Yes, I did another oneshot. This is the first one I've done in a while that wasn't at least partly inspired by a request. It came to be after lsitening to 'She said Yes' a number of times while I thought about what to do with NJOotG next. I've been on it all weekend, and here we have it, a fluffy, fun little piece that takes a couple I've neer been fond of and makes it into something I truly enjoyed. And yes, I have some fun at Tseng's expense. Read and review!
When she first arrived in the office, he saw a thin woman, hardly more than a girl. She stood stiffly, occasionally brushing short blonde hair out of her face. He was willing to bet that it hadn't been so short for long. She looked like the type to have long hair.
"This is Elena," Rude had said. "Our new demolitions expert."
Demolitions? he'd thought. You have got to be kidding. Look at her- a minor explosion would blow her into next week. And those hands…too soft.
"Welcome to the team," he said shortly.
"Thank you, sir."
At least she's polite. Reno could learn something from her.
He went back to his desk and his paperwork. If she was anything worth his notice, he'd know in a few weeks.
--
Tseng surveyed the pile of rubble, trying to figure out how it had gotten that way with almost no explosion.
"Elena?"
"Sir?"
"What exactly did you do?"
"I placed charges around the foundation pillars. The whole building is supported on them- the architect was experimenting with techniques used in earthquake zones- and all I had to do was blow them. With no support, the whole building comes down and there are no fires to worry about putting out afterwards." She stopped, looking embarrassed. "Too much information?"
"Not at all."
She blushed.
"I'm sorry, I just do a lot of-"
"Research," Tseng finished. "I noticed. Good job."
He went back to the car, satisfied with the rookie's performance.
"She's got it bad for you," Reno observed. Tseng snorted and pushed Reno's feet off the dashboard.
"You think everyone does," he muttered. "Just drive."
Reno pulled out into traffic and said nothing for three blocks. Then he turned to look at Tseng, arms crossed.
"Y'know, I think-"
"Reno, put your hands on the wheel. Now."
"I'm steering with my knees. Just listen to me for a minute."
"Reno, that light is-"
Reno braked and came to a neat stop without bothering to look at the road.
"Pay attention, yo. I tell you everyone's got the hots for you. As in, they all wanna be locked in a closet with you. The Rookie wants to spend way too much time with you. Like, 'long walks on the beach' too much time. She's serious."
"Don't be ridiculous."
"Have you seen the way she looks at you? That's the 'I wanna have babies with this man' look, not the 'ohmigawd he's so flippin' hot I wanna bang him' look."
"Reno-"
"You really oughtta give her a chance. She's a newbie and all, but she's got a nice little body and you're obviously the only one she's interested in showing it to, so you should take advantage of that."
"Reno, if you don't put both hands on that wheel and face forward in the next thirty seconds, I'm going to have you scheduled for a haircut."
"Hey! That's not-"
"Twenty seconds."
Muttering, Reno faced the road and put his hands on the wheel.
"You should think about it, though. Maybe, if you get laid, you won't be such a jerk."
"Perhaps, if you start acting like the adult you are supposed to be, I won't have reason to be a jerk."
"Touché."
--
"Reno, you and Rude are with Rufus. Elena, you and I are going to Junon."
"Yessir. Are we supposed to be with the president at all times, or-"
"Elena, I said that you're with me."
"I heard that, I just- what?"
Tseng sighed. Apparently, Reno was rubbing off on the rookie. Wonderful. Just what he needed.
"You and I are going to Junon. In approximately four hours. You may need to pack."
"Oh! Right! I'll just- um…I'll go do that."
She was out the door faster than Reno at the end of the day.
"You did that on purpose," Reno snickered.
"Did what on purpose?"
"Finally put her on assignment with you. Alone. After she'd almost given up on it. She went on total autopilot, yo! You waited until now to let her think she's got a chance with you?"
"Reno, I did no such thing."
"But you diiiiiiid! The two of you in Junon…alone. Got all the makings for some sappy chick flick. Since you're the guy this whole thing is riding on, are you gonna make it one of those ones where you leave the next morning, or are you going to stick around and be all sappy?"
"While your ability to remember basic movie plots astounds me, Reno, you have to be upstairs in a few minutes and I have paperwork to finish before I leave. Go. Now."
"Just think about it, yo. Think of the possibilities."
"Reno!"
Reno left. Tseng dropped into his chair and buried his face in his hands. He knew Reno had a one track mind. He knew Elena was the butt of most of Reno's jokes, sarcastic remarks, and general mayhem. He knew that he knew this. And it still got him every time. Every time for the last three years, in which Elena had turned out to be an excellent Turk, even when faced with the trial that is Reno. She'd stopped cutting her
hair so short, once she discovered that it would be acceptable, and wore it in a style that complemented her face. Wait. Where had that come from?
The phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Sir? It's Elena."
"What is it?"
"Is there a dress code for this assignment?"
"Casual civilian. Be familiar with the area. We are neither natives nor tourists."
"Understood."
She showed up in a blue sundress with a hibiscus pattern. A small, rebellious part of his brain picked up at the thought that Elena's hairstyle complemented her face and went from there.
--
Tseng made a point of coming in to the office on Saturdays, even when he wasn't on Rufus duty, to do paperwork, review reports, and prepare for the coming week. All the Turks knew this- Reno made fun of him for it, Elena seemed puzzled but accepting, and Rude made no comment.
Today was a Saturday when he didn't work. Reno and Rude were off at some conference with Rufus and he had the building to himself. Good thing, too, because he didn't need Reno hearing the things he was saying while he sorted papers. He was a couple of weeks behind, thanks to Rufus' vacation last week and an unexpected case of flu for Reno the week before, robbing him of two Saturdays worth of organizing and preparing. The stacks of papers had grown into mountains. He had a long day ahead of him.
"Can I help, sir?"
He'd been too engrossed in his muttering to hear Elena come in. He turned to face her, biting back the instinctive yelp of surprise. She was standing by the door with a cup in each hand.
"Elena? What are you doing here?"
"I saw how much work you had yesterday, and…I thought I'd come by and see if I could help. I know filling out forms and checking reports is your job, but I can file and sort. And I brought you tea…from that café down the road."
"Thank you," he sighed, motioning for her to come closer. "It's really not necessary, though. I can handle it."
"It didn't sound that way, sir," she said evenly, handing him the tea. He popped the cap off and sniffed. Green tea. His favorite.
"What?"
"Reno doesn't know half of the words you were saying just now. They're not ones people use when they 'can handle it'."
Tseng stared blankly at Elena for a moment, processing the recent events. Elena had brought him tea. Check. Elena had offered to help him. Check. Elena had made a joke. Does not compute.
"I-"
"These are for the archives, aren't they? I'll just sort them and get them filed away."
Without further ado, she scooped up a heap of papers and carried them out to her desk. Tseng watched her go, not sure if he ought to be annoyed that she was disobeying him, pleased that she was finally developing a backbone when it came to him, or just plain shocked at her behavior. He settled for shocked, took a drink of tea, burned his tongue, confirmed that yes, he was fully awake, and focused his attention on the task ahead of him, smiling faintly. Elena was sort of cute when she was stubborn.
--
If there was one social function that Tseng truly hated, it was wedding receptions. Unfortunately, Rufus knew a great number of young people who were of the marrying age, and Tseng spent much more time at receptions than he ever wanted to.
For now, standing against a wall and trying to look professional with women hanging off him was his objective. He made a mental note to tell Reno to spread rumors about him at the next reception, to keep the girls off. The transsexual one always worked well…
"-eng? Tseng, are you listening to me?"
Tseng jerked in surprise and put a hand over his ear-piece.
"What is it?"
"A good excuse for you to get away from those chicks."
"I'm waiting, Reno."
"Ask Elena for a dance. She's been turning down everyone but me and Rude."
"You aren't supposed to be dancing, Reno."
"You and the prez both said to blend. Dancing is blending. Ask her to dance."
"No. this is another one of your plans to get me to-"
"Tseng, look to your left. Over by the bar, near where Rude and Rufus are. See her? All alone and looking vulnerable? In that pretty dress?"
Tseng looked, mostly because he knew Reno would fuss if he didn't. Sure enough, Elena was standing near the bar. They'd been told to dress appropriately, and Elena had chosen well: her dress had a modest knee-length hem, spiced up with a deep v-neck that was just this side of acceptable. The bodice- what there was of it- ended in a wide sash and bow under her breasts, then reappeared beneath, full enough to draw attention to her naturally small waist. The dress was deep blue, almost like their suits but with more life to it, and the sash was pale gray. It looked very good on her.
As he watched, a young man sauntered up to her and said something. Elena smiled prettily and shook her head. The would-be dancing partner said something else. Elena said something and shook her head again. The moron didn't leave.
"Looks like you'd better get in there, bossman, before the Rookie gets dragged out there by that idiot."
Tseng said nothing, just extracted himself from his knot of admirers and marched across the room to Elena.
"Excuse me," he said politely, tapping on the man's shoulder. "But I believe she owes me a dance."
"Wait 'til she's danced with me," the man snapped. "I was here first."
"I do owe him a dance," Elena said gently. "Maybe later."
"I've seen you turn away almost every guy who's come to you tonight. What makes him so special?"
"I have manners," Tseng growled softly. "Pretend that you are a gentleman and leave before I am forced to remove you myself."
He left.
"May I have this dance?" Tseng asked, bowing slightly. Elena dipped a rather wobbly curtsy and accepted his hand. He led her out onto the floor.
"I'm not a very good dancer," she warned. "There is a reason I've been saying no to everyone."
"Let me lead and you'll be fine." He clasped her hand in his and settled the other just below her shoulder blade. "Ready?"
"What dance are we doing?"
"A modified foxtrot. Given the music, it seems most appropriate. Ready?"
"I guess."
He pulled her easily into the simple steps of the dance. It was easy enough to move her along until she got the hang of the steps. Tseng enjoyed dancing when he had the chance, but he wasn't one for social functions and he could rarely find a decent partner. Elena wasn't great, but she was good enough.
Eventually, the slow, formal dancing ended and Tseng found himself being taught how to dance to today's music, thanks to Elena's rather persistent stalker lurking at the edge of the dance floor. It was a long night, but a good one. He went home tired and content, remembering the faint smell of Elena's perfume.
--
"What the hell did you do to get yourself like this, yo?"
"Get away from me."
"I'm serious," Reno said, moving out of arm's reach. "You were fine like…hell, you were fine twenty minutes ago, and now you look like Yuffie after she's been flown in from Wutai. What'd you do to yourself?"
Tseng groaned and waved Reno away. He was curled up on a couch in the break room, surrounded by his Turks and his employer. Rufus at least had the decency to remain near the door, closer to being out of Tseng's personal space than the others. He desperately wanted to be at home, where nothing and no one could bother him until he was feeling better. As it was, if he could get past the stomach cramps and straighten up, he doubted the dizziness and nausea would let him get very far.
"You eat something rotten, yo?"
"You're not helping, Reno," Elena muttered, swatting at the redhead.
"I'm just trying to figure out what happened," Reno said sulkily. "If he didn't eat something, then we're all gonna get it."
"Something this fast is likely to be food poisoning," Rufus said from the doorway. "Which you can't catch from anyone. Question answered."
"So you did eat something bad."
Tseng glared at Reno. He wanted to sit up and hit him, or threaten him with something, but he suspected that moving suddenly was all the excuse his stomach needed to turn nausea into vomiting. It was inevitable, but there was no way he was doing to speed it along.
"You need to get out more," Reno continued. "If you went out more, you'd build resistance and you wouldn't get so sick like you do. Ever seen me that bad? Nuh-uh. I get out and go places."
Tseng decided to risk it and seized Reno's ponytail, jerking him down to face level.
"You are pushing it," he hissed. "I am not in the mood for this. Get. Out."
"You sure you're as sick as you look?"
"Do you really want to- llp!" Tseng let go of Reno's hair and grabbed the bucket Rude had brought in when he'd shuffled in here in the first place. Reno backed up fast, not wanting to be anywhere near Tseng while he threw up. Even Rude took a step back.
"He's not contagious," Elena sniffed, moving back to the couch and patting Tseng's shoulder. "Reno, give me your hair-tie."
"Why?"
"For Tseng."
"Aw, hell no."
"Just give it."
"No way. Nothing of mine is getting anywhere near him until he quits puking."
"Reno."
"No!"
Elena solved the problem by tackling Reno, who fell back into Rude. Rude held Reno still while Elena slid the band off Reno's ponytail and around her wrist.
"Thank you," she said sweetly, heading back to the couch.
"Rude, you are such a traitor."
"She's trying to help Tseng. Holding you still is the least I can do."
"We're partners!"
"And he's our boss."
"But-"
"The boss card trumps all others, Reno. You've lost the argument," Rufus chuckled. Reno gave him an insulted look but slumped in Rude's arms, waiting to be let go. Rude let him go only after Elena had tied Tseng's hair back in a relatively neat tail.
"There. That'll help a bit."
"So…we stand here all day?"
"Of course not. Reno, you and Rude go back to work. Elena…why don't you stay here and do what you can for Tseng?"
"What?" Reno and Elena yelped.
"If nothing else, be sympathetic. Come on, you two. Let's leave him alone."
Rude and Reno filed out after Rufus, leaving Elena alone with Tseng. She eyed him rather critically for a moment, then headed for the door.
"I'll be right back, sir."
She returned a few minutes later, carrying a small backpack. Tseng ignored it. Unless she had brought a gun and was planning on putting him out of his misery, then he didn't care what she had.
"Reno's calmed down," she said, putting the bag down on the other couch and digging through it. "He says feel better. I think it's because he wants you to go home and that isn't going to happen until you can be moved, but it's the thought that counts, I guess."
She approached Tseng carefully, waiting to see if he was finished throwing up for the time being. He was. Safe, she went right up to the couch and pushed the hem of Tseng's shirt up.
"This is neither the time nor the place," Tseng grunted.
"Your mind is a dirty as Reno's," Elena muttered. "I'm helping."
"I doubt that."
"Trust me. If there's one thing I can promise I know more about than you do, it's cramps. This'll help with yours." She stuck something on Tseng's stomach, then reached behind him to stick a second one in the small of his back. "There. After they warm up, those will make a big difference."
"What are they?" Tseng asked, already starting to pick at the edge of the one on his stomach.
"Heating pads, ones designed to be put on your back or stomach. Heat helps with cramps, no matter what kind they are."
She was right. He could feel the pads warming up and the painful tension leeching away. He relaxed a little, uncurling to nearly his full height and sighing heavily. He still felt rotten, but that made it a little easier to bear.
"Thank you."
"Anytime, sir."
"Tseng."
"What?"
"My name is Tseng, Elena. You may use it."
"Oh, I…sorry, I'd-"
"Gotten used to it. I understand, but we're a small force these days and there is no longer any reason to adhere to old formalities."
"Okay."
"Okay what?"
"Okay…Tseng."
--
"Has anyone seen Elena?"
"Course not," Reno snorted. "She's got the day off. She scheduled it weeks ago."
"Off? What for?"
"Her birthday. Little Laney's twenty-two this year."
"Birthday? Nonsense, that isn't for another…"
"Eight hours, if you want to get technical, but it's today and she's at home. She reminded all of us yesterday. Didn't you hear her?"
"Apparently not."
"Pay attention, yo. Even I knew she was gonna be gone."
Tseng rolled his eyes and re-allotted the day's work.
That evening, after he'd finished filing things and organizing for tomorrow, Tseng took a detour on his way home and stopped at a florist. Stepping inside made him miss Aerith for a moment, reminding him why he wasn't involved with anyone, but he pushed on to the counter and began directing the assembly of a bouquet.
Elena answered the door in a dressing gown, looking quite surprise at the armful of flowers the man in the hallway was offering to her.
"Are these for me?"
"You're Elena, aren't you? Isn't it your birthday?"
"Well…yes, but I can't imagine who-"
"Tall Wutain guy. Really threw the girls for a loop, asking for this thing. He picked all the flowers out himself and watched while they put it together. They were ready to throw him out by the time they were done, but here it is." He put the flowers into her hands and rummaged in his bag. "Got a letter and some truffles for you. Truffles are from the girls- they think any man who doesn't give his girl something more than flowers on her birthday is an idiot."
"Could you bring those in? I can't hold anything else."
"Sure."
After the delivery boy had left and Elena had borrowed a massive vase from a neighbor to put the flowers in, she curled up on the couch to read the letter and try one of the truffles.
Elena,
I apologize for not realizing it was your birthday today. This is the least I can do, after all the help you have been this past year. Thank you. You are an outstanding Turk, on par with your sister. I have no doubt that she would be as proud of you as I am. Happy Birthday.
-Tseng
Since no one was watching, Elena leaped off the couch and did a little happy dance, clutching the letter.
--
Christmas was always hectic around ShinRa. Rufus had a ridiculous number of parties and functions to attend and he always had to take at least one Turk with him, preferably two (Tseng's preference, not Rufus'), leaving whoever remained to try and re-group the next parties into some order that made more sense than Rufus simply walking into the office and asking who was coming with him this time.
One evening roughly a week before Christmas, three of the four Turks found themselves with nothing to do. Between Rude and Tseng, the party schedule had been organized and someone had been assigned to each day. Rude was off on a date somewhere, but Reno and Elena had been convinced to stick around for an impromptu Christmas party of their own by Rufus. They waited in the break room while Rufus ran after Tseng to bring him back.
"Hey, Laney, guess what?"
"I am not in the mood, Reno."
"Oh, you'll be in the mood for this, trust me. Guess."
"I have no idea," Elena sighed.
"Look over the door."
She looked. There was a red bow tacked to the door frame. Tied up in it was a sprig of greenery and a few little white berries.
"Mistletoe? Reno, I'm not kissing you."
"I don't wanna kiss you either. But when Tseng comes back…"
Realization dawned in Elena's eyes. She grinned and hugged Reno.
"Thank you!"
"Don't thank me until it works," he muttered.
A few minutes later, Rufus pulled Tseng into the room.
"If they're here, so are you," he said firmly. "The only reason Rude isn't in on this is because he had a date."
As soon as Rufus was fully past the doorway, Elena got put, crossed the room, and grabbed Tseng. Rufus looked up, saw the mistletoe, and backed up quickly, leaving Tseng to fend for himself. Elena stood on tiptoe and kissed him tentatively. When he didn't respond at once, she started to pull back, only to be caught by Tseng's arms and pulled back. Once she was close enough, he bent just a little and kissed her until she was hanging on to his jacket to keep from falling.
"I win," Reno said smugly.
"You didn't say anything about mistletoe," Rufus muttered, handing Reno a check. "I thought you were going to try and get them both drunk."
"Tseng can drink more than I can. Laney'd be passed out on the floor long before he was drunk enough to be talked into kissing her."
"I'm not asking how you know what."
"Good, cuz I wouldn't tell you anyway."
--
Although he didn't want to admit it, Tseng hadn't dated since high school, and he hadn't had all that much experience then either. Elena helped him along, from dinner and a movie to dinner and a club to dinner and something else.
In the background, Reno congratulated himself.
--
"Where are you going?"
"I have a flight to catch."
"It's not until nine. Why are you up so early?"
"I have to pack."
"It isn't going to take the next six hours to pack for two days, Elena. Come back to bed."
"Yo don't understand how I-"
"I'll pack for you if I have to. I don't have to be at work until eight and I intend to sleep until six, thank you. Get back here."
"I have to pack!"
"And I have to sleep. Sleep is more important than clothing. Come back."
"Tseeeeeng, you don't get it."
"I don't need to get it. All I need to get is another three hours of sleep. You could use it, too. Get away from the closet and come back to bed."
"But-"
"You need a change of work clothes, workout clothes, a swim suit, your shower kit, your running shoes, your gun, ammunition, a few small explosives, and a good book. I can pack that in ten minutes. Get back here before I come get you."
Elena sighed and padded back to the bed. Tseng grabbed her as she slid under the covers and pulled her possessively against his side.
"I will never understand your desire to do practical things at impractical times," he muttered.
"You're not supposed to," Elena murmured, shifting to get Tseng's hair out of her face. "You lost your hair-tie again."
"I noticed."
"I'm going to suffocate on your hair some night."
"You will not. I'd notice your thrashing."
"Tseng, I kicked you in the gut a couple of weeks ago and all you did was mumble something about chocobos and roll over."
"I did n-"
"If you win with the packing, then I win with the hair. If you want sleep, then sleep."
"You are not my superior and I-"
"No, but I am your girlfriend and I can keep you from getting any for an interminable amount of time. Go back to sleep."
"Reno is a bad influence on you."
"Mmhm. And you can thank him for that mistletoe."
"True."
Doctor!Author is popping in for a minute. Yes, I gave Tseng a nasty case of food poisoning. It's a specific type, and you can see what itis below. I chose it for the symptoms. We'll just assume Tseng had some bad yogurt for lunch.
Staphylococcus aureus: Causes moderate to severe illness with rapid onset of nausea, severe vomiting, dizziness, and abdominal cramping. These bacteria produce a toxin in foods such as cream-filled cakes and pies, salads (most at risk are potato, macaroni, egg, and tuna salads, for example) and dairy products. Contaminated salads at picnics are common if the food is not chilled properly.
