This is not supposed to be taken seriously at all. I was just watching the Twilight movie with my baby girl and I started making my own commentary and I decided to type it up. Hope it makes you laugh.
When Bella is about to be attacked in Port Angeles…
Bella was walking with the book she had just bought, excited to finally figure out exactly what Edward and his family really were. Just as she was about to turn down the alley she saw two men at the end and quickly diverted and continued down the sidewalk. Too bad they had seen her and were now coming down the alley towards her.
They began yelling, "Hey I saw you at the dress store. You're pretty." She was overwhelmed. They were crowding her. Finally she couldn't take it.
"Hey yo you trying to look at my lumps? I'll take off my g-string and handle mine! I handle mine!" the men backed up, thoroughly confused and a bit frightened. Suddenly headlights swung around the corner and a small silver car screeched to a halt. Edward leapt out, "Get in." Bella ran to the car but not before she heard one of them mutter, "Crazy bitch."
She threw her book to Edward, "Hey yo hold this," and turned back to the group of pigs, "Yo what's up money you got a problem? You got something to say?" extremely scared the men sprinted away. Bella turned around and got back in the car, satisfied with herself.
Edward looked at her, bewildered and questioning her with his eyes. "What? I grew up in Phoenix. That's how a girl handles herself down there." Edward just laughed, relieved that his little human escaped safe. He put the car in drive and sped off down the street.
When Edward is showing Bella how scary he is
"As if you could outrun me!" Edward screamed, running at the speed of light to the other side of the clearing. "As if you could fight me off!" he threw a huge tree branch and it shattered against the boulder next to Bella's head.
"Okay jeez stop yelling." Edward paused as he was about to throw another branch. "I get it you're scary no need to yell." Edward, a bit put off by Bella jumped down from his perch and stood awkwardly next to her.
"I didn't realize I had raised my voice. I apologize." Bella rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand.
"Don't worry I forgive you, now take me back to town it's freezing up here." Edward complied happily, lifting her on his back and running down the hill back to civilization.
I really don't know if this is funny. It was funny when I said it to myself but maybe my sense of humor is different than other peoples. Oh and there were a few lines from White Chicks which I do not own neither do I own Twilight, obviously.
