Time and air are infinite things, flowing continually without end. Yet Rin in her life had found occasions, small snippets of moments and instances where the very fabric of both phenomenon's had been put in question. Grace and poise are abstract words to describe one thing, though in a whole Rin had found the very birthing of both in one person. Only he is the father of a sort of deadly loveliness, best describe as a moment of peace before the storm arrives, leaving in its wake destruction and decay. His face is like a painting, in which his painter exaggerated its beauty but could never get its eyes right, leaving behind a blank emotionless canvas. But sometimes in the wake of night Rin stayed up picturing colors yet to be named where she could color a silver lining. Yes, it was silly she knew but it was all she allowed herself when the only thing she could do was daydream.
There was much time to examine ones thoughts when one was like a vagabond, traveling from one point to another. When your closest friends were silence and a tireless mind. So it came to no surprise that she would conjure in her head events that would never happen in real life, some where she would be rescued from fearless dragons, or travel endless rocking blues and if she even dared some where she would be kissed on the shore as the sun started to set.
But, of course, Rin allowed herself but a short time for her imagination before she return to the real life, remembering how finite she was. How she could never reach such amazing things when one adventure could take up a life time. She just had to settle for the now. She told herself to be pleased that she was even there in the first place.
Rin turned to her Lord as they headed for a small stream, she knew it was for her benefit. It was summer, the heats causing her to dehydrate more easily and though it made her feel like she was dragging their adventures with their constant stops to replenish Sesshomaru had made it a habit to stop every hour to drink water.
Though time wasn't an issue for the trio, it seemed they went wherever the wind blew them, if it blew at times. And if Rin was honest this was the only fault she found in their system. Being with her two friends was satisfying enough but when night came and there weren't any distractions she found herself hollow, purposeless. That scared her the most. It was a feeling so unknown to her that it made her heart clench and her stomach shrink in size. What disturbs her the most is that she can't name what it is? Is it fear? Dread? Anxiousness?
Loneliness?
One night she tried to explain this to her friends by the fire. When she finished both of them eyed her funny as if they couldn't understand what she could possibly mean and somehow in that moment it hit her. She gave up and dismissed her antics at explanting things they couldn't fathom. But she knew… and it consumed her. So, that she couldn't picture a moment before this thing didn't nag at her. It soon became her past, present and future.
They were eternal.
She was temporary.
What she felt was mourning. She was grieving the moment where she would be wrench apart from her friends, because maybe deep in her subconscious she understood this truth she just realized recently and her body was preparing her for her lost.
But Rin had accepted how finite she was and now it didn't disrupt her as much as it used to. Yes, she had taken to strange habits after reaching her acceptance like thanking and embracing Jaken whenever she could. At first he looked at her quizzically but it seemed all was forgotten when he slowly let her small praises fill his ego. As for Sesshomaru Rin tried to subdue the urge to let her feelings consume her and let show, she knew very well he wasn't the type to express or accept expressions of emotion. So, she only occasionally pop a necklace or crown of flowers when he was resting under a shade or standing admirably in the middle of a flower field. Though, recently she had taken to sleeping a little closer where he is at night.
"My Lord?"
"Hn."
"I want to slay a dragon."
There was silence and Rin looked up to her Lord, her feet resting on the stream where she sat at the edge. His face was a mask, but she could tell that underneath he was trying to construct a reasonable explanation as to why she would ask such an absurdity. Silly, she thought, adventuring doesn't require much reasoning.
Sesshomaru surprised Rin when he asked instead. "Why a dragon?"
Rin smiled broadly. "It more threatening."
Sesshomaru nodded and headed for a shade under tree but just as he was turning Rin thought she caught a ghost of a smile in his face.
After they rested they continued their march to wherever. Rin humming song, Jaken listing the great accomplishments of his Lord and news of his lands and Sesshomaru quiet and calculating as always. Once night fell they decided to set camp, Rin already feeling the little tickle in her chest as they sun gracefully descended on the horizon. Why of all days must her fears come for a visit? When will she have peace of mind? When will she have a full nights rest?
"Rin, you're still awake." It wasn't a question.
Rin was surprise, she hadn't realized she was still awake even though she was supposed to be sleeping two hours ago.
"I can't sleep." Rin murmured as she looked up to the infinity of stars spider-webed in the onyx colored sky.
He didn't say anything.
"Troubled mind, troubled, mind," she murmured, picking at the grass where she laid.
After a moment of silence he asked. "Why so?"
She could tell he was curious, maybe residue from earlier in the stream.
"I want to adventure an eternity with my friends. I just spend all night trying to figure out how to cheat destiny a third time."
She heard Sesshomaru tsk and she knew she had amused him. She smiled.
Then there was silence and it started to nag her again. Her face fell. She curled into a ball.
"Other things trouble you." He said thoughtfully, low. It felt so intimate that Rin tried to control the flush she knew her face was taking.
"I don't want to die," she blurted low. And somehow she felt release, she felt like confining to someone ease the weight. Now they both carried parts of this burden. But he had an eternity to forget, unlike her that only death could rid her of her thoughts.
He stayed quiet. So quiet she wondered if he heard her or if he was just rationalizing like he always does. "Why would you say that?" he sounded annoyed. Not what she wanted. "Do you not trust in my- our capability of protecting you?"
Rin rolled her eyes as she propelled herself on her elbow. "Never, My Lord. But eventually I will age and wither. Then I will no longer be and so I'm here dreading the moment."
For a microsecond she thought she saw a flash of a million emotion go throw his golden canvases before they settle to a point in the distance. He seemed sad. "Was this what you were trying to explain once by the fire?"
Rin breathed a sigh. "Perhaps."
"Hn."
Rin looked closely to his face, trying to dig through the layers that surrounded it. She felt her heart fill with air, mid-point in exploding within itself. "But know that even long after I'm dead I will always love you."
Sesshomaru visibly stiffen. "Don't be so foolish, Rin." And there in that moment she saw all the colors flash across his eyes a millions miles per second and then she knew.
Rin smiled, unafraid, as she laid her head on his lap. She felt him tense then relax. She closed her eyes, content. "I can't help myself." A few minutes passed, she lost in her thoughts and his silence when she blurted. "You understand that what I said earlier was true."
She felt his hand come down to rub her head back and forth, his fingers entangling in her hair. Her heart felt like it was beating franticly into oblivion and some more. Was this real or had she fallen asleep?
"I know," he murmured.
Rin grinned as she twisted to look at her Lord. He had an emotionless expression but deep down she saw the colors swirling. "Because I really, really intend on slaying that dragon."
Ta-da. I know I'm a horrible person but oh-wells. I just needed to fill my presence in the SessRin fandom, been absent for a while writing for other fandoms, recovering from my hospitalization yaddi yaddi. But I hope I can fill you with more when I get more inpertion, usually I write for SessRin to get rid of my WritersBlock but whatever… (Read: sad faces) But review down bellow, lets discuss things!
