I exhaled loudly with all these thoughts swirling around in my head. I wish I was a chick sometimes. I could be with the man I loved if I was. I just want to kiss him until our lips get sore. I really do but I can't. No one would be ok with it. Sometimes I really wish people were more accepting of gay couples. I scoffed at that. Not like he really was gay. That was the one thing that would always put a damper on my day. He wasn't gay.
Sure we had bromance but I know he doesn't feel the same. I wish he did so I can stop being a coward and keeping my feelings in. He as a new chick every night so of course he doesn't want me, he can get some cheap whore and call it a night not thinking about me. I really wish I could snap my fingers and we were in a world that would accept us AND, for him to love me back. I know damn well it will never happen. "Oh fuck it." I say walking from the deck up the steps. Today was the day when I would tell him how I really felt. Today was the day I stopped being a coward.
I just sneezed for the umpteenth today. I fucking hate being sick. Only reason I can even enjoy it just a tiny bit is not having to work. I've been going through this hell for a good week or so. It was terrible. I turned over to face the heavy curtains keeping out all the bright lights that the shore can give. I silently thanked Vinny for doing that for me, i would fucking die like a vampire if any light was in this room at my current state.
Vinny. I really felt for the smaller man, but I can't say that. I mean having a girl nearly every night and building up my rep would be broken down if I actually went for him. I love boobs, tits and ass, I can't. I mean no one would accept it. People would say shit like," Oh you see that fag Pauly D and his boyfriend?" I cringed at my own fucking thoughts. People would really look down on me if I went along with my advances. Fuck that i'm not gay. I never will give in to my lustful needs. I fucking loved him deep down but I can't.
I remember when he left, I wanted to cry right then and there on the spot. He was the one man I could never live without. I sneezed again but it was harder than the last. I wiped my nose seeing I needed another box soon. I rolled my eyes, this was like my second box this week. I threw the soiled tissue into my bio-hazard corner with all the other tissues. I sniffed to get any mucus that tried to escape, that was when I heard that faint few knocks on the door. "Huh?" I said with a fresh scowl on my face. My face softened when I saw Vinny open and close the door behind himself and shuffling to the side of the bed. His face looked like he was deep in thought. This always happened, he had some thoughts, he came to me for advice. I put on a weak smile on my face struggling to sit up. We were silent. I patted the spot right beside me motioning for him to sit. He scrunched his nose up and I laughed.
"Oh come on Vinny, I think its starting to let up." He rolled his eyes and responded, "I just heard the worse sneeze right before I walked in Pauly." I snorted at that,"Well sit at the edge of the bed and tell me whats up." He nodded and his playful smile turned serious. I saw he gulped hard and let out a unsure sigh looking up into my eyes.
"Pauly this is hard for me to say but.. I.." My eyebrows scrunched together at that. Was it that bad? That was when I heard it.
"Pauly I love you."
I thought my heart skipped a beat.
Read and Review. I got the idea while coming up with more fanfics to write :D Not enough Mpreg is around. Tell me what you think! xx
