Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, because if I did there would be a sexy, redheaded cowboy as the main character. (Seriously, Irvine needs his own game.)


"Ha, rock beats scissors. I win yet again, but are you really surprised by that? I never lose, because I am the magnificent conqueror of all."

"...You wanna remind me why we are playing Rock, Paper, Scissors? There has to be a reason I would spend time with you, especially when you are like this."

"Ah Squall I'm hurt. Is it necessary for you to say such things to a man that you work with, one you live with? Anyway, you had said that you needed someone to help you out in the computer room, and I was the only one who wasn't doing anything. Somehow the door broke, leaving you and me locked here. Happy?"

"....It's Leon, call me Leon. And why don't you just break down the door? You are Sephiroth, the man who single-handedly ended the Wutai War, burned all ofNibelheim to the ground, KILED AERIS, did a really good job of fucking up Cloud's head, created Geostigma, something that screwed your world up really fucking well, and you can't break down a door??"

"You know a surprising amount about me and my world, Squall. Now, even Twitchy-Ninja-Girl, Tifa, and Aeris wouldn't tell you that much about their previous lives, and the Puppet would never tell you anything about his 'dark, horrible, trouble, traumatic, dramatic, pathetic' excuse for a life. He's such a pussy, and you can tell him that's the real reason that I fought with him. This, of course, leaves the Captain as your source of information. What did you do, wait for the man to be drunk of his ass before asking him anything about his past? Seems a little hypocritical Squall."

"It's Leon. You just love to hear yourself talk to, don't you? I didn't hear a point in that speech, and you didn't answer my question. I will give you credit for insulting Cloud though, that man needs to learn that there is a specific time for brooding, every day from 3 pm to 5 pm."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...I really cannot win against you in a battle of ellipses. To answer your question, this door belongs to Aeris."

"...And how does this prevent you from going, all psycho killer on the door? Are you afraid that it will send you to the Lifestream?"

"It's Aeris's door. If I break it down, that will make her angry, which in turn will piss of the Puppet. And honestly I'm tired of constantly fighting him, it gets repetitive after a while. And he has Tifa as his cheerleader, and that women just irks me. Do you understand now, surely you would do the exact same thing as me and wait for someone to come?"

"...Tch, whatever."

"Do you know that's the longest I have ever heard you speak? And you always have the tendency to end your conversations with 'Whatever', which in reality is a nasty habit. I will help you break it, Squall."

"It's LEON. What is with you and Yuffie never calling me that? That's my name now, because I don't deserve my old one. I let all my friends, my country, my world, down. I don't deserve-"

"I mercilessly killed people because they were in my way. I killed Aeris for Christ's sake, and I'm not entirely sure that I won't do it again. My mental stability is questionable at the best of times, and my entire life is stained with blood. The thing is, you don't hear me call myself Gladys."

"..."

"..."

"Gladys? How can you compare the awesomeness of Leon, to Gladys? You are a 6 foot tall winged 'man' with long silver hair, and you would call yourself Gladys? Did you come out of the closet, and me not know about it?"

"I do not work well under pressure, which in hindsight makes Shinra's decision to make me General the stupidest idea ever. And thank you for the compliment Squall, usually people mistake my hair for gray. I kill them. That's why President Shinra really died."

"...Tch, whatever. Wait...what are you-"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON THROUGH YOUR FUCKING HEAD? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!"

"Now Squall, you are overreacting, it was a way to make you remember not to say that word. I'm helping you, and I have been trained to do this."

"YOU DECIDED TO HELP ME BY KISSING ME???? HOJO REALLY DID FUCK WITH YOUR HEAD!! AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU HAVE BEEN TRAINED TO DO THIS, YOU SICK PERVERT?? AND STOP CALLING ME SQUALL!!!"

"That was uncalled for, insulting me. You wound me Squall, with your oh-so-harsh words. You need to work on being a nicer person, one who gives pleasant compliments and not scathing remarks. I'll get right on that after we correct your way of saying 'Whatever' all the time."

"CAN YOU AT LEAST APOLOGIZE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE?? I COULD SUE YOU FOR RAPE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!"

"First off, my mother was not a bitch, she was a lovely women that deserved all of Vincent's devotion. Even if it does creep the hell out of me that he had a shrine dedicated to Lucretia in his cape. That's why Cloud gave Vincent his cape back, first chance he saw him back in the Coliseum. Second, you can't sue me for rape, because there are no witnesses, and the only person who would support you would be Cloud, and his word is already garbage among the people of Radiant Garden. And I may be new to this 'Sanity' thing, but doesn't a person only apologize when they are sorry?"

"YOU!!! AH....YOU ARE SUCH AN ASS-HAT!!! WHY.....ARGH!!!!"

"Have I amazed you to the point that you cannot form words, Squall? Don't worry, it happens all the time. Actually more often than you would think."

"It's Leon, you conceited piece of genetically mutated garbage. And do you even know how gay that sounded, like you were picking up a little boy."

"Compared to me, you are a little boy, so its only appropriated. And I am not garbage, I am a finely crafted piece of man, one that is meant to be worshiped. So, can I 'worship' your body?"

"..."

"..."

"...You seriously aren't going to start using pick up lines, are you? I will do almost anything for you not to do that."

"Will you give yourself over to me, mind, body, and spirit? Will you be my love slave until your days run out?"

"...That falls under the 'almost' category, and I...I don't even want to think about that. That sounds just so wrong coming from your mouth."

"Then, since you declined my request, I must use pick up lines to win over your fair heart. What has 142 teeth and is holding back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper."

"..."

"Not your fancy, eh? What about this one: Do you have a mirror in your pockets? Because I can see myself in your pants."

"..."

"Is that a blush that I see on your face, Squall? Oh, you look so...adorable like that, is it the naughty things that make you blush? Listen to this one then: Wanna play 'kite'? I lay down, you blow and we'll see how high you can make me"

"....Shut...up."

"Ah, does that make you uncomfortable, Squall? Your face is covered in this little pink blush. You look like a little schoolgirl, just entering high school."

"...Tch, whatever...."

"mmhm"

"AH....nghh"

"..."

"YOU MISERABLE, MEASLY EXCUSE FOR A MALE! WHAT IS WITH THE SEXUAL ABUSE HERE? I DON'T EVEN LIKE YOU!!!"

"That's mean, Squall. How are you going to tell the children that Mommy doesn't love Daddy? You'll break their precious hearts."

"THERE WILL BE NO FREAKING CHILDREN IN THIS...THIS....WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS IS. ACTUALLY THERE IS NO 'THIS'. STOP SMIRKING YOU ROYAL PAIN IN THE ASS!"

"Oh I would love to be a pain in your ass, Squall. You should be proud, I actually came up with that one by myself."

"SHIVA DAMMIT, YOU ARE EVEN WORST THAN IRVINE, AND I DIDN'T THINK THAT WAS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE! YOU FESTERING PILE OF ASS! YOU FUCKING COCKMONKEY!!!"

"You have an impressive vocabulary, Squall. Did the Captain teach you those words in between beer bottles? Who is this Irvine that you mentioned, he sounds like a better version of Reno, someone who doesn't add that annoying 'Yo' after he speaks. I'm so happy Vincent taught him better, much like how I'm teaching you with 'Whatever'."

"YOU...YOU...ARGH!!!!!!!!!! SHUT YOUR FREAKING FACE!!!!! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!!"

"Now hunny-bunches, you don't hate me. You hate faith, and destiny and all that other crap. You hate circumstances."

"No, I'm pretty sure I just hate you. And if you go on some spiel about the children and whatnot and I will commit suicide. You can't fuck a dead corpse."

"It would actually be a lot easier than fucking you now."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Have you been drinking? I have the taste of alcohol in my mouth, and I don't drink."

"While Reno is annoying as hell to talk to, he makes the best drinking partner. It's not a party until Reno arrives, and he just had to prove that last night. And this morning."

"...So everything you have been saying has all been because you are inebriated? You don't mean any of it?!?"

"I may be slightly drunk, but that does not mean that I am incapable of rational thought. Actually I think a drunken me makes even more sense than the Keybearer when he's sane."

"Sora is pretty dumb...I swear, one day Riku is going to rape his ass, and when that happens, he'll be thinking about chasing a butterfly."

"All the same Squall, I am speaking my feelings. Everything I said was the honest truth, or at least as honest as I can be. Let's face it, I'm a screw up, but I really want to own your heart, Squall. I really want to feel you, and always have you by my side. I can be a good person, all I'm asking for is a chance to prove that."

"....Whatever."


A/N: And so the Lion fell in love with the Genetically Mutated Winged Angel. Now, that's what Twilight should have been about, not that lame-ass vampire stuff. Flames are welcomed, because without them you won't grow as a writer. (Plus they are fun to read and even more fun to ridicule...) I am considering making this a series, so tell me what y'all think about that. I'm going to sleep now, since its 1:27 in the morning, and I have school tomorrow. BYE