Legion:NEXT fanscript: "Breaking the Walls Down."
by Thomas Greene.
Time Taking Place: After "Sucks to Ziggy Haphwyt."
The vast majority of these characters are either the copyright of or derivative of characters copyrighted by DC Comics. (However, this is on a very small scale and the derivative characters aren't really their most heavily-used characters, so they probably won't give a flying fuck.) This isn't as needed as a warning, but the writer doesn't want to get sued by The Man.
If you have any criticism on this work, send it to ReLect0@aol.com. If you feel the need to flame this work, I got two words for you, SUCK IT!
Anything else? Oh, yeah. Don't do drugs. Unless it's for good reasons. Eh, screw that, smoke crack and worship Satan.
1,1. INT. A bedroom. You see Dreamer and Star Boy fast asleep. Dreamer appears to be tossing and turning.
Dreamer(smaller font):
No, you can't. Why did you do this? That's terrible...NO! We trusted you....
1,2 Dreamer springs up from her sleep.
Dreamer:
THOM! I need to talk to you immediately. We could have an emergency on our hands!
1,3. Star Boy is still asleep.
Star Boy (smaller font):
What's that, Nura? You're ready to take on the Shooting Star? Well, Rock and Roll...
2,1. Dreamer leaves the room.
2,2. You see her walk down the hallway. She is muttering to herself.
Dreamer:
Idiotic Thom ready to put some wild dream ahead of some code red business...
2,3. You see her go to Invisible Kid's room. Invisible Kid is sleeping.
2,4. Dreamer goes over to his side.
Dreamer:
Wake up. It's an emergency.
2,5. Invisible Kid is angry.
Invisible Kid:
Why are you here, anyway? You realize that non-Legionnaires in the building after hours can be arrested on sight, right?
2,6. Dreamer:
First off, I have clearance. Second off, I needed to speak to you immediately.
3,1. Invisible Kid is intrigued.
Invisible Kid:
What happened? Is there a problem?
Dreamer:
I had a dream...
3,2. Close-up on Invisible Kid. He looks angry.
Invisible Kid:
GREAT. Totally Sprocking Great. I'm up out of a good sleep because you had a DREAM? This had better be good...
3,3. Dreamer tries to reason with him.
Dreamer:
Listen and listen good. Someone's going to try and form a team in order to try and destroy the Legion, a Legion of Super-Villains if you will. This team's going to have 12 members, not including their leader.
3,4. Invisible Kid is yawning.
Invisible Kid:
That's nice. Tomorrow morning we'll get on it.
3,5. Dreamer is near-hysterical.
Dreamer:
That's not the worst of it. According to my dream, exactly 9 members of this team will have either been Legionnaires or Subs at some time.
3,6. Invisible Kid is shocked.
Invisible Kid:
Brew some coffee, we're going to be up a while.
4,1. Top: The next morning. Some guy in a modest business outfit walks by. Invisible Kid and Boombastic are talking.
Invisible Kid:
I called you here because we're in grave danger. Last night I recieved word of a prediction by Nura here about the formation of some new "Legion of Super-Villains." This is worse because if her prediction's correct, 9 people among our rosters will be members of this team.
4,2. Boombastic is quizzical.
Boombastic:
I'm not sure which of these things sucks worse, the fact that this'll happen or the fact that we'll be accused of being the people who the 9 will come from.
4,3.Invisible Kid tries to re-assure Boombastic. Boombastic looks even more afraid.
Invisible Kid:
Don't worry. For that to happen, the guy would have to virtually pick your team dry.
Boombastic:
DON'T SAY THAT.
4,4. Invisible Kid looks more normal.
Invisible Kid:
Well, then I guess we can cross the rest of this bridge a little later. While I have you here...
Boombastic:
NO.
4,5. Invisible Kid looks annoyed.
Invisible Kid:
What I was trying to say was that we've hired a new tutor to get your team going on educational purposes. Your team hasn't been going to school, which would cause you to lose Legion funding.
4,6. Boombastic looks like he's thinking.
Boombastic:
Okay. S'cool. He will buy us booze, right?
Invisible Kid:
NO.
5,1. Boombastic looks annoyed.
Boombastic:
Well, what good's a bloody professor if he won't buy us booze?
Invisible Kid:
Just deal and go. Classes start in a few minutes.
5,2. Boombastic leaves. Invisible Kid looks frustrated.
Invisible Kid:
Why does that guy ALWAYS stick me with the bill?
5,3. You see the Subs at desks. A youngish man with a tribal drum is at the front of them.
Man:
Greetings. I assume those people in charge want me to go with the typical "Public School" teacher type thing. However, those peeps won't be watching these classes, so we can just do whatever the sprock we want. My name's Josh Berdick. If you call me "Mr.Berdick", it WILL cause your grade to drop a bit.
5,4. Cornell raises her hand. Berdick continues to talk.
Berdick:
We're all grown here, right? You don't need to raise your hand.
5,5.
Cornell:
This style seems rather unorthodox for one of the finer teachers in the planet. Exactly what are your qualifications?
5,6. Berdick looks peeved. Cornell looks smug.
Berdick:
Well, that depends. What are your qualifications to be on this team?
Cornell:
Well, I have great powers due to my blood line descendency of...
6,1. Berdick looks angry.
Berdick:
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR QUALIFICATIONS ARE! However, to answer your question, I don't really have any. I went to Metropolis University, found out it sucked, and left to become a struggling actor. I saw a sign that advertised for a teacher for newer Legionnaires and the Subs, and I jumped at it.
6,2.
Momentum:
But why would you pick us to teach?
6,3. Berdick looks slightly darker.
Berdick:
Because I saw some tests of mental acumen that showed that the average score was in the top 7th percentile. That, combined with the rough edge of the Substitute Heroes, led me to believe that you could help me fight the greatest evil of all.
6,4.
Chillingworth:
And that would be....?
Berdick:
To put it simply, Consumerism.
6,5. Boombastic is puzzled.
Boombastic:
Why consumerism?
7,1. Berdick:
First lesson. For the past few centuries, we've slowly and slowly beein going into a state of uniformity. Since the early days of the last millennium, you could buy coffee at department stores, rent movies at drug stores, and the like. Just recently, all stores have become places where everyone could buy everything they ever need from one place.
Momentum:
Isn't that a good thing?
7,2. Berdick looks angry and writes "CORPORATE UNIVERSAL ORDER" on the blackboard.
Berdick:
OF COURSE NOT! Once you have that, people only need to go down the street and feel like they're anyplace in the United Planets! When that occurs, we have a corporate version of the old days' thoughts of the New World Order.
7,3.
Kid Psycho:
Exactly why do you care so much about consumerism?
7,4.
Berdick:
For the past few years, I've been trying to undermine it. It's one of the main reasons why I haven't seen too much acting work. Me and my old college roommate have worked on ways to destroy this new order and slowly but surely eliminate the rampant consumerism in this world. That roommate was a Dr. Mayavale.
7,5. You see Berdick and Mayavale talking somewhere.
Top:
When I told him a few days ago about this job, he recalled to me two times when Subs foiled his plans and then helped him out in getting freed.
8,1/2. You see recaps of "Saving Ryder's Privates" and "Sucks to Ziggy Haphwyt."
Top:
One time occurred when he tried to take down the UP's largest ISP, the second when he tried to take over trendy kids with demonic clothing.
8,3. Berdick's back in front of the class.
Berdick:
Once I found out about that, it was obvious I found kindred spirits to help me out with these things.
8,4.
Cornell:
I'm sorry, but last time I checked, our stationery said "Legion of Substitute HEROES", not "Legion of Anarchists."
8,5. Berdick looks like he's palming it off.
Berdick:
Well, that's fine there. According to his recaps, he says you're one of the easiest pieces to take over and that the only reason that you're not under his power right now is because you have some power over some other team member.
8,6.
Cornell:
We'll see about that. Just tell me when your first assignment is.
9,1. Cornell leaves the room (apparently to pack.) Berdick writes the words in BLOCK LETTERS on the board as well as speaks them.
Berdick:
That, my friends, is my second and arguably most important lesson to all of you. ALMOST ALL SENTIENTS HAVE THE ABILITY TO BE MANIPULATED, HOWEVER, SOME MAY BE HARDER TO DO THAN OTHERS. Now, your colleague over there is quite intelligent, as her mental acuity test showed. However, just by a little research on her weak points and personality, I was able to win her over to my side with relative ease. This will help you males learn how to persuade females over to your room in order to teach them the lesson on how Big Poppa Insert your Code Name Here is their Hook-Up.
9,2.
Boombastic:
But Teach...
Berdick:
Call me Josh.
9,3.
Boombastic:, how do you know exactly how to get onto these points of manipulation?
9,4.
Berdick:
Third lesson, kiddies. Never, EVER go into a tough situation without doing some background information on the person you're going to meet with. If you don't, it can be like going into a room with a large amount of assassins with loaded guns. I took the liberty of reading the slipshod Unauthorized Biographies of all of you beforehand. Jocelyn's stated that since she's descended from Superman and got into the Subs quickest from SWO membership, she's extremely confident that her power's one of the strongest in the land. As is usually the case with such people, it just takes a little taunting to get them onto your side.
9,5. Boombastic is skeptical.
Boombastic:
But if someone like you does that, wouldn't villains eventually find out this plan and use it themselves to own us?
9,6. Berdick looks like he's palming it off again.
Berdick:
Well, I'm not sure if that'd happen. Go check on her and see if she's all right.
10,1. Boombastic sits there.
10,2. Berdick:
Well, aren't you going to check on her?
10,3. Boombastic springs from his seat and makes a "crotch chop" motion.
Boombastic:
Usually, the leader of the team needs to know their crew inside and out at all times. As such, I know that her power would keep her safe from that harm, meaning it's unnecessary for me to check on her. BOO-YEAH!
10,4. Berdick looks impressed.
Berdick:
Class dismissed. I would like to speak with you, Shane.
10,5. The class leaves. Momentum and Bender wait around for him outside the classroom.
Berdick:
Shane, I'm honestly impressed.
Boombastic:
Exactly why would you be?
11,1.
Berdick:
I've done the manipulation test on members of every sprocking planetary group before. Only a handful can get past top level.
Boombastic:
What does "Top Level" mean?
11,2. Berdick:
There are a few levels of the manipulation test. Lowest level is simply asking nicely. If they'll do it then, you're in clover. Second level is the promise of getting them something they want. It's one of the good things about consumerism. Third level is taking away what they have. Fourth level is the use of taunts. Top Level is the use of love to try and get them to do it. Get your notepad: If you know where someone's heart strings lie, you have them by the short hairs. If someone has Top Level leanings toward someone and doesn't go for that form of manipulation, then they cannot be manipulated.
11,3.
Boombastic:
Come on, I don't have "Top Level" leanings.
Berdick:
I've checked all of the stories about you. You can't deny to me that you're crazy about Cornell. Despite that, you kept from being manipulated. The only way to pass Top Level is to have Coluan-level intelligence or have the Midichlorians of Cynicism be completely off the scale.
11,4.
Boombastic:
I'd have to say that it's both then.
11,5.
Berdick:
Excellent. You might want to leave, your friends are waiting.
11,6. You see Momentum and Bender leaning against the wall outside. Bender has a cigarette. Berdick is enraged.
Berdick:
STEVE! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
Bender:
What? Are you my mother? Besides, I have asthma. It's not lit, just used for the look.
12,1. Berdick is still angry.
Berdick:
You don't get it! By going in to tobacco, even for the look, you're buying into their advertisements in magazines, TV, and radio!
12,2. Momentum looks smug.
Momentum:
Yeah, sure. They haven't advertised cigarettes on TV for eons.
12,3.
Berdick:
You think so? The tobacco companies make all the anti-smoking ads. In those ads, they deliberately make them annoying to get people on their side. Every teenager who goes against it that you just want to punch them in the face really hard, every person who "went through the pain of smoking" that you can't help but make references to "Sling Blade" while they're talking, all of that is trying to get you to associate the non-use of cigarettes with stupidity while masking their hidden agenda like mofos!
12,4.
Momentum:
But what can we do about their rules? They're in with the government! We're not powerful or respected enough to get away with it!
12,5.
Berdick:
Wrong. You're all super-powered do-gooders who are loved by the people. In addition, you're famous. Fame makes you above the law.
Bender:
Where are you heading?
12,6.
Berdick:
It's time for a "field trip."
13,1. You see Berdick with some of the "team" (Bender, Boombastic, Momentum, Kid Psycho, McKnight, Powertrip, and Cornell) at the outskirts of a large factory building.
Berdick:
There's the factory where the largest tobacco company in the world makes their cigarettes. Let's trash it.
Powertrip:
But why trash the place? Why not just do more...legal methods?
13,2.
Berdick:
There virtually is no legal method. These people get away with what can be technically called corporation-assisted suicide and don't get arrested. They keep all of the "drugs" that could make for their competition on the open market illegal because they're too chicken to go against them. They've had the governments in their pockets since Day One of their existence. Well, now it's Day Two, and they're going to pay for it.
13,3. You see the people run toward the gates.
13,4. Some security guards (sentient) head over to them.
13,5. Close-up on McKnight. He's got a strange look on his face and one hand out.
McKnight:
Game over, bitch!
13,6. The guards leave in the opposite direction.
14,1. Some mechanical guards head toward them.
14,2. Close-up on Momentum; he's in some sort of martial arts pose and has his skin glow some different color.
14,3. Momentum beats up the mechanical guards.
14,4. The people head toward the factories insides. Robots are making the cigarettes.
Berdick:
I just KNEW they were lying about how many jobs they created.
Bender:
Well, at least we won't have that whole "Killing people" thing on our consciences.
14,5.
Berdick:
POWER TEST! You are in a room with an evil substance, non-living robots, and the like. HOW DO YOU LAY WASTE TO THE PLACE?
14,6. Bender jumps up in some cool "Matrix"-like fashion and kicks a machine off its hinges.
15,1. Close-up on Cornell; she has some look that appears to be smitten with whoever she's looking at.
15,2. Some visual comes up around the Subs as if to show they're invulnerable.
15,3.Mid-Closeup: Kid Psycho and Powertrip are looking right at each other.
15,4. Kid Psycho points his arms toward Powertrip as she floats up above him.
15,5. Powertrip glows. The machines start to corrode and burn.
15,6. Close-up on Boombastic. His hand's are pointed at the reader in the "finger-gun" motion and some Green Flames are spewing forth.
16,1. The factory starts to burn.
16,2. The Subs rush out.
16,3. The factory goes up in flames.
17,1. Berdick has some near-orgasmic look on his face.
Berdick:
That was just splendid work! Your grades are all a solid "DBD's" for "Da Bomb Diggity."
17,2. Boombastic:
Save your grade book for when we get back to HQ. I doubt the SPs will be too happy about this.
17,3. The entire team flys off into the darkness.
17,4. Momentum, Bender, and Boombastic are basically "shooting the shit." All are pumped. Invisible Kid walks by.
Bender:
Dudes, last night was just...WOW.
Momentum:
Yeah, man. You guys were brilliant.
17,5. Invisible Kid gets a surprised look on his face.
Boombastic:
Don't forget the others, man. Those guys and gals were also quite...WOW themselves.
17,6. Invisible Kid comes up and hugs Bender.
Invisible Kid:
Why didn't you guys tell me earlier? I could hooked you up with some of my friends' digits!
18,1. Boombastic is shocked and angry. Momentum has a boastful yet timid look about him.
Boombastic:
You have SO got the wrong idea, bro.
Momentum:
Oh, yeah. We're just reliving how the Subs went under cover of darkness to destroy a large cigarette factory last...night.
18,2. Invisible Kid has a blank look about his face.
18,3. Invisible Kid blows up.
Invisible Kid:
YOU JERKS DESTROYED PUBLIC PROPERTY WITHOUT JUST CAUSE? COME ON, CALL THE SUBS. YOU'RE ALL COMING WITH ME.
18,4. The Legion office. The Subs and Berdick are lined up.
Invisible Kid:
Tell me why I shouldn't just have the SPs arrest the lot of you.
Boombastic:
Um, we all had a lot of Twinkies the night before, and the low blood sugar made us all crazy-like...
Cornell:
Besides, it was all Josh's idea. He had us do it as a field trip.
18,5. Invisible Kid is angry.
Invisible Kid:
Well, that's good, young one. Consider him fired immediately...
Subs:
JUST A MINUTE HERE!
18,6.
Bender:
The guy's an amazing teacher, and we think he's the best fit for us. If you fire him, we're inducting him into the Subs immediately afterwards.
19,1.
Invisible Kid:
Well, that's a different story, but you forget: We finance the Subs. As such, you're effectively disbarred as a Legion affiliation. Any Subs who agree to disrecognize Josh Berdick as a member will be allowed Legionnaire status. You have one hour to think this over.
19,2. The Subs leave the room.
Bender:
Well, we're officially free from their hand. Let's party!
Berdick:
I don't know. I mean, I cost you guys Sub status. Don't fight for me. At least then you can all be Legionnaires. You know, take the system down from the inside?
19,3.
Boombastic:
Hey, is that the same teacher who could lead us into a crazy mission like last night just because we respected his work? Let's all go in and keep his work going.
19,4. The team goes in.
Invisible Kid:
Have you made your decisions?
19,5.
Nightfall:
Even if I choose not to, you've effectively banned me from the team. I'm not going back to that godforsaken hellhole. I'm resigning.
19,6. Nightfall heads to one side.
19,7. Stargate:
I never liked the guy anyway. Pass me the belt.
19,8.
Condo:
I could never get away from you, Lyle. Pass the belt.
19,9.
McKnight:
I was in on the fun, now I'll take my punishment. I'm outta here.
20,1.
Chillingworth:
Hey, the guy's a cool dude. I'm gone.
20,2.
Slick:
This chance is too good to pass up. I'm joining your team.
20,3. Powertrip:
That whole "Mindless Destruction" thing was kinda cool. I'm leaving.
20,4. Throwback:
Hey, I'd rather stay on this team than do that stuff. I'm outtie.
20,5. Invisible Kid gets a glimmer in his eye.
And what of you, young Jocelyn? All you've worked for can come true right now. And think of the fringe benefits! I mean, the sensation of the last scion of the great Superman taking her place on the Legion of Super-Heroes...
20,6. Cornell looks uncharacteristically angry.
Cornell:
CRAM IT. Last night was the first time in months I was able to kick back my heels and just have some fun causing chaos. I'm outta here.
20,7.
Invisible Kid:
Do I need to go into you two hooligans' actions?
20,8.
Momentum:
We did what we thought was right yesterday, and now we're doing it today. We're outta here.
21,1. Invisible Kid looks angry.
Invisible Kid:
Well, good riddance! Moving on to our next order of business, proper punishment for the Legion aspect involved in this atrocity.
21,2.
Invisible Kid:
I think it's safe to say that the only good course of action is to revoke the Legion memberships of Shane Matzner and Bil Wyld.
21,3. Gates comes over to Invisible Kid. He looks angry.
Gates:
I'm sorry, but they were just standing up for their beliefs, something that you people have forgotten about!
21,4. Invisible Kid:
Are you just spouting some dogma again?
21,5. Gates looks like he needs a soapbox.
Gates:
Not on your life. If you kick these two out, then you had better add one more to the guest list. I mean, you were probably going to kick me out for Robb anyway. I resign.
21,6. Invisible Kid looks angry.
Invisible Kid:
OKAY! FINE! GREAT! Anyone else want to resign about now?
22,1. Brisk goes over to Invisible Kid.
Brisk:
I'm sorry, but I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would kick my brother out for his beliefs. I'm gone.
22,2. Brisk, Gates, Kid Psycho, and Boombastic leave the building.
22,3. Invisible Kid:
DAMMIT! Those were four of our best! Now what am I going to do?
22,4. Time Warp goes over to Invisible Kid.
Time Warp:
Well, you did what you had to do. They were troublemakers. It was necessary for the Legion to stay noble.
22,5. Invisible Kid looks somewhat relieved. Time Warp looks slightly unsure about something.
Invisible Kid:
That's good. It's a good thing that you're still around here. We need some sane people.
Time Warp:
Well, I did want to tell you right now...
22,6. Time Warp hands Invisible Kid his Legion belt.
Time Warp:
I'm going to my team.
by Thomas Greene.
Time Taking Place: After "Sucks to Ziggy Haphwyt."
The vast majority of these characters are either the copyright of or derivative of characters copyrighted by DC Comics. (However, this is on a very small scale and the derivative characters aren't really their most heavily-used characters, so they probably won't give a flying fuck.) This isn't as needed as a warning, but the writer doesn't want to get sued by The Man.
If you have any criticism on this work, send it to ReLect0@aol.com. If you feel the need to flame this work, I got two words for you, SUCK IT!
Anything else? Oh, yeah. Don't do drugs. Unless it's for good reasons. Eh, screw that, smoke crack and worship Satan.
1,1. INT. A bedroom. You see Dreamer and Star Boy fast asleep. Dreamer appears to be tossing and turning.
Dreamer(smaller font):
No, you can't. Why did you do this? That's terrible...NO! We trusted you....
1,2 Dreamer springs up from her sleep.
Dreamer:
THOM! I need to talk to you immediately. We could have an emergency on our hands!
1,3. Star Boy is still asleep.
Star Boy (smaller font):
What's that, Nura? You're ready to take on the Shooting Star? Well, Rock and Roll...
2,1. Dreamer leaves the room.
2,2. You see her walk down the hallway. She is muttering to herself.
Dreamer:
Idiotic Thom ready to put some wild dream ahead of some code red business...
2,3. You see her go to Invisible Kid's room. Invisible Kid is sleeping.
2,4. Dreamer goes over to his side.
Dreamer:
Wake up. It's an emergency.
2,5. Invisible Kid is angry.
Invisible Kid:
Why are you here, anyway? You realize that non-Legionnaires in the building after hours can be arrested on sight, right?
2,6. Dreamer:
First off, I have clearance. Second off, I needed to speak to you immediately.
3,1. Invisible Kid is intrigued.
Invisible Kid:
What happened? Is there a problem?
Dreamer:
I had a dream...
3,2. Close-up on Invisible Kid. He looks angry.
Invisible Kid:
GREAT. Totally Sprocking Great. I'm up out of a good sleep because you had a DREAM? This had better be good...
3,3. Dreamer tries to reason with him.
Dreamer:
Listen and listen good. Someone's going to try and form a team in order to try and destroy the Legion, a Legion of Super-Villains if you will. This team's going to have 12 members, not including their leader.
3,4. Invisible Kid is yawning.
Invisible Kid:
That's nice. Tomorrow morning we'll get on it.
3,5. Dreamer is near-hysterical.
Dreamer:
That's not the worst of it. According to my dream, exactly 9 members of this team will have either been Legionnaires or Subs at some time.
3,6. Invisible Kid is shocked.
Invisible Kid:
Brew some coffee, we're going to be up a while.
4,1. Top: The next morning. Some guy in a modest business outfit walks by. Invisible Kid and Boombastic are talking.
Invisible Kid:
I called you here because we're in grave danger. Last night I recieved word of a prediction by Nura here about the formation of some new "Legion of Super-Villains." This is worse because if her prediction's correct, 9 people among our rosters will be members of this team.
4,2. Boombastic is quizzical.
Boombastic:
I'm not sure which of these things sucks worse, the fact that this'll happen or the fact that we'll be accused of being the people who the 9 will come from.
4,3.Invisible Kid tries to re-assure Boombastic. Boombastic looks even more afraid.
Invisible Kid:
Don't worry. For that to happen, the guy would have to virtually pick your team dry.
Boombastic:
DON'T SAY THAT.
4,4. Invisible Kid looks more normal.
Invisible Kid:
Well, then I guess we can cross the rest of this bridge a little later. While I have you here...
Boombastic:
NO.
4,5. Invisible Kid looks annoyed.
Invisible Kid:
What I was trying to say was that we've hired a new tutor to get your team going on educational purposes. Your team hasn't been going to school, which would cause you to lose Legion funding.
4,6. Boombastic looks like he's thinking.
Boombastic:
Okay. S'cool. He will buy us booze, right?
Invisible Kid:
NO.
5,1. Boombastic looks annoyed.
Boombastic:
Well, what good's a bloody professor if he won't buy us booze?
Invisible Kid:
Just deal and go. Classes start in a few minutes.
5,2. Boombastic leaves. Invisible Kid looks frustrated.
Invisible Kid:
Why does that guy ALWAYS stick me with the bill?
5,3. You see the Subs at desks. A youngish man with a tribal drum is at the front of them.
Man:
Greetings. I assume those people in charge want me to go with the typical "Public School" teacher type thing. However, those peeps won't be watching these classes, so we can just do whatever the sprock we want. My name's Josh Berdick. If you call me "Mr.Berdick", it WILL cause your grade to drop a bit.
5,4. Cornell raises her hand. Berdick continues to talk.
Berdick:
We're all grown here, right? You don't need to raise your hand.
5,5.
Cornell:
This style seems rather unorthodox for one of the finer teachers in the planet. Exactly what are your qualifications?
5,6. Berdick looks peeved. Cornell looks smug.
Berdick:
Well, that depends. What are your qualifications to be on this team?
Cornell:
Well, I have great powers due to my blood line descendency of...
6,1. Berdick looks angry.
Berdick:
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR QUALIFICATIONS ARE! However, to answer your question, I don't really have any. I went to Metropolis University, found out it sucked, and left to become a struggling actor. I saw a sign that advertised for a teacher for newer Legionnaires and the Subs, and I jumped at it.
6,2.
Momentum:
But why would you pick us to teach?
6,3. Berdick looks slightly darker.
Berdick:
Because I saw some tests of mental acumen that showed that the average score was in the top 7th percentile. That, combined with the rough edge of the Substitute Heroes, led me to believe that you could help me fight the greatest evil of all.
6,4.
Chillingworth:
And that would be....?
Berdick:
To put it simply, Consumerism.
6,5. Boombastic is puzzled.
Boombastic:
Why consumerism?
7,1. Berdick:
First lesson. For the past few centuries, we've slowly and slowly beein going into a state of uniformity. Since the early days of the last millennium, you could buy coffee at department stores, rent movies at drug stores, and the like. Just recently, all stores have become places where everyone could buy everything they ever need from one place.
Momentum:
Isn't that a good thing?
7,2. Berdick looks angry and writes "CORPORATE UNIVERSAL ORDER" on the blackboard.
Berdick:
OF COURSE NOT! Once you have that, people only need to go down the street and feel like they're anyplace in the United Planets! When that occurs, we have a corporate version of the old days' thoughts of the New World Order.
7,3.
Kid Psycho:
Exactly why do you care so much about consumerism?
7,4.
Berdick:
For the past few years, I've been trying to undermine it. It's one of the main reasons why I haven't seen too much acting work. Me and my old college roommate have worked on ways to destroy this new order and slowly but surely eliminate the rampant consumerism in this world. That roommate was a Dr. Mayavale.
7,5. You see Berdick and Mayavale talking somewhere.
Top:
When I told him a few days ago about this job, he recalled to me two times when Subs foiled his plans and then helped him out in getting freed.
8,1/2. You see recaps of "Saving Ryder's Privates" and "Sucks to Ziggy Haphwyt."
Top:
One time occurred when he tried to take down the UP's largest ISP, the second when he tried to take over trendy kids with demonic clothing.
8,3. Berdick's back in front of the class.
Berdick:
Once I found out about that, it was obvious I found kindred spirits to help me out with these things.
8,4.
Cornell:
I'm sorry, but last time I checked, our stationery said "Legion of Substitute HEROES", not "Legion of Anarchists."
8,5. Berdick looks like he's palming it off.
Berdick:
Well, that's fine there. According to his recaps, he says you're one of the easiest pieces to take over and that the only reason that you're not under his power right now is because you have some power over some other team member.
8,6.
Cornell:
We'll see about that. Just tell me when your first assignment is.
9,1. Cornell leaves the room (apparently to pack.) Berdick writes the words in BLOCK LETTERS on the board as well as speaks them.
Berdick:
That, my friends, is my second and arguably most important lesson to all of you. ALMOST ALL SENTIENTS HAVE THE ABILITY TO BE MANIPULATED, HOWEVER, SOME MAY BE HARDER TO DO THAN OTHERS. Now, your colleague over there is quite intelligent, as her mental acuity test showed. However, just by a little research on her weak points and personality, I was able to win her over to my side with relative ease. This will help you males learn how to persuade females over to your room in order to teach them the lesson on how Big Poppa Insert your Code Name Here is their Hook-Up.
9,2.
Boombastic:
But Teach...
Berdick:
Call me Josh.
9,3.
Boombastic:, how do you know exactly how to get onto these points of manipulation?
9,4.
Berdick:
Third lesson, kiddies. Never, EVER go into a tough situation without doing some background information on the person you're going to meet with. If you don't, it can be like going into a room with a large amount of assassins with loaded guns. I took the liberty of reading the slipshod Unauthorized Biographies of all of you beforehand. Jocelyn's stated that since she's descended from Superman and got into the Subs quickest from SWO membership, she's extremely confident that her power's one of the strongest in the land. As is usually the case with such people, it just takes a little taunting to get them onto your side.
9,5. Boombastic is skeptical.
Boombastic:
But if someone like you does that, wouldn't villains eventually find out this plan and use it themselves to own us?
9,6. Berdick looks like he's palming it off again.
Berdick:
Well, I'm not sure if that'd happen. Go check on her and see if she's all right.
10,1. Boombastic sits there.
10,2. Berdick:
Well, aren't you going to check on her?
10,3. Boombastic springs from his seat and makes a "crotch chop" motion.
Boombastic:
Usually, the leader of the team needs to know their crew inside and out at all times. As such, I know that her power would keep her safe from that harm, meaning it's unnecessary for me to check on her. BOO-YEAH!
10,4. Berdick looks impressed.
Berdick:
Class dismissed. I would like to speak with you, Shane.
10,5. The class leaves. Momentum and Bender wait around for him outside the classroom.
Berdick:
Shane, I'm honestly impressed.
Boombastic:
Exactly why would you be?
11,1.
Berdick:
I've done the manipulation test on members of every sprocking planetary group before. Only a handful can get past top level.
Boombastic:
What does "Top Level" mean?
11,2. Berdick:
There are a few levels of the manipulation test. Lowest level is simply asking nicely. If they'll do it then, you're in clover. Second level is the promise of getting them something they want. It's one of the good things about consumerism. Third level is taking away what they have. Fourth level is the use of taunts. Top Level is the use of love to try and get them to do it. Get your notepad: If you know where someone's heart strings lie, you have them by the short hairs. If someone has Top Level leanings toward someone and doesn't go for that form of manipulation, then they cannot be manipulated.
11,3.
Boombastic:
Come on, I don't have "Top Level" leanings.
Berdick:
I've checked all of the stories about you. You can't deny to me that you're crazy about Cornell. Despite that, you kept from being manipulated. The only way to pass Top Level is to have Coluan-level intelligence or have the Midichlorians of Cynicism be completely off the scale.
11,4.
Boombastic:
I'd have to say that it's both then.
11,5.
Berdick:
Excellent. You might want to leave, your friends are waiting.
11,6. You see Momentum and Bender leaning against the wall outside. Bender has a cigarette. Berdick is enraged.
Berdick:
STEVE! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
Bender:
What? Are you my mother? Besides, I have asthma. It's not lit, just used for the look.
12,1. Berdick is still angry.
Berdick:
You don't get it! By going in to tobacco, even for the look, you're buying into their advertisements in magazines, TV, and radio!
12,2. Momentum looks smug.
Momentum:
Yeah, sure. They haven't advertised cigarettes on TV for eons.
12,3.
Berdick:
You think so? The tobacco companies make all the anti-smoking ads. In those ads, they deliberately make them annoying to get people on their side. Every teenager who goes against it that you just want to punch them in the face really hard, every person who "went through the pain of smoking" that you can't help but make references to "Sling Blade" while they're talking, all of that is trying to get you to associate the non-use of cigarettes with stupidity while masking their hidden agenda like mofos!
12,4.
Momentum:
But what can we do about their rules? They're in with the government! We're not powerful or respected enough to get away with it!
12,5.
Berdick:
Wrong. You're all super-powered do-gooders who are loved by the people. In addition, you're famous. Fame makes you above the law.
Bender:
Where are you heading?
12,6.
Berdick:
It's time for a "field trip."
13,1. You see Berdick with some of the "team" (Bender, Boombastic, Momentum, Kid Psycho, McKnight, Powertrip, and Cornell) at the outskirts of a large factory building.
Berdick:
There's the factory where the largest tobacco company in the world makes their cigarettes. Let's trash it.
Powertrip:
But why trash the place? Why not just do more...legal methods?
13,2.
Berdick:
There virtually is no legal method. These people get away with what can be technically called corporation-assisted suicide and don't get arrested. They keep all of the "drugs" that could make for their competition on the open market illegal because they're too chicken to go against them. They've had the governments in their pockets since Day One of their existence. Well, now it's Day Two, and they're going to pay for it.
13,3. You see the people run toward the gates.
13,4. Some security guards (sentient) head over to them.
13,5. Close-up on McKnight. He's got a strange look on his face and one hand out.
McKnight:
Game over, bitch!
13,6. The guards leave in the opposite direction.
14,1. Some mechanical guards head toward them.
14,2. Close-up on Momentum; he's in some sort of martial arts pose and has his skin glow some different color.
14,3. Momentum beats up the mechanical guards.
14,4. The people head toward the factories insides. Robots are making the cigarettes.
Berdick:
I just KNEW they were lying about how many jobs they created.
Bender:
Well, at least we won't have that whole "Killing people" thing on our consciences.
14,5.
Berdick:
POWER TEST! You are in a room with an evil substance, non-living robots, and the like. HOW DO YOU LAY WASTE TO THE PLACE?
14,6. Bender jumps up in some cool "Matrix"-like fashion and kicks a machine off its hinges.
15,1. Close-up on Cornell; she has some look that appears to be smitten with whoever she's looking at.
15,2. Some visual comes up around the Subs as if to show they're invulnerable.
15,3.Mid-Closeup: Kid Psycho and Powertrip are looking right at each other.
15,4. Kid Psycho points his arms toward Powertrip as she floats up above him.
15,5. Powertrip glows. The machines start to corrode and burn.
15,6. Close-up on Boombastic. His hand's are pointed at the reader in the "finger-gun" motion and some Green Flames are spewing forth.
16,1. The factory starts to burn.
16,2. The Subs rush out.
16,3. The factory goes up in flames.
17,1. Berdick has some near-orgasmic look on his face.
Berdick:
That was just splendid work! Your grades are all a solid "DBD's" for "Da Bomb Diggity."
17,2. Boombastic:
Save your grade book for when we get back to HQ. I doubt the SPs will be too happy about this.
17,3. The entire team flys off into the darkness.
17,4. Momentum, Bender, and Boombastic are basically "shooting the shit." All are pumped. Invisible Kid walks by.
Bender:
Dudes, last night was just...WOW.
Momentum:
Yeah, man. You guys were brilliant.
17,5. Invisible Kid gets a surprised look on his face.
Boombastic:
Don't forget the others, man. Those guys and gals were also quite...WOW themselves.
17,6. Invisible Kid comes up and hugs Bender.
Invisible Kid:
Why didn't you guys tell me earlier? I could hooked you up with some of my friends' digits!
18,1. Boombastic is shocked and angry. Momentum has a boastful yet timid look about him.
Boombastic:
You have SO got the wrong idea, bro.
Momentum:
Oh, yeah. We're just reliving how the Subs went under cover of darkness to destroy a large cigarette factory last...night.
18,2. Invisible Kid has a blank look about his face.
18,3. Invisible Kid blows up.
Invisible Kid:
YOU JERKS DESTROYED PUBLIC PROPERTY WITHOUT JUST CAUSE? COME ON, CALL THE SUBS. YOU'RE ALL COMING WITH ME.
18,4. The Legion office. The Subs and Berdick are lined up.
Invisible Kid:
Tell me why I shouldn't just have the SPs arrest the lot of you.
Boombastic:
Um, we all had a lot of Twinkies the night before, and the low blood sugar made us all crazy-like...
Cornell:
Besides, it was all Josh's idea. He had us do it as a field trip.
18,5. Invisible Kid is angry.
Invisible Kid:
Well, that's good, young one. Consider him fired immediately...
Subs:
JUST A MINUTE HERE!
18,6.
Bender:
The guy's an amazing teacher, and we think he's the best fit for us. If you fire him, we're inducting him into the Subs immediately afterwards.
19,1.
Invisible Kid:
Well, that's a different story, but you forget: We finance the Subs. As such, you're effectively disbarred as a Legion affiliation. Any Subs who agree to disrecognize Josh Berdick as a member will be allowed Legionnaire status. You have one hour to think this over.
19,2. The Subs leave the room.
Bender:
Well, we're officially free from their hand. Let's party!
Berdick:
I don't know. I mean, I cost you guys Sub status. Don't fight for me. At least then you can all be Legionnaires. You know, take the system down from the inside?
19,3.
Boombastic:
Hey, is that the same teacher who could lead us into a crazy mission like last night just because we respected his work? Let's all go in and keep his work going.
19,4. The team goes in.
Invisible Kid:
Have you made your decisions?
19,5.
Nightfall:
Even if I choose not to, you've effectively banned me from the team. I'm not going back to that godforsaken hellhole. I'm resigning.
19,6. Nightfall heads to one side.
19,7. Stargate:
I never liked the guy anyway. Pass me the belt.
19,8.
Condo:
I could never get away from you, Lyle. Pass the belt.
19,9.
McKnight:
I was in on the fun, now I'll take my punishment. I'm outta here.
20,1.
Chillingworth:
Hey, the guy's a cool dude. I'm gone.
20,2.
Slick:
This chance is too good to pass up. I'm joining your team.
20,3. Powertrip:
That whole "Mindless Destruction" thing was kinda cool. I'm leaving.
20,4. Throwback:
Hey, I'd rather stay on this team than do that stuff. I'm outtie.
20,5. Invisible Kid gets a glimmer in his eye.
And what of you, young Jocelyn? All you've worked for can come true right now. And think of the fringe benefits! I mean, the sensation of the last scion of the great Superman taking her place on the Legion of Super-Heroes...
20,6. Cornell looks uncharacteristically angry.
Cornell:
CRAM IT. Last night was the first time in months I was able to kick back my heels and just have some fun causing chaos. I'm outta here.
20,7.
Invisible Kid:
Do I need to go into you two hooligans' actions?
20,8.
Momentum:
We did what we thought was right yesterday, and now we're doing it today. We're outta here.
21,1. Invisible Kid looks angry.
Invisible Kid:
Well, good riddance! Moving on to our next order of business, proper punishment for the Legion aspect involved in this atrocity.
21,2.
Invisible Kid:
I think it's safe to say that the only good course of action is to revoke the Legion memberships of Shane Matzner and Bil Wyld.
21,3. Gates comes over to Invisible Kid. He looks angry.
Gates:
I'm sorry, but they were just standing up for their beliefs, something that you people have forgotten about!
21,4. Invisible Kid:
Are you just spouting some dogma again?
21,5. Gates looks like he needs a soapbox.
Gates:
Not on your life. If you kick these two out, then you had better add one more to the guest list. I mean, you were probably going to kick me out for Robb anyway. I resign.
21,6. Invisible Kid looks angry.
Invisible Kid:
OKAY! FINE! GREAT! Anyone else want to resign about now?
22,1. Brisk goes over to Invisible Kid.
Brisk:
I'm sorry, but I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would kick my brother out for his beliefs. I'm gone.
22,2. Brisk, Gates, Kid Psycho, and Boombastic leave the building.
22,3. Invisible Kid:
DAMMIT! Those were four of our best! Now what am I going to do?
22,4. Time Warp goes over to Invisible Kid.
Time Warp:
Well, you did what you had to do. They were troublemakers. It was necessary for the Legion to stay noble.
22,5. Invisible Kid looks somewhat relieved. Time Warp looks slightly unsure about something.
Invisible Kid:
That's good. It's a good thing that you're still around here. We need some sane people.
Time Warp:
Well, I did want to tell you right now...
22,6. Time Warp hands Invisible Kid his Legion belt.
Time Warp:
I'm going to my team.
