Is this it?

Am I doomed to die?

Is this the end?

What did I do to deserve it?

Was it the fact that I won that hockey game?

A little much for such reason, don't you think?

But, then again, he's quite insane

But maybe that's not it…

Perhaps it has to do with Ukraine

I can't help that she's very pretty

Or that she wanted a small kiss

Or that Russia, her little brother is quite protective…

Or maybe because I look like my brother

The gas guzzling, hamburger munching America

Who always picks fights with everyone!

It's not like I haven't gotten the blame before…

I always thought, that if he was the one to kill me

It would be like the other lives he's taken

"Become one with Mother Russia, da?"

A no later, and a quick swat with the water pipe

No matter the reason, I near my final breath

But I should have never arrived early for the G8

Because when I sat down

He was waiting for me

I could tell he saw me

From how I acted as if he didn't

He came down like a weight

Pinning me to the chair

Now the meeting is in session

All, except for Russia and I

Are unaware of the horrors taking place

As I almost burst from the pressure

I can tell he finds this amusing

A sick sort of pleasure

Sometimes he adds a wiggle or two

Making my pain all too real

Why does this nation have to be so large?

Has he heard of a diet?

The fact that he appears to be bony…

Ack! He moved again!

If I actually survive this

Though my chances are slim

I'll write a book about it

…if I get over my shame

I suppose by now, you have a guess what he's doing to me

Possibly, even figured it out by now.

But so you know the answer…

I'M BEING SAT ON BY SOMEONE WITH THE WEIGHT OF A COW!

Why am I so invisible?

Why can't no one notice I'm here!

England! America! France! Help!

Please! I can't hold on much longer!

I sound the cry of the Maple Leaf

Legend is that if you sound the call

Help will come your way!

…But it appears not to be working…

All of the sudden, I hear the voice of my saviour

But it is hard to recognize.

I've never heard her so angry

From how he tensed on my lap, neither has he

I manage to take a peek

Standing there is Ukraine

A rare glimpse of fury in her eyes

And a basket of vodka in her hand

She looks at me, and then her brother

Then she picks up a bottle of the liquid vice

And flings it against the wall

But the sound is silenced by my captor's shriek.

He gets off me to protect the liquid vice

She hands it to him without a fight

I wonder how'll I'll thank her for this

A smile tells me it's just alright.