Warnings for mature, squicky, and serious content. Some of the things discussed in this fanfic may be very touchy subjects to some people. These things include ( but may not be limited to ): bulimia, self - harm, large age gaps, sex with a minor, and incest.

There will be a huge jumble of pairings. The main focus is supposed to be Doujima / Yousuke. On the side, you can expect to see one sided Souji / Yousuke, Souji / Souji's dad ( whom I've named Taka ), Souji / Morooka, Souji / Kanji, and Adachi / Kanji.

For the record, the plot of this story does not follow the game. It starts out with much the same premise, but there will be no TV exploration, no murders, no Personae, and no Shadows. It avoids spoilers and stuff this way. Plus, I just can't fit all this depressing and angst and horror in with the plot of the game and make it work. For the most part, the pairings specified will generally be the only characters involved. everyone else might pop up once or twice, but i'm not gonna focus on them. sorry if that's disappointing, haha. ;;

Desperation Anxiety

The hand caressing his cheek slowly begins to move down his neck, and over his shoulder. He hums a soft noise of approval, and stretches, rolling onto his stomach before curling up and reaching to set his hand over it. It pulls away before he can do so, thus forcing him to open an eye and turn his head to try and see where the gentle comfort has retreated.

" Come on. It's time to get up. Your train leaves in an hour. "

I just want to sleep. I don't want to go anywhere, I want to stay here and ...

" Get up, Souji. "

" No ... " He turns his head away into the pillow, and tries to pull it over his head, brows furrowing in irritation. " I don't want to. "

When silence is his only answer, he settles in to try and get back to sleep. He's won, and the only way he wants to celebrate his victory is by going back to his dream. The dream where everything was better.

Don't have to wake up to go somewhere else for a whole year ... Don't have to leave ... You won't -

The springs of his bed creak as someone else suddenly moves to join him. He whines, but nonetheless moves to make some more room

Maybe he'll let me lay here with him until we have to go ...

for the second body to join his. But it doesn't. Instead, he feels a heavy weight settle itself on his pelvis, and the same hand that had been so gingerly petting him only moments before is now pulling at the blanket and pillow, exposing him to the cold air of the morning. Something he is only naturally more than opposed to having to deal with right now.

" Nooo ... Stop, it's cold ... " He rolls onto his back, and stares up into cold and unforgiving steel - gray eyes. He closes his own, and brings both of his hands up to cover his face. " ... I packed last night, lay with me ... "

" ... ... Souji. "

" Please. " He parts his fingers, and looks up to the man pleadingly. His mouth twitches up into a smile when he is obliged.


He looks to his phone, tapping his thumb against the number pad as his eyes scan over the text once again.

Meet us outside Yasoinaba Station at 4PM.

He flicks his gaze over toward the window, and watches the scenery pass by with a dull expression. He wasn't enthused at all to meet his uncle again, and he didn't care to know who else was going to be there. He had vowed solely to go to school, do his homework, then hole up in his room until he could go home. What else was there to do, anyway?


" Souji. Put your book down and pay attention when I'm speaking to you. "

" ... Sorry. " He grabs his bookmark, and places it gingerly into the spine of the book, then closes it over his index finger. Looking up, he meets his mother's eyes, then looks over to his father. " What were you saying? "

The look of bemusement on the man's face doesn't hold quite the same affect as it had in the past. Instead, Souji only smiles, and arches an eyebrow in question. This prompts an answer that does, however, leave him feeling cold: " Your mother and I are going to be busy for the next year - "

" So you're going to be staying with your uncle until March. "

... March? But ...

" Why? I could take care of myself here ... " He pauses. " I could go, too. " His eyes are pleading with his father's at this point, as he knows that it's him with the soft spot when it comes to their son. But he seems to be as firm as ever. He cringes, and looks to his mother. Surely she wouldn't be okay with leaving her son for so long - ?

" You'll be staying with Ryoutarou, honey. It's for the best. " She smiles, but it really doesn't help the situation.

Instead of responding, Souji lifts his book from his lap, and opens it promptly to the page that he'd left off on, and proceeds to read the same sentence at least four times in an attempt to comprehend the words that are blurring there due to the tears welling in his eyes.


The trees began to fade away into a suburban, old - looking train station almost immediately. He blinks listlessly, brows knitting as the train pulls to a slow, dragging stop. His fate had been sealed the second he'd stepped up onto the train. It had seemed like a dream, then, though. He had a lot of very realistic dreams after all. Some had even been convincing enough that he'd thought for a moment, upon waking up, that he must have been abandoned in his bed again. Maybe this was one of those unreal, jarring dreams.

Maybe.

He closes his eyes, and lays his temple against the glass, ignoring the jostling and bouncing of the train car.

The pillow feels cold against his face. It's a comforting contrast to the stifling heat of the otherwise humid room. He should turn a fan on, but the thought of getting up seems to be one beyond his mind's comprehension. He hears feet shuffling somewhere behind him, and muffled voices. Must be outside of his room. He can't place them, but he doesn't want to. Not enough motivation right now. Too hot, too sweaty, too tired.

The bed springs creak and groan as something to his left moves to sit down ( ? ) on it. He wants to turn around and see who it is, but he doesn't have the energy. So instead, he clears his throat to try and loosen up the scratchy tightness. " ... Can I get some water ... ? "

" There might be some water in the vending machine, " a voice responds, and startles Souji from his day dream. He gasps, sitting up so fast his head spins. The man that had offered the response looks a little taken back himself. But he smiles, and motions to the train doors. " This is the end of the line; you looked like you were asleep, so ... " He laughs, but it seems uncertain. " Gonna have to kick you out, Kid. "

Souji nods a slow understanding, and leans down to grab the only bag he brought with him from underneath the seat. " Sorry ... I guess I don't feel so good. I usually don't get motion sickness, but ... "

" Ahaha ... Can't complain here as long as you don't make a mess back here, so don't you worry about it. Have a nice evening, and get some sleep, yeah? "

He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. " Thanks. You, too. " Nodding, he throws the bag strap over his head, and turns to leave, keeping his head down. He grabs his phone from his pocket again, and pulls up the text that Doujima sent him again. It didn't change, of course. It still said exactly what it said before. Meet us at the Yasoinaba Station at 4PM. But for whatever reason, he felt peculiar looking at it.

Shrugging off the weird pang of ... of what? Discomfort ... ? he stepped out of the main station and out onto the landing platform, tucking his phone into his back pocket. His eyes skimmed over the crowds of people uncertainly until he heard a sharp voice.

" Hey! Over here! "

... Me?

He turns toward the source, and sees a middle - aged man ... And a young girl standing there. Must be them ...

" Well, you're more handsome in person than in your photo. " The man laughs cheerfully as he steps over to the platform as well. Souji steps down to meet him, extending a hand uncertainly. There is no hesitation as his hand is grabbed and shaken with a firm grip. " Welcome to Inaba. I'm Ryoutarou Doujima. I'll be looking after you. " He drops Souji's hand, and brings his own up to scratch at the back of his head in an almost sheepish manner. " Let's see ... I'm your mother's younger brother ... And that about sums it up. "

He's short ... I was hoping he'd be taller ... That's okay, I guess.

Souji closes his eyes, and tilts his head faintly to the left, tucking his thumb underneath the bag strap over his chest. " It's been a long time, " he responds finally, and lowers his eyes for a short moment to look Doujima over. He looks back up to him, a brow arching.

" I'll say. You've really grown, I still remember when you were in diapers ... " He grins, then notices Souji's eyes on the girl standing to the side of him. " This here's my daughter. Come on, Nanako, introduce yourself to your cousin. "

... ... What does she have to be so embarrassed about? He quirks his mouth in distaste, but he plays it off as a smile, and moves to crouch down slightly, to encourage her. The sooner this is over, the sooner I can go to sleep.

Nanako stumbles when she's pushed forward, and shoots an annoyed look over her shoulder at Doujima, who simply laughs. Pouting, she looks up to Souji again. " ... ... " Her eyes are nearly pleading him to say something first, but when he doesn't, she realizes she's forced to say something first. " ... 'lo. " She turns quickly, then, and runs to hide behind her father's leg.

Souji straightens up, not really too amused. He never was one for the shy, quiet children. Mostly because he'd been one himself.


" Come on, go play. "

He shook his head, nuzzling into the protective hand, and the warm thigh that his cheek was currently level with.

" Souji, let go and go play. "

" ... don't wanna ... "

" Honey, do you think ... " His mother's worried voice comes from the above left of him, but he ignores it in favor of staring curiously at the two children in front of him throwing sand into a bucket. He wonders what they might be planning to do with that bucket, but he isn't entirely too interested in going over to see for himself.

" He's fine, Noriko. He'll get used to it. " Taka stoops down, and picks up the child, and holds him out toward her. " Here. You should take him over there. "

Souji latches onto his mother the second her hands close on him. She laughs , and hugs him close to her chest. " ... Come on, Baby, let's go see what they're doing in the sandbox ... "


He's startled from his reverie when he hears Doujima laughing. Blinking away the sudden thoughts, he turns his focus politely back to the two standing before him.

" What're you so shy for? " He looks back to Nanako, and gets a sharp slap on the ass from her, which only prompts another laugh from him. " Ow, hahaha. "

She pouts, and purses her lips at him, but says nothing more.

" Well then ... Let's get going. My car's over there. "

The drive to the Doujima residence was a rather boring one. Doujima had taken his phone out on several occasions, looking both annoyed and pleased whenever he saw the screen. He'd tried to be subtle about it at first, sheepish. Especially when Souji confronted him that - especially as a cop - he had to be aware that he was breaking the law. His response had been a stuttered jumble along the lines of, ' I know, but ... And it's only going to get worse ... ' Souji gave up, then, since he hadn't heard a majority of what he was saying. Instead, he laid his head on the window on his side of the car, closed his eyes, and drifted off into a black and dreamless sleep.

He is shaken awake when the car stops - or, at least, he assumes it was when the car stopped, judging the fact both Nanako and Doujima are still there - by a firm hand on his shoulder. He blinks sleepily, becoming aware of the stiffness in his shoulder and the pain tingling down his spine as he forces himself to sit up and look over to offer - ... It's not Dad ... - his uncle a quick smile.

" Sorry. I'm tired, " he apologizes quickly, and Doujima just nods in response. He pushes his door open quietly, and slips out of the car, looking up at the house. It's smaller than he expected, but he shrugs it off, and moves up to let himself in on the man's prompting.

Doujima shows him to his room, and tours the house with him while Nanako starts dinner. The idea of a six year old cooking dinner for them isn't one that sits well with Souji, but he is reassured so many times by his uncle that she's been doing this enough to know what she's doing that it actually irritates him a little bit.

" This is my room here - "

" Okay. " Souji nods when he notices the look on his face, and tries to smile. " Sorry. I'm ... I'm going to go to my room. I want to finish my book. "

" Haha ... Alright. I'll get you for dinner, okay? " He grins faintly, and turns for the stairs again. His phone rings before he hits the bottom, but Souji ignores it in favor of getting into his room, and burrowing himself into a pile of blankets on the floor.

The name - if it could be called a name at all - that flashes on the caller ID is, thankfully, not the one he expected. Sighing in faint relief, Doujima answers the call as he trots down the steps and out the front door.

" Didn't you say you had to get to work? " His grin is evident in his voice, he can tell by the way Yousuke laughs.

" Already did. But it's slow right now, so I thought I'd call you. " There's a shuffling in the background - Yousuke, you never stop fidgeting, do you? - and then another laugh. " So? " He's eager. The sound of his shoes creaking as he bounces on the balls of his feet on the linoleum floor is almost loud enough to make him cringe. " What's he like? "

" That would be the first thing you ask, " he teases.

" What, you jealous, Ryou ... ~ ? " Yousuke sniggers, and there's a strange squeaking noise that Doujima recognizes after a moment as the teen on the other line spinning around on his toes. The thought gave him an arguably hilarious mental image.

One of those corded phones that he grew up with. Yousuke's at his house, and he's at the station himself. The redhead is - or, more accurately, was - calling to ask him what he wants for lunch today. The conversation turned into idle chit - chat. Yousuke has been twisting the the coils of the cord connecting the handset to the base around his index finger. He spins around now, chuckling at a joke ( that was probably relatively stupid ) Doujima just uttered. After effectively wrapping himself up in the cord, he drops on his hip on the couch, then falls onto his side. A little shifting around leaves his feet propped up on the shelf behind the couch, his head hanging off the cushion, and his body wrapped up. He looks rather -

" -cute? "

Huh?

" Sorry, what ... ? "

" ... I asked if he was cute. You're not checking him out right now, are you? " Yousuke's feigning a pout, and he can tell. " Anyway, really, what's he like? I can come by tomorrow and show him to school or something. Not a very big town, but you can still get pretty lost if you don't know where you're going. " He laughs, efficiently crushing the attempt to whine and pout his way into getting some verbal coddling out of Doujima.

" Well, he does look better than he did in the picture, " he comments off - handedly as he thinks of a way to describe Souji. He didn't know very much himself, so it was hard to do. " ... He's quiet ... ? Or, he was around me at least. Chided me for texting you will I was driving, thank you - " Yousuke's giggling a little too giddily at that, " - and then he fell asleep. He didn't seem like he was in a good mood when we got here, so I don't really know. Doesn't seem to take too much after Nana. " He snorts, and grabs the cigarette from behind his ear, tucking it into the corner of his mouth. " But I guess that's not a huge surprise, she told me he was pretty clingy to Taka. It's - "

" Dad ... ? " Nanako peeks out the front door, blinking up at him. " ... Uhm, dinner's done if you wanna come eat. "

" Oh. Yeah, just a sec. Let me finish my cigarette and I'll be in. Set the table? " When she nods, he gives her a quick wave, and turns to find his lighter. " Uh, yeah, come over tomorrow morning ... I'll be on my way out, so I can give you two a ride. " He takes a drag as the flame engulfs the end of his cigarette, then shoves the lighter away into his pocket.

" Was that Nanako? Say hi for me! " There's some more rustling in the background. " Mm, okay. See you in the morning. " There's a pause, as if he isn't sure what to say. " 'Night, Ryou. "

" 'Night- " The line is already dead. He raises a brow, and stares dully at the phone in his hand. " Alright ... " Shaking his head, he leans back on the house, and takes another puff on the cigarette, lifting his head to blow the smoke skyward. His eyes close against the gentle breeze, and he's almost lost in thought when his phone buzzes in his hand. " ... Hmn? "

He glances down to note a text. From ' That One Junes Kid. ' He couldn't lie, the name still amuses him. Yousuke had had a fit when he saved it into his phone before.


" Ryoutarou, you have to be kidding me! "

" What? "

His phone is shoved promptly over the side of the couch, and into his face. He blinks, and leans backwards a little bit to bring it into focus, then raises a brow. He didn't see anything wrong. Adachi's name was at the top of his address book list because, well, his last name was the only one that started with an A. He turns his gaze up to the teen again, reaching to push the phone down.

" What's wrong with that? "

" Why isn't my name in here? " Yousuke pushes out his lower lip, and knits his brows in a pout. The actions almost instinctively cause his eyes to water a little bit - he always had been good at fake - crying when he needed to. It doesn't work on Doujima most of the time, he's come to find, but sometimes the man will humor him, take him in his lap and squish his cheeks while he nuzzles their noses together ... all before calling him a big baby, and telling him to stop his whining.

" ... Oh. That's right. I never needed to add it. " He blinks, then reaches to take the phone from him. " I got it memorized, and since I only ever call you once in awhile, it never really occurred to me. I'll add it real quick. "

" Good. " He purses his lips now, and puffs out his cheeks. Doujima can't help but think he looks like a puffer fish when he makes that face. Yousuke wriggles over the edge of the couch, and scootches himself in next the older man; his shoulder finds a place against one of his broad shoulders so he can peek down at the screen. Just as promised, he did indeed have the number memorized, it only took him a few seconds to type it in. He watched absently as Doujima hit ' save, ' then began typing in ... wait, what.

" ... You can't save that. " He looks up at him, eyes narrowed in an almost challenging manner. His mouth threatens another pout, he can see it.

" Yes, I can. I just hit this button riiight ... here. " He does so as he says it, and flashes him the screen saying ' Saved Changes. ' The look of horror on Yousuke's face makes him laugh. " Oh, come on, it's just a - "

Before he can finish his sentence, he's pushed over onto the couch. He makes a surprised noise as he falls over onto his side, and turns to confront his attacker - who seems intent on wrestling his phone out of his hand.

" Gimme that, come on! " Yousuke whines, and reaches for it as Doujima moves it over his own head toward the other end of the couch. " That's not fair, gimme the phone. " He crawls his way up the man's chest, and reaches again, but to his chagrin, he hears a clatter as plastic hits the cheap tile under the couch. " Wha - " A hand seizes his arm, and he looks down quickly, blinking. " ... Uh? "

Yousuke gets a rather charming, but amused smile from him. He can't help but blush, just a little bit.

" That's not fair, " he huffs again as he lets his weight drop on top of the body below him. Almost instantly, there is an arm around his waist, and he cuddles down into the warmth. " That One Junes Kid my ass ... "

" ... Haha ... Don't sulk about it ... " A hand tucks under Yousuke's chin, and guides his head up. He blinks, then closes his eyes when Doujima presses a kiss to the underside of his chin. They've both had their fair share of kisses like that in the past month. But neither had gone for the lips yet.

He props himself up on his elbows, and narrows his eyes at the older male. " ... You're such a prick. " Then he leans down, and takes the shot at what they haven't yet dared to try - and is pleasantly surprised when the kiss is returned.


Hart u. Sry I hung up so fast. Customer was coming.
G'night, txt u on my way in the morning.

He sends a quick text in response - something about his grammar when he texts, and all of the mushy things Yousuke likes to get from him - then heads inside to go round Souji up for dinner as he flicks his cigarette into the can he set out for the ashes and cigarette butts.

Sushi is laid out neatly on each of the plates. There's drinks and cushions laid out as well. Souji takes note of it as he moves to sit down, vaguely amused that a six year old had managed this.

How long has she been doing this ... ? ... Actually, where is her mother to be doing this ...

He's dragged from his thoughts, however, when he hears Doujima talking again. He isn't sure how long he'd been talking - actually, he isn't even aware of when he came and sat down himself. Shaking the thought, he grabs his cup.

" All right, let's have a toast. So ... Your mom and dad are busy as always ... They're working overseas, was it? I know it's only for a year, but getting stuck in a place like this because of your parents ... It's rough being a kid. Well, it's just me and Nanako here, so it'll be nice having someone like you around. "

... So she must be ...

" So as long as you're here, you're part of the family, so make yourself at home. "

Souji fumbles absently for a moment, then lifts his glass slightly with an uncertain smile. Of the first things that came to mind to say, Yes, Sir! seemed like something he'd say to his father. Lord knows of course that he's done so a multitude of times ... Not saying anything seemed out of the question. And he didn't exactly feel comfortable enough with this man to be casual with him ... " Thank you for your kindness, " he finally uttered.

" C'mon, there's no need to be so formal. Look, you're making Nanako all tense. Well, anyway ... Let's eat. "