Warning: This is a crack- no not a crack. This is a Reefer fic. Will make...a little more sense if you've seen the movie Reefer Madness (search Youtube!)

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"Owen? I'm back with the new artifact!" Ianto called, entering the hub.

"Yeah? World exploding, or interesting?" Owen asked, head popping up from his autopsy bay.

"Not sure. Looks like something that came though awhile ago, but can't be sure till you run some scans."

Owen came out of the autopsy bay and took the small glass spray bottle from Ianto with a grin and held it up to the light. "Oooh yeah! Love this stuff. Jack swiped mine. Those were good times."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Yes using alien pheromones to make people jump your bones. Wonderful fun. So much more fun then having consensual sex with your co-worker. Should I expect you won't be here tonight, then?"

Owen grinned and pulled Ianto in for a kiss. "Oh don't get jealous, teaboy. You're still my favorite."

Ianto gave him a small smirk. "I'm sure." He went to take the bottle from Owen. The sprayer pressed down and hit him in the face.

The both froze. "Uh I'm not having any urges to molest you then usual...maybe this one's a dud?"

Ianto swayed and Owen caught his arm looking concerned. "Yan? Are you ok?

"I- I feel a little naughty."

"Huh? Do you want to lay down and relax?"

Ianto got a crazy gleam in his eyes. "I'll tie you up with phone cord! We'll play with whips and nipple clips and candle wax!"

Owen opened and closed his mouth clearly wavering between 'yay!' and 'my lover is under alien influence.' "Now hold on Ianto. Let's not get carried away."

Ianto got predatory grin and pulled his belt off, cracking it like a whip. "Just call me Mary 'Wanna'. And Mary's got some scary little games to play! I'll lather you up! Give you a shave! A paddling while straddling my little slave! Down on your knees. It's pointless to fight! Save your strength it's gonna be a lengthy night." He slowly ran his tongue up Owen neck.

Owen squeaked and started to back up.

"Don't you run! I'm not done! Can't you tell we've just begun?! What's your rush? You're not having fun?!"

Owen thought about trying to talk Ianto down but remembered with the previous spray there was no turning back once used, so shrugged and threaded his fingering into Ianto hair and kissed him, hoping the others were still busy on their own missions. A bosses work was never done.