Is this it?
Am I doomed to die?
Is this the end?
What did I do to deserve it?
Was it the fact that I won that hockey game?
A little much for such reason, don't you think?
But, then again, he's quite insane
But maybe that's not it…
Perhaps it has to do with Ukraine
I can't help that she's very pretty
Or that she wanted a small kiss
Or that Russia, her little brother is quite protective…
Or maybe because I look like my brother
The gas guzzling, hamburger munching America
Who always picks fights with everyone!
It's not like I haven't gotten the blame before…
I always thought, that if he was the one to kill me
It would be like the other lives he's taken
"Become one with Mother Russia, da?"
A no later, and a quick swat with the water pipe
No matter the reason, I near my final breath
But I should have never arrived early for the G8
Because when I sat down
He was waiting for me
I could tell he saw me
From how I acted as if he didn't
He came down like a weight
Pinning me to the chair
Now the meeting is in session
All, except for Russia and I
Are unaware of the horrors taking place
As I almost burst from the pressure
I can tell he finds this amusing
A sick sort of pleasure
Sometimes he adds a wiggle or two
Making my pain all too real
Why does this nation have to be so large?
Has he heard of a diet?
The fact that he appears to be bony…
Ack! He moved again!
If I actually survive this
Though my chances are slim
I'll write a book about it
…if I get over my shame
I suppose by now, you have a guess what he's doing to me
Possibly, even figured it out by now.
But so you know the answer…
I'M BEING SAT ON BY SOMEONE WITH THE WEIGHT OF A COW!
Why am I so invisible?
Why can't no one notice I'm here!
England! America! France! Help!
Please! I can't hold on much longer!
I sound the cry of the Maple Leaf
Legend is that if you sound the call
Help will come your way!
…But it appears not to be working…
All of the sudden, I hear the voice of my saviour
But it is hard to recognize.
I've never heard her so angry
From how he tensed on my lap, neither has he
I manage to take a peek
Standing there is Ukraine
A rare glimpse of fury in her eyes
And a basket of vodka in her hand
She looks at me, and then her brother
Then she picks up a bottle of the liquid vice
And flings it against the wall
But the sound is silenced by my captor's shriek.
He gets off me to protect the liquid vice
She hands it to him without a fight
I wonder how'll I'll thank her for this
A smile tells me it's just alright.
