A/N: Enjoy a little story featuring Wario and Waluigi and tons of fourth-wall breaking, classic silly Mario humor! With an added bonus of cursing.

Disclaimer: Super Mario Bros. is property of Nintendo.


It was about 11:00 a.m. in the Mushroom Kingdom; a normal peaceful day. The happy, yellow sun was shining, the sky was nice and clear with barely a cloud in the sky, the birds were chirping cheerfully, and the Toads of the capital Toad Town were going about their peaceful lives like normal.

This was all considering Bowser was on vacation to a nice, tropical, far-off island for a month, of course.

To celebrate the temporary peace, the princess declared a nationwide "Peace Month." There were going to be parties, carnivals, festivals, trips to the beach—everything good and fun that they could do to squeeze every teeny bit of enjoyment out of this blissful peace they could until the Koopa King returned.

It. Was. DISGUSTING.

Wario wrinkled his pink, bulbous nose at the conference being aired on his little antenna TV, and grumbled under his breath. All this peace and enjoyment made his stomach churn. He was the King of Rotten, after all. He enjoyed the chaos when Bowser was out and making a mess of the kingdom, and the misery on the Toads' faces. Those damn Toads.

Peach's big-blue-eyed, dainty face returned to the screen as she addressed the public, at a podium in the castle's grand hall, surrounded by her typical Toad entourage. "In conclusion, to mark the first beautiful day of Peace Month," she said, spreading her arms in a flourish, "Mushroom Castle will be hosting a party today, which will be starting at 5:00, sharp."

"Eh? A party? Pffft. Get a life, Peachy," Wario remarked mockingly, and lazily screwed his index finger into his left nostril. Then he examined it. He flicked it.

"The evening will begin with an hour-long tennis tournament in the Royal Tennis Court," the TV continued.

"Oh, boy. My least-favorite sport," Wario grumbled sarcastically.

"The winner of the tournament will be rewarded with four tickets to Mushroom Kingdom Water Park!" The crowd "ooh-ed."

Wario remained unimpressed. He was banned from the water park. Not only do they not appreciate that people just have to fart, even if they're in the water, but he got thrown out for testing his expensive new Wario-Turbo-Rocket-Pak on the 20-foot Whirling Slide… which he'd accidently destroyed. Even so, the people on the slide and in the water had been screaming with joy. He didn't get it.

"The second hour will provide a cooling-off period for everyone in the Mushroom Lounge. There will be games and party favors."

Wario raspberry-ed the TV.

"And then at 7:00 we'll sit down and have an extravagant dinner!" she said excitedly. "We hired the best chef Toads in the kingdom."

His disinterest paused and his ear perked up. "Food? This is getting interesting." He waved his hand at the TV snobbishly, "Go on. I'm waiting."

"I'm not going to spoil dinner for you," she added with a cute wink, "but some of the courses involve sirloin steak, lobster… and garlic and lemon stuffed tender chicken."

Wario's big, bucket mouth dropped and drool started pooling out.

"And, finally… a five-layered triple chocolate-fudge-pudding-whipped-cream-sprinkle-make-you-turn-into-a-puddle-of-goo cake!"

"Sweet Mother of Garlic," Wario croaked. The only thing that cake was missing was… well, garlic! Wario jumped out of his chair and wrapped his hands around the TV, in lieu of grabbing someone's neck, demanding hysterically, "TELL ME MORE, TELL ME MORE! IS IT A PUBLIC PARTY OR DOES IT HAVE A LIST?!"

"Lastly, the party does have a guest list."

"DOH!"

Peach was handed a rolled-up, peach-colored parchment. She rolled it open to the top of the page as the rest of the paper unraveled in a pile beside her. "Now…" she began, and Wario started listening intently, "here are the names of the people invited to our grand party:

Antasma. Any Beanbean residents. Bedsmith. Beldam. Big Massif. Birdo. Count Bleck. Admiral Bobbery. Bollyhoo and Big Top. Brighton. Broggy. Broque Monsieur. Baron Brrr. Cackletta. Coach. Cranky Kong. Princess Daisy. Diddy Kong. Dimentio. Dino Piranha. Dixie Kong. Donkey Kong. Prince Dreambert. Any Dry Bones. Eldream. Elvin Gadd. Fawful. Flint Cragley. F.L.U.D.D. Fred. Funky Kong."

The list went on for about another twenty minutes… Wario began to doze off, holding his cheek up as he leaned on the half-eaten-away chair arm. But he became attentive again when she started with the Ws.

And…then she breezed through the Ws. Now she was finishing, as Wario scowled furiously at the TV screen. His eyes were bugging out with pure rage. "And, last, but not least… Z-Yux. Thank you! I hope you all have a great time! Remember, 5:00!"

"Sharp!" a Toad chimed in.

The screen faded to commercials. Wario stared at it angrily for a moment.

Then he jumped up and strangled the TV again, but this time shook it violently as if it would give him the answers he was demanding. "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! COME ON, YOU PIECE OF—!"

Growling, he broke off and whirled around—leaving the TV to crack and fall backwards off its sad little stand—and scratched his chin pensively, beginning his angry monologue.

"Man, I can't believe this! She goes to all the trouble of planning a party so allllllllll the residents could have a peaceful month, and she doesn't even think to put me on her STUPID reservation list?!" He threw his hands up, "And that list! Who the hell is Admiral Bobbery?! And Barron Brrr?" He crossed his arms in angry confusion. "Bollyhoo, that idiot that hosted Mario Party 8," he grumbled. "And MONKEYS! She invited monkeys! And DINO PIRANHA! I don't know who that is, but he doesn't sound like a good guy!" He shook his head and growled. "That's IT. I'm gonna find some way to get into that party if it's the last thing I do!" He put his hands on his hips dramatically. "But it won't be! Because I'm-a awesome! Wah-hahahaha!"

He grinned sinisterly and scratched his chin like a cool, intelligent evil villain. "And I know just the guy to help me…"

An hour later, Waluigi stood in his apartment, his lanky arms resting indignantly on his narrow-as-a-pole hips. "Did you just say 'Fawful'?" he demanded, with similar outrage as Wario had expressed when he'd been listening to the television.

"Yeah," Wario answered emphatically. "AND Cackletta. And some random dude named Fred."

"Rrrrgh," Waluigi growled and flared his nostril, crossing his arms. "Fred?! That guy doesn't even have a cool name!"

"I KNOW!" It was nice to have somebody as outraged as he was. He knew calling his partner in crime was a good idea. Then again, Wario's head was loaded with good ideas. "So… you in?"

"You bet like HELL I'm in!" Waluigi declared, balling his fists. Then he pointed and waved an angry finger, "That princess thinks we're a couple-a dummies, doesn't she? Well, we'll show her."

Wario grinned evilly and held out his fisted knuckles, "We're-a gonna crash that party!"

Waluigi bumped his fist with his own and sneered, "And take the cake out with us!"

"Yeah! Ha ha!" Then Wario paused, drawing a blank. "What's the plan?"

Waluigi smacked him upside the head.

As Wario lost his balance and stumbled over, Waluigi had an evil, thoughtful moment, "Lucky for you, I'm the brains of this here operation. Gimme an hour, and I'll come up with somethin' good…"

It was 4:55 p.m. Sharp. Wario had taken care of the Guard Toads quite easily, by bribing them with his "super-special Cheez-in-Can." Turned out it was his super-special "Wario's Fart-in-a-Can." Ha. Losers.

Now he was sitting behind a tall hedge that had a convenient peek-hole to the front walkway of Mushroom Castle, watching the guests arrive. Those damn, snooty guests.

He sat and waited. And waited. He checked his new watch, the clock face shaped like garlic, and the hands shaped like lightning bolts. (Like his awesome mustache.) It was 5:04. He glared at it and growled, "Where is that damn Waluigi?! It's—"

His cell phone started chiming. Well, laughing—as his ringtone was his own recorded laughter. He flinched and ducked as he noticed the last-minute guests all simultaneously stop in the walkway and glance around.

Practically eating the hedges, he hissed into the phone, "Waluigi, WHAAAAAAAAAAT?! Why the hell aren't you here?!"

"It's only 5:04, moron!" Waluigi's voice responded. Then a pause. "Are you there already?!"

"YES! Why wouldn't I be?!"

"Because they won't bring out the cake until 7:00, you idiot!"

Wario was about to say something, but stopped. And blinked. "Oh," he said. "Right. Didn't think of that."

Waluigi wanted to reach his hand through the phone and smack him.