An Innocent Mistake
Reever: Hello there readers and welcome to a completely pointless screenplay by Zephyrkaze. He would like me to say a few things before we start first of all no cell phones or flash photography are allowed… Don't ask me why he said this for a fan fiction site I'm only reading it because I'm getting paid for it. Second, Zephyrkaze willingly states that this screenplay shall make no logical sense because innocence can have only one user. We'll just say that Hevlaska was asleep for the record. Finally, you there at the computer desk! No bootlegging allowed so if you plan to copy this, which I don't know why you would, then you will be…. assaulted by the Momos and Yaoi fangirls in the night… though Zephyrkaze still hasn't asked them about it yet. So then, without further ado, Zephyrkaze hopes you enjoy his screenplay entitled "Innocent Mistakes."
SCENE ONE
Narrator: The scene begins after the destruction of the Black Order. The Exorcists have just annoyed Komui again after another explosion in the cafeteria due to Komurin Version 2.1.
Enter Lavi, Kanda, and Allen
Lavi: So Allen and Yu, what's up?
Yu: Che! Like I'd even bother wasting my precious time and energy talking to you.
Allen: Well, you're standing here right now, and I have a feeling that if you truly felt that way, you would've left a long time ago.
Yu: Shut up Moyashi! Whatever Usagi, see you guys later!
Komui: (over the loud speaker) Attention all exorcists! Report to the third floor meeting room immediately! And that means all of you!
Allen: Alright you two, let's go!
Lavi: Alright!
Kanda: Che! I guess I can join you Moyashi and Usagi and don't call me Yu!
Lavi and Allen laugh as the three exorcists exit. The scene changes to the third floor meeting room.
SCENE TWO
The meeting room is slowly getting crammed full of the remaining exorcists. Allen, Kanda, and Lavi are already waiting inside. The doors open and Miranda and Lenalee enter with Krory and Chaouji. After waiting around impatiently, Komui and Reever finally enter.
Komui: Hello everyone and thanks for coming! Now I have something serious to talk about but before I begin, every male in this room must move within a 20 meter radius of Lenalee. If you even breach that barrier you will all suffer at my own hands.
Komui proceeds to laugh hysterically until Reever shuts him up with the infamous Octupus Rifle.
Lenalee: I guess Nii-san got what was coming. Poor Nii-San.
Miranda: (still in a state of shock)Well, I guess it could have been worse… but anyway Lenalee you need to get that brother of yours checked. Well maybe Reever might tell us what's actually happening.
Lenalee: I swear Reever is the only person I've ever known who can control my brother I mean it's completely obvious what's going on there right Miranda?
Miranda: (oblivious) Huh? I don't get it Lenalee. I mean they're only-
Lenalee: Together all the time, bickering, and fighting like a married couple. I think we need to plan a trip to California if you get my drift.
Miranda: Ah! I never thought of it that way before… but now that I think about it, it is kind of obvious.
Allen: Everyone move! There's akuma coming!
Lenalee: Oh hell no Allen. I've had quite enough of this from you! I mean everytime we ever get into a fight you and Lavi are like, "No Lenalee can't fight!" or "Lenalee let us handle this." I can't take it anymore Allen.
Miranda: Lenalee-chan are you alright.
Lenalee: Yeah I'm just mad as hell.
Men: I've never seen this side of her before.
Komui: Um Lenalee can we settle this some other time I mean I don't want to sound mean or anything but there is a level four akuma coming towards the Black Order!
Lenalee: Fine! But when this is done I am speaking my mind for once!
As the exorcists prepare, the level four akuma crashes through the ceiling.
Level Four Akuma: Hello exorcists! I've come to kill y-
Reever shoots the octopus gun which proceeds to launch an octopus on the akuma's head. The exorcists find that they can't decide if this is comical or not. The akuma then erratically begins hurling around "energy" which then results in several bookshelves containing Komui's favorite literature being set ablaze.
Komui: (angry) You damn akuma! (Komui picks up a control switch and brings out the new and improved Komurin version 4.0.)
Komurin 4.0: Destroy akuma! Power draining cannon.
The ridiculous looking bunny missiles launch out of Komurin 4.0 and hit the akuma. After that the akuma disappears.
Komui: Yay Komurin 4.0! Who's daddy's precious death machine? You are! Yes, yes, yes!
Lenalee: Nii-san! (Lenalee proceeds to kick the living hell out of Komui)
The lights begin flickering and then all of a sudden a green light emits from the hole and hits Komurin 4.0.
Komurin 4.0: Destroy exorcists! Destroy exorcists! Power draining missiles!
Suddenly the bunny missiles tainted with the green light hit the ground and send the exorcists flying. The level four akuma that had previously been catapulted then proceeds to look down and sees the exorcists' bodies lying throughout the meeting room. He then proceeds to fly away.
Miranda: (while opening her eyes) Oh no Lenalee! Don't be dead! Don't be dead! Don't be dead! Ahhhh! This is my fault! I can't go on living like this!
Lenalee: Miranda, I'm fine we all just got knocked unconscious for a little while. I don't know why but my legs feel a lot light-
Miranda: Lenalee-chan! Where's your innocence? I don't see the red bracelets or your boots anywhere!
Lenalee: Miranda, that's because they're on you!
Miranda: Ahhhh! Oh no Lenalee I've stolen your innocence! Kill me so you can have your revenge! I am worthless… Where's my innocence?
Lenalee: Why in the world is there a Time Record attached to my arm!
Lenalee and Miranda try but cannot get the innocence off. When they look around the room they notice that everyone has the same problem as them. Lavi and Kanda's innocence has switched much to their confusion. Allen is crying with a pair of razor sharp fangs as Krory is creeped out by his new arm. Chaouji is running around pleading for Marie to remove his headphones from Chaouji's head because he can't stand hearing the rustling of a blade of grass a mile away. In a brief description the scene is pure chaos.
Reever: Komui? What the hell have you done?
Komui: It was an innocent mistake!
END OF ACT ONE
