Autumn

I open my eyes, maybe the first in a long time. The sky is on fire. Orange and red, and purple, and grey, and blue- an infinite number of colour combinations stirred together into a floating conflagration.

The silhouetted trees arch protectively over me, a barrier between me and the flaming sky: I am safe.

Silence hangs like swirling wreaths of fog in the early hours of dawn. Fog. My muscles tense, I feel a throbbing stab of pain in my chest. I cannot breathe, I gasp hopelessly for air. My lungs audibly heave, drawing in the quickly decreasing amount of oxygen. I can't stay here, I have to move. I sink my claws deep into the underlying earth, hauling myself off the ground. Grasping at the foliage around me I manage to drag my body onto my feet, and I take my first few steps.

I hit the forest floor. "NO!" I scream, crawling desperately through the soil. Then it hits me. "AGH!" My moans get louder; the mist slowly brushes my skin, sending my body into a simmering broth of agony.

It burns my skin. "Peeta?!" I cry, drowsily. Fitting wasn't something I expected, but I begin to feel the unpredictable twitches taking over my body-limbs flailing as if they are no longer attached to my torso. The heat makes me sweat, and I can feel it running down my spine, torturing me.

"PEETA!" I prop myself up against a tree, its rough bark tearing at the thin fabric on my back, and I squint to see a figure with a mop of blonde curls running towards me in the distance.

"Peeta! Help-" I feel myself slipping out of consciousness, sliding slowly to the ground. "Peeta?"

Suddenly I'm surrounded by water. Salty liquid surges into my mouth, the cold sending sharp pain up my neck. I'm being hurled around a huge plug-hole of seawater, my body swept by the strong currents.

I reach my hands to grab onto something, anything, but all my hands clasp round is water. Letting out a silent groan, I'm finally thrust heavily against a frontier of boulders.

Air. All I can think about is the air I'm breathing. In, out, in, out. I'm breathing. Slowly moving my aching arms I pull myself onto the large boulder behind me. Then I see him, his blue eyes emerging from the trench of rocks.

My sounds are fuzzy, I faintly hear him mumble a few words. But then the mumbles grow, his frustration ever increasing as I fail to respond. His pupils are piercing, misty and animal like. Primal paws clasp round my throat, and I hear the shouts get louder and louder.

My newly returned air supply is disappearing, and I feel myself slip hopelessly down a firm concrete wall. However, I'm abruptly jerked, forcing my eyes open, forcing me to stare helplessly into his eyes. Those warm comforting eyes, those eyes that could tell a thousand stories in one quick glance, those eyes that forced me into submission, those lovely blue eyes are gone. No more.

"Peeta?" I pant, "Where are you?"

"Sssh, Katniss. It's okay, it's me. Ssssh." I snap up, my pupils quickly adjust to the light, focusing on the objects around me. "Katniss, it was a dream. Just, calm. I'm here." I slow my breathing, taking huge breaths, relaxing my muscles. Breathing, check. Pills. I reach my trembling arm over to the side table and fumble around for the little plastic tub; nothing.

"I've got them Katniss, here." Turning my head I start to decipher the large figure in the soft morning light. I see piercing blue eyes willingly staring at me from the darkness. Not being able to disagree, I oblige, taking my pills and a small tumbler of water. I gulp them down quickly.

Slumping back in my bed I feel gentle fingers caressing my hand, a soft voice whispering in my ear. I fall asleep.

My head feels heavy and grotty when I stumble down the stairs; I grasp onto the polished mahogany banister of my victors village house, trying to keep myself upright.

There's a faint crackling from the living room. Normally I would investigate, but listening to my stomach gurgle, I desperately need food.

Greasy Sae hovers in the kitchen, and as I slouch into a chair a plate of toast magically appears on the table. I'm so glad she doesn't trust me to make it myself.

"Never told me the boy's back." I hear her mumble. Surprised she's attempting to communicate with me at this hour of the morning, I grumble "Huh?" She chuckles, grabs a squirrel from the pantry and drags her little granddaughter out the door.

What was that about? I chuck my plate in the sink and shuffle to the living room. There, sat comfortably on the sofa, is Peeta.

I don't know exactly how I'm feeling. He's home, I mean, wasn't it supposed to be 6 weeks from now? I doubt Dr Aurelious would release him so early. Or would he? With Peeta's tongue…

Sh- he's spotted me. I automatically spin on my heels and run out the door, slamming it behind me. I realise the whole not-drawing-attention-to-myself plan is totally out the window.

I just can't think right now. Bare-feet crunch on the newly fallen autumn leaves. Sprinting down the row of victors village houses, I hear his voice vaguely call to me from behind, but I carry on.

Steadily I run further and further away from my house. By-passing the town, a place I haven't seen for over a year. Since my return, I can't bear to think what it looks like, what the bombings did to the place. Even the positive comments about rebuilding from Sae, I can't, it holds too many memories.

I reach the fence. No longer powered, I slip effortlessly under the wires, then continue to tear as fast as possible down the hill. Weaving in-between the grey trees, I reach my spot. I pull myself into my tree, climbing as high as possible. Normally I'd perch in the basket of woven branches lower down, but scratch comfort. Right now I want to be as far away from reality as physically possible. The higher I am off the ground, there's less of a chance of potential human contact.

I close my eyes and lean back on a pillow of green leaves. No rope. No rope to tie me to the tree while I sleep, no rope to practise tying with Finnick. Instead I pull out my braid and fumble my fingers through my hair. Plait, undo. Re-plait, undo. Turns out I didn't need rope.

Concentrating so hard to stay upright in the tree and plaiting my hair, I didn't realise the small clump of blood collecting in my mouth. I try to ignore it, doing all I can to get rid of it, swallowing it. But it stays, that metallic taste stays hooked on my tongue; I begin to feel nauseous.

But maybe I was nauseous already; I've constantly got that revolting flavour circulating my mouth, never to be rid of. Never to be forgotten.

I can't think about Peeta right now, it's too confusing. He makes me feel things no one else can make me feel, and I don't understand. Right now, I decide, I'm indifferent. I have to understand my own feelings before I start on other people.

A few mockingjays flutter their wings and fly gracefully out of the blanket of trees, their feathers shimmering in the early morning light. I picture myself doing the same. I spread out my wings, hovering on the gentle wind below me.

I finally return to victor's village. I stride through the gates and see Peeta on his knees in front of the small patch of bushes in front of my house. My walk turns quickly into a jog. I'm not infuriated, but I'm seriously curious to see what the hell he's doing.

"Peeta?" I shout, but then I see them. The five perfect cream petals, centred around a bright buttery yellow centre. Their pure pale skin peeks out from the dead brown brambles surrounding them. But they stand tall, a little battalion of candles flickering in the mud, fading stars in evening night. I remember.

"Latest, earliest of the year,

Primroses that still were here,

Snugly nestling round the boles

Of the cut—down chestnut poles,

This, too, be your glory great,

Primroses, you do not wait,

As the other flowers do,

For the Spring to smile on you,

But with coming are content,

Asking no encouragement.

When the hawthorn, all ablow,

Mimics the defeated snow;

Then you give one last look round,

Stir the sleepers underground

Bid the ladysmocks good—bye,

Close your bonnie lids and die;

And, without one look of blame,

Go as gently as you came."

"Primroses." I choke.