Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or the title of the song. I didn't use the lyrics, just the title, so I'm pretty sure I'm safe, but just to be clear, I'm making no money off this, just having a little fun with established characters. I promise to return them . . . mostly in the condition I borrowed them in.
Time after time, I accepted him into my bed, my body, knowing he loved another. Time after time, I allowed him to seduce me, knowing he would never leave his wife. Time after time, I forgave him when he cried her name in the throes of passion, knowing it was her he saw when he was with me like this. Time after time, I watched as he dressed and left me alone to go back to her. Time after time, I forced myself to swallow the words that he would never want to hear from me, those three little words that broke me a little more with each swallow. Time after time, I had to remind myself that he wasn't for me, but it never seemed to matter to my poor, battered heart. Time after time, I cried out the almost overwhelming guilt that I held even a fraction of his attention that should have belonged to her. Time after time, I prayed that the test would be negative, but not this time.
This time the result was positive, something I both longed for and dreaded. A piece of him to carry with me, always, something she couldn't or wouldn't give him, but what do I do? This little piece of him is going to change my life forever if I let it keep growing. Should I tell him or keep it to myself? Should I tell her and let her know what's been going on between us or, like the words I long to tell him, keep silent and hope things work out between them?
My phone rings, his picture flashing across the screen. With nerves twisting my stomach, I answer and listen as he tells me he wants to see me tonight. "Not this time," I tell him, the test clenched in my fist and my eyes wet with tears.
"Kagome," he starts, but I cut him off. I'll not toy with his wife's heart anymore. I knew he was taken when we started this affair, and though I love him, have for a long time, I simply cannot let this go on anymore. He needs to either remain faithful to his wife, or end it. Since it seems he can do neither, he can't have me anymore. I'm not alone anymore, and though it'll break my heart even more, I know I can't keep being his mistress while his wife waits at home.
"Not this time, Inuyasha," I repeat quietly, then hang up. I've got a lot of work to do.
Time after time, I forgave him when he went back to her. Time after time, I let him seduce me into forgetting, for a while, that he wasn't mine to keep.
Not this time. This time, it's my turn to be selfish. I'm letting him go, and I'm going to hold onto the one piece of himself I have for my very own.
Not this time. Not ever again.
