I tried to think about how my life ended up here. How just an hour before this exact moment my whole life felt like it was falling apart. How I just lost my best friend and love of my life. How I screwed everything up.
But most importantly, how a large semi truck was now barreling its way towards me in seemingly slow motion.
They say that your whole life passes before your eyes in a moment of death. What they don't tell you is that sometimes it isn't the best parts of your life. For me, it was all the moments I wish I could take back.
Like the time I completely disregarded all of Brittany's feelings when I decided to tell her that sex isn't dating or when I manipulated her relationship with Artie in favor of myself.
Thinking about it now, my worst and most regretful moments had to do with Britt. I've hurt her more times then I can count just because I'm an angry bitch who doesn't know how to deal with her feelings.
If I could go back now, I would try to do things differently. I would be the person that Britt deserves. I would promise to love her fully and completely without any excuses, but then again maybe that's the fear talking. Sometimes people promise things when they have pure adrenaline rushing through their veins. Things that probably won't ever actually happen. Maybe that's what I was doing. Maybe I was trying to make a promise to whatever gods may be listening. Maybe I was hoping that I would make it out of this fatal and stupid situation alive.
Who was I kidding? Semi truck vs. Human always leads to a win for machinery.
As the headlights moved towards me, I wondered if they would be the last things I ever see. I wondered if I would ever see Brittany's loving face again or see how her facial expressions would change with the smallest of emotions. Maybe, just maybe, I would get to be rewarded that smile that she reserved specifically for me in those rare yet genuine moments where I allowed myself to be vulnerable, one more time.
But in reality, I don't think I would be that lucky because luck never seemed to be on my side.
The moment before the semi truck struck the side of my small car, I finally realized how my life ended up here.
Because of Karma. She can be a real bitch sometimes.
