I only wear the sennen rod because of his powers.
Well…that's what the others think. But that's not true. At least not everything.
There's a reason why I always want the rod near me.
The reason was the dagger hidden in its handle. So I always have a blade with me.
But not to protect myself. No, in the worst case I could use the shadow magic.
This knife was the reason why I wasn't able to wear sleeveless clothes anymore.
The reason of these several deep cuts which cover my upper arms and which I need to hide from the others.
Thanks to the rod I don't have to carry a pocket knife or something like that with me, which would be discovered soon.
Everybody who knows me closer knew I never leave the house without my sennen rod.
But no one would have thought I'd carry it because of any other reason than the other holder of the sennen items do.
I need to admit I'm afraid. I fear they still didn't forgive me.
When I say they I'm talking about my siblings and the pharaoh and his friends.
I fear they still hate me for what I did to them. What my darker half did to them.
I know it's stupid but I can't help myself.
I still blame myself for everything.
I should have realized it wasn't this guy with a turban (what did Ishizu called him? Shadi?) who killed my father, but my dark side.
I should have hold him back. I should have stopped him from hurting them.
But I was too weak.
I regret everything so much. I know I can't change the past… but I wish I could.
I wish I could make them forgive me.
Okay, none of them ever told me something about they still blame me, but I'm just too afraid of asking them about it.
So I end up with turning this fear of uncertainty and my hate for myself and my Yami against me.
Unfortunately I need to admit I already know I can't do this forever.
I cannot escape the true forever.
Sometime I'll have to ask them. About Battle City. If they have forgiven me.
Or otherwise I'm sure one of them wants to talk about it.
And then when they discover I cut I'll have to stop.
And I will stop.
Sometime…
But not yet…
At the moment I'm not ready yet.
Please let me feel the release of my mental pain a little longer…
Just a little bit longer…
