"Hey, Nev."

"Hey, Harry. Where is everyone else?"

"Still celebrating, I think. Apparently the Quidditch Cup means more than anything else in the world. Seriously, I don't think they'd be this excited if Voldemort up and died."

"Well, the school needs cheering up, right?"

"I doubt the other houses are this happy."

"Fair point. So why are you in bed, then? I thought you were off with Ginny."

"I was. But then she tried to kiss me again, and I just told her—I told her I wasn't interested."

"You're not?"

"No."

"Everyone thought you were."

"Well, I thought I was, too. Then she kissed me, and then I could only think about other things, other people ... well, another person, really."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

(Pause.)

"That's too bad, then. I'm sorry, mate."

"Don't be. It's better for both of us if she doesn't get attached."

"That's true."

"And I've been thinking of doing something, saying something to the, to the other person."

"Yeah? Do you know how she feels?"

"He. How he feels. And no. I have a guess, but, God, Nev, I'm so cocky all the time, but I'm dreadful at this kind of thing. It's like, sure, dragons, whatever, sphinxes, death, I can handle all that, but boys? Romance? Nothing."

"I'm sure you'd be great at it if you tried."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Brilliant."

"Well, thanks."

(Pause.)

"Hey, Neville?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you fancy anyone?"

"Yeah. But I don't know if he'd want me."

"He?"

"Yeah."

"I guess I could've guessed. It's just that you're so shy. I maybe thought you reproduced on your own."

(Laughter.)

"Who is it?"

Someone. A boy."

"I'd sorted that part out on my own."

"Well, shit, Harry. Take a wild guess, would you?"

(Laughter, shaky this time.)

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"How long?"

"Remember that time in the D.A. when I disarmed you for the first time and you pretended like it was this big impressive thing, even though you weren't paying attention until it happened?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"Then."

"Well, you can probably guess when it happened for me."

"Humor me. No idea."

"You told me you and your gran believed me. And that, and the way you believed I wasn't the heir of Slytherin, and the way you believed that I didn't put my name in the Goblet of Fire..."

"I never said anything about those other two."

"No. But I knew. Can I...?"

"Sure."

"Mmm. It's warmer here than it is in my bed. How do you do that?"

"My feet practically freeze off without a Warming Charm. Also, two bodies and all that."

"Right. You're really warm, too."

"Yeah. I don't think that's the charm. I think that's the bodies. Body, rather."

"I really like you, Neville."

"I really like you, too, Harry. Who do we tell, then?"

"Everyone."

"Really?"

"Yes. I don't like secrets unless they're necessary."

"Alright."

(Quiet, interrupted by...)

"You're a good kisser."

"I haven't had any practice."

"I've only kissed two girls, and I was dead clumsy."

"You're not clumsy anymore."

(Prolonged quiet.)

"See why we have to tell everyone? Otherwise we're just going to be snogging in the hallways and they'll be able to piece it together on their own."

"So you're going to be snogging me in the hallways?"

"Yes. And you're going to be snogging me."

"You sure about that?"

"I'm sure."

(Breathless laughter.)

"What's so—Oi! What are you two doing?"

"What's it look like, Ron?"

"You two? Really? What about my sister?"

"She's fine. But she's not Neville Longbottom."

"You realize this is mental, right? No offense, Neville."

"None taken."

"It's just ... you! And blokes!"

"I know. It was weird for me, too. But would you just look at his face, Ron? So handsome. Such nice cheekbones and eyes and mouth, oh, this glorious mouth..."

"Alright, I'm very happy for both of you. But for the love of God, don't make me watch, OK?"

"Fine. We'll just draw these curtains, then, add a Silencing Charm here, and there we go."

"Thanks. And, hey. Good on you guys."

"Thanks, Ron."

(Pause, then laughter.)

"Now, where were we?"