Kerry: Well! Here it is! The first chapter of our epic story!
Onyx: You aren't seriously counting this as a legitimate chapter, are you?
Kerry: Um...yeah, why not?
Onyx: No...this is crack. So this will be the Prologue.
Kerry: Hey, whatever.
Onyx: Of course it's whatever! I'm doing all the work here! I cut, copied, pasted, and edited this shit ALL BY MYSELF!
Kerry: That's why we love you, godmother!
Onyx: Yeah, yeah...
Ivy: Make sure you stay tuned! Every five chapters is a special installation of Kannazuki no Miko, written by me! Enjoy!
A/N: I couldn't get the story to stay double spaced, so I added dividers until I figure this damn thing out. If you have any advice, please help out in your review. Thanks so much!
"So, yeah...if you were reading the previous note, I was saying something before being RUDELY interrupted," Shikamaru grumbled, driving a toothpick softly into his gums.
"Nobody remembers that damned note. And even if they did, they DEFINITELY don't care anymore." He snorted, flicking the toothpick and hitting me in the arm.
"They had better care. Where's Naruto? And everyone else, too. Go get 'em. We're gonna finish this the RIGHT way." I rolled my eyes, throwing my feet onto the coffee table. "I was serious, hoe!" Oh, boy.
"You think I'm hot?" confusion was thrown into Mello's face.
"Okay, fine. Do you know how much yaoi about us together is out there?" Matt reached over and grabbed Mello by his feathery jacket, "It's freaking dangerous to read that stuff! The kind of things that we don't even know that are running through out heads about each other! Evidently you would love to rape me, but you don't cuz I'm your best friend, and I have a secret desire to strip you naked! These fangirls are driving me insane!" At that, Matt pulled Mello closer and kissed him hard on the lips. A hoard of yaoi fangirls pressed their faces against the window, watching at last, their dreams of their favorite Death Note characters finally making out in a coffee shop.
"Yeah, get some!" one shrieked. IN THE PROPHECY SO IT IS WRITTEN!
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! IS THAT MATT AND MELLO MAKING OUT OVER THERE?" I sprinted up onto the table, sending Shikamaru and his chair flying. I couldn't believe my EYES! All this rainbow-sprinkled fruitiness happening RIGHT here...I HAD to take a picture. Just as I was whipping out my celly-
"HEY! HEY. YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Shikamaru retorted, springing into my line of vision. "I WAS TALKING, AND YOU-"
"MOVE, MOTHAFUCKA!" I screamed, trying to maneuver around his gigantic head. "Damn...the fucking lighting in here SUCKS! I can't see SHIT!"
"No, that would be your horrific phone quality, now LISTEN TO ME!"
"I gotta get closer!" Using him as a sturdy stepping stool-to be specific, his face-I gracefully vaulted over his head, and went to snap some steamy pictures of this live, homosexual display.
Matt and Mellow decided it was time to get a new less crappy apartment. What walking around town they saw an open door and a vacant poster. They walked inside and it was a good place. Rugs with no stains. Plush beds and pillows. It came with all the kitchen supplies they might need They came to the bed room and saw there was a HUGE closet. Enough room for Mellow's leather AND Matt's Stripped shirts jeans and goggles! They stumbled into the closet dodging curtains of clothes they decided the previous tenets were picking up soon. Once they pushed their way to the back of the closet, they shoved their way through a plies of bright green clothes and fall thought the nonexistent wall. "Crap! Mellow we're back in Narnia!" exclaimed Matt.
"What! Again? Doesn't Mr. Beaver still have that restraining order?" questions Mellow.
"Hey it was NOT my fault," proclaimed Matt.
"You tried to Skin him for arm warmers!" yelled Mellow.
"Pshh." scoffed Matt. As they trudged off to find an old friend...
"Oh, that's great. The fuck did they go?" I grumbled, shoving through the tangle of girls that obviously hadn't noticed that the objects of their madness had disappeared. "C'mon, Shikamaru. We gotta track down my yaoi..."
"I'm good. You can go yourself. I'm sick of ya-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Out of nowhere, the world started to spin, and everyone but Shikamaru and I disappeared. "WHOA! WHERE THE HELL ARE WE GOING?" I didn't care to answer, as my body flipped in every which direction. As everything became a blur in my eyes, I started to think that this couldn't have gotten any creepier. After what seemed like an eternity, everything stopped, and we both dropped into a pile of white, fluffy...stuff...
"Ugh...what happened?"
"...I think we're in Narnia," Shikamaru replied, getting up to dust himself off.
"Wow...said it so nonchalant." I stood and dusted myself off as well, looking around at our bleak location. He was damn there right. We WERE in Narnia...however the hell THAT happened. "Well...I stand corrected. It just got a SHITLOAD creepier."
Matt and Mello were in search of the White Witch's Palace to call in a favor. Mello wanted chocolate or he was gonna implode. Matt needed allergy meds as he was allergic to magic. Going along the trail they found themselves at the entrance and the guards halted they "What is your business here!" the first one boomed.
"Were Matt and Mello and you. Will. Let. Us. In. NOW." screamed Mello. The guards already cowering in fear at their names shrank away and let them by.
"WE'REEEEEE HOMEEEEEEEE!" Matt caterwauled.
"Ahhhh Matty, and Melly! What brings you back here to Narnia?" questioned the Queen.
"He needs med and I want chocolate." said Mello.
"He needs med?" questioned the white witch a little confused.
"When he doesn't *sniffle* have chocolate *sniffle sniffle* he cant say 'S'" explained Matt.
"That not true I can ay ' '!" said Mello, trying to sound intimidating but failing miserably.
"Oh yeah? Say 'She sells seashells, by the seashore the shells she sells, are surely seashells. So if she sells shells, on the seashore, I'm sure she sells, seashore shells'." challenged Matt.
"FINE," said Mello. "He ell eahell, by the eashore the hell he ell are urely ea hell. O if he ell hell, on the ea hore, I'm ure he ell, ea hore hell!" attempted Mello.
Shikamaru and I trudged through the treacherous wonderland, searching for any familiar landmarks signaling that there would be a chance we could return home. So far, there was none-to my dismay. "Yo...wasn't there supposed to be a lamppost like...right...here?" I asked, stopping in a specific spot and pointing to the ground. Shikamaru shoved his hands in his pockets, bent on being uncooperative. Gawd.
"Listen...I don't know why you keep asking me these questions. I know nothing about this place," he said stoically.
"Well, you sure knew the name of the damn place! I think you can apply your IQ of 1000 a bit, and help me solve this puzzle..."
"You know...I could use a nap," he said, plopping down into the snow and making himself comfortable.
"Ugh...FUCK YOU, SHIKAMARU NARA!" I roared, storming off in some random direction. If I were lucky, I'd run into the White Queen and beg her to slay me.
Matt, snot free and Mello able to say the letter 's' are trying to find a way home as there's no way to get back from the white witches palace. As they went they walked into and he directed back to Home, but not before mentioning another set of odd people he saw wandering pointing at the ground. Matt and Mello set off to find the mysterious pair they found a guy only to find they were the people who disappeared from the coffee shop hours before. "HEY!" yelled Mello startling the guy, who introduced him self as Shikamaru.
"Hey can you help me find my friend. She stormed off and I can find her." He explained. So they walked around Narnia in search of her.
I hadn't stormed off too far-I didn't know where I was going, after all. So I stood in the midst of grove for a few moments. When I felt he was worried enough that he'd come looking for me, I would return. I leaned against a trunk, and kicked around some artificial snow. Well...at least I thought it was artificial. "If winter were like this in the real world, life would be a kick." A few more moments of this-half an hour, even-and I was ready to head back. Turning on my heels, I walked out from the thick of trees, just in time to run into Mello and his posse. Awesome.
"Hey, there you are!" Shikamaru scoffed, grabbing my wrist. "I was looking all over for you! These guys found a way that we can get home!" I looked at them with a raised brow, and then smiled endearingly.
"Matt, Mello. Pleasure to make your acquaintance. I'm Onyx, one of your lesser fans."
"Awesome Opossum, it's nice to meet a fan," said Mello with a grin.
"Wait what did we do that you're a fan of." asked and goggled gamer.
"Well, don't you guys model for the doujinshis? I mean, OF COURSE, you guys had inter-" Shikamaru covered my mouth and pulled me away.
"Um...let's just get home, yeah?" With that, he turned on his heel and began to walk again, while I damn there dragged on the ground.
And this...is where our epic fail story begins.
Kerry: *sniffle* That was FANTASTIC!
Onyx: That was HORRIBLE.
Ivy: ...she's right, that was a steaming pile of shit.
Onyx: And I half-assed the punctuation...and a few other things. Sorry you guys. I know that was painful to read!
Kerry: SHHHHH! You'll give them the wrong idea! Good reviews, people! Pweaty Pwease and Thank you!
