I'M SORRY, SYAORAN

A smart businessman stepped out of his sleek silver Mercedes. It was a quiet evening. Most houses were illuminated by the street lights. The moon was visible and the stars twinkled in the distance. He wasn't surprised that he was greeted with silence; it was already 2am in the morning. He'd been working on a business deal, finalising the details and checking it over to make that mistakes would not be indicated – if there were, it would be disastrous for his company.

His house stood at the corner of the street. It was quaint and modest, unlike his mansion in Japan. His wife had carefully tended the garden and house; and it was beautiful. Her gentle touches to the house made it look cosy and comfortable and he enjoyed coming home every night, after a stressful day.

Taking off his jacket, he entered the dark house. Next he removed his black business shoes and slipped on a pair of green slippers. Opening a door in front of him, as quietly as possible, he entered the room. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he peered around the living room. They stopped at a white piece of paper covering a large flat wide-screen television. Obeying the writing on the paper, he pressed the pay button on the DVD player. Immediately, soothing music could be heard from the giant speakers on the ceiling. He settled himself on the sofa, as comfortably as he could. His wife had chosen one of his favourite songs.

解開我最神秘的等待 星星墜落 風在吹動
終於再將妳擁入懷中 兩顆心顫抖
相信我 不變的真心 千年等待有我承諾
無論經過多少的寒冬 我絕不放手

(金喜善)
★이젠 나의 손을 잡고 눈을 감아요(現在緊抓住我的手閉上眼睛)

音:一姐那也搜奶恰古努累卡媽唷
yi jer na ye so ner qia gou nu li ka ma yo

★우리 사랑했던 날들 생각해봐요(請你回想起過去我們戀愛的日子)

音:無禮沙郎黑豆那路 先剛開吧唷
wu li sa lang hai do na lu san ga kai ba yo

★우리 너무 사랑해서 아팠었네요(我們是因為太愛所以更使得我們痛苦)

音:無禮腦目沙朗嘿搜 哈怕少奶唷
wu li nao mu sa lang hai so ha pa sang nei yo

★서로 사랑한단 말도 못했었네요(我們連愛你這句話都無法講)
音:搜路沙朗哈達媽古 摸太少奶唷
so lu sa lang han da mar gu mao tai sor nei yo
(成龍)
每一夜 被心痛穿越 思念永沒有終點
早習慣了孤獨相隨 我微笑面對
相信我你選擇等待 再多苦痛也不閃躲
只有你的溫柔能解救 無邊的冷漠 (1)

The music faded slightly and a sweet musical voice spoke out…

'Syaoran, do you remember the time when I was 5 and you were 6? That was the first time I had ever seen you. It was in the playground in Tomoeda, Japan. I was sitting in the sandbox crying for no reason at all. You came over and begged me to stop crying. At those words, I cried even louder, so you stuck your hand out and introduced yourself as Li Xiao Lang. I was so surprised that I stopped crying immediately. You sat down beside me, while I was just staring at you with my mouth open wide. Your amber orgs and chocolate brown hair fascinated me. That day I had a new best friend. You captured my heart with your smile.'

Syaoran smiled at that memory. He remembered clearly the first time he had met Sakura. Her eyes were tearful and he didn't know what to do to stop her crying so he had just introduced himself and it had done the trick. Her face was so adorable; her big green emerald eyes – the windows to her soul and auburn hair – the curtains to the windows.

'I didn't see you for a long time after that day, but I knew I would remember you for the rest of my life. Then one day, in secondary school, an exchange student entered the classroom. His handsome looks, messy hair and cold amber eyes were enough to send any girl swooning at your feet, but not me. When you did enter the classroom, I gasped, your chocolate-brown hair and amber orbs, reminded me of my first best friend, Li Xiao Lang. But your attitude and glares were nothing like him. During those years at secondary school, you irritated me so much. Until one day, I saw you comforting a little boy in Penguin Park. You introduced yourself as Li Xiao Lang. That day I saw the little boy I met a long time ago, your eyes were sparkling and your attitude was kind and caring. I was so amazed; this cold haughty teenager was my Prince Charming from the Sand Box. I was determined not to fall in love with you, but that resolve was unfulfilled when you gave me a teddy bear for Valentine's and stamped your name on my heart with a kiss. At one of Tomoyo's Party, you promised to take care of me forever.'

(2)我為你著迷為你著襪唔著鞋 陪你行街睇戲

俾埋電話費愛你 我在所不計 你煮菜 我洗米

食曬 D碗碟我自己洗 我唔再去睇第二D女仔

你都唔好去溝仔 我會一生一世 俾好多家用你洗

但是你要同我你要為我生好多好多個仔

你系我一生一世至愛的皇帝 你話唔制 唔 制啊

我至鍾意睇你0甘樣詐詐諦 哎呀 皇帝 點解唔制

我0地兩個一起詐詐諦 (2)

Photos of Syaoran with Sakura flashed up onto the TV screen as the song carried on its melodies. Syaoran and Sakura at the beach, park, prom, holiday, theme park, eating ice cream. One photo captured Sakura nervously giving Syaoran a kiss on the cheek, under the mistletoe. Her face was flushed. Syaoran was grinning down at Sakura. His eyes were neither glaring or cold. They were filled with love for the girl he first met in the sand box.

(3)聽我說手牽手 跟我一起走

過著安定的生活

昨天已來不及明天就會可惜

今天你要嫁給我

聽我說手牽手 我們一起走

把你一生交給我

昨天不要回頭明天要到白首

今天你要嫁給我

聽我說手牽手 一路到盡頭

把你一生交給我

昨天已是過去明天更多回憶

今天你要嫁給我

今天你要嫁給我(3)

'You were my everything. I trusted and loved you so much. It was a romantic evening and you wanted to celebrate our 1 year anniversary of love by bringing me to your house by the sea. There we made love, it was special to me, you were my first and last and I will never regret losing my virginity with you. That night, you also proposed to me, the traditional way – it was the happiest moment in my life to be engaged to the man I adored. You stole my heart as yours that night. We went through so much after that. Your mother and elders refused to let you marry me, and arranged a marriage. I was so scared that I would lose you but together we overcame the obstacles as we fought for our happiness and eventually we were given permission to marry each other. That day, when you put the ring on my finger, you locked my heart with yours altogether. If we hadn't met, there wouldn't be any of this, but I'm glad we did, because I would not have been able to live without you. Getting married to you was the best choice I had made.'

A silence prevailed, as another song was heard.

(4)我想過一件事不是壞的事 一直對自己堅持
愛情的意思像風沒有理由輕輕吹著走
誰愛誰有所的對與錯不管對與錯 不管時間
說著我們在一坊有多坎坷
我不敢去證實愛你兩個字 不是對自己衿詩
也不是諷刺別人都在說我其實很無知
這樣的感情的認定很放肆我很不服我還在想著那件事
如果你已經不能控制每天想我一次
你因為我而誠實如果你看我的是電影 聽我愛的CD
如果你能帶我一起旅行如果你決定跟隨感覺
為愛勇敢一次如果你說我們有彼此
如果你會開始相信這般變愛心情 如果你能給你如果的事
我只要你一件如果的事我會奮不顧身地去愛你(4)

Minutes passed, the song ended.

'Syaoran Li, do you remember the song I sang to you at the wedding? I was so proud of myself that day because I realised I loved you, more than I loved me. Three Words, Syaoran, and One Loved Up Girl: Wo Ai Ni.'

(5)我听见你的声音
有种特别的感觉
让我不断想不敢再忘记你
我记得有一个人
永远留在我心中
哪怕只能够这样的想你
如果真的有一天
爱情理想会实现
我会加倍努力好好对你永远不改变
不管路有多么远
一定会让它实现
我会轻轻在你耳边对你说(对你说)

我爱你爱着你
就像老鼠爱大米
不管有多少风雨我都会依然陪着你
我想你想着你
不管有多么的苦
只要能让你开心我什么都愿意
这样爱你

我听见你的声音
有种特别的感觉
让我不断想不敢再忘记你
我记得有一个人
永远留在我心中
哪怕只能够这样的想你
如果真的有一天
爱情理想会实现
我会加倍努力好好对你永远不改变
不管路有多么远
一定会让它实现
我会轻轻在你耳边对你说(对你说)

我爱你爱着你
就像老鼠爱大米
不管有多少风雨我都会依然陪着你
我想你想着你
不管有多么的苦
只要能让你开心我什么都愿意
这样爱你

我爱你爱着你
就像老鼠爱大米
不管有多少风雨我都会依然陪着你
我想你想着你
不管有多么的苦
只要能让你开心我什么都愿意

这样爱你(5)

'5 years have passed since the day I married you, and you married me. The first two years were fabulous. We were so blissfully in love. You devoted your time to me. We went anywhere and everywhere. But the blow came, your mother died in an aeroplane crash. You started to withdraw into your business and I couldn't do anything about it. I felt so helpless. Tomoyo wasn't there, she had moved to the United States. I wanted to visit my father and brother but was scared to leave you behind. Scared that if I left, you would not be able to survive. I sacrificed my pain because of you.'

(6)Because of you I never strayed to far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to find it hard to trust, not only me,
but everyone around me, Because of you, I am afraid

I lose my way, and its not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry, because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break, when it wasn't even whole to start with

I watched you die, I heard you cry, every night in your sleep.
I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me.
You never thought of anyone else you just saw your pain.
And now I cry in the middle of the night, doin the same damn thing(6)

'One day, you announced you were going on a business trip to the United States. I wanted to come with you, as I always had done. I believed that you had finally gotten over your misery. I needed to visit Tomoyo and Eriol, I was so alone – I needed some comfort but you never gave it to me. You refused to allow me to go the United States. I thought that you refused because you loved me, you didn't want me to get hurt, but I was wrong.'

'My hear was slowly breaking, I had given you so much of my love, but it wasn't enough for you. You wanted an heir, but I had tried everything and I couldn't even give you a baby. You wanted a business-minded wife, but all I could be was a model and housewife. I just wasn't that perfect wife for you.'

Muffled Sobs could be heard.

'Do you remember those hearts that Eriol and Tomoyo gave us as wedding presents. I don't think you remember, but I do. It was to represent our love. There were two; one for me and one for you. They are in the box in front.'

Syaoran opened the box and looked at the wooden hearts. One of them was broken with cracks down the middle. One part of it was missing. It was in a sorry state. The other was perfect. Not a crack, mark or scratch could be seen on the surface of the heart.

'The heart with many cracks and a missing part is my heart. The tiny cracks were made when you forgot my birthday, when you went away on business trips without telling me, when you came home late and never acknowledged me in your life. The biggest crack represents the time when…'

Audible cries of anguish and hatred and bitternesscould be heard. Syaoran was still sitting on the sofa, his face filled with shock and disbelief.

'…when you forced yourself on me. You were drunk at the time, from the happiness of another business deal. I wanted you to stop, I hadn't planned on us making love – we hadn't made love in three years. You just kept going, oblivious to my cries. You were too strong…I was too weak…I couldn't do anything. I was crying and you didn't notice. It hurt so much after you finished. You just slept soundly, while I cried for all the hurt you gave me, the anger, the love that wasn't there. That day was the worst day of my life. Not only my beloved husband raped me, he woke up with no recollection of what had happened and left for work, like any other day. But what made it terrible, was that day was my birthday. I thought you would remember. I even baked a birthday cake for me and you. I was waiting for you to come home, to celebrate my 25th Birthday. But then that happened…and my fairy tale with you as my prince, shattered into a thousand pieces.'

(7)忘了有多久 再沒聽到你 對我說你最愛的故事
我想了很久 我開始慌了 是不是我又做錯了甚麼

#你哭著對我說 童話裡都是騙人的 我不可能是你的王子
也許你不會懂 從你說愛我以後 我的天空星星都亮了

我願變成童話裡 你愛的那個天使 張開雙手 變成翅膀守護你
你要相信 相信我們會像童話故事裡 幸福和快樂是結局

我要變成童話裡 你愛的那個天使 張開雙手 變成翅膀守護你
你要相信 相信我們會像童話故事裡 幸福和快樂是結局

我會變成童話裡 你愛的那個天使 張開雙手 變成翅膀守護你
你要相信 相信我們會像童話故事裡 幸福和快樂是結局 一起寫我們的結局(7)

The business man was no longer placid. Emotions were running through his mind, eyes and body. He was shocked. How could he have done this to his love. He was ashamed for his actions.

'I found out a few weeks ago, that I'm pregnant. I wanted to tell you earlier, in a more appropriate manner, but you were never home. Everyday you were called to tell me that you were coming home late. Everyday I shed tears because this baby wasn't born out of love. I wanted the baby to be a demonstration of our love for each other. My heart was torn.

(8)I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm
He came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know
Seem to care what your heart is for
But I don't know him anymore
There's nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's fine I'm torn

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake
And I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn (8)

'This baby was the result of your drunkenness on my birthday. I want to keep this baby as mine, my first born, but I can't. I have to give it away because I don't have enough love, as a parent, to give the baby. I don't want it to grow up deprived of the love I am not able to give. My heart is broken and can never again be mended.'

(9)我的心忽然又活了
总在见到你的那一刻
原来我也有过这样的悸动
只是在习惯自我保护后 忘了

想聊的故事太长了
反而就都沉默的笑着
金色阳光洒在你双手上头
看起来好暖让我想紧紧握着

这是我们的纪念日
纪念我们开始对自己诚实
愿意为深爱的人 放弃骄傲
说少了你生活淡的没有味道

这是美丽的纪念日
纪念我们能重新认识一次
有些事要流过泪才看的到
不求完美爱的更远 要过的更好

想聊的故事太长了
反而就都沉默的笑着
金色阳光洒在你双手上头
看起来好暖让我想紧紧握着

这是我们的纪念日
纪念我们开始对自己诚实
愿意为深爱的人 放弃骄傲
说少了你生活淡的没有味道

这是美丽的纪念日
纪念我们能重新认识一次
有些事要流过泪才看的到
不求完美爱的更远 要过的更好

我用寂寞来惩罚我 看着你走过 要什么当时不说
此刻能有你倾听我 轻轻的转着
那是种甘甜以后 让人想哭的快乐 Hey Yeah

这是我们的纪念日
纪念我们开始对自己诚实
愿意为深爱的人 放弃骄傲
说少了你生活淡的没有味道

这是美丽的纪念日
纪念我们能重新认识一次
有些事要流过泪才看的到
不求完美爱的更远 过的更好(9)

'Today, I guess, will be your most important day of your life, Syaoran, as this business deal is your biggest yet. But today, is also my most depressing day because today is our 5th anniversary of marriage.'

Syaoran had his head in his hands. He had forgotten. How?! Nothing could describe his regret for forgetting, for treating Sakura like that and now nothing could mend her heart and reignite their love.

'You won't find me here anymore. I can't live my life in this house, with you, any longer. If not my heart and love will crack, right down the middle. Don't worry about me, Syaoran, I'll be fine. Don't hire anybody to look for me, I just want to live in peace. Your heir will be alright. I'm giving it up for adoption, you know the reason why. I'm sorry, Syaoran, for you captured my heart, you stamped my heart with your name, you stole my heart and locked my heart with yours but, now you have broken my heart and it will never be mended again. I'm sorry, Syaoran. Your Love is just too little too late.'

(10)So let me on down

Cause time has made me strong

I'm starting to move on

I'm gonna say this now

Your chance has come and gone

And you know

It's just too little too late

A little too wrong

And I can't wait

Boy you know all the right things to say (You know it's just too little too late)

You say you dream of my face

But you don't like me

You just like the chase

To be real, it doesn't matter anyway (You know it's just too little too late)

I was young and in love

I gave you everything but it wasn't enough

And now you wanna communicate

Go find someone else

In lettin you go, I'm lovin myself

You gotta problem

But don't come askin me for help

Cause ya know(10)

Syaoran cried for the Sakura he had lost, for the last three years, for the lover that was gone, for the hurt he had caused, for all that he had done. But most of all he cried for the words: I'm sorry, Syaoran, for you captured my heart, you stamped my heart with your name, you stole my heart and locked my heart with yours but, now you have broken my heart and it will never be mended again.

-

-

-

-

Syaoran lived in a robotic-ghost-like manner, he hadn't cried since their 5th Anniversary. He carried on his life, with the knowledge that Sakura was safe. His house was dark, cold and uninviting. Nothing really mattered to him except that maybe one day he would be reconciled with Sakura.

-

-

Sakura peered at the little baby she had been carrying for the past 9 months. It was a little boy who had inherited Syaoran's hair and Sakura's emerald jade eyes. It was a sweet little baby. She handed the baby to his adoptive parents who were standing on one side, allowing Sakura to hold her baby, giving her some breathing space. With the baby were two letters, 1 for the baby, to be given to him when he would be able to understand fully the reasons for giving him away. The other letter was addressed to the adoptive parents, to be read at any time. She whispered a quiet thank you to them before exiting out of the hospital. Her life there was over. A new chapter was opening before her.

-

-

The adoptive parents gazed upon the tiny baby before them. The letter was opened in front of them. The words she had written conveyed so many emotions.

'Dear Adoptive parents,

Thank you so much for adopting my precious baby. I feel so heartbroken to give it up but I know you will both be great, loving parents.

The letter for the baby is an explanation of why I have given it up for adoption. I would not, as a single parent be able to raise it up to the best of my ability. I had given so much love to my husband, but received none from him. I have not enough love to take of your child. It would be deprived of the love my husband and me would be able to give it. I would not want it to grow up without this love. I want it to grow up with loving parents and a wonderful life and I think you would be able to give this to your baby.

Once again I thank you for your support and love that I know you will supply for your baby. Please love the baby from the bottom of your hearts and for me as well.

Thank You

Sakura Kinomoto'

There were tears in their eyes from the thoughtful letter she had written to them. They would always love her child as much as they would love their own biological child.

-

-

Sakura posted a letter to a certain businessman living in Hong Kong. Packing a few belongings: clothes, wedding ring, wedding dress, and wedding photo, she was preparing herself for her return to her childhood. Sighing, she gazed at the happy faces of Syaoran and herself. So much had changed between them, it was unbelievable. A faint smile lingered on her face, as she travelled back in time to childhood memories. She was so different now – more mature, less innocent and definitely not the same as the bubbly bright girl in the photo.

Finally after a long flight and much brooding, Sakura stepped out of the bright airport and onto Japanese concrete. It hadn't changed much; her childhood town, Tomeoda; A few more flowers, definitely more tourists. But instead of feeling happiness at being back home, she was burdened with many thoughts. She made her way towards a hotel not far from the airport.

After much twisting and turning, Sakura fell into an uneasy slumber, only to be woken up by the chirping birds and bright sunshine that invaded her suite.

Carefully she applied a faint blush to her cheeks, and then powder. Slowly, her large eye bags from sleepless nights disappeared. Next she added a pink tinge to her eyelids. Accenting her large emerald eyes with eyeliner and mascara was the finishing touch. Staring back at Sakura as a young woman in her mid-twenties, with the maturity of her age and beauty. Most of all, a Sakura, hidden behind all the rage, love, unhappiness and calmness.

A long dark coat covered her body, as she walked out of the hotel with a handbag containing all her items. A taxi escorted her to Penguin Park, her childhood park, all her memories remained there. In a daze, she walked towards her favourite part of the park, the sandbox. Nothing could stop her now – bliss would soon be coming to her.

-

-

Syaoran opened the letter, the only correspondence he had had with Sakura. His eyes welled up from the familiar scent and writing of Sakura. He was too scared to even open the letter; Li Xiao Lang was frightened of what Sakura would say.

Closing his eyes, he ripped open the envelope and slowly separated the letter from the envelope.

'Dear Syaoran,

Thank you for not trying to find me, for respecting my wishes. Thank you also for the friendship you gave me.

Your heir is a little baby boy. The first thing I noticed about the baby was that it had inherited your messy unruly chocolate brown hair with a tint of auburn in it. It opened its eyes in wide amazement – they were emerald jade with yellow flecks of amber. It was such a cute baby. The adoptive parents I have chosen will love this baby so much – it doesn't have a name yet.

The missing part of my heart is attached to this letter. That was all the love I had for our child – and I am returning it to you.

There will be no more correspondence after this, Syaoran – I won't be returning back into your arms. The long 9 months I had without you felt like Independence Day. I finally felt free. I tasted a little bit of independence and thought it tasted delicious. I have decided to return to my childhood.

Goodbye, Syaoran, for the final time,

With Love,

Sakura Kinomoto'

Syaoran read and re-read the letter, until he could not decipher the letter anymore. He took the last piece of her heart and stuck it back to its rightful state. It was in a pitiful state – although Syaoran had managed to glue some bits of the heart back together. He kissed the heart as if kissing would bring her back into his life.

-

-

The park was off-limits to everyone, apparently a beautiful dead body had been found in the playground. News reporters were desperately trying to capture images of this body. They pushed and shoved each other to be the first to send the news all over the world.

-

-

There was a lot of screaming in his office. Syaoran went into the main office area – every one of his workers was staring at the wide-screen TV. Syaoran was about to shout at them to return to work when he caught a glimpse of a lady, dressed in a simple but beautifully elegant bride's dress, auburn hair cascading round her head. A picture of two people, one with auburn hair and the other with chestnut brown, was now soaked in blood and attached to her body, with a knife. The workers were silent as they saw their boss' face blanch. They started as he ran to the exit of the building.

Syaoran turned on the TV again, at home. The news reports were going round his head.

'Sakura Kinomoto, top model found, dead' 'Disappeared 9 months ago, now found in Tomoeda, Japan' 'Why had this happened?' 'Police still trying to find evidence for possible murder' 'We ask one witness…' 'Why a sandbox in a small playground?'

Syaoran understood the letter now - The meaning of 'one last time', why she had gone to Tomoeda. Syaoran knew all the answers to their questions, knew that she had gone to a sandbox because that was where they had first met, and knew why she did what she did – because of him. He wouldn't be able to live with the knowledge of indirectly killing Sakura. He stared at the picture of Sakura, where he had paused. He was numbed at the shock of her committing suicide – subconsciously he had known that she would do that.

He took a shower, now determined to carry out his task. He used the last drop of cherry blossom shower gel, a reminder of Sakura. He breathed in the scent, with his eyes closed, and remembered all the times he had been with her. Syaoran, now dry and dressed, grabbed the letter, both hearts and DVD and lay them on the ground beside him. The wedding photo was standing beside him. He'd give anything to go back to that happy memory. He'd give anything to have a second chance with Sakura.

'Sakura, I captured your heart, I stamped my name on it, I stole your heart as mine, I locked it and broken it, but my love for you will always be yours forever. I'm sorry, Sakura'

-

-

A young couple stepped out of the Hong Kong airport with one purpose in mind. Attracting the attention of a taxi driver, they hopped in and announced their destination.

The young man knocked on the door of the apartment. There was no response. This time the young woman attempted to awaken the occupant. But again there was no response – no shuffling of feet, no door banging, and no shout, no noise, just never-ending silence. Eriol looked at his wife, Tomoyo, worriedly. Syaoran couldn't be hiding anywhere else. He couldn't have known that they were coming to confront him about Sakura's death. After receiving a nod from Tomoyo, he kicked the door down. They held each other's hands tightly, as if to gain strength lost because of the stifling silence. In silent agreement, Tomoyo clambered up the stairs to the second floor, while Eriol slowly opened the living room door. He gasped. Tomoyo, certain that it must have been Syaoran, ran down the stairs and into the living room. Just as she was about to go up to him, she burst into tears. The couple hugged and cried together for the sight before them.

Syaoran. He was dressed in his bridegroom tuxedo, with a bunch of cherry blossoms and peonies in one of his top pockets. In one hand, he held both hearts – the broken and the perfect. In the other, he held the letter and DVD that Sakura had left him. On the TV above him, was the picture of Sakura's body. Their postures were identical. He also had the identical wedding photo and a knife stabbed at his heart. Blood was pouring from his wound, staining the sofa, carpet, tuxedo but that would never be his problem again. He would forever be with Sakura, to love, cherish and mend her broken heart again.