This takes place right after Olivia Benson was captured and tortured by William Lewis in "Surrender Benson". However, in my story Elliot is still Olivia's partner and Kathy and the kids do not exist. Warning for graphic description of Self Harm. I do not own any of the characters. Their credit goes to the creators of Law and Order SVU.

Broken. That's what she was. Broken.

Olivia Benson may have been one of the strongest women, but that all changed after she was tortured. Now no one in the precinct would even look at her without wincing and she could feel the pity in their stares. Of course she could tell they were trying, but that didn't stop her from noticing the way Munch kept glancing at her, Amanda avoided her, and Fin and Captain looked at her as if she was a hurt puppy. The worst was Elliot with dark circles around his eyes. But not one of them knew her secret.

She hadn't just been tortured, she had been raped. And everything changed.

A week had passed since the incident, but Olivia still hadn't recovered. She sat in her hotel room (her apartment was still a crime scene) and stared at the beige walls feeling absolutely nothing. Everyone was so concerned about her feelings and she had none, she was numb. Completely hollow. And she couldn't take it anymore. "God, I am a freaking hypocrite! Telling those girls they can get through this and then I, of all people, cannot even hear a knock without breaking down." She just needed to feel something, anything. She then saw an item on the nightstand, a pocket knife she had kept with her to help her feel safe. "I never thought I'd resort to this, but anything has to be better than flashbacks and emptiness." She can't let anyone see, so she decides on her thighs. She pulls down her jeans and takes a breath before slicing into her own flesh. The relief is instantaneous. She doesn't stop…

Even a month after her capture, Olivia was still doing poorly. Sure she put on a show for her friends, but inside she was screaming. Every new case triggered memories of her abuse and she began to have not only flashbacks but nightmares. And her cutting had only gotten worse. She was now cutting at least once a day just to keep from going absolutely insane. Some were thin lines, others deep gashes. You are such a failure. You couldn't even protect yourself, a cop! How in the Hell are you going to protect others? She begins to unknowingly rub her fingers over her thigh.

"You okay Liv?"

Elliott's voice quickly snaps her out of her daze and she looks up at him.

"Yeah. Fine."

Elliott knew something was up, but just figured anyone who had gone through as much crap as her deserved a break. "Man, she really has been through hell. I wish I knew how she is really doing. There is no way she is as calm as she appears." "Dammit Elliott focus on the case!" They were on a case driving out in the streets looking for their prime suspect in a sexual assault case, Jason Walters.

"Elliott, that's him!"

Elliott stops the car and Olivia unbuckles. They get out and Elliott approaches him.

"Jason Walters! Detective Stabler, NYPD…"

He runs. They both chase after him, but a fence gets in the way. Once Elliott is over he runs on to catch the suspect while Olivia climbs over. Once the suspect is cuffed and transported to the station, Elliott decides to talk with Olivia. It is then he sees a rip in her pants.

"Liv, looks like that fence may owe you a new pair of pants!"

"It certainly does!" she replies.

"Wait a minute, are you bleeding?" Elliott noticed there was blood dripping onto the sidewalk. "Here, let me see,"

"Wait! Elliott, no, I'm fi.." Before she could finish, Elliott bent down to survey the cut. But what he saw was much worse. Scars and cuts covered her thigh, some thin lines, some gashes held together by bandages. He immediately felt sick to his stomach.

"Liv," he said gently, "these aren't from your attacker, are they?"

Her sad look answered his question.

"Why?" he said as tears filled his eyes.

"You know" Well most of it

"Liv, you are staying with me tonight. Don't even try to argue"