The alarm sat silent until it admitted its high pitch beeping sound. This continued for a full minute until a large fist emerged from the bed covers and slammed down on its off button. Eric Theodore Cartman emerged from under the bed sheets and sat up, rubbing his hazel eyes. He lifted his slightly overweight body from the bed and headed towards the bathroom, shooting a hateful look towards the snow filled scenery outside his window.
He hated Monday mornings with a passion, they always managed to piss him off wither it be Mr garrison's annual Monday morning rants about his sex life or (and this really tested his patients) Butters Stotch doing his whole "Hay fellas another week of school huh? can't wait to start it" routine which even thinking about made Cartman want to drive a screwdriver into the blue eyed faggot's face. He sighed deeply in frustration and proceeded to strip his night shirt and boxers from his large form.
"Mum! The hot water on?!" he yelled down the hall.
No rely.
"Mother!" He bellowed.
Again no reply. Useless wench.
10 minutes later he was showered, dried and dressed. Cartman chose a pair of brown winter combats, thick black socks, a plain green t-shirt, a military-style black blouson Jacket, and of course, his blue winter hat.
Entering the kitchen he looked around for his mother, who strangely wasn't there. This meant that he had to make his own breakfast….again. He exhaled in angry frustration. His mother had probably gone to one of her 'parties' last night after he had gone to bed, and it was starting to become a regular thing, again.
He couldn't wait for the day she became unattractive with age, but unfortunately for him, the 40 year old had yet to really start ageing.
Reluctantly, and with great annoyance, he made himself breakfast and got his bag ready for school. As he ate, his iphone buzzed. A text from Stan.
It read: Hey dude. Be there in 5
Cartman frowned in irritation. Now he had to rush eating, he hated that.
Five minutes later, just as he finished organizing himself the doorbell rang.
"It's open jackass! You know that" Cartman called out in mild irritation.
The door opened and Stan Marsh appeared. He was wearing his favourite Second World War style bomber jacket that Cartman personally thought was the gayest thing since Elton John.
"You ready dude?" Stan asked, his laid back voice as easy going as it always was.
"Yeah just give me a sec" Cartman murmured back.
Stan had grown quite a bit over the years. His dark blue eyes and short jet black hair had stayed the same but his body had bulked up slightly, he could never be described as a "muscle man" but he was most definitely the most muscular out of him Kyle and Kenny. The sad thing was Stan had believed that by working out and getting into a fine shape Wendy would want to finally fuck him, that plan had been two years ago and Stan Marsh was still a virgin.
Cartman grabbed his thick red winter jacket, put it on, and headed out the door with Stan before locking it.
"Where's jewboy?" Cartman asked, noting the lack of ginger in the air.
"His mum's gonna drive him, she wants to see Mrs Victoria about his exam results" Stan replied shoving his hands deep into his pockets.
A delighted smirk rolled across Cartman's face
"I'm surprised she hasn't sent him to join the Israeli army for such an epic failure" Cartman spat.
Kyle had done badly in the exams they had taken a mouth back and Cartman had made it his personal job to remind the cock sucking Jew every chance he got. Naturally Stan came rushing to his butt buddies' defence.
"Ah come on dude just lay off him; he's really had it hard the last few weeks"
Cartman chuckled "I know, it's been awesome"
"His way more smarter then you ass master and you know it"
If Stan wasn't currently going out with a female that he was addicted too like a bad drug, Cartman would have sworn he was gay for Kyle and vies versa.
"His not smart his Jewish, their naturally cunning and conniving. And besides, if he's so fucking smart why didn't he pass?"
"Just lay off ok" Stan snapped.
Cartman spat onto the ground.
"Whatever"
Stan rolled his eyes.
"Your empathy is appreciated"
They both grinned
"Sarcastic dick" Cartman muttered
[]
Cartman and Stan made their way inside the school and over to their lockers, they had an hour free before their media class started and so had time to kill. Stan sat on the floor against his locker and read his revision books. Cartman on the other hand did exactly the same but drank a coke instead, looking around he found another member of their group missing.
"Where's Kenny? I haven't seen him since Friday" Cartman asked, looking at Stan.
Stan looked up from his book and frowned in wonder.
"Not sure, wasn't he talking about trying for a threesome with Tam a while back?"
Cartman smirked and nodded.
"That's our Kenny. God bless that sexual disease spreading hero"
Stan chuckled.
"I'm surprised the federal government hasn't issued a CDC warning on him yet"
Cartman crushed the now empty can in his hand and threw it. Getting up to get another one from his locker he felt the same can hit his shoulder before clanging onto the floor.
He whirled around to find out who obviously had a death wish.
Pure hatred immediately rushed through him as he locked eyes with the person who had thrown the can.
Wendy Testaburger strode slowly towards Cartman and Stan, her light blue eyes staring daggers at him. Her long raven hair danced slowly behind her as she walked past him. She wore a purple button-up shirt and a black skirt which showed off her long pale slender legs.
"Use a trash can next time fat ass. I really don't want to trip over your junk" She hissed.
The sound of his girlfriend's voice immediately drew Stan's attention. He got to his feet wearing a happy smile, which she returned eagerly.
"Hay Wendy, how was Den….."
"How about I punch it down your fucking neck instead? Will that stop you from tripping up?" Cartman growled, cutting off Stan's greeting.
Ignoring him Wendy continued to focus her attention on her boyfriend and enveloped him in her long slender arms.
"Hey Stan, I missed you" She said lovingly.
"Missed you too, how was Denver?"
"Boring as usual"
Cartman stared at them. He hated her with every fiber in his being, and he really hated that she was doing the whole "Lover greeting" routine in front of him. She had only been gone the weekend, so why did they act as if it had been longer?
"Pity you didn't die in a fucking rape and murder while you were there" Cartman snapped.
Stan shot him a disgusted look.
"Jesus dude….." He muttered.
"Please ignore him, I'm having a good morning so far" Wendy whispered into his ear.
"Might need a distraction to help me do that" Stan teased.
Smiling the two kissed long and hard.
Cartman turned from them, feeling raw anger and disgust flow through his veins. Who the fuck did she think she was telling him what to do with his trash and then ignoring his retaliation?
Opening his locker Cartman stashed his coat and jacket away. Looking back at them his irritation boiled over again, Stan hand his hand on her backside. A sickening feeling joined his hate.
"Oh come on dude, just shoot me now" Cartman protested.
The last thing he wanted to deal with on a Monday morning was their pathetic, pointless, and faggy romance.
Upon hearing his protests Wendy hold on her boyfriend became more aggressive, holding Stan closer and deepening their kiss. Most probably just to annoyed Cartman.
Cartman swung his bag over his shoulder and looked back at them.
"I'm going to warn you right now Stan, you're probably kissing the same lips that have been wrapped around Bill Clintons cock at some point" Cartman hissed at them.
Wendy finally broke her kiss with Stan, almost pushing him away as she turned to face Cartman. Her patients finally gone.
"Would you just Fuck off fatass! I'm trying to have a moment with Stan" she shouted at him.
Cartman had to smile, pissing off Wendy was one of the most satisfying things he could do. His Monday was looking up already.
"Oh please Wendy, if you and Stan had a real moment together then he wouldn't be a virgin, would he. So why don't you fuck off instead"
By the look of the red creeping across her face his attack had done its job.
Stan looked less angry but equality as embarrassed.
"Shut up dude" he whispered, looking around nervously.
Wendy just stared at him, her eyes bearing into his. Cartman stared right back at her. He wanted her to know just how much he hated her. He wanted her to be in pain.
She grew unconformable quickly and look away first, much to Cartman's victorious delight.
"One day fat arse I swear…." She began, her good mood now completely ruined.
"Yeah yeah bitch whatever" He waved his dismissively.
Turning on his heels, he walked away, a big satisfied cocky grin on his lips.
