Just a little idea I had, takes place in TOW Ross's tan just after Chandler talked to Rachel and Joey when they couldn't take their relationship to the next level
enjoy & review, oh and I don't own these characters
Scene: Monica & Chandler's apartment, Monica & Phoebe are there & Chandler enters
Chandler: where's the crazy british lady?
Monica: (sarcastic) why, do you want her to do more sexy dances for you
Chandler: nah I just wanted to take notes of some of her moves, its time I re-vamped the sexy dances I do for you
Phoebe: you do dances for her! Mike never does anything fun like that
Monica: ok enough about our private life!
Phoebe: fine! . . . (to Chandler) if you ever need someone to practice those dances on call me
Chandler: (freaked out) anyway moving on
Monica: we got the brit out of here
Chandler: forever? . . . You mean you who always has to please people got rid of her
Monica: yep . . . well sorta . . . until we have dinner tomorrow night
Chandler: and normality has been restored
Phoebe: yea we were this close to finally ridding ourselves of this heathen and then your missus here can't tell a few more white lies and ended up organizing a dinner
Monica: before you came in we were trying to think up an excuse to get out of it
Phoebe: I thought we came up with a plan
Monica: we're not doing that!
Chandler: doing what?
Phoebe: faking Monica's death
Chandler: oh good idea, how much money will I get? I'd like to make a profit out of this marriage
Monica: I just don't get why it has to be me fake dying, why can't you do it?
Phoebe: hey I don't have the energy to go through it again, the changing of names, setting up a whole new life (Monica & Chandler are staring at her) oh I've said to much haven't I? . . . what I meant to say is that we can't use me because she knows that I'm pretty much invincible and can't die
Monica: (sarcastic) oh so that's why you can't do it, makes complete sense
Phoebe: yes it does, now I'm getting out of here before I say too much (she runs out)
Chandler: you want some gossip?
Monica: always!
Chandler: so I was over at Joey's, him and Rachel are trying to 'get it on'
Monica: you caught them doing it? Good its about time people have another couple to walk in on, I mean seriously the amount of time Joey has walked in on us
Chandler: ok first off the only reason that happens so much is because we're too lazy to lock the door but honey I realize that locking the door is the last thing on your mind we're 'getting it on'
Monica: what about your mind?
Chandler: I'm a guy, do you think our mind can focus on more than one thing when we're doing that, well anyway nothing was going on between them because they can't do it
Monica: you mean Joey can't
Chandler: no not that . . . although sometimes . . . ahh getting off track, they can't do it because every time they try and cross the line from friends to more they just realize who they're kissing and freak out
Monica: oh that's not nearly as interesting as erectile dysfunction
Chandler: Rachel couldn't understand why you and me found it so easy
Monica: well have they tried being very drunk, worked well for us
Chandler: (looks taken aback) oh right
Monica: honey you ok?
Chandler: yep, no you're right in London it only worked because you were so drunk and I was just very desperate . . . yep that's it in a nutshell
Monica: ok you're getting really emotional on me, is it your time of the month sweetie
Chandler: hey!
Monica: (worried) whoa not laughing at my feeble attempts at sarcasm! Honey what's wrong?
Chandler: its nothing, we were drunk, that explains it (he tries to walk away but Monica grabs him)
Monica: Chandler (she kisses him) tell me what's wrong or I will get it out of you (she kisses again) in the only way I know how (kisses him passionately) you're still not talking
Chandler: I'd rather to this (he kisses her)
Monica: Chandler!
Chandler: alright fine, I mean its nothing and its absolutely fine with me if you think that the only reason you were ok with kissing me in London, for the first time ever might I add, was because you were drunk but for me . . .
Monica: go on
Chandler: its just for me when we were making out for that first time . . . it just felt so not weird and completely normal and comfortable
Monica: oh sweetie
Chandler: I remember thinking 'why haven't we done this before', it just felt so (thinking)
Monica: so right
Chandler: couldn't have put it better myself
Monica: honey I'm not going to lie I was a little drunk that night
Chandler: (sarcastic) really, I hadn't noticed
Monica: I hid it well, no but even though I was drunk, I also felt the exact same way as you. . . it was like we were perfect for each other and we never realized until then . . . honey if it was only because I was drunk then why when we came back home did I keep coming back to you
Chandler: I thought it was my raw sexual magnetism
Monica: keep telling yourself that sweetie
Chandler: so you feel the same way then about London?
Monica: yep (they hug) besides I was kissing my older brother's friend, that's every little sister's dream!
Chandler: I love you
Monica: ditto (they kiss)
(Rachel enters)
Rachel: nice you guys!, way to throw your ability to have sex in my face!
Monica: Rachel sweetie we weren't
Rachel: yea but you can if you want to
Chandler: where's Joey?
Rachel: I was way too rough with him
Monica: oh no Joey hates rough lovin'
Chandler: how do you know that!
Rachel: yea well I accidentally kicked him in his special area
Chandler: I should go check on him, you know man to man . . . or man to well me (he leaves)
Monica: you ok?
Rachel: Chandler explained it all to you (she nods) its just so annoying
Monica: especially for you, you could always get guys to sleep with you, no questions asked
Rachel: I know! . . . and then Joey who I really like but when he tries to touch me I just freak out because its JOEY touching me even though when we're kissing its like Joey kissing me, am I making any sense?
Monica: oh honey (she hugs her)
Rachel: and then I just think of you guys and how freaking perfect you are for each other, I thought me and Joey might be like that, I mean the way you two look at each other, I want that! (Chandler enters)
Chandler: I've never seen Joey in so much pain, Rach you must have gone into dominatrix mode on him
Rachel: I better go check on him (she leaves)
Chandler: see now in his current state Joey can't physically 'get it on' tonight (Monica just stares at him smiling) why are you looking at me like that?
Monica: no reason its just something Rachel said
