Disclaimer: I own nothing – if I did I wouldn't be writing fanfic!
This is just something that came to me – I know I have to finish 'every other weekend' and it is coming but I had to get this out of my system. It may seem farfetched but it's a story don't be too hard on it.
Enjoy and please R&R
While I was waiting for you.
New York 2015
I sat at the bar waiting, granted I had got there early. Chuck and I were having dinner together for the first time in weeks he had been so busy with a deal at Bass Industries and I had been studying for finals that we hadn't had time to see each other.
We had been together since the day he had finally told me he loved me. We spent the summer together travelling before I started NYU and he had taken over Bass Industries in the fall. Life was good, sure we had our ups and downs but what couple didn't, In fact I never thought of Chuck and I being the most stable couple out of our group but with Nate and Vanessa's on again off again relationship, Serena dropping Brown to chase after her long lost father with Carter and Dan shocking us all by dating Georgina that's what we had become – Stable.
Going to collage at NYU was not my dream, far from it – Yale had always been my dream but due to some complications (which I don't like to talk about) I ended up at NYU but if I hadn't I guess I wouldn't have become the person I am today. Sure Chuck telling me he loved me was huge and that day will be imprinted in my memory forever but after a year at NYU and becoming close to the Brooklyn crowd (although they now lived on the UES) and Georgina (something I never thought would happen) I felt like for the first time in my life I actually had family, with my mother and Cyrus away a lot we all spent weekends at the Vander-Bass-Humphrey home Lily and Rufus had some-what become my adopted parents and the first summer we were in collage we all spent it in the Hamptons.
Georgina and I had a tough time together but for the sake of everyone else tolerated each other but it was during my first weekend with our 'family' that Vanessa and Jenny became to me what Serena used to be. The three of us did almost everything together and slowly I was changing. We had something special that the three of us (and everybody else) were shocked about and I just remember wishing at times that Serena had been around to join in the fun. I had only seen Serena once since finishing high school and only because Chuck had booked me flights to LA to see her while we knew she was in the country, she had become so selfish, she missed out on her own mother's wedding and so many other events, important events. Looking back on my life I could see how much I had changed and when it had all changed.
In the fall of 2013 Jenny came down with flu like symptoms and became very sick and when she wasn't getting any better Rufus and Lily finally took her to the doctor where she went through test after test, and then we were finally told she had cancer. We all took it pretty hard she was our family and even though no one was saying it we couldn't bear to think that we would lose her. Jenny surprisingly took it very well believing that every day was one to be lived to the fullest and Eric devoted almost all his time to being with her and making sure she had everything she wanted something I know bonded them closer together than ever.
Christmas
holidays 2013 was spent in New York at the Vander-Bass-Humphrey
apartment, Nate and Dan went a found us the biggest tree possible and
surprisingly Chuck came home from work that day with a huge shiny
star for the top of the tree we spent the night together decorating
the apartment and singing away to carols. Vanessa and I took Jenny
out shopping and for coffee a couple of days before Christmas and she
talked to us about keeping the traditions we had made together even
if she could no longer be there to do them with us and to make sure
that no matter what the two of us remained happy and true to
ourselves.
That Christmas was our last one with Jenny, she lost
her fight in the summer of 2014 and while our family was grieving
poor Eric took it the hardest he lost his best friend and sister, he
locked himself in his room for days after the funeral refusing to
talk to anyone until Chuck finally got through to him. But still no
Serena, we sent messages and emails but heard nothing.
In the fall of 2014 Vanessa and I got an apartment off campus together knowing we needed space from collage life but also need support from each other. While we continued to take classes, work and study we also tried to make as much time as we could for our family it was a rough time, all of our lives started to get busier and it wasn't that we forgot about each other but we did drift apart slowly and it was clear that in some way Jenny held us all together.
I shook myself out of my memories and I ordered a glass of wine and played with the napkin in front of me as a guy came and sat down next to me. He ordered himself a beer and struck up a conversation with me, I found out his name was Brent and he had grown up in Memphis we chatted for a bit and he told me I was pretty looked back at his beer and took a swig then he asked me to dance.
We continued talking while we danced and our one dance turned into two and that's when Chuck walked in and tapped Brent on the shoulder and took my hand telling him that he was cutting in. Brent took it all very well telling Chuck that he had a lovely wife before walking off.
Chuck kissed me on the cheek and told me I looked gorgeous as we started to dance but I was lost in my thoughts. Wife – that word had so much meaning between the two of us. He used it that day he told me to stop playing the wife at his brunch and I threw it back at him that same night saying it he made it sound like the ugliest word in the world.
We
had talked about marriage a couple of times but he always said he
liked the way we were and that we didn't need to get married to
have the perfect relationship because we already had it.
But in a
fact he just wanted a girlfriend and I wanted so much more than that,
the problem was that I wanted it with him.
Our lives had become too comfortable we were Chuck and Blair but was I really happy – something Jenny always wanted for me to be happy and not to settle for anything less.
"Chuck, do you ever want to get married?" I asked cautiously
"Blair, everything is perfect like this, why do we have to get married" he replied like I figured he would
"You know what Chuck, I do want to get married I want kids and a summer house in the Hamptons where our kids can make memories like we have, and if you don't want that they I think we should end this dance now and I should go"
"Blair please don't leave"
"I can't just drift like this anymore Chuck. I made a promise to Jenny that I can't go back on, so I'm sorry" I said turning and walking towards the door
I went home to the apartment I still shared with Vanessa and collapsed onto my bed in tears and that where Vanessa and Nate found me.
"Blair?" I heard a knock on my door and more tears came as the door opened and they walked in Vanessa sitting on the bed hugging me "What happened?" she questioned
I
struggled through my tears to tell them what had happen during my
'date' with Chuck and that we couldn't see eye to eye on the
situation so I had to end it. Nate came over and kissed me on the
forehead saying that it was getting late and he needed to go but
would be back tomorrow, I knew he wasn't going home though he was
heading straight to Chuck's.
I couldn't seem to stop crying so
Vanessa just sat there with me hugging me and stroking my hair, at
some point I must have cried myself to sleep because I woke the next
morning to sun shining in the window and I noticed I had a blanket
over me Vanessa must have put it over me as she left.
I could hear hushed voices in the lounge room so I got up and went to my bathroom and took a shower and got dressed and walked into our lounge/kitchen to find Vanessa chatting with Nate and Dan.
"Hey guys" I said pouring myself a coffee and going to stand next to Dan at the counter he put his arm around me and pulled me close
"How are you this morning?" Nate asked
"I'm okay I guess, How's Chuck? I know you went and saw him last night"
"I'm sorry Blair. I just…"
"You don't need to explain Nate, he is your best friend, I'm glad you went"
"If you really want to know, he's not great but he will get through it"
"Come on Blair, we all know you guys are meant for each other" Dan said "He will realise that before you know it and you guys will get back together"
"No I don't think he will, I've just changed so much in the last year that I think I may have changed without him, and I promised Jenny that I'd be happy and I can't be happy drifting along wondering what if all the time. We all learnt the hard way that life is too short, I just wish Chuck paid more attention to it"
"I know you promised Jen that you would be happy we both did" Vanessa said "but do you really think that after everything the two of you have been through that you can really be happy without Chuck?"
"I have to try" I told them "For Jenny I have to try"
Nobody said anything else about the issue and we spent the day curled up on the couch watching movies.
The weeks past by and I didn't see Chuck at all, Nate had told me that he was busy sorting out a couple of deals with the company so I didn't need to know anything else although Dan did let it slip once that Chuck had thrown himself into work to avoid the situation that was our break-up.
I'd just got home from a full day of classes and poured myself a drink when I noticed the answering machine flashing I hit the button and waited; 'you have one new message today 3:39pm "Blair where are you? I need you, come asap" Eric's voice had come down the line. I grabbed my bag looking for my phone wondering why he didn't try me on that but I couldn't find it so I raced into my room to see it lying on my bed where I must have forgotten it this morning and been so busy today I didn't even realise it wasn't with me
17 missed calls – all Eric. I threw the phone in my bag and ran out the door hailing a cab I wondered what could be so bad the cab stopped outside the Vander-Bass-Humphrey apartment I threw some money at the driver and ran into the building into the elevator. Entering the apartment there seemed to be no one around so I continued towards Eric's room and pushed open the door but it was empty I turned to walk back towards the lounge when I was something move in the room that used to be Jenny's I looked through the crack in the door to see Eric looking through a photo album in tears and that's when I realised what week it was today was Thursday and Saturday would mark a year since Jenny had died.
Tears started to form as I pushed open the door and walked in crossing the room to take a seat next Eric on the floor as I put my arm around him he leant into my shoulder
"I miss her everyday" he said crying
"I know, me too" I replied "I think she held us all together"
"Yeah it feels like that some days, especially now that you and Chuck aren't together" he said turning the page "Look how beautiful she was"
I ran my hand over the photo "she really was, there was no one like her"
"Are we still all doing lunch on Saturday?"
"Well I'll be there, even if it's just the two of us we will remember her together, but I'm pretty sure Ness is coming and she will bring Nate"
"I don't think Mum and Rufus or Dan will forget"
"No, you're right there is just one more person" I sighed
"He won't forget" Eric told me we sat there a while longer turning the pages of the album and remembering the good times we all shared then I took Eric and we grabbed a pizza and headed back to my apartment to organise Saturday.
Friday dragged on as if it knew what tomorrow was and how much we wanted it to be over and at 4:30pm I decided to call Vanessa
"Hey B, what's up?" her voice came down the line
"Just wondering what you were up to tonight and if you were going to be home?" I asked
"Yeah I don't plan on leaving you alone tonight and I don't really want to be alone either it's been a tough week on all of us, I think Dan and Nate are planning on coming to hang out later on"
"Sounds great I don't know how I'm going to get through tomorrow but we have to for Rufus and Dan"
"I know what you mean I figured Dan would be spending the time with Rufus tonight but he called me either to ask if he could come over. Maybe Rufus just wants to be alone?"
"Maybe he will have Lily I guess. Do you know Eric's plans are?" I question
"I spoke to him earlier, I think he wants the night to himself, but I told him if he was in need of company we were around"
"Good, Ness I felt so bad yesterday he had been trying to get a hold of me all day and I was so busy I completely forgot about this week that once I finally got to him I just broke down with him and was of no support"
"Yeah I spoke to Chuck this morning and he said the he has been really bad for the last month, almost like he has been dreading this week" she tells me
"Is chuck coming tonight?" I asked
"No he didn't feel up to it either, but he promised he would be there for Eric tomorrow. I know it strange to bring this up but are you sure you did the right thing breaking thing off with him?"
"Some days not so much but I have to be strong for Rufus and Dan and for Eric this week is about them and remembering Jen she was family and Chuck and I can spend tomorrow together without the world falling apart"
"Ok if you are sure, but B I have to go I'm about to jump on the bus home"
"Bring chocolate" I say
"For sure, you get out the wine and order some Thai I'll be there soon"
"See you soon, love you V"
"Love you too B" she says ending the call I placed the phone of the kitchen bench and went and sat on the couch, I flicked the TV on and stared at the screen as silent tears rolled down my cheeks I couldn't believe it was a year tomorrow. I picked up my hand bag and took out my mobile, I dialled the number I knew all too well and listened to the phone ring through to message bank.
"It will be a year tomorrow, I can't believe it, and I feel so lost. I don't know how to get through tomorrow, Eric seems the same as he has for the last year just totally devastated and broken, I mean how do you go on without your best friend? I wish I could tell him the answer to that but my best left me years ago and hasn't looked back since. I feel so blessed to have found the bond with Vanessa and Jenny that I did but then losing Jenny on top of everything else I feel like I could relapse myself – I won't though I'm stronger now than I have ever been because Jenny taught me that as lame as it sounds home is truly where the heart is and that's why my new family - the one you're not a part of - is amazing, so Serena on behalf of our family and the pain you have caused us with your total lack of care don't come back. And if you do don't come looking for friendship with me because I don't want yours." I finished and hung up the phone in angry tears throwing it at the wall smashing it to pieces
"I guess you'll need a new one" a voice came I spun around coming face to face with Chuck
"How long have you been there?" I ask
"Long enough" He states and I know he heard the whole thing "I just wanted to come and see how you were but I guess I have my answer"
"It's been a long day" I tell him "Are you staying?"
"No, I'm on my way to see Eric but he said that I should check on you" he said as he walked closer "he and Jen always were our biggest fans"
"It's true" I say as he pulls me into a hug and kisses me slowly on the cheek "But go and see Eric he'll need a friend tonight and V will be home any minute so I'll be fine"
"I'll see you tomorrow' he says as he walks towards the door
"Chuck?"
"Yeah?"
"No scotch tonight ok" I smile at him softly
"I promise" I tells me as he heads out the door
Half an hour later Vanessa came through the door as I was sitting at the dining room table attempting to piece together my phone.
"Oh is that why this was left with the doorman?" she asks holding up a new phone with my name on it "What happened?"
"I called Serena for the last time" I explained as she nodded knowing how angry I was with her in fact our whole family was pretty angry with her
"So where did the new one come from?"
"Chuck"
"What?"
"He was here when I threw it at the wall" I say
"He still loves you B"
"I know, he's just not willing to change, so we can't be together"
She sighed as she got the plates out and dished out the food, I walked to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of white wine and got some glasses pouring one for Vanessa and then one for myself.
"So how was your day?" I ask
"Probably as good as yours without the yelling at Serena and breaking my phone"
"I never thought it would be this hard you know, I thought it would get easier" I said taking a drink of my wine that was far too big
"I know me too" we sat and ate in silence for a while "Hey how come Chuck was here anyway?"
"Eric sent him to check on me" I say Eric and I had the same bond he used to have with Serena maybe even closer he really was my little brother and while I always thought that when I married Chuck it would be official I realised when we broke up that it didn't matter we would always be that that no matter where we were in our lives.
Later that night Nate and Dan showed up and we hung out chatting until Dan at midnight pulled out Cluedo suggesting we play it. It was the last game any of us had played with Jenny on our game nights, which we didn't have as often anymore. We agreed and started the game before we knew it we were on our third round. After Nate winning his third game in a row we called it quits all heading to bed.
I woke before everyone else and showered and dressed quietly and headed out stopping off for a coffee and some flowers I made my way to the cemetery. It was early and I wanted to talk to Jenny alone before everyone else arrived I took a cab to the gate and walked the rest of the way wondering what life would be like if she hadn't of died I walked slowly up the hill and down the other side looking up I saw someone in the distance already there. From where I was I couldn't quite tell who is was but as I got closer I saw it was Chuck. This confused me slightly while I knew that the whole kiss on the lips party situation was forgiven and Jen had become pretty much Chuck's sister I couldn't figure out why he would be here by himself. I paused behind a tree close by and watched.
"Jen,
I totally stuffed up. You would be so angry with me. I lost Blair.
She broke up with me and although it's been a couple of weeks now I
feel completely alone without her" He stopped and I thought that,
that was all he was going to say but he continued
"She has to
know I still love her, I know if you where still here you would tell
us straight that being apart is the worst idea, I remember you
telling me that if I broke her heart you would come and hurt me down.
You know why she broke up with me? Because I said I didn't want to
get married, but Jen I lied I couldn't imagine myself married to
anyone but her" I felt a tear roll down my cheek and I wiped it
away as I listened "I guess it's hard I always talked to you
about these things and how I would propose to Blair when I had
everything just right, but you left Jen and you were meant to help me
pick the restaurant, and the flowers. I put it off and off because I
was meant to do these things with you. You and Eric, Blair and I were
saying the other day you two were our biggest fans, I'd never
siblings but for the small part of my life that I had you as a sister
I will be always grateful we went through a lot and I'll forever be
sorry for the first time we met, but I'll always remember the night
you put me straight and how lucky I was that someone had the guts to
stand up to me and tell me that."
I could tell that he was wiping tears away as he spoke and noticed that there were a bunch of red roses on the grave that he must have brought "Jen" I heard him say again softly "I even brought a ring" my heart pounded 'a ring' "the one we saw at Tiffany's you said she would love, I just never got a chance to give it to her, I guess losing you makes me feel a little like I don't want to get close to people that way it won't hurt as bad if I lose them, I know ok ay I chickened out and made excuses but now I just don't know what to do"
I stepped out from the behind the tree and walked over to where Chuck was and placed my hand on his shoulder while placing the flowers I brought on the ground beside his.
"Hey Jen" I said into the wind "I really miss you, I don't know how I've got through the last year without you"
I talk like Chuck did to the gravestone he remains silent for a while before quietly asking "How long had you been there?"
"Long enough" I answered back just like he had the other day in my apartment "Why didn't you just tell me how you felt?"
"I didn't know how, and I didn't want you to feel like I was asking just because you wanted me too, I needed you to know that I was asking because I loved you and because I wanted to spend my life with you"
"So ask me now" I say to him causing him to finally look up at me
"Blair I can't, this isn't at all how I wanted to ask you, we are in a cemetery for crying out loud"
"I know where we are Chuck, but to me right now this feels perfect, I know you have that ring with you and if you look closely I think you will see Eric coming towards us and Jenny is watching us so this, this is perfect"
"Blair Waldorf, I can't believe I'm here doing this but here it goes. Over the past years since we finished school you have been my constant, late hours at work or studying you love me all the same, you make me feel everyday like a have a real family something that for years I never really had. Out of everyone I know you have changed the most since I met you, you used to be so worried about how you looked and the latest scandal but that has changed you have become the most amazing person I have ever met and the support you gave to everyone around you when Jenny died was unbelievable especially when I know that time was so hard for you but you managed to hold it all together for everybody else and that is something we are all grateful for. When Lily and Rufus got married and you played maid of honour because Serena didn't come it just proved to me how much you love this family which is nowhere near as much as I love you. Jenny has taught us all, the greatest lesson which is that life is too short and we should live each day to its fullest and I don't want to live another day without you in my life so will you marry me?"
"Yes" I say as I wipe tears from my cheeks "Yes Chuck, I'll marry you" He pulls the ring out of his pocket and slips it on my finger just as Eric reaches us, Chuck stands up and kisses me on the lips.
"Well I can see Jenny has even from the grave worked out how to put you guys back together" Eric says smiling hugging us both
"She will always be with us Little Brother" Chuck says he arm around Eric's shoulder "I guess this means you are the first to know, which is fitting because I need for you to be my best man"
"Really?" Eric says as Chuck nods at him "I'd be honoured"
Chuck and I take a walk for a bit leaving Eric some time to talk to Jenny before everybody else arrives. I keep staring at my hand smiling and wondering how such a sad day can become so happy. Chuck wraps his arm around me as he head be to the gravesite and pulls me close
"I love you Blair"
"I love you too Chuck"
We reached the site and everyone else had arrived, we were met with hugs and kisses as I left Chuck's side to hug Rufus, Lily spied my ring
"What is that Blair?" she asked smiling
"What's What?" Vanessa said as Chuck came and wrapped his arms around my waist
"Chuck and I are back together, and we are getting married" I told them all showing the girls my ring
A round of congratulations went round before we turned back to Jenny. I looked around the group as Rufus started speaking he talked about how amazing Jenny was and about her life and he told her things that she had missed. Dan told her how much he loved her and missed her then told her how he had broken up with Georgina and that she was right it was never going to work out. Nate laughed as he talked about how he was the only one winning games nights now and that he missed her for her quick wit and great conversation. Vanessa talked of how we still held our Saturday morning Starbucks tradition and that no matter what we always ordered a third drink for her, how we missed her on girls nights and to keep us from locking ourselves away with 'One Tree Hill' marathons all winter with Lily. Lily spoke to her about how she missed her daughters and how sad it was the she would never get one of them back. I was standing next to Lily and I held her hand as she spoke and Chuck standing behind me rubbed her back I realised how hard it must have been for her with Serena gone and looking like she would never return and her only other daughter dead as she ended I squeezed her hand and she pulled me into a hug as Chuck stepped around me.
"We are here today to remember Jenny a year has past but she hasn't been forgotten, we all love her that will never change. Blair and I are engaged because of her. She always knew what to say and I think sometimes I took that for granted but I'm so lucky to have everybody here and I have them because of Jen. She held us together and we need to make an effort to see each other because it's what she would have wanted. If you look around at our group here we may not all be related but we are family in every sense of the word and that's because of how she understood family. It's those who you can completely be yourself around with no judgement and while our time together may not have started like that, that's where we are now and that's how we will stay – For Jenny" Chuck reminded us all
He walked back towards me and took my hand, we all started to head to the cars Chuck and I the last to leave and as I looked ahead I could see our family and Chuck was right, we weren't the best of friends to start with but now we were family and it was because of her.
Chuck got inside the limo as I turned around and whispered
"Thanks Jen, I miss you"
I
slid in to the limo and moved close to Chuck he wrapped his arm
around me and kissed my hair
"We are all going to be ok right"
I asked him
"I'll make sure our family is ok" he replies as he leans down and kisses me softly "We will be just fine"
The End
