As the sun seeped through my room, I opened my eyes groggily. Glancing sideways I noticed it was 7'00 o'clock. Rolling over onto my side to sleep more, it was a Saturday after all, I ran over my mind the worst day of my life.

"Scarlett" called my mum from the insides of her car.

"Yes" I replied sourly whilst rolling my eyes.

"Your father and I are just going to the pub, you know sort out life's problems with a good old drink" said my mum cheerily.

"That'll never help you, it'll just make things worse, trust me" I muttered, knowing it was no use persuading her to waver from her choice.

"What was that dear?"

"Nothing you need to know, mother" putting emphasis on mother.

"Look at me Scarlett" ordered my mother.

I drew my eyes up from the ground before me reluctantly. My mum had her arm hanging out of the car clutching a lighter in her grasp. Her dirty blonde hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail and she had plastered her face with make-up. I cringed at the sight.

"You are okay with us going out aren't you?" she asked, concern evident in her throaty voice.

"My opinion on everything you do is as always, disagreeable, I hate what you've done to yourself" I answered tonelessly.

My mother's adult response was to scowl at me and shift the car into reverse to pull out of the driveway. Once free of the house she speeded up the quiet street leaving me staring into space down my road. Turning around to face my house, I dropped my hands into pockets and walked back inside, kicking gravel as I went.

Once I shut the door behind me the scent of cigarettes hit me, blocking out my senses for a split second. I could never get used to it. I occupied myself with starting on the ever growing mound of homework left. After a few hours I felt my eyes protesting to be closed, so I grabbed my bag and pushed my work into it.

I slipped my tattered pyjamas over my body and proceeded to fall upon my bed. The duvet welcomed me, and it seemed in no time at all I was asleep. But in what seemed even less time when my eyes snapped open. My mother was shouting in the room beneath mine to my father.

"I cannot believe you" she screamed.

I pulled my blanket above my ears at a futile attempt to block the sound out, but unsuccessfully.

"What? You're unhappy with me deciding to leave this life, without you!" roared my father, more drunk than usual.

"Yes, of course I'm unhappy"

"Why? Do you love me?" he asked, sarcasm thick in his voice.

"No, that was years ago, but what about Scarlett. You can't leave her" said my mother quietly, for being tipsy at least, but I could still hear every word she breathed.

"I never wanted her, and you know that, I have already stayed 15 years. I would have left the second you told me you were pregnant and you know it. What makes now the same? I will leave" shouted my father.

"Please, don't" whimpered my mother in fear.

I could just picture my father, his cheeks red from drunkenness and his short black hair messed up from a fight. With his eyebrow cocked upwards in disbelief.

"Just until she's 18 and has left the house, I have no money. She'll be taken away." said my mother.

"So? Your life would be better without her" retorted my father.

"Funnily enough......I love her" said my mother mildly sarcastic, but I knew she meant it.

"Do you think that changes my mind in the slightest? Because it doesn't I'm leaving" said my father angrily, "And this time your beloved alcohol won't help".

I heard his heavy feet storm up the stairs to my room. My door swung open wildly and I saw my Dad for what was probably the last time. I had imagined him a few moments ago perfectly.

"You heard that?" he asked softly.

I just nodded in response, too scared to speak.

"I'd take you with me, but it won't be good for you...where I'm going"

"Did you mean it?" I asked quietly, my voice barely above a whisper.

"No, but I have to leave, its hell for me here. Your mother would never let me leave if I didn't say that. I do love you really, and I'm so sorry Scarly" said my father; I smiled slightly at his nickname for me.

"Bye dad...I love you too" I whispered.

My father walked over to me, kissed me on my forehead, ruffled my hair and said "Take care of yourself Scarlett"

"Yeah, you too, Bye" I said and gave him a brief hug.

He walked swiftly out of the room without a second glance. Just 5 minutes later I heard the car drive away fast and my mother made her way up the stairs, crying. I could still hear her muffled sobs when I fell asleep.

I sighed at the state my life had become since that fateful day. My mother had been to rehab several times, and had still kept her habits up. As for me, I had changed drastically from my 15 year old self. Now I was depressed constantly. Despite my friend's desperate attempts to make me see reason, I waved them away and they were now just mere shadows of the past, like my Dad. I had died my chocolate hair black, and had grown to wear all black. My skin, which was naturally pale, was even more so and used heavy amounts of eyeliner.

The small razor on the table beside my bed beckoned to me. Lifting up my sleeves I saw the numerous scars that had become my life, my saviour. The pain was like morphine for my haunting memories, leaving me with nothing. No pain, no happiness, no worry. I liked it better this way. Of course, at first school was hell. People would constantly make remarks at my sudden change, or would insult me. It angered me now, taunting the lion in my chest to break through and conquer, leaving me with nothing but desire to show them what I really felt. But I restrained my emotions, learnt to ignore and by now I was nothing to everyone. Just there, the unsociable emo girl that everyone used to love talking to. Except when a new kid came, talk about me raised and went just as suddenly as it came.

I did try to stop, but it was my heroin. I couldn't, at least not once it had become an addiction. I decided not to today, a simple jog in the woods would suffice just as much for the upcoming day. Saturdays were the easiest, I didn't have to endure the company of anyone, except an occasional boyfriend of my mum, I was left alone. My mother forgot me. I was left to fend for myself. She let me take over responsibility of my life fall into the hands of me, which was given the circumstance, extremely inappropriate. But I did it for my father, who had probably long forgotten me, I kept breathing for his sake in the hope that one day, we would meet.

I hauled myself out of the warm covers on my bed and placed my feet on the stone cold wooden floor. I pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans and slipped on a nirvana t-shirt. The yellow was the only colour I would allow to be on my clothes. I found my black and grey chequered slip on vans and put them on. After eyeliner and leaving my hair to fall where it will after brushed, I was ready to go out to the cafe for breakfast. Grabbing some money for the day from the kitchen table I headed out, but not before taking my black leather jacket to cover my scars.

My black Toyota was parked in the driveway and I slipped into the front seat of my car. I had earned the money from working in various shops over the previous years, and bought it off an old friend I hadn't seen in 5 years. He was somewhat....taken aback by my new appearance, but he talked just the same. Matt was the only person I could stand talking to since I was 15. But even with him, we only talked online about once a week. Which, given my standards is surprising.

I shifted the gears into reverse and pulled slowly out of the driveway. I went at a steady pace down my street, enjoying the cool morning air. My stomach protested and warned me to go faster. Most of my neighbours were inside, except for the Matthews who were sat reading on their porch. The eyes followed me and I could see in the side mirror they had started discussing me whilst shooting furtive looks to the back of my car. I scowled, why couldn't people sort out their own lives and stay out of others? Which is the main reason I don't socialize, well apart from Matt anyway.

I sped up wanting to reach the cafe to fill my hunger, as the houses flew past I concentrated on the road before me, casting away all thoughts of my reality.

I walked slowly down the stairs, making as little sound as possible.

I had woken up early after my father's departure, and I needed to see my mum, she could be in any state at the moment.

I heard sounds of life in the front room, so I peeked in the door, only to see a sight I would never want to see. My mother was rocking back and forth, tears rolling down her rose cheeks. Her mascara was smudged and her hair was as bad as a hedge. She was in a worse state than I had ever seen her before. The alcohol in her system seemed to have worn off, she had no sign of a hangover at all, just depression.

I went over to her and threw my arm over her shoulders for comfort. For her response she shrugged me away.

"Leave me alone, live your own life" she muttered under her breath to me.

"What?" her words surprised me, my mother had always been kind to me, always wanted me there.

"I'm fed up of you, no longer do I want to be kept down by your burden" my mother cruelly answered.

"If that's what you want, then fine, but this is the last thing I'll do for you, you brought this life upon yourself" I said, inflicting my words with poison to show my true meaning, I wanted no more to do with her.

I left from the room swiftly and ran to my bedroom. The light blue paint from my childhood was peeling and the curtains had half come off. I needed a change; I wanted no memories from my mother to be in this room. It would be my haven.

I picked up a sharpener from my desk and spent the next hour releasing the blade from its case. Once in the bathroom I pulled up my sleeve to my elbow and drew the blade across my soft skin. Blood came up to the surface and I kept it like that for a few seconds. I found all my pain was banished, I hadn't a care in the world about being left by my family, and it relaxed me. I stuck a plaster to stem the blood flow and hid the blade in a drawer of my desk. It was the perfect way to keep my emotion under control until I sorted out the mess my life had become in the past 24 hours.

Coming back from within my flashback I realised how much of my life I had cast away in that short space of time. I regretted it with my entire mind, but what was done couldn't be undone. I had tried to give up the cutting, but I couldn't, it was a saviour. I know Matt didn't agree with my idea for peace in my life, but he put up with it. I knew no one who could fully make me stop. I didn't trust a soul anywhere near enough to even know the reason behind it.