This was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but then it got a bit long. So I'm guessing only one more chapter after this. Maybe two. I dunno yet. Anywho, this was inspired by a very smelly dog I met the other day. Lets just say a little stinker left its mark on the poor dog.
Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. I'm not that lucky xD I do, however, own the plot.
America loved nature. For as long as he could remember, he had enjoyed being in the great outdoors. The sounds of birds singing, bees buzzing and just the general smell of nature was enough to lift his spirits and make him proud of his country. While he loved being in the city as much as the next city dweller, he was most at home in the wilderness. He loved everything about nature from the smallest bug (except the ones that bite you and drink your blood like little ugly six legged vampires) to the tallest trees and mountains.
And it was because of that love that America found himself wandering through the woods behind one of his many houses. Having to deal with most of the world the following day, he had decided to spend today outside, relaxing before the chaos that was a world meeting. With it being spring, America hoped he could spot some of the local deer, wanting to see this years fawns. Like any nature lover, America absolutely loved baby animals. His favorites to watch were the fawns and wolf pups. His absolute favorite had to be the bald eagle chicks.
He would often seek out an eagle's nest and climb up the tree to watch the little eaglets as they grew. The adults somehow knew he wouldn't hurt their offspring and let him be, though they never let him do more than just look. He had found that out the hard way once. The end result was a nasty bite on his hand and an equally nasty fall out of the tree. He never tried to touch an eaglet again.
Deciding the eagles would be more fun to watch, America turned his attention to the trees. He looked through the greening branches, carefully looking for the giant nests he knew the eagles built. Paying more attention to the trees and less attention to where he was going, America never noticed what was lurking ahead.
Sniffing around the ground, a large black and white skunk was looking for any bugs or grubs it could eat. Hearing a large animal approaching, the skunk abandoned its search for food and surveyed the area. It didn't take it long to spot the oblivious human approaching. Thinking the human was a predator, the skunk immediately began to hiss and stomp its feet in an attempt to scare of the human.
America, being entirely focused on finding an eagle nest, never heard or saw the smelly menace. And unfortunately for him, that would be the worst mistake he would make that day.
When its warnings went unheeded, the skunk resorted to its last line of defense. Raising its long fluffy tail, the skunk stood still and took aim. Without a bit of hesitating, it sprayed its foul smelling liquid at the unsuspecting nation.
Feeling something hit his bare skin, America jumped and looked down. His eyes widened as the sight, and smell, reached his senses. Clamping a hand over his nose, America gagged and stumbled back. "Shit!" Without waiting for round two, America turned and ran the way he had come, the smell never leaving his nose. With a satisfied snort, the skunk resumed its hunt for food.
Running into his house, America immediately stripped out of his ruined clothing and made a dash for the bathroom. He immediately turned on the shower and jumped in, only to find that the water made the smell even worse. Feeling like he was about to loose his lunch, he turned off the water and got out.
After drying off quickly, he wrapped the towel around his waist and started pacing. He had no idea what to do now. He didn't have any tomato juice and going to the store was out of the question. He would likely be kicked out because of his offensive odor.
He couldn't call England or even his brother, Canada. That was just asking to be laughed at. "Awe shit! I have a meeting tomorrow!" Slapping his forehead, America began pacing faster. He couldn't skip out on the meeting. He was the host after all. And besides that, he was sure if he skipped it, the others, especially England, would come looking for him.
Getting a brilliant idea (well, brilliant for him anyway), America went back into the bathroom. After rummaging through a cabinet, he soon found what he was looking for. Grinning, he held up the full bottle of cologne and took off the cap. He then set about spraying every last drop of the cologne all over himself in an attempt to get rid of the smell. Once satisfied, he threw the empty bottle in the trash and went to fix himself something to eat.
England sat at the large conference table, a scowl on his face. The last place he wanted to be was in the United States and stuck at a world meeting. He would have much rather been at home in England, sitting in front of his fireplace with a cup of tea and a good novel to pass the day.
Unfortunately it was that time of year again where there was a series of meetings every day for the next week. And to make matters worse, his longtime rival/secret crush, France, was being his typical frog self and irritating the island nation to no end.
"Bug off frog." England snapped, glaring at the older nation.
"But you are so much fun to mess with, Angleterre~" France replied with a smile.
"Wanker!"
"Ohonhonhon~"
"Oh mio Dio! What is that orribile smell?!" Romano suddenly yelled, plugging his nose.
"My God, it is awful!" England frowned, covering his nose.
Just then the doors were kicked open and America walked in. "The hero is here!"
Canada, being the closest one to the door, covered his nose and groaned. "Mon Dieu...America, did you get sprayed by a skunk again?"
America, for once noticing his twin, crossed his arms. "Of course not bro! I'm the hero! Heroes don't get skunked!"
"I beg to differ..." Canada mumbled.
"What the bloody hell are you going on about? And what is that offensive odor!?" England demanded, the smell making him nauseous.
"What smell, dude?" America asked, clearly playing dumb.
As though that were the magic phrase, the room erupted into chaos. Nations jumped out of their seats and ran out of the room as fast as they could, every last one of them covering their noses with their hands, shirts, and any other item they could find.
Before long the only ones left were America, Canada, England, and France; three of them still hiding their poor noses from the smell.
"I demand an answer as to why you smell like rotten eggs and dirty gym socks!" England demanded, giving the younger nation a look that would scare even Russia.
Alfred gasped, shocked by his former caretakers accusation, even if it was true. "I do not smell like rotten eggs and dirty gym socks!"
"Aiyah! You smell horrible!" China cried out, looking as though he were about to be sick.
"I don't stink!" America replied, raising his voice more than usual.
"Actually...you do smell pretty bad..." Canada replied, though his response went unnoticed.
"Mein Gott...you smell worse than Italy's boots..." The German nation shuddered a bit at the thought.
"C'est scandaleux! Mon ami, vous avez besoin d'un bain!" France announced, a determined glint in his blue eyes.
America looked at France as though he had just grown a second head. "Dude, speak American! I can't understand a word you just said!"
"It's English you wanker!" England yelled.
"I simply said, my smelly friend, that you need a bath." France replied casually.
America stared at him as his words registered. "Oh hell no! You're not giving me a bath!" With that, America bolted out the door, the meeting long since forgotten.
C'est scandaleux! Mon ami, vous avez besoin d'un bain! -This is outrageous! My friend, you need a bath! (French)
The rest should be pretty obvious lol
