Kenny
South Park has reminded the same in recent years, even though I had a feeling it was all going to change soon. It all started around my 16th Birthday when all the parents started acting strange, very strange…. And not just south park regular strange.
"Hey Kenny," Cartman says as he enters my room and takes my physics book out of my hand.
"Aw dude you still doing this shit? It's easy…." He starts explaining some complicated science ideas while I keep thinking of the dreams. I knew my life was going to change after I started having the dreams about him, who he was… I still don't know. It all started the day I turned 16, it's almost as if it's trying to tell me something.
"You okay?" Cartman realizes I haven't paid any attention and have been zoned out for a while. It's weird how Cartman and I have grown closer over the years, ever since we started working together at this bar we have become good friends. Stan and Kyle are obviously not in any hurry to like Cartman but they no longer hate him.
"Dude, maybe you should get some sleep or something…. You don't look to good," Cartman says after observing me for about 5 minutes, my mind is too over the place too sleep though.
"Nah dude lets go to Stan's…" I feel whatever is going to happen is going to affect me, Cartman, Stan and Kyle.
"Yeah let's go see Marsh potatoes and Jew," Says Cartman with a laugh, although it wasn't very funny. Our walk to Stan's house was in silence, it's weird cause I rarely have a silent walk with Cartman unless if we are angry at each other.
"Hey Kenny," Kyle and Stan jump up excitedly as soon as I walk into Stan's bed room but Cartman doesn't get such a warm welcome.
"You know, everything has been kind of weird lately, wouldn't you guys agree?" Stan asks the question I was about to ask before I had the chance to ask it. We all nod because we know exactly what he means. Our parents have been… nicer… and sadder…. Midlife crisis?
"Yeah I don't get what's going on with our parents? It's weird… as our parents seem to get sadder the town seems to get newer," Stan mentions a fact that I didn't get to think about. I guess our parents really do suck.
"Ah fuck this shit; let's go to the movies…." Cartman makes a compelling argument. As we step out of Stan's house and move towards the city area which is now covered and red, white and green.
"This Christmas isn't going to be the same without Butters," Kyle says although Cartman is the only person who seems to have a problem with us missing our old friend. Butters got sent to some religious group in New York City, which is freaking awesome.
"Well I'm sure Christmas won't be the same without us except he gets to be in New York," Cartman does have a point; New York is one of those places you dream about being in. It's like a fantasy city where all your dreams are suppose to come true.
"Meh, what you guys want to see? The Simpson's Movie?" I ask but I already know the answer, the Simpson's Movie is the one we been waiting for so long to watch.
"Of cause, hurry up Fat ass,"
"Oh just shut up Jew," We all run the last 100 meters or so to the theatre, which probably made us look like complete idiots but I don't care, these guys are my friends and I'll do what they want.
As the movie finally finished I couldn't believe how good it was, we need to see that movie again sometime. "Meh-Meh-Meh-Meh I bet even the Jew liked the one," Cartman might be tolerated more but it doesn't mean he is liked… especially by Kyle.
"Yeah it was fine fat ass," It's weird, they constantly mock each other but they are always around each other almost like good friends.
"Oh I nearly forgot, you guy's no how we had that tournament a week ago?" It was weird how we nearly forgot about the annual South Park PS2 Competition, Cartman had actually won it. He won this huge trophy with 4 diamonds.
"Well here," Cartman suddenly threw Stan a blue diamond, Kyle a green diamond and me an orange diamond, keeping the red diamond for himself.
"Wait your actually giving us these diamonds?" Kyle asks remembering his current status with Cartman.
"Yea dude, don't you have to give that trophy back?"
"Nah, I get to keep the trophy, I read it under the rules and yeah I'm giving you these trophies to symbolize our friendship," That was the weirdest thing I have ever heard Cartman say or do which is strange in itself because Cartman does the craziest things.
"Have you been smoking dope or something?" Kyle suddenly asks before we erupt in laughter, we spend the rest of the day on the pond, which has been turned to ice due to cold whether… seems like a tradition white Christmas to me.
"Ah fuck look at the time, I need to get home," I suddenly say realizing it's nearly 10 pm, I decide to change the time on my watch to 9 pm and telling my parents I didn't know it was so late.
"Dude its 10 pm, we are so grounded," We quickly get off the ice and make our way to our homes. My ass is frozen now, it's wasn't the best idea we had but it seemed like the ice was a fun place to hang out.
As soon as I stepped into my home I could see that life was going to be very different. "What did you do with the Christmas decorations, why are those black hooded guys here?" My parents completely ignore my questions and continue talking to a group of black hooded guys. As much as I wanted to listen to their conversation, it was apparently over as the black hood men bid farewell before leaving my home.
"Mum, Dad what was that all about?" They continue to ignore me, no use I decide to go to sleep…. But when I enter my room I am shocked to see boxes.
"Hey, why did you pack up all my stuff?"
"Cause your moving son," What because I'm moving? What about them? Where to, Who with?
"More information"
"Your going to go live with your friend butter, with a different family that has decided to take you in," I didn't know what I felt then, whether it was happiness that I get to go to New York and live with a family that doesn't live in extreme poverty or sadness that I won't get to see my friends and will be forced out of south park.
"What do you mean? I am going to go live with some religious losers in some stupid religious faith?"
"It's not a stupid religious faith, it's the faith that bough me and your mother together," What? My dad and mum were part of this stupid faith? I refuse to believe that, they are the most anti-religious people I know, my dad is an alcoholic and my mum has a new job at Hooters, something I'm not proud to mention….
"You two were part of the faith? But you don't believe in God or…."
"Son, that's enough, go to sleep, for your new family will come for you at sun rise," Ah what the fuck? They are taking me away tomorrow? I don't even have enough time to say goodbye to my friends.
"This is insane, how can this even be permitted by the law?"
"We signed the papers for you to go to Hollows peak for 2 years last month," My heart froze when they said I would be gone from South Park for 2 years. They had already planned this, I knew they always wanted to get rid of me but couldn't they have done it a better way? Now I am going to be stuck with some religious freaks for 2 years in some place in New York called Hollows peak.
"This is injustice and you just watch out, the hammer of justice will crush you," I quickly get into my bed room before they have the chance to hit me although I won't mind having a fist fight with them right now.
The night was cold and I didn't have a heat or any warm clothing other than two orange hoods that I have been known to wear. I did one thing I haven't done since I was 8 or 9 with the jumpers which was worn the hoods rather than leaving it down for style.
I didn't get to sleep for hours, I just lied in my bed and was thinking about what could possibly happen tomorrow, wishing I could see my friends Kyle, Stan and Cartman again, I don't know how they are going to respond to this. I remember when Butters left, it nearly torn them up on the inside. It's weird how much closer Cartman and Butters got to me, Kyle and Stan. When we started off, we actually hated Cartman and didn't care too much for the childish Butters. Over the years our friendship has stood strong against a load of challenges including the constant battles between Cartman and Kyle.
They will think I knew about this and didn't tell them, they will think I abandoned them and I can't explain this too them until I return which will be in two years. Two whole fucking years!!!
"Is that Kenneth there?" I am suddenly awoken by a lower pitched, emotionless voice.
"Hey why are you in my room," I had just gotten to sleep to be awoken by some bastard that thinks he is better than me because he is dressed in 17th Century grey clothing? This man is all about grey and gloominess, his hair is grey, his clothes, even his shoes are started to get to a grey side.
"I am your Uncle James," I have an Uncle James? This guy is related to me?
"Yes son, he is my brother…. From the faith I…." My mum starts before fading away and looking as though someone just threaten to kill her.
"The faith you what?" I encouraged her to carry before I see the grey man, my "uncle" picking up my stuff and putting it into a surprisingly grey and old car.
"Hey put that down," I demand as he moves all of my stuff, I suddenly realize there is one item I am not taking, my most precious item.
"What about my electric guitar?" I ask forcefully as I see it where it always has been.
"We do not allow electric guitars as they play devil-worshiping music,"
"What? They don't play devil-worshiping music… they play heavy music, there is a difference…." He seems to pay no attention to me as he puts away the last of my possessions into my car, it's weird I actually had 4 boxes considering the fact I was a poor motherfucker.
"If you really wish to play music then you will get to do so at my house but it must be in line with the teachings of God," I don't understand what he meant by this and I didn't realize my dad and uncle had lifted me up and forced me into the back seat of the car till I heard an engine wheezing and the car moving.
"This is unfair you know, God won't think its fair," I add the last part mainly because he is such a religious fanatic.
"God will believe its fair as we are turning the heathen's spore into a righteous man." I don't understand what he means by that, I guess it's got to do with the fact my parents aren't religious anymore. Does he plan to turn me into a righteous man? I laugh at that.
"Can we at least stop at McDonalds or something?"
"Well shall not stop at some Satanic food joint," Uhhh is everything Satanic? Is he actually planning on driving the whole way to New York?
"Hey… Uncle James… are we driving to New York?" He nods my head as I try to hide my look of anger. Did he actually drive all the way to South Park from New York?
"Well what am I suppose to do?"
"Well son, you could either keep your thoughts tuned to God or read a copy of the bible," He grabs out a bible from his book… does he just have a mini bible with him all the time? I decide to read the bible, too my annoyance it might be better if I knew something about Christianity.
"Wow, Lepers? That's so cool…." Uncle James turns around and eyes me before continuing to look towards the road.
"You shall not use improper terms such as "Cool" and "Wow" and no profanities." He was reading my mind on the last one.
"But Fuck is my favourite word sir," I say trying to charm my way to his aggravation.
"No vulgar language," He says in a demanding voice and in a way that makes me afraid to answer back. I have every right to be pissed, I am being dragged to some shit place called Hollows Peak and I won't get to see my friends for two years.
"Come meet your new family," Says my Uncle as takes my first two boxes and gently puts it in near the door. The house is painted grey and white and the roof looks like it is going to collapse.
It's almost as if I am just going on a holiday for 2 years… such a long time… this will basically destroy my life… I won't get to see my friends or family… I won't get to study in South Park… I finally started to achieve acceptable marks.
"Hello Kenneth," A mid-age seemingly pregnant woman says as she opens the door. From the outside the house looks like a massive villa or something but inside it looks like a really… really… old shit shack. It looks like it was from the 18th century or something. Inside the house is cover in religious scriptures and stuff that kind of creeps me out.
"Come meet your new family," My auntie, I assume, commands before I have the chance to tell them my name is Kenny. I'm not exactly in the mood to be paraded around my cousins right now, not after that trip anyways.
"This is Caleb, Daniel, Esther, Mary and Angelica." Obviously pointing them out in the order of age, Caleb seems 18, Daniel seems 16 which is my age, and Esther and Mary look like twins… they both seem around 13 or 14. Angelica looks very young, possibly 5 or 6.
"Hello my name is Angelli….Angellee… Angel" Said the youngest of my cousins apparently not able to say Angelica. Her smile is welcoming, she seems like one of those children that are adorable cute and act extremely nice. Yeah the annoying clingy type.
It's going to be annoying living here; I guess they are all religious nuts… I wonder what size T.V they got. I walk into the living room and see no T.V; I walk all around the house to find no source of entertainment at all, no T.V, radio and even no books….
"Hey what's the big idea? Why is there no T.V or radio…?"
"We like to keep our thoughts tuned to God," Says Esther… or Mary… hard to tell since they are wearing identical white dresses and book their hair is both in hidden in a hair net.
"What no T.V for two years? That blows," Apparently the word blows is a profanity. We are suddenly forced into some room…. A prayer room or something and forced onto our knees. We are forced to repeat amen to some verses Uncle James recites.
"Clean this child of Satan from his evil words and keep his thoughts channelled towards you…" Dam it; Two years in a place like this will be….. Hell.
