LOST IN TRANSITION
CHAPTER 1
The first days of cravings were hard, harder than they both imagined.
During the attacks Henrik was sweating and shivering at the same time, his stomach clenched and he vomited mainly water and fluids.
Unable to stay still, he paced around the living area until Saga forced him to lie down on the couch, breathe deeply and drink to compensate loss of liquids.
Henrik's appetite changed, too, sometimes hunger took him over and he devoured his plate, then for a day or two he felt nauseated at the mere idea of food.
Saga controlled he took the pills from the hospital doctor during the worst moments; she knew it was hard for him to overcome his dependence, that he tried to resist for her, it was painful for Saga to see him so unwell.
Linn suggested Saga a three weeks leave for family reason and then a possible back office assignment; Saga had to accept, it would still be a job and the regular hours in the archive would be useful to help Henrik.
After Jennifer she had refused to face illnesses and people suffering, never bonding to another person for fear to be hurt again.
Until he came around and slowly moved under her skin without her opposing.
When she found Henrik lying motionless on the living room floor she had to force a window open to reach him and search his pulse; the sting of vomit hit her nostrils and she saw the remains of pills in it and some still in the plastic bag on the table.
The paramedic asked if she was the wife and when she explained Henrik had no relatives they wanted Saga to follow the ambulance to the hospital; she tried to refuse but it was necessary for the admission papers.
Her experience suggested it was not a first time abuse, the continuous use of sleeping pills and Henrik's swinging moods during the last few days of the Anker case were proof enough he was relying on pills for a long time.
She didn't want to face him, the betrayal was difficult to accept and only a few days after the night at the tracks Saga came to term with her impossibility to abandon Henrik for the time being.
So Saga spent hours on internet studying a way to help Henrik, called twice Lund to get advices from her friend; in the end she had to admit that for each individual withdrawal symptoms would be different and could also change during the time.
Too many years depending on his own made cocktail of pills meant it would be difficult for Henrik to get out soon.
The hospital gave him an address and number for a support group but when Saga once mentioned that possibility Henrik got really angry and refused the topic.
They argued raising their voices, Saga was tempted to walk away, she reached the door and took her coat from the racket but he went to her, asked forgiveness and pleaded her to stay.
Henrik wanted to remain clean, swore Saga he'd do everything not to let her down again.
She did the leap of faith with him, the jump he prevented her at the train tracks; she had nothing to loose now, except him.
Sometimes in the night she felt him turning in bed over and over and she went closer, putting an arm around him; she knew he needed their physical contact, she could offer him just a little one, hoping that'd be enough.
It was often a prelude to sex, a kind of sex different from their first vibrant and strong couplings, now there was a need underneath the act that made Saga feel a deeper connection with him, like their minds were joined other than their bodies.
With his deepest secrets uncovered, he had put all his life in her hands, exposing himself to her like he never did before with another human being.
She started letting out small pieces of her past, too, especially after sex, when they both felt relaxed and in the mood to talk.
Time was against them, the investigation on her mother's death was running fast and every day could be the last.
