he's such a pacifist.
"I don't think you truly appreciate how angry he is over the whole thing Leah. How angry we all are." Edward said, leaning across the table. Huh? I can understand why the pack's angry, I know they've got my back, but the Cullens? I hadn't done anything to warrant them being angry on my behalf.
"Yes you have actually. Not only have we had to put up with your wrath on many occasions, which we all now know was completely Sam and Emily's fault, but you also fail to realise that had it not been for you deciding to switch packs I'm almost certain that Sam would have attacked us during Bella's pregnancy."
I was shocked, he hadn't told me that before. Had Edward seen that in Sam's head? He nodded.
"So," Embry implored, "what are you going to do, and don't say nothing. If you don't do something, we will."
Okay, as Seth said, I wasn't willing to fight and Alice's wedding idea was lame, so what was I going to do exactly? I went into attack- planning mode, something we all do as wolves, eyeing our targets weaknesses and identifying our strengths. What were my strengths? I'm fast, the fastest in fact, but that wouldn't help me now. I'm bitchy, does that help? Possibly, if I just wanted to fuck with their minds.
"Yes." Edward practically hissed as the idea formed in my mind.
"What?" I couldn't tell you who asked the question as every person sat round the table leaned closer as me and Edward smirked at each other.
"I think Leah should explain this one." Edward leaned back in his chair waiting for me to begin.
"Well, they did decide to mess with the queen of mental warfare" I laughed, taking another spoonful of ice-cream as I told them exactly what my plan was.
