She reached the door of her hotel room, but her hand didn't turned the knob. Karen stayed there, looking at her hand, feeling like everything that happened in the past 24 hours was just a horrifying dream. Last night she was a nobody, a chorus-girl, a bride-to-be. Her life was good, not perfect of course, but also not the Broadway-style mess that it was that night. In twenty-four hours she managed to: get the leading role of a brilliant - yet raw - musical, lose her fiancé, learn in 9 hours what Ivy - her second most hated person on the planet - spent several months studying, have a meltdown a couple hours before the preview of said musical and, for the surprise of 99% of the people involved, get a standing ovation from the entire audience. Like, really? That was way more stress that she ever though she could handle. But there she was, with a broken heart and the role of a life-time.
With a deep breath she finally opened the door and made a run for the bathroom, leaving a trail of bags, clothes and jewelry on the way. She needed a shower, a really cold one actually. After the show, everyone of the cast decided to go to a bar near the hotel in order to take the edge off a little bit. She went along (like the star of the show could miss on that? She was only glad that they didn't make her do shots) but when she noticed they were too drunk to notice her absence, she took her first opportunity to get on a cab and left. She saw Ivy stuck in a corner in a booth, they didn't speak at all after the show, actually the blond girl didn't say a word to anyone in the bar, self-absorbed as she was on her own issues. Karen saw her roommate having a very intimate conversation with some random guy at the bar, so she was pretty sure that she would be alone in the hotel room until the next morning. She loved them, even though she knew that they were more on Ivy's side then hers, without Bobby, Jessica, Sue and the other ensemble members, her journey would have been way harder than it already was. And yes, even though Eileen, Tom and Julia were totally against Derek's choice of Marilyn, she didn't resent them for it. They were concerned about the show and, after all the dramas and hardships they went through, who wouldn't go for the experienced one instead of the "green" one? She was having a good time, but she was also confused, tired and emotionally wrecked. She needed a break.
The most exhausting part was avoiding that little part of her mind, annoyingly insisting on the thought of one charming and seducing director. No matter what she did, the Dark Lord always found a way back into her thoughts. After finding out about Dev and Ivy's little adventure, she was upset, hurt... pissed off really. Although she was not entirely surprised. Karen wasn't dumb, she noticed before how he's relationship with RJ was getting more and more intimate, they were growing apart since she started to work on Bombshell, since she started to get closer to her dream and Dev wasn't so much in control anymore. And... that's it. She got heartbroken, she had a stupid melt down in the middle of rehearsals, and after 4 or 5 hours it didn't bothered her anymore, her pride healed. Just like that, the longest romantic relationship she ever had stayed in the past, with memories of Christmas mornings and family dinners.
But those words. That side of Derek that she never got the chance to see before, or her judgment of him always clouded her vision when it came to the director's emotional side. "I do understand love". Nothing that Dev ever said to her was so confusing and gentle as much as those four words were. Those words didn't leave her mind since he spoke them. His hands on her hips, his breath on her ear. They were so close, not just physically (like when they danced, and the effect his presence caused on her was so intimidating she couldn't seem to relax), she felt the truth behind his words, she didn't sense that wall that was always blocking his emotions from everyone else to see. If it was not for the shock of Derek Wills given Karen Cartwright a pep talk before her last song, she would turn around and just melt into his arms. But after that brief moment of intimacy, Linda came to announce her entrance. Derek gave a reassuring smile and left, leaving Karen with a charade she was far from understanding. Except for a quick "congratulations" hug when the curtains were down, she didn't see him again.
The shower took more than it should. Karen left the bathroom with her white robe, shivering from the cold water. She laid in her bed, her still wet hair leaving dark circles in her pillow. Covering herself with her sheets, as she closed her eyes she saw his image getting clearer. His messy hair, his arrogant smile, his perfect-sculpted face. She saw every detail, to the point she could see his piercing eyes filled with lust and desire, the way they were when she was on top of him, on his couch, looking at her as a predator would look at its prey. That night she teased a man who is used to have what he wants. She played with fire, that Karen was well aware. For a second (minute, maybe), she wanted it, wanted him. Of course she did. Which sane woman wouldn't? But still, Karen denied that persistent felling of excitement she felt whenever he was around. She pretended she didn't feel the need to close the distance between them whenever they got alone in a room. Back then, Dev was there to prevent anything from happening... and now she had no excuses.
Soon, she could smell his perfume. Or she thought it was his perfume, there was no way he could smell that good on his own. But then again, he was Derek Wills. Karen got scared. She was getting crazy over her BOSS. She always thought of him as the distant famous director, who would be there for her in case she needed a one-night stand. Now she was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance of him actually liking her, not as much as she liked him, but on a non-professional-only manner. That scared her. She knew that as soon as she gave in to these feelings, she would be done. As soon as he got rid of her to be with some other chorus-girl or movie star, she could never recover.
Derek made her feel like she never knew what love is until the moment they met. And yes, she loved him. Too much for her own good. And she was scared. Scared of him, of his charm, of his womanizing manners. She wanted that feeling to go away. And for the hundredth time, she felt asleep wishing Derek was there, assuring her that everything would be okay.
