"This is a subject I hoped I would never have to discuss with you, but sadly, the world cannot be a perfect place." Elsa gazed across a crowd of worried faces. She balled her well clothed hands into fists. Though she'd finally learned to control her power, she assumed such news would induce high anxiety and dug out the gloves, dusted and pressed against the back of her drawer, for good measure.
"Sometimes we get scared. Sometimes we don't know how to act so we act out and we make bad choices." she paused again, searching for the right words, but was plagued by the memories of her own actions. "Sometimes we are hurt and believe we must bring justice…sometimes we just don't understand how it all works and…we act in violence." Every time Elsa paused Arendelle drew breath in, but made no sound doing so.
"I am burdened today with the duty of announcing to you the neighboring country of Kisa is at war and that we, as allies have to been requested to fight by their side. Personally, I am against war, but Kisa has made its choice and we, as allies must show our support.
"But why must we get involved?" cried a voice from the crowd. Arendelle's people began to murmur. Elsa did her best to quell them.
"Trust me I don't wish to—"
"Then we shouldn't! Let's cut them off!"
"Oh it's not so easy…" she could feel her heart race, her stomach clench, her lungs search for breath that came and went so fast.
"Why should we suffer for Kisa's mistakes?" cried another. They all seemed be getting louder, their voices climbing onto the stage and pushing their queen over.
Elsa wanted to break from it all and hide away in her room, but deep down she know she was stronger than that. She searched the crowd again, this time finding what she was looking for, a pair of big blue eyes that glanced back at her bravely. Her sister sat just three rows from the front, her rock.
"I've got an idea," Elsa began, with newfound strength, "I'll send post out first thing in the morning calling the military guards of Kisa and each of their allies and work something out." There remained a disgruntled stir from the crowd but Elsa refused to let it get to her. "I don't want war, it is a horrible, horrible thing, but we have to communicate and we have to compromise or else we will end up like Kisa, confused, afraid, war torn." By the time Elsa had formulated a plan of action and relayed it to her peers, they'd fallen back into a respectful silence. Patiently awaiting what could come of the ideas of their young queen.
"What on earth is he doing here?!" Anna barged into Elsa's room just as she was debating wearing her gloves to the first official meeting of the the new Kisa Ally War Council. She placed her gloves in her drawer, reminding herself of the power of self control. Often times, Elsa underestimated her own strength.
"Who?" was all she could respond to her sister's franticness. Elsa regretted spending so little of her childhood with her sister, finding it hard to adjust to Anna's usually intense reactions to even the most ordinary things. But she loved her sister to the ends of the world.
"Don't play that game with me, I have only left this castle more times in the eleven months than I have in years! Don't pretend I just have countless friends and enemies of whom you are unaware!" Anna exclaimed. Elsa put a reassuring hand on Anna's shoulder.
"Deep breaths now," she tried to coo, her soft and protective gaze easing her sister a little. "Now tell me what's the matter." she even tried to smile. But all Anna's anxieties returned when she found something behind Elsa, visual aid to her high strung testimony. Her arm stretched forward.
"That," conveniently, from Elsa's bedroom window the two could watch him just as he stepped from a pristine white carriage, ginger haired and slender built. "That's what's the matter."
Elsa, unaccompanied by her stubborn sister, sat alone in a big chair as men in decorated suits filed into the room. It was her idea to have Kristoff take Anna into town to her get mind off the loathsome young prince sent from the Southern Isles but as more and more people found their seats at the large table, Elsa wondered if the conference was really something she could endure on her own.
"If I could have your attention," her voice rang through the room, startling a few. All obediently took their seats. "Lord Klein if you would please remain standing." she regulated. Once everything had settled and she felt herself in control she nodded to the standing man with a thick blond beard, permitting him to address himself.
"I am Klein of Kisa." the room acknowledged him silently.
"What news have you from home?" Elsa inquired.
"Nothing yet, just a few interactions with the rebels. But we fear things are getting too close." and Elsa nodded.
"It can't be that bad." came a voice next to Elsa. She didn't notice Hans sit in the chair just beside hers. She looked to him as soon as he spoke, questioning his words. "I mean the Southern Isles sure doesn't thinks so. If they thought they were in trouble, they wouldn't have sent me…" there were a few chuckles from around the table. Hans continued, a smirk crawling across his face from the attention. "I've been in jail for months and they put me in the Kisa relations department — no offense my good lord Klein — but that's just giving me a job they know even I can't screw up!"
"And they send you to the kingdom you intended to take over last year?" Elsa turned to him.
Just one look at her made Hans' smile falter ever so slightly. The sheer intimidation of her cocked eyebrow, and almost detesting scowl struck a nerve in him. She radiated power. He didn't have the chance to answer her as Lord Klein continued his speech.
"Well I have news for you and your isles. My home is on the brink of war and I have asked for your help." he said. Elsa regarded her attention back to him.
"Yes but war would be detrimental to all of us. It is best if we consider the alternatives." she said calmly.
"Alternatives? We are at war because we have no alternatives!" Klein protested, slamming his hand on the table. The sound rippled through the air. No one dared speak to counter his intensity. But it didn't shake Elsa yet.
"What is it that the rebels want?" she asked him. Klein thought for a moment and drew in some air.
Elsa was roaming the halls later that night, being the good host that she was, checking to see that everyone was settled. She was so focused on doing so, she didn't notice her sister come from behind her, and tapping her on the shoulder startled her greatly.
"What are you doing?" she whispered more gruffly than intended. Anna shrunk back timidly.
"I just wanted to talk to you if you had the time, I didn't know if you were busy." she bit her lip as her sister shook her head.
"No come on," Elsa said, signaling Anna to follow her. The didn't speak until they were safe behind the thick, blue and white doors of Elsa's room.
"I'm sorry I didn't go to your council meeting. I wanted to, I really did." Anna clutched her arms to her chest and stared at the ground. She was nervous.
"But?"
"But…" she trailed off, only to have the words come up awkwardly in full speed and full anxiety. "But I just can't stand him, Elsa, I just can't, you know I can't, after everything he did." she looked to her sister, who was already turned to the mirror, undoing her hair.
"I know." Elsa finally mumbled, her mouth full of hair ribbon, her hands occupied in a mess of blond waves. It took her a moment to situate her thoughts and direct herself to the crux of Anna's visit. "I don't like that he's here myself, it just shows how long his family decided to punish him for his treacherous acts against us." Anna only nodded, allowing Elsa to continue. "I'm not making you go to these meetings, you can spend the day with Kristoff again."
"But I want to be a part of it all! I want to make a difference." Anna paused to yawn. It was late.
"Tell you what, I'll give you a private recap of each meeting and take your input okay? But let's get some sleep for now." Elsa said. Anna nodded and yawned again.
"Wow that sounds like a good idea." Elsa saw her out of her room and closed the door, in hopes of getting sleep herself, but they were only hopes.
She was only just about to climb out of bed when she heard a knock at her door, a firm hand, three knocks and then a patient wait. Though she didn't want to, Elsa got out of bed. Odd, she thought, one would think not to seek the queen from her room. But who appeared at her door was just odd enough.
"My apologies." Hans muttered, keeping his gaze up as Elsa wrapped a robe around waist.
"This is completely inappropriate." she said sternly.
"I agree I just came to make sure you were alright. You were a little flustered after dinner tonight and I know how you get when you're flustered." he at first kept his eyes up so not to embarrass her as she wasn't in a queen like state, but when mentioning "how she gets" he glanced towards her hands. Elsa shoved them into the pockets of her robe.
"Actually you don't know. It's been a long time, in fact, you don't know anything about me." she stopped to watch him respond and, to her satisfaction she could see his hands tremble a little as he took a step back. "And anyway, since when do you care how I am? Given the circumstances of our last encounter I would assume you cared very little if not at all."
"Forgive me I just thought—" he stumbled on his words.
"Please go to bed, Hans, you're wasting my time."
The delegates for the ally council stayed up drinking til the early hours of the morning and slept until the late hours of the afternoon. While it gave Elsa more time to spend catching her sister up, the mens' complete lack of respect for the conference bugged her to no end.
"I should scold them." she said as she and Anna sat in Anna's room. She was sitting on Anna's bed, braiding her hair. Often times Olaf would wander into the room, sparking conversation and carrying behind him a trail of his flurry, but it'd been quiet for a while, giving Elsa time to stew her feelings.
"Technically there were no set expectations." Anna said after a while. "I mean you didn't tell them they ought to follow specifically healthy sleep schedules. In fact, you simply said the next meeting would be a time in when everyone would be up and ready to talk compromises, and as someone who isn't a morning person, I would not think that time should be scheduled for the morning." Elsa sighed loudly.
"Still it's a little rude, don't you think?" she asked. Anna nodded but it pulled on the braid Elsa was working on. "Sorry."
"I don't think you should scold them, I just think it would be a good idea to plan something calmly, I mean the whole reason you're having this meeting is so you don't have to fight things out."
"You make a fair point." regarded Elsa, finishing Anna's braid and tying it with a green ribbon. "I'm gonna get a head start on it, maybe pull out so maps." she slid off of the bed.
"Ooh maps." Anna giggled, running her hands along the braid to read her sister's handiwork. "Oh and Elsa?"
"Yeah?"
"Be brave." Elsa didn't know if it was a joke or a serious advice for her having to share a room yet again with Prince Sociopath but she nodded with a gentle smile and disappeared down the hallway.
The council room was empty just as she'd expected it to be, but not for long. On her way over, she'd managed to rap a couple times on each guest room door for a mid afternoon wakeup call. She knew it wasn't very hostly but it was the least she could do if she was to promise her sister she wouldn't yell.
Hans was the first to enter, after only a few minutes. He didn't look as though he'd stayed up and slept in like the rest, he seemed like he'd been up for hours, yet well rested. And seeing him, maybe it was in the certain light, he looked…handsome. It wasn't hard denying it with those bright green eyes, and that near perfect body frame. No wonder it took Anna less than a few hours. Elsa joked to herself as she watched him slide once again in the chair next to hers.
She assumed he'd sit and wait patiently for the others to get to the meeting but he had other things in mind and it surprised her when he turned to her directly, looking at her with his piercing verdant gaze that, only for a moment, caught Elsa off guard.
"Why are you so mean to me?" he asked with the arrogance of a child born out of privilege. Elsa frowned.
"Are you really trying to ask me that question?" she replied but he didn't respond. Instead he furrowed his brow and stared with persistence. Only accepting the answer he wanted to hear. Elsa exhaled a cross between a sigh and a groan. "If you would recall with me the events that took place eleven months ago you would understand how I do believe I have a right to be, to quote, 'mean', to you."
"You don't think I can change?" Hans asked her, unexpectedly. If only it wasn't just as the rest of the delegates began to file in, Elsa might have had the time to formulate her answer, though there wasn't a doubt it would be any different from what she could muster in three seconds.
"That's not something we get to discuss right now."
Elsa was in her father's library when she and Hans' conversation picked up where it was left. She didn't see him walk in initially, which resulted in a surprised blast of ice that rushed against the floor, halting at Hans' feet. He jumped back at the sight of it and for a moment his face expressed, fear, but mostly disgust. Even though he composed himself in time, the impression influenced Elsa's mood.
"What do you want?" she asked sternly, slamming the book she was holding shut with one hand. She observed him through a glare to find him just the same as he was earlier the afternoon, with only the slight alteration of his hair, gentle tousled after running his fingers through them in the processes of the stressful ally meetings. Glaring would not do, she would not stand to behold his handsomeness and all the while boil over his reactions to her power and memories of previous near-death encounters.
"Your answer." he said gently. He wanted to meet her gaze even if it was a glare, it was something. It was a bridge to her cold blue soul. "It's important to me."
Elsa didn't have to ask to know what he was talking about. She felt it better to skip the tedious attempts to find their place in the conversation when they both knew what they wanted to say and what they wanted to hear. "No, I don't think you've changed, and the chances of you changing in the past year are, in my opinion, little."
"Well that's not a very fun answer." Hans said as Elsa placed her book back on the shelf and crossed in front of him to exit but he grabbed her by her wrist but for there on, he was unsure of what to say next, consumed by her intimidation. He let her speak, despite the fact that it wasn't what he wanted to hear.
"It doesn't have be fun." she began, tugging on her wrist but his grasp was strong, or maybe she didn't want to leave. "The last time you were this close to me you almost had your sword to my throat. I'd like it if you'd please stop this at once. You were ruthless, cold, and you're simply making a fool of yourself grasping for any kind of redemption." Hans didn't respond, but loosened his grip on Elsa's wrist, letting her slide away. He held his breath as he felt her gentle cold hand graze across his, and stared after her as she left in anger, not for her, but for himself. If only he hadn't been so selfish!
If only when he had heard of the two young princesses from Arendelle he hadn't thought only of his personal gain but of their fairness and good hearts. If only he hadn't let his lust for power overrule the fact that he had quite admired Anna when they first met. Still, it was his actions that lead to her detestation of him. And now, after feeling his palms sweat and cheeks burn for Anna's fair haired mysterious sister, he knew those same actions would ruin any hopes he had of her feeling the same.
Simply regretting what he'd done could not excuse him for his actions. He was a villain, a killer, a snake. He knew that Elsa would never get all jittery around him like he did around her. He was a spoiled Prince who wasn't getting what he wanted, it happened all the time. But what was different now, was that it hurt. It physically hurt.
"They demand on lower taxes." Elsa was lying on her bed, her eyes closed, her fingers massaging her temples. Anna was on her side next to her, her head rested on her hand.
"So why doesn't Kisa lower their taxes?" Anna wondered innocently.
"It's not that simple." Elsa groaned.
"Is there something I'm not getting?"
"Kisa's broke. Gosh it's worse than I thought. Not only would we have to supply soldiers if this war persists but we'd have to pay through the nose for it, and if you ask me, I like Arendelle in no fiscal crisis." she opened her eyes and propped herself on her elbows. "How was your day?"
"Lame." Anna rolled her eyes. "All Kristoff wanted to do was look at ice sculptures and I was like 'come on, we have like twenty at home'." She sat up while Elsa let out a heavy sigh.
"I have a splitting headache." she complained. "My back hurts my neck hurts and I still have to do everything around here myself because no one else will do anything. It's like taking care of a bunch of children!"
"Oh."
"I mean you're not one of the children the representatives are. It's as if they only came to party and ignore responsibility. People's lives are at stake here I just can't do it all on my own!" Elsa knew how to be strong, she knew how to be brave, she was the queen of Arendelle. But attempting to wrangle a peace agreement from a bunch of inexperienced, immature, unresponsive, so called "generals of war" was harder than she thought it would be and she desperately wished she could have her sister by her side. Party because she needed the support, but mostly so she wouldn't have to deal with Hans so close all the time.
As if the meetings weren't already adding on the weight there was the devilish prince that seemed to appear at every corner she turned. Elsa's least favorite part of her day was seeing his heartless, stupid…handsome face. And still, she thought of him, more often than she wanted to. It's because he's a blue blood, she would tell herself to somewhat justify her increasing attraction to him, it has to be common that all princes are…dangerously handsome. Though living her life shut away from the would she could only use books as a point of reference. Secretly, she wanted him. And it took a while to really admit it, but she ached to have him clutching her waist and kissing her lips…Just a look back into his stare and she'd have her way with him. But like Kisa's war, it wasn't so simple.
If only the sinner matched the face of his sin! If he was has as fair in his morals as he was in his appearance, Elsa would find him irresistible. And that, when she would let it, would take her heart to war. On one side of the battle she was dazed with the thought of running her fingers through his ginger hair, feeling his lips agains her skin, wrapped in his embrace. From another side she could see the reality: vivid memories of deceit, of violence, of manipulation.
She thought herself above wondering how each side of the war could coexist. But in the late hours in the night when she would toss and turn, her mind swimming with images of his eyes, his lips, his body, she would dwindle on such an idea.
The girls were startled from their small conversation by a knock on the door. Anna was confused as to who it might be but Elsa responded with a groan. She imagined it to be a delegate asking her where they kept the extra wine, but she knew it was more likely to be the that sinful prince.
"What do you want?" Anna asked when she answered the door, just by the tone in her voice Elsa's knew her predictions were correct.
"I…I was…I was just…I was hoping I would find." Hans' words tumbled from his lips jagged and confused. Elsa stood and made her way to her sister, but she didn't have to say anything.
"I just wanted you to know that I hate that you are here, and if it were up to me I would have you thrown out." Anna spat, crossing her arms defiantly. Hans lowered his head in shame.
"I know…"
"No, not kindly asked to leave, but thrown out. Like I would have Marshmallow pick you up by your shrimpy limbs and throw you right out of the castle and, if he's a good shot, into the the fjord." Hans started to get the impression he wasn't welcome.
"I guess I should go," he kept his watch focused on the ground, still hoping Elsa would say something, anything to keep his hopes up for next time.
"Please don't come back here, Hans." Elsa's said sharply. "This is the fourth time you've shown up for some unexplainable reason and I am absolutely tired of it. You have been selfish, obnoxious and incredibly disrespectful of my personal space." she tried to get it all out without looking at his face. Just a glance would make her words quiver. It was so much easier to stare past him, and imagine him looking like the demon in his heart. Hans stood their speechless, unable to move. Surly he knew he would be rejected at Elsa's door but not like this.
"The queen has given her orders." Anna backed her sister up, with an ice cold glare.
Hans felt his mouth go dry. He tried to swallow or clear his throat to speak but couldn't find his voice. He slinked back in the shadows of the dark hall in silence but only after Anna took the opportunity to shut the door in his face.
Elsa, plagued by a nearly restless night of conflicting dreams awoke in mood far from pleasant. In fact, she was so distressed, she hadn't even the patience to wait in that big room with the long wooden table for hours just wondering who would show up. So she took it upon herself to get everyone out of bed before lunch. She stormed down the guest hallways, banging on doors and sending delegates their own personal flurries when they neglected to respond.
"How must you treat us so, we are your guests!"
"I invited you here to save your country from war, not to drink and act like fools, now I demand you hurry up if you don't want to find out why they call me the Snow Queen." The more she went along, the less delegates tried to protest, and she could already imagine a full table by the time she got to the last set of rooms. She was so consumed with power and confidence that when a guest responded to her knocks with "come in" she didn't question it, swinging the door open with a delicate push.
Hans was just sitting up in bed when Elsa entered, rubbing his eyes. She stopped in her tracks words caught in her throat. It was apparent that Hans was a messy sleeper by the looks of his tossed orange hair sticking wildly in every direction, and by the looks of his bare but well built chest, scattered with freckles, he was the kind to sleep without a shirt.
"Yes?" he asked her blinking in the new light to better behold Elsa's beauty. But Elsa was speechless, mesmerized by the shape of him, the flawlessness of his physique. She couldn't help but stare, her big eyes blinking.
"I just wanted to wake everyone up because the meeting will be starting early." she said slowly, watching him pull away his blankets and slide his legs around to the side of the bed.
"About time." he said, he reached for a boot near his bed and attempted to slide it on, but it was clear he hadn't woken up entirely. Elsa still stood quietly by the doorway, watching his every move. "I was waiting for the moment you'd put us in our place. I had no doubt you wouldn't."
"Well if you were expecting this you should've woken up earlier." Elsa replied. She couldn't look him in the eye, she found it more entertaining watching him put on another boot, his back arching, his arms clenching.
"I had a rough night last night." he said.
"Oh?" He looked at her now, just the slightest smile appearing on his face, sending bolts of excitement to her stomach.
"Lots of bad dreams."
"I'm sorry about that."
"It's not your fault." he crossed then to the dresser where he took from it a clean shirt to pull over his messy hair. "It's my fault. It's all my fault." Elsa bit her lip.
"I should wake everyone else up." she said, turning to leave, hating to.
"You don't want to hear about my dream?" he asked her. She shook her head quickly. Thought she didn't want to offend him anyway. She might've wanted to hear the dream, especially if it was anything like hers (the good ones at least) but maybe at a different time, in a different life. She was out of his room all too quickly and knocking on each of the doors again like nothing had happened, but she had new images of Hans in her mind, and nothing would distract her from them.
When she made her way back to the meeting room everyone was seated and eager to learn, or maybe more eager to make the snow go away. Luckily Elsa was in too good of a mood to allow the flurries to continue. She made her way to her usual spot, just next to Hans and called the meeting to order, asking for updates. Klein was up quickly.
"I've heard word from the rebels," he said nervously, dusting snow from his shoulders and rocking on his heels. "They refuse any of our offerings." Elsa's smile dropped.
"Wait, what?"
"They won't take it. They said they'd much rather fight for independence." he said, causing the room to stir. Elsa stood up quickly, and in gripping the table, froze any wood in the radius a few feet from her hands. A few delegates jumped back.
"What do you mean they'd rather fight? They'd rather die for something that won't solve anything?" Elsa's voice was raising. She could feel all the eyes on her, and not even the images that brought her bliss earlier that morning could calm her down.
"I think they'd rather kill…" offered one delegate. Discussion stewed. The room got louder. Elsa's head started to throb. It was just getting to be too much. She needed to release, but not in a room full of people. She feared even the slightest movement would cause harm to the already stressed and frightened people. She was just about to get up to excuse herself when she felt Hans press something in her hand. She'd previously blocked him out, but as she started to take the world in around her she watched him hand her the pair of gloves he was wearing.
"I don't know if they'll help…"
"They're fine, thank you." she turned to acknowledged him and had to see his face again, but it was unlike she'd seen it before, soft, respectful, kind. She found her strength to stand, and no one got hurt.
"What news of the rebels whereabouts right now?" Elsa began, holding her hands stuffed awkwardly in Hans' gloves that were too big for her behind her back.
"The last part of this letter," Klein held up a document with the Kisa seal on in as the room hushed. "describes the rebel's intentions to head up to Arendelle to dismantle the council." Elsa was surprised to hear the room respond with silence. Either they saw this coming or they were too afraid to speak. They gave Elsa the floor, conceding with whatever path she saw out of this.
"Well if they make it up here, we will have no choice but to fight. However, we must continue to negotiate! Now Klein what are the chances of granting Kisa's rebels independence?" Klein shook his head.
"The amount of money they generate from fishing alone is enough to want to hold onto them. Kisa would fall without them." a few of the delegates sighed in defeat but Hans stood up, leaning his body forward across the table.
"I think they know that. I think they know how important they are to you and that's why they won't take no for an answer. Succession is their most powerful threat right now because they are your economy's everything." Elsa watched Hans as he spoke, observing the way his lips formed letters, the way his chest moved as he breathed. It was hard to concentrate on anything else but him and she hated it.
"So what do we do?" a delegate asked somewhere between Elsa and Hans.
"We remind them what they'd be losing."
There was still much more to be said, but in the end a letter was drawn up by the delegates and sent to Kisa. As there was nothing left but to wait for a response, Elsa canceled all the future meetings until word was heard back. She made it her first agenda to tell her sister the news but couldn't find her after almost an hour of searching. She was told Anna had gone into town, and while Elsa was relieved to know Anna wasn't in trouble, she felt so alone.
It was then that Elsa noticed she was still wearing Hans' gloves, the softness of the silk was hardly noticeable after a while and felt odd she hadn't returned them. She left immediately to Hans' room.
Standing outside his door, she felt for the first time, nervous. What if he invites me in? What if we have to talk? What if we have to talk about the things he's done in the past. Elsa didn't want that. she just wanted to admire his gaze and his smile. His perfect looks, his stunning body. She was just about to knock when she heard someone stumbling down the hall, Olaf, the living snowman had wandered into the guest hall.
"Oh Elsa, I'm glad I found you. I don't know where I am, I feel like every hall way in this castle looks the same." he said approaching her with his little snow cloud dancing above him, keeping him cool. Elsa smiled weakly, ringing Hans' gloves in her hands.
"We're in the guests quarters. I can show you out if you like," she said. Olaf's face lit up.
"Oh please!" he waddled behind her as she turned away from Hans' room, still clutching the gloves. They walked down the hall through the portrait hall, a wide open room with walls lined with magnificent paintings. Her companion looked around in awe.
"Wow I've never been here before." he said.
"Really? This is like Anna's favorite room." Elsa smiled stopping in front of a particularly detailed portrait of two lovers staring deeply into each other's eyes.
"Nope. It's cool though. Hey whatcha looking at?"
"Just some of the paintings. I don't come in here as much as I used to. Some of these I don't even remember…it's like seeing them for the first time." she smiled but Olaf shook his head.
"I don't know, something this beautiful would be hard to forget." he observed innocently. Elsa dropped her smile and decided to look at a different picture.
"Don't you wish there were some things you could forget?" she asked after a moment of silence.
"What? Why?"
"Just asking."
"Well," Olaf took a deep breath. "Sometimes I forget things and I hate that. I want to remember everything the good and the bad. That's how we learn." He walked to a painting of Joan of Arc. "What do you want to forget."
"I'm going to hate myself for saying this, but sometimes I want to forget Hans." she stared off across the room, hoping no one would come into listen.
"Who's Hans?"
"He's just, he's not a good memory, Olaf. I want him to be. I think I might be—" she stopped to hear footsteps in the hallway, her whole body got still.
"Why did you stop talking?"
"Because I was finished with my sentence…" Elsa fibbed, her attention at the entrance through which they came. She started to walk towards it. Still hoping she'd lead him out, Olaf followed.
"Well if it's a bad memory sometimes you might want to forget it. That's understandable, but what's the most important is how you learn from your memory. Each person and part of our life brings us meaning and from these people we have to learn and grow. We must never refuse the lesson so we don't make the same mistakes and cause bad memories."
"Wow, Olaf, that was very, insightful."
"Thanks, hey do you think that library has a book about ducks?"
Elsa was consumed by her thoughts all day, she filled Anna in on the meeting as soon as she returned but though the news from Kisa was enough to stir worry in her sister, Elsa didn't bother to go far into detail and instead skipped dinner and excused herself to her room. She wanted to try getting to sleep early but her mind wandered to far for sleep. Instead she just sat there in the dark for who knows how long until she heard a knock on her door. She clenched her fists, heart beating fast. She wouldn't dare entertain herself with the possibility that it could be her sister. She didn't want to get her hopes up.
Elsa sat still on the edge of her bed and waited for her visitor to knock again. Maybe they will think I went to sleep already. Silence. She exhaled, leaning back on her bed. Her stomach squirmed. She wished desperately for it all to be over. For the stupid war to end and for that stupid prince to go away. But she couldn't stop herself from wanting to run away again. Hiding wouldn't solve anything. She had to face it head on, right into the heart of the battle and just…let it go.
*tap tap tap* The knocking returned, loud enough to alert her, but soft enough to be respectful if she was sleeping. He's still here. She sat up, fastened her robe around her waist and took cold, light, steps (like walking on ice) to her door.
Hans had decided upon drinking with the other men that night but didn't stay for very long. He found their alcohol bitter and their jokes immature. He decided it'd be better to simply turn in early, that way Elsa wouldn't scold him for sleeping in too late. But she didn't know how he stayed up with the burden of never gaining her affections and slept in to live in a dream world where what he did never happened.
Remembering this made him think of her and before he knew what was going on, he was outside of her room instead of his, gazing at the dark designs on her white door. He felt the compulsion to knock. But why? What would he say? Not only had Elsa previously barred him from visiting her room, but she firmly answered all of his questions with the kind of answers that shouldn't call him back. So why am I here?
Because by some sick twist of nature he was in love with Elsa. He was astonished by her beauty and confidence, and yes, maybe a little bit by her power. His home country had thrown him in jail for months for his actions, but nothing could be more torturous than realizing the woman who's life he never had a care about, was the most important thing on the planet to him now, and he would do anything to let her know that. It didn't matter if she would never forgive him, he had to tell her. He knocked. He waited.
She will never love a crook like me. He thought to himself, beating down on his morally conflicted actions. She will never forgive me. She shouldn't! What I did was unspeakable and she must loath me for showing my face here again. But he hadn't been here two weeks and he'd become mesmerized by the way she commanded a room, the way she controlled a power that turned her own kingdom against her and of course the way her blue eyes brightened her white hair and fair skin.
His heart pounded with anticipation, hoping she could be up just so he could say what he needed too. He knocked again, but lightly. He couldn't go to bed now, with all his thoughts swarming in his head practically screaming to get out. He vowed to wait by morning. But as timed passed, his heart started to sink and only then, did she finally open the door.
"I'm sorry, Queen Elsa I know you said I shouldn't come to your door anymore I just—"
"It's okay. I forgive you." Elsa said softly. Was that a smile?
"You do?"
"I mean for showing up here after I told you not to. I forgive you for that."
"Yes, but why?" he asked her. Elsa didn't answer with words. Instead she grabbed a handful of his coat and pulled him to her face to press her lips against his. His eyes were at first wide in both shock and excitement, but all too soon was he consumed in her passion. He let his them close slowly while wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her closer too him. With his free hand he cupped her face gently, running his thumb against her cheek and the moment she seemed to pull her lips off of his he kissed her right back.
Elsa responded favorably to this, taking her hand and running them through his red hair and right when he thought he couldn't think of anything better than stand in that very spot, Elsa began to stagger backwards, pulling Hans into her room.
Elsa kept kissing him. There was something in her that felt wrong, but the majority of her wanted to walk until she could feel her bed behind her legs and spill over on like a crashing wave. She leaned back and let him kiss her neck and shoulders with such soft lips and she experienced something she never thought she'd like so much, heat.
There was no possible way they could hold each other any tighter, even when their lips finally broke apart and the two where able to stare deep into each other. It was then that they were sucked back into reality. Hans couldn't have been happier, his mission to achieve forgiveness was complete, more than complete, his heart was pounding. She had beautiful eyes, he could stare forever if he didn't just want to keep kissing her. Elsa however, thought differently. Her mind went immediately to the consequences, the scandal, the shock, her sister's reaction. She couldn't be caught with the enemy. But she didn't want to let the flooding feeling of regret ruin this moment with a perfect face and a perfect body. She blocked it out, pretended it didn't exist. Just for this moment, he isn't who he is, I'm not who I am, and this…this is ours. Finally, they couldn't take the wait, the sound of quick breathing. They fell back into each other's embrace.
She saw him next in the dining room, sitting alone, as usual. Elsa watched him from her place beside her sister, but dared not approach him. She hoped that somehow, though she never requested it, he would keep his mouth shut about the night before. Her sister was saying something, but Elsa couldn't catch what, she was mesmerized by him, watching him move, watching him gaze off into the distance, alone to his own thoughts. She wondered what he was thinking. Could it be about her?
She watched him stand with great ease and excuse himself from the room, retreating out. Elsa wanted to follow, but she knew she had to stay put and act like the last thing that could possibly happen, happened just hours before, she knew she had to pretend to know what Anna was rambling about.
She almost didn't want to listen to her sister, for she was the one who would disapprove of Elsa's actions most ardently. Elsa wasn't afraid of her sister getting mad at her, she was more afraid of what would happen to the whole of their relationship, the trust, and the love the two had just recently spent so much time building back together. Once the two had come to grips with Elsa's power they had spent months filling the cracks of their old sisterly relationship. But now, there was someone who could tare it all down. Was it worth it?
"If you'll excuse me." Elsa said standing.
Elsa found Hans in the library, standing very still, very polite with his hands behind his back, simply observing. He moved only slightly at the sound of her entering and bowed respectfully when she was finally in the room with the door shut.
Hans moved only when he could confirm they were completely alone, desiring to break from a robotic disguise he wore to keep what happened the night before a complete secret. But he hadn't so much has stepped forward and moved his hand from behind his back before Elsa held up her hand gently, pausing his actions.
Elsa wanted to say something, to tell him why that night was a bad idea, and why doing anything in that library would be worse. But when she opened her mouth, her thoughts escaped her just before she could catch them with her tongue. She was distracted by Hans, just standing there hands tucked once again behind his stiff back, shoulders rolled, watching Elsa.
She hadn't thought so much of what happened that night since she'd woken up, she knew it was a mistake and decided thinking about it would only make her feel guilty, but seeing him there made it all kind of wash away. She just wanted to hold him again, feel his lips again. But then again, what price would she have to pay.
"I don't understand…" he dared finally, still wondering if she wanted him to speak at all. Unlike Elsa, Hans had thought extensively about the night before, going over each and every detail so he wouldn't forget it.
All he wanted when he'd stepped off that boat just a few days ago was forgiveness but now he had so much more. Even if he didn't exactly have the queen. He had that night, and if he were sent away that very moment, he would be leaving happy. Kissing her would also be nice, but he couldn't quite make the move.
"What's there really to understand, Hans? I can't…we can't—" but he stopped her.
"We." he interrupted softly, staring at the ground, letting the words fall in a whisper. All the meaning of just a little word. At the start of such a trip he was lucky if she acknowledged his title, which to begin with was already smudged (by birth order and, more importantly, disdain from his family due to his actions earlier that year) but we.
"Yes we, as in I am referring to the two of us doing something completely stupid and regrettable. Would I rather I set it out in two separate sentences? I thought I could save time but if you're going to freak out over something as little as a word I'm just using more time to explain it to you."
"I like the we." he said with a smile. No, Elsa thought. Don't do that. That's not what you're supposed to do. She was losing control of the situation and she hated it. He wasn't supposed to keep reacting with compassion he was evil, he was treacherous, he was vile and now, he was looking at her like he meant none of it. Elsa stepped closer to him, hoping he could finally catch the rage she could feel radiating off her body.
"I knew you for two seconds and you already wanted to whisk my sister away from me, actually arguing for the ignorant idea for love at first sight—don't" she put a finger to his lips as he tried to open his mouth to protest. "The next time I saw you, you wouldn't stop looking at me like I was a monster and instead of acting like the intelligent diplomat you pretend to be, you refused to listen to my wishes and held me up in chains, you locked me up like an animal."
"Please stop." he said, gently moving her hand from his lips, clasping it in his own. She didn't shake it away.
"Even if I pretend it didn't happen it still happened." Elsa continued, trying not to acknowledge her nervous hand in his go warm.
"I know!" he exclaimed, squeezing her hand, "You don't have to remind me! Do you think I don't regret what I did? Do you think I don't run it through my head over and over again. I made a mistake, an UNFORGIVABLE mistake and I will never stop hating myself for the hurt that I have caused your family."
Else got closer to him and squinted. Unbelievable. To think a guy like him could expect for a minute she could forgive him for what he did. She was so close to him, she could count the delicate freckles scattered across his nose, the intricate colors in his eyes, the freckles dotted across his cheeks and the the slight movement of his chest as he breathed, pity he was so handsome.
"Why should I believe you?" Elsa asked, shaking her hand away. "Why should I believe you're suddenly sorry for it all. You are a psychopath." Hans stepped back as she spat the word at him. "I shouldn't be wasting my time here." she thought that would settle it, she figured he'd give up and crawl back away like coward he was but he persisted.
"I just thought—" Hans said quietly, stopping her so she could hear him. "I was just hoping I could kiss you again."
Wrong answer. Elsa rolled her eyes and continued out the door.
No word yet from the rebels of Kisa, which was both good and bad news. Bad news, though it seemed only for Elsa, was the worry for the fate of the peace and stability of the entire alliance. Good news was all the meetings that were canceled until word returned. The rest of the council members didn't show the same kind of concern Elsa had and if they felt the same, chose to wash it out with drinking and loud music. Elsa excused herself to her room early, and indicated wordlessly to her sister she did not want to be disturbed. (Though growing up on the other side of Elsa's door, Anna knew full when she wanted to be alone). It wasn't Anna that needed to be told to stay away, and maybe Elsa knew that.
The ground she was walking on was cold as she got to her room, her head ringing from the lingering drunken music that chased her down the halls. Her muscles tensed in frustration as she opened the door —no— nearly knocked the thing off its hinges with strength she was surprised she had. She collapsed across her bed, her cold hands rushing to her temples. In her mind a scene played out like a nightmare:
The worse case scenario: Kisa rebels are outraged by such an offer. The passion of war has grown too strong for them to give up now. They refuse to barter. They attack first innocent Kisa civilians and than head straight to Arendelle to tell everyone just what they think of the council's diplomacy.
Elsa shot her eyes wide open after watching the scene a thousand times. Times when the world ended in fire, times when she couldn't escape in time, times when Anna couldn't escape in time. She sat up, feeling her heart pound and her body quake. It was dark outside her window, but she could still hear music from down the hall, but it was slow and slurred, as sleep and drink had finally set in.
At least they can sleep. Elsa thought, they can drink away the fear of total war and forget everything until morning. But Elsa was finding new ways to scare herself no matter what she did. She looked out her window and into the dark night sky, full of mystery, and it scared her. She turned next to a portrait of her family. With hopeful smiles, her parents looked at her like they always had, hoping she would make the right choice. But how could she know now that she had? She looked to her shelf, scattered with books, ribbons and pins for her hair, and something that wasn't usually there. How did forget to return Hans' gloves?
As he heard a faint knocking Hans mulled over who it could possibly be. The sun had already dipped below the mountain and he was sure Elsa wouldn't be returning. He tried to ignore it at first but he found himself on his feet within seconds. Not because of the persistence of the knocking but purely from his own amusement.
"I'm going to make this quick because I don't want to be here just as much as you don't want me here." It was someone Hans couldn't entirely recognize. Of course he'd seen the broad shouldered blond around the castle, conversing with merchants but mostly hovering over Anna. Still he couldn't match a name to the face.
"I beg your pardon?" Hans asked, scratching his head, trying not to feel disappointed. He ventured for a name so not to be rude. Whether or not the man's opinion of him mattered, he could at least practice in the change he so ardently stood by. "Please excuse me for we've yet to be acquainted."
"Oh." he said, slightly taken aback, and hesitating first before holding out his hand, "I'm uh—Kristoff." Hmm, Hans thought, shaking his hand, familiar, but nothing affirming.
"Well it's a pleasure. I'm—"
"Yes, I know you're Prince Hans, obviously I wouldn't be here to see you if I didn't know who you were."
"You're half right there, I'm afraid. While I am prince by blood, I have very recently been stripped of my official titles." Hans stared at his shoes, though he fully understood the reasoning behind his father's actions, shamed consumed him every time he had to think about it. Kristoff raised his eyebrows, and tried to formulate a sympathetic response, despite believing himself that the event was well justified.
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"It's—" but the conversation was going nowhere. Not only did Hans feel horrible talking about his title (or lack there of), but there was nothing more he could possibly say. "So why are you here?" he started, looking Kristoff up and down, he was not entirely dressed like royalty, but still Hans had seen him linger around the palace as if it was home.
"It's my understanding we have…a…mutual…acquaintance, someone who'd like a message passed along." Kristoff stuttered. Hans shifted his gaze from the floor to Kristoff, more intrigued than shameful. Could it be Queen Elsa?
"Yes of course, what is the message?"
"Princess Anna," Kristoff began as Hans' spirits fell, "is particularly uncomfortable with your being here."
"Oh?" Hans asked, face bent in confusion, "I wish she would've come forward sooner, I've been here nearly two weeks."
"I think she's gotten over that part. Her primary concern is your proximity to her sister…" Hans went pale. He wanted to say it was a silly accusation he'd want anything to do with the queen but his pause to search for the right words didn't work in his favor.
"I would…I don't…why would she…I'm sorry, I don't understand what the Princess would mean by that." the words finally spilled, or rather tumbled, in a nervous mass. Kristoff immediately moved his hands forward in defense.
"Look, I don't want to hear your plea for innocence, because I don't want any part in it if no one is getting hurt, but for right now, according to the Princess, memory serves, you aren't super great at telling women the truth." He said, raising his voice only slightly, still acknowledging the hour of night.
"I know."
"Anna, she's sweet, she looks out for people she really cares about, but she can also be little crazy, especially when it comes to anyone hurting the people she cares about—and she cares a heck of a whole lot about her sister."
"I know."
"And you remember the last time she saw you. You guys weren't exactly braiding each others hair and frolicking in the summer air."
"I know."
"And me, I tend to care about Anna. A lot. And while I may seem indifferent on the subject, if the smallest thing were to happen to her, I will not hesitate to intervene."
"I know." this time, there was a slight quake in his voice, its origins unidentified.
"I'm not going to pretend to know what's going on but if whatever your are doing is with dark intentions I want you to know that you've been warned— let me guess you know."
"I never meant anything—" but Hans' mind went blank. He'd prepared a speech countless times rehearsing before a mirror of how he's changed and how he hopes to seek redemption, that he would never mean to hurt any of the Arendelle sisters. But for some reason, the words felt meaningless to the man before him, staring back in hidden contempt. If he couldn't even convince him of his innocence, how could he convince the rest of the world that he could ever be right for Elsa.
"Yes…well…tell the Princess I dearly apologize — though I don't have high hopes she'll accept it, and that I acknowledge her request and will do my absolute best to comply." Hans said quietly, moving to shut the door. Kristoff's eyes followed him, wide with both surprise and confusion.
Elsa paced her room, wringing the gloves in her hands. Why am I taking so long, she thought, crossing back and forth passing her mirror but refusing to look at herself. Why can't I just go and give them to him? She crossed to her bed to sit but couldn't be still. Her heart started to race. Maybe I'm afraid of what might happen if I see him. The thought creeped into her head, embracing ideas of romance and mystery. Maybe I like it.
It was a product of impulse finding herself outside of Hans' room in mere moments. At least, that was what she was telling herself. She was scared, still twisting the gloves between her palms, and when she noticed Kristoff walk past her in the hall she nearly jumped out of her skin.
"How are you?!" she spat to him as he walked by uncharacteristically bewildered (the bewilderment more or less amplified by Elsa's outburst).
"I'm fine! I'm a little shook up but not as much as you seemed to be." he replied, running his fingers through his hair in exasperation.
"I'm fine, too…" I might be having a panic attack. She smiled and nodded quickly, her well practiced queenly nod, a nod Kristoff recognized was indicative of a conversation coming to an end. He disappeared down the hall, leaving her alone to her thoughts.
Hans' door was just a few feet away. Her mind fluttered with all the directions the situation might take. She hoped she could just hand him the gloves and get on with her evening. She hoped even more that he wouldn't be in the room or ignore her knocks. And then, just for a second, she let her mind wander. To looking right at him again, to kissing him again. She drifted too far…
She was just thinking about the warmth of his lips or the softness of his skin when he opened the door. Elsa turned bright red.
"I forgot to give these back." Elsa said, thrusting the gloves forward. Hans glanced down at them quizzically for a second unsure of what they were.
"Oh, that's right." he replied quietly. Elsa sensed something odd, there was something missing from his voice, something that wasn't quite him. He took the gloves gently, barely touching Elsa's hands and started to shut the door.
"Wait a second." she said, sticking her foot in the doorway. She didn't think he'd shut it all the way but he got close. Things were going how she initially wanted them to, but just leaving Hans with his gloves wasn't as satisfying as she thought it would be.
"What?" he asked coldly. Elsa rolled her eyes and pushed the door out of her way as she crossed into his room. Hans stepped backwards with a frown, still inviting her in. They stayed face to face, Elsa never moving far enough past him.
"What do you mean what? I thought you were nice now!" she put her hands on her hips and with every step she took towards him he took a step back.
"Nice is a relative term…"
"I don't understand." Elsa and Hans continued to walk until the back of Hans' legs hit the edge of his bed, and he stopped, she continued. "You were apologizing to me and you, you were kissing me, and now you just give up?" She couldn't take another step without touching him and she couldn't bare to know what would happen if she did.
"What else is there to say? I've caused enough harm to this family already. It's best if we don't continue any of this."
"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard." She crossed her arm across her chest and looked him in the eye, searching for the man that kissed her the night before. No matter what the side of her, the side that told her everything she was doing was wrong, told her now, she was in far too deep. And she realized that she liked being this close. "True, you were the absolute worst to this kingdom, and those actions shouldn't be rewarded, but am I supposed to ignore what's going on here?"
"You are completely contradicting everything you said this morning." Hans pointed out, shifting his watch from her, wrangling free from her icy stare. "This doesn't make any sense."
"Does it have to?! For just a moment can we do something that doesn't make any sense—just cause we can? I hate how stiff everything has to be. We are about to enter a war, no one is cooperating, and my goodness, I can't get your stupid face out of my head!" He could feel her breath on his chest, he felt lighter, nervous almost, and he was forgetting some of the things Kristoff said. He was forgetting most of the world, at this moment, all he could see was Elsa, her rage swirling around her, the movement of her lips as she spoke. "I hate following all these rules. If I wanted to follow rules I would be halfway across the castle by now and you would have your stupid gloves. But I'm here," she took a quick breath and let the last of what she had to say fall out slowly, "and you don't seem to be kicking me out."
Finally, Hans moved forward, closing that last one step gap. Elsa's heart beat faster, this wasn't how she thought things would turn out, but every second she spent this close to him was thrilling. Hans handled her with care, like holding glass, slowly wrapping his arm around her waist, just waiting for her to protest. But she didn't. She simply gazed back at him with those big blue eyes, breath slow so not to reveal its quiver. On the outside, she was calm and still, on this inside she was just about ready to burst with the ache of her yearning. Hans moved his arm against Elsa's back, pressing her into his chest. Slowly, he tilted his head and she melted on his lips.
Kissing and holding each other tightly, hands searching for places they had yet to caress. The warm movements replayed in Hans' memory clearer than a dream. In the back of his mind he watched her body move, pushing him backwards onto his bad, twisting around him, catching every excited breath. He thought it was a dream.
When he awoke the next morning, alone, it had to take him a few seconds recall what happened just the night before. And once he could, he swore he would never forget it. He walked the rest of the day on a cloud, dazed in memory, ignorant of reality.
Anyone trying to talk to him could only expect a dreamy eyed "hmmmm?" as his answer to every question. News from Kisa had yet to return so Hans mingled with the idea of searching for Elsa, to ask her if she still stood by her words. He floated down winding corridors, through spacious rooms wondering if is heart would just give out upon finding her. Inside he clutched onto a new warmth, something that fluttered through his stomach and up into his chest. He walked with a spring in every step. Did he love her? It had to be so. He'd never felt this way about anyone. He liked it. He wanted to hold her and kiss her a thousand more times. He wanted to write her love notes and bring her flowers — and these were thing he never would have thought to do to anyone else.
He found himself beside Elsa's door in the early evening that day. Was it all too soon? He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, picturing for the hundredth time each detail, her graceful gaze, her tangled hair, her—
"Hans?" rang Anna's voice in pure disdain from down the hallway. Hans opened his eyes to find the young Princess just a few feet away, arms linked with her sister. Elsa initially looked surprised, in a way Hans wished he could read, but she put on a mask for her sister to keep her from the truth.
"Your Highness I—" Hans felt his cheeks burn, he bowed nervously.
"What are you doing here, again." Anna asked, shaking her arm from her sister and approaching Hans quickly.
"I must've gotten lost." he fibbed. Anna saw right through it.
"Really? Because it seems like you're here like, all the time." she put her hands on her hips and glared at the "prince". "What part of you're not wanted here don't you understand." That really hit it home. Hans stepped back, his face softening. He tried to open his mouth to say something, but the words could not escape.
"Anna," Elsa spoke up, finally making her way to them, "I can handle this, okay?" Anna turned to her sister seemed to snap out of whatever rage she had for Hans. As if her anger was almost entrancing. She lowered her voice for her sister.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"Of course. Why don't you look for Olaf, I'll find you before dinner and we can finish the conversation then." she gazed gently at Anna, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Anna nodded slowly and continue her trek down the hall without question.
By the time Anna was out of sight, Elsa was pressing Hans against her door, kissing him tenderly.
It was kind of fun, sneaking around. It was better than anxiously awaiting the letter from Kisa which should have made its way to Arendelle by the end of the week. Now it seemed, Elsa would find herself forgetting about the Kisa matter at all. All she wanted to do was "run into" Hans, and ask him if he'd like to speak somewhere privately, and then, he was all hers.
The two met in libraries, dance halls, each others rooms, guest rooms, whatever was closest. Because every time they'd find each other, they wouldn't be able to stand the distance. In the days that followed their first kiss, they'd spent very little time keeping their lips apart.
Elsa loved mysteriousness of it all, when someone asked her where she'd been she liked to make up lies. To her dismay however, not a lot of people did ask. Elsa was in much higher spirits now that she had a secret to hide away from the world, and though no one knew of her secret, it settled them to know it was at least making her happy in such troubled times.
Did she love him? Probably not. She could never ignore the unspeakable things he'd done or conspired to do, nor his capabilities to do it again. Maybe he was telling the truth when he said he was a changed man, but Elsa hadn't yet decided whether or not she wanted to forgive him in the first place. Hans was, in Elsa's opinion, a complete sociopath. But his lips were soft. And his fingers so gentle, tracing patterns on Elsa's skin, she could get goosebumps just thinking about them. Hans' previous actions made things complicated, but the beauty of sneaking around took away that complication. Because when they were alone they were two different people, and whatever happened in the past had nothing to do with what was the blissful, mysterious present. But only when they were alone.
The early morning found the two tucked away in a vacant guest bedroom, fingers intertwined, kissing as though it were the first time. Elsa was hypnotized by Hans' fast breath, she fell loosely in his arms in a drunk-like state. When their lips parted so the two could suck themselves back into reality, Hans smiled, his voice in a whisper.
"Elsa," he breathed. She could watch the letters dancing from his lips. "Elsa, I've been meaning to say this for a long time…"
"Wait…" Elsa stopped him, putting a finger to his lips and watched his body move as he paused. Suddenly, there were footsteps outside the door. Elsa jumped back, pushing Hans away. "You might need to hold that thought."
A knock. The two thought for sure they were done for.
"Maybe if we stay really quiet they won't think anyone's in here." Hans suggested.
"Great idea, would've been more effective if you didn't say anything about it."
"Well now your talking so we might just give up the whole thing entirely—" he spoke until Elsa was pressed hard on his lips. They waited in silence, but no one knocked again. By the time they decided the coast was clear, Hans had forgotten what he was going to say.
"I'm sorry what are you doing?" Elsa asked as Hans took an unprecedented seat beside her at the dinner table that night. She was waiting for Anna, but knew she'd never sit near her if Hans was there.
"Don't worry, I won't give anything away." he gave her hand a quick squeeze under the table, which she shook away from immediately. "I hate being alone. I mean, you're the only person I like here, even if I have to pretend I don't."
"Hans, I want to talk to my sister and she will refuse to sit down with me if you're here—" Elsa started to say.
"Trust me, he's fine." came Anna's slightly agitated voice, startling Elsa as she took her seat on the other side of her.
"Anna I didn't see you—"
"It's okay. I'm just sneaky like that." her smile still gleamed with the innocence of a child, despite being nearly an adult. Still, it was apparent that Hans' presence disrupted her mood slightly. "Any word yet?" she inquired once everyone was served, stabbing her fork into the salad each time with varying levels of force (roughly related to the tones of her voice).
"From?"
"From Kisa."
"Oh right!" Elsa exclaimed. It was hard to concentrate on anything with both poles of her personality sitting on either side of her. The room started to get a little colder, she rubbed her eyes. "Judging by the amount of time it takes to get to Kisa and back we should be expecting the letter any day. But I haven't heard anything yet and I would be the first to know."
"Are you worried?" Hans spoke from from beside her. Anna returned with a glare, but her sister wasn't so harsh. She turned to him with a soft stare, her brow slightly furrowed, she bit her lip and decided, for the first time, to be honest about the whole Kisa mess.
"I…I am." she mumbled. Instinctively, Anna took Elsa's hand, while Hans just ached to. "I thought I could keep it together for these people but we're really at the end of the line here. We've spent all our energy avoiding war, it's only brought us closer to a more deadly outcome!" she felt tears starting to pool. Anna squeezed her sisters hand.
"It's gonna be okay, I know it will be. We'll find a way to figure this out we always do." Anna tried to persuade, but Elsa, already consumed by her fear shook her head. She was forced into the reality she'd been trying forget all week, suddenly it rushed to her, and whatever Hans problem was present didn't matter.
"It's not as simple as all the times before. It's more than we've ever taken on, more than our parents have ever taken on, and so many lives are at stake." Anna tried to open her mouth for more encouraging words, but Hans spoke next.
"You're doing the best you can." He was trying not to look at Anna, but unknown to him, his words didn't get as much of a hostile reaction from her. In fact, they were rather on point with what she was going to say had he not cut her off. She was slightly confused to see a man she was conditioned to think was a monster act so soft, and though she never once let her guard down around him, she truly believed his words to be sincere. For that brief moment, Elsa was what was important, not a grudge from Anna's past that had long since been irrelevant. With weak parameters, a silent peace treaty was acknowledged in order to calm Elsa before she could get too anxious.
"This idea of a new council was brilliant. We would've gone straight to war if you hadn't acted as fast as you did. It was so brave." Anna added, building up Elsa's self esteem, and she smiled a bit.
"Whatever happens, it's gonna be okay." Hans said. He reached up to cup Elsa's face, wiping away a runaway tear with his thumb. The moment seemed to hang there, silent and still, until Elsa realized what was going on. In the midst of her worry of the kingdom, she let Hans like her, in public. She shook his hand away frantically and backed away form her seat, almost toppling over in her chair.
"What's wrong?" Anna asked, standing up as well. In her mind, sure, Hans was being a little close, but it was nothing to freak out over.
"I…I have to go check the window. Maybe someone's here with a letter." she said a little too quickly. She looked to Hans and instantly regretted it. His face was painted with the slightest hint of guilt and regret that, amplified by her residual anxiety over everything else, tore her apart. How could she calm down? How could they help her calm down? At the same time? This wasn't supposed to happen. Hans was supposed to rot in jail. No one was supposed to go to war, no one was supposed to die. Elsa tried to back out of the dining hall all regal and queenly but the minute she was sure no one could see her run, she bolted.
"No one's going to be riding through the woods this late at night, Elsa." Anna's voice followed her down the hallway, but wasn't as fast to catch her as Hans was. Elsa was nearly out the front door of the castle before Hans could catch a hold of Elsa wrist. Elsa didn't want a fight, so she let her self fall backward into his gentle arms that steadied her to a stop.
"WHAT is going on?!" Hans asked as soon as Elsa turned back to face him. She was expecting to see the same face she saw in the dining room, but was simply glancing into the eyes of confusion.
"You shouldn't have come sit with us, it was too soon." Elsa began, balancing herself, shaking her wrist from him.
"Okay, note taken!" he said a little too loudly.
"Wait, what is going on?" Anna's voice followed them as she walked slowly through the hall, Elsa didn't notice the carpeted floors become slick with ice or the snow that fell from the ceiling.
"I think she's just a little overwhelmed." Hans suggested, staying easy on the subject so not to cross and boundaries, but the peace treaty had ended, and Anna was glaring at him again.
"I wonder why." she muttered passive aggressively. She knew Elsa's anger had nothing to do with her. It had to be him. Of course she's nervous, Anna thought, she's been breaking bread with a sociopath.
"Please don't do this right now," came Elsa, surprising her sister.
"I didn't— what?"
"This has nothing to do with him!" Elsa could hear her voice rise, though she didn't intend it to come out so harsh. "Or you…" she slowed, looking Anna in the eye. "I think I need to go lie down."
"Let me walk you over." said Hans ever so chivalrously.
"What are you crazy? She needs her sister!" argued Anna.
"How about," Elsa was already moving away from them, ice snaking on the ground beneath each step she took. "I walk myself to my room, and you two give it a rest until tomorrow, okay?" Her companions nodded, not looking at her but at the frost climbing up the walls as a result of Elsa's temper. "Good."
Elsa did not leave her room for the rest of the night. She spent most of her time alone, sleeping, but at the start, after she'd slammed her door shut and let her room go completely white with exhalation of days and days of pent up energy, she broke down crying. Here she held the lives of thousands of in her hands and no amount of convincing could shake the guilt she would feel if one of those lives were extinguished.
And Hans, damn that Hans. Why did he have to pretend that things could be remotely normal, even for a second? Why did he have to get so close, he was too close. Elsa had been trying her best in the past year to remember what it was like to have normal relationships with people. She and her sister had already come so far, but Elsa knew deep down that she was damaged. Even though her battle with Anna was fought, Elsa knew there would be struggles in the future. She knew letting Hans go would be the only way she could find a way she could feel better about the whole situation. Perhaps the sooner the better.
She found herself in his room the next day. He was sitting up right in his bed atop the covers, with his legs crossed reading a book when Elsa entered. He looked up immediately, his face flushed with relief to see her. Elsa shut the door behind her and lead against it. It was weird now, being here. A phenomenon of feeling both welcome and unwelcome, free and trapped. She desperately hoped her face wouldn't be her tell. That he would only assume her visit was like all the others. But as soon as Elsa exhaled, a tremor rolling in the winds she blew, Hans was on his feet.
"What's wrong?" he asked her as he got closer. To some degree he knew what they had was crippling, he knew the moment would never last, but he didn't like to think about it that way.
"I don't know if we can do this anymore…" she began, wishing she hadn't. Once again she was saying the exact opposite of what she wanted to. Would she ever win?
"Is it because of last night? For goodness' sake I'm sorry Elsa! I realize it was inappropriate of me to do anything in public with you!"
"I wish it wasn't! I wish you could just be there and not have anyone say anything about it." Elsa bushed past him to pace the floor. She couldn't look at him right now. Anything, anything but him. She could look at his dresser, a big wooden thing scatted with clothes, and a small mirror that reflected Elsa's face back to her. She saw in her face every feeling she was hoping she could hide. She looked away from it.
"What am I supposed to do?" Hans asked her back.
"Not be yourself." she muttered. Maybe the desk, she turned to her left, facing a small table. In many of the guest rooms, a table sat against the left wall for the convince of the guest, and though his was so humbly small, it seemed Hans had made good use of it. An intricate design carved lightly along the top was hardly noticeable beneath the litter of letters, open books, and a collection of pens.
"You know if I could take back everything I did, I would?" he asked as Elsa tried to focus on the desk, at least something she knew for sure wouldn't stress her out. Suddenly, something caught her eye, among the open and wrinkled letters sat a single crisp clean one, still sealed, addressed to herself. "Elsa? Please Elsa, I don't want to lose you now." But she'd stopped listening at this point.
"Whats—"
A knock on the door. Hans jumped from his spot, his heart jumping into his throat. We're done for now, he though to himself, if she thought yesterday was too revealing she'll never speak to me if someone finds us alone together.
"Just answer the door." Elsa said numbly, her watch still fixated on the letter. The door pealed open delicately and a tired looking servant boy stepped into the room to address himself.
"Queen Elsa, Pr— er — Hans" he gave the two a slight bow of the head, with no indication that he thought the two being the same room together was any kind of scandal.
"We've just heard news from Kisa. You're wanted in the council room immediately."
The council room buzzing with both anxiety and excitement by the time the two had made their way to their seats but no one could say for sure what was going on, as Lord Klein had yet to enter the room. Elsa busied herself with deep breaths and making sure she wouldn't let the room fall out of focus again, even if it meant ignoring Hans who hadn't yet finished was he wanted to tell Elsa. Hands tucked into her sleeves, the queen thumbed the sealed letter she'd snatched from Hans' desk the minute he'd disappeared behind his doors to find the council room. Of course the matters with Kisa were far more important that the mysterious letter, but Elsa couldn't help but entertain herself with the thoughts of what might be beneath its folds.
Lord Klein appeared in the doorway only moments after, upon his entering, the room grew quiet and still. Everyone could hear Klein's boots as he marched across the floor to his seat, or the sound of his rustling clothes as he searched for a rather wrinkled letter.
"People of Arendelle and the fools who believe them, " Klein began to read the letter without introduction. "It becomes increasingly clear that you know nothing of our struggles, or pain, and our sacrifice. Therefore you cannot know what it means to be a part of this war. You must be able to fathom why we simply cannot go without a fight. And until you learn how it feels, until you walk a mile in our boots, you will never truly see what the method to our madness really is." If only that had been the end of the letter. If only the Kisa rebels had just wished to scold Arendelle and their diplomats for being unrecognizing of their own privilege. If only Lord Klein had sat down after he'd cleared his throat and debate could've ensued on the next step, but Klein kept talking. "Maybe you can see for yourself what it really feels like to hurt. It won't be a problem, you've been in our way for weeks anyway. We march tonight, and will arrive quite shortly after your letter arrives. How's that for a compromise?"
A murmur rose from the crowd, but no one dared to speak up. All eyes were on Elsa. She had no choice now. As she shook with worry and fear, she made the first order to send and army to guard the gates of Arendelle and await further instructions. She then told any remaining servants in the room to stand by the door and not let anyone out.
"The only way we can find away out of this is together." she said bravely, and no one dared to contest her. She took the moment to glance at Hans now, who practically didn't exist during the reading of the letter. For the first time, she saw him look scared, actually afraid for his life, but there was something she caught, deep down in a twinkle of those wide green eyes, she saw his hope, and his faith in her, and she knew that could keep her going.
"Where do we start?" said a delegate just a few seats away from her, Elsa turned to a wide mustachioed man, almost in surprise. She was so sure everyone would react with fear and confusion. Though she hoped to find someone like him, she never thought she would actually get someone so eager.
"Well lets start with peace. No one wants to fight. They have to make the first move if anything's going to happen." a delegate began.
"We can't do that," spoke another delegate rather calmly, "we will be putting the lives of our own in danger. We must do something before they have the chance to kill."
"That is fair." Hans stood, but with caution, hoping not to infringe on the authority of the queen. "But I have faith that they won't attack if we don't. No one will die to today if we remain on the defensive. We have to stand our ground.
"Well I don't know about you guys, but I am scared." said a younger looking delegate who sat often on the other end of the table, he was the one who tended to drink the most and sing the loudest. Elsa had grown to dislike him, while Hans found him delightful. "I mean, I got a beautiful wife back home, and she would super love it if I didn't die at a peace meeting."
"The representative from Corona makes a valid point." said another delegate, "We all have families at home, and we didn't think we'd be in trouble because this wasn't a meeting to bring us to war!"
"Then peace is what we will give them!" Elsa slammed her fist on the table, ice running along the wood and away from her hand in rays. "We didn't all meet up to teach those rebels a lesson. If they wanna fight, fine, but I don't want to fall back on my tactics just to stoop to theirs. We wait here until we hear word, and we continue to send them letters to work this through. I am tired of thinking that fighting is the way to solve everything!" the room fell silent, in part from her powerful words, but most because they knew the matter was serious if Elsa was making ice. "I hope you're silence means you are contemplating a solution." she muttered as they sat down.
It was suspected the Kisa army left shortly after sending the letter, which meant that Arendelle could be expecting them at any time. Messengers and servants came and left, but not a single delegate walked out those doors. This was partly from their loyalty to the cause, but also out of fear. Together they threw out every idea possible, all fair in the long run, but the Kisa rebels were so unpredictable, everyone feared the worst would come of whatever they did. They worked well into the night, until delirium from lack of sleep took over, and many started working in shifts. Elsa refused. She headed that table, even when sleep deprivation wouldn't let her stand.
"Your Majesty, you must sleep." explained a delegate late into the evening, as she rocked, eyes hooded in her seat.
"I cannot. I am responsible for this, and the lives of these people, I cannot let them down now." She let herself drift for only a second before checking back in. "We need to make sure no one's panicking at this point. I think it'd be safer if we started to herd civilians into the castle and lock the doors."
"We should lead them through ourselves." offered the delegate from Corona. "It might give them maybe just a little bit of comfort." Various tired mumbles of agreement initiated the formation of a small party to round up the Arendelle citizens. Elsa stayed behind, reading and rereading the current numbers concerning her army. The number of soldiers were small, the budget was small, and the amount of training the men had was, of course, small. Arendelle was always a peaceful country and didn't often trifle with wars, mostly because they'd been in completely isolation for the past few years, but also because the reigning family tended to believe that fighting wasn't the answer.
Though the rest of the delegates insisted the queen sleep, worry still plagued her mind. There was of course what would be coming, the Kisa army marching to their gates, demanding their violence. But there was also what was already there, a sealed envelope, tucked away in Elsa's sleeve.
She knew how curious Hans was of all her actions. She waited until he'd left the room to help pass out blankets to those already herded into the castle. The minute he'd shut the door behind him Elsa spun around quickly, breaking the seal of the letter and unfolding it quickly.
Queen Elsa of Arendelle,
It is to our great dismay to inform you that we cannot, at the time, send a delegate from the Southern Isles to take part in your congregation of peace. Though we value the idea and wished we could take part in such an historical event, we find our kingdom currently indisposed to participate in anything diplomatic due to our struggling trade efforts. We understand this is a great inconvenience especially considering as well the events that occurred less than a year ago. We know our relationship has not been the best. We hope to offer our services to your kingdom in the near future, but for now, we cannot provide anyone of help.
Best regards, King Peter Westergard of the Southern Isles
A gasp caught in Elsa's throat, but she was too afraid to make a sound for it would startle who was left in the room. The Southern Isles didn't send Hans'. He'd sent himself. But why? To regain their trust? Or for another shot at the throne? She watched Hans enter the room out of the corner of her eye and quickly stashed the letter. He seemed different as he walked, than the Hans that left, now that she knew his secret. How could she think of him now? Deceitful? Or Kind?
The sun had been low for quite some time when Elsa felt something heavy and wool collapse around her shoulders, consuming her in warmth. She turned around in surprise but didn't have to ask, Hans had his defenses up and ready to explain himself.
"I don't know if it's just you, but the rooms getting colder, I thought you might want it." he said, taking a seat next to her. She was surprised she'd ignored him for this long, so focused on a plan to evade the Kisa rebels, she'd almost forgotten Hans had been sitting beside her all along.
"That's very kind of you, but I've grown accustomed to the chill." she mustered in all her exhaustion a gentle smile, shrugging off the blanket. "If the room gets any colder it'll be you who needs this. She tried it hand it back to him but he refused it.
"Elsa I never got to say…"
"Then don't say it, that's not what's important right now." she looked back to the numbers. It would never be enough. She had to think of of way out, but she kept getting distracted. Hans was obviously sitting too close. "And at any rate, you know my opinion on all of this already. I've said all I needed to say and considering you should have nothing left."
"But it's still there. I still need to tell you, especially if we're going to die—"
"WE ARE NOT GOING TO DIE." Elsa slammed the records down, threw the blanket back onto Hans and pushed from her chair to walk to the window, letting the ground freeze with the steps that she took.
At the window she watched the people of Arendelle as they were herded into the castle, in one clustered mass, but it was all still in order. The delegates had done their job, the people were safe, she could breath easy. They'd be back in the room any minute to ask for the army numbers. The room got cold, it started to snow.
"Queen Elsa." came a delegates voice from the doors, the first one reporting back from rounding up the townspeople. "The doors are locked, everyone's safe." he said calmly. The snow stopped. "I think things are going to be okay."
Sun beams danced through the windows to kiss the top of Elsa's eyelids as she blinked away her dreams and took in the scene around her. The delegates refused to leave the room, and many had fallen asleep atop stacks of papers, treaties, military plans, maps…But Elsa wasn't at the table, she was tucked away in the corner beneath the window, wrapped in something warm, a wool blanket and…
Her head moved as Hans' chest rose and fell gently with his breath. Upon realizing where they were and how they were, Elsa wanted to jump back before anyone had the chance to see what was going on, but something kept her there. The warmth of his body, and the fluttery feeling she tried to ignore the past couple weeks. Just this once she was going to fall into his arms, even if she knew she would never do it again. She could no longer ignore what the letter said and what it made her think of him. Even if he had the purest intentions, the fact that Elsa expected the worst, told her she still had a long way to go before trusting him. But in that early morning she was going to pretend Hans was someone else, someone she trusted. She'd spent the whole night in such a harsh and frightening reality, a morning in ignorance was all she wanted.
She nestled her head back into his chest, and hoped he hadn't noticed her wake, but with his arm moving slightly against her shoulder to pull her towards him, it was evident they were both awake and aware of what was going on. And nothing could stop them.
Except the door bursting open, the town messenger running, nearly out of breath into the room, looking frantically for the queen.
"The Kisa rebels have fallen, just before they reached the mountain!" he cried. Elsa was on her feet faster than Hans could wonder why he was being pushed into a wall.
"I'm sorry, what?" she asked urgently, though still rubbing away the grog from just waking up.
"I've heard news of a Kisa retreat, their rations are low, and they're all weak from fighting. The army must be fewer than fifty!"
"That's bloody less than we got!" exclaimed Klein with a delirious chuckle.
"And you're sure?" Elsa asked, the messenger thrusted forward a crinkled letter.
"A formal signature of retreat and surrender."
"That's almost too easy."
"Don't over think it." voiced the Corona delegate. "Let's celebrate, boy do I need a drink." There was rumble of agreement from the rest of the delegates, followed by footsteps out the door, they'd all been aching to leave at a last and adding alcohol to the situation only seemed to enhance their eagerness to leave. And soon, all that was left was the Queen and the former Prince.
"I guess that means I'll be leaving soon." Hans finally muttered as Elsa sat back at the table.
"Please you'd come up with a fake reason to stay too." Elsa spat. She didn't mean to tell him she'd read the letter right away (if not at all) but she couldn't help how perfectly the remark had fit into the conversation.
"I beg your pardon?"
"I know you lied your way here again." she didn't dare turn to face him. She was confused, sleep deprived, and unwilling to face the bitter end of something she'd actually enjoyed even for only a moment. Instead, she pulled the letter from her sleeve, smoothed it's various little crinkles it'd acquire from being hastily hidden away and slid it away from her.
Hans crossed to the other side of the table, right across from Elsa to take the note, and hopefully catch someone kind of expression indicative of what she was really feeling, but all she was was cold to him. The minute he locked onto the letter and discovered its origins, he cocked an eyebrow.
"I see." he said with gravity.
"Good, glad we're on the same page." she rose from her place and started for the door, not bothering to hide the trail of frost following her as she walked. "It's fun, it's been really fun Hans, but you know this was never going to work."
"Wait, Elsa, please." he said darkly, it was strange, unlike him. Finally, she turned to him, but he was already so close. "Please don't do this to me, I thought I'd gotten through to you, I thought you could finally—"
"How could I ever forgive you?" Elsa fought back, stepping closer. The distance between them was small enough to excite them, but neither did what they'd wished to. "You know what you did. Something so cruel, so vial. So deceitful! I can trust you as far as kissing me but in the long run? How am I supposed to believe that you won't go back to your old ways? You're already lying again."
"So you've been using me." He stated directly. Elsa could detect a hint of hurt in his voice, but she had to tell herself over and over again that he didn't want her as much as she wanted him, or else it'd be harder to let him go, she couldn't keep him.
"Come on Hans, can you really imagine us together? Sure it'll be fun for a while, but we'd be so dysfunctional, we'd fight all the time, nothing would be trustful, soon I'm going to get suspicious of everything you do, and you'll get power hungry, I know you enjoy it!" a snowflake fell on his nose, scattered among his freckles, she hadn't noticed her powers getting the best of her emotions, but she didn't need to focus on it. "Maybe you sent yourself to be a delegate because you secretly crave what little power it promised. I'm sure you don't have a say in anything back home, but here, here you can at least pretend."
"How dare you accuse me of something like that? I came back here because I wanted to redeem myself. I'm good now I swear!"
"No Hans, you're sick!" she spat, but she regretted the words as soon as she watched his face fall.
"Then what were all those nights for, all those moments tucked inside broom closets, and—"
"It was fun, and only that. I couldn't get sucked into you because I knew I would get hurt." a flurry swirled around them, but they were both so hung up in the heat of their rage they didn't seem to notice.
"I would never hurt you." he plead filling the gap between them.
"Never is such a strong word, even coming from you. Let's get real here, you tried to kill me." she kept her glare, but the snow started to gain velocity.
"Don't you see? I'm different now Elsa."
"Please stop saying my name."
"WHY?"
"BECAUSE YOU SAY IT LIKE YOU LOVE ME." She was hoping the louder the words, the more he'd push back but he only seemed to get closer. His eyes fell in sympathy, his brow became more relaxed, he lifted his arms to clasp Elsa's shoulders.
"Maybe I do love you. Maybe it wasn't those months in jail that changed me, maybe it was you. Maybe that's why I feel so light and wonderful every time I see you. Maybe that's why all night long I've been missing what if felt like to lips against me one last time. And maybe, just maybe, something about us will work. I think I'm in love with you Elsa, and—" he had to think of something quick, something to keep her in his arms before he lost her forever "— and I want you to marry me." The flurries stopped, the snow simply hanging in the air. Elsa stared at him wide eyed and expressionless. She felt her body go numb from the cold. She knew it was these words that would bring about the end. It was so simple. There were times where felt she wanted to be with him, but she knew those times wouldn't last. And the real truth of it all was, she knew for a long time he'd loved her but she—she knew couldn't feel the same way. Not after what he'd done.
With her heart pounding in her ears she bit her lip, holding her gaze, and refusing to move from her frozen expression.
"Oh Hans," she finally said, "if only there was someone out there who loved you."
