Disclaimer: I don't own the Spider-Man franchise or any of its characters. I just wish I could.

A series of mostly-connected One-Shots of the characters' interactions aboard the S.H.I.E.L.D ship in the video game, Spider-Man: Friend or Foe.

NOTE: Some changes has been made based on my own preferences. The most major one: The Green Goblin will be in his good ol' classic costume! He can actually show emotions that way and will be easier for me to work with. :)

Chapter Summary: Just a basic introduction as the ship's computer gives us a tour.


Prologue

"Rhino, no running in the hallway." the mechanical, yet feminine voice of the ship's computer echoed through the corridors as said human pachyderm charged his way down one long stretch of hall to another. Hearing the ever present voice from the nearby intercoms, Rhino merely scoffed with a smirk.

"You ain't my Mama. You can't tell me what to do." he declared, speeding up if anything. He loved charging and, dang it, he wasn't going to stop until he felt like it...or until he hits something, whichever came first. And the latter was almost the case on numerous occasions. Several unsuspecting agents had to literally throw themselves out of the way to avoid being trampled. Even big-named villains like Venom had to leap up onto the ceiling, his symbiote skin swimming unpleasantly from the vibrating steps of Rhino's heavy strides, and the Green Goblin's glider had to make a drastic dodge, almost crashing in the process.

"Hey! Watch where you're going or I'll jab a Pumpkin Bomb down your throat!" Gobby hissed, glaring over his shoulder at the reckless behemoth as his glider stabilized itself from its sudden change in direction.

"Ha! You and what army?" Rhino sneered back, slowing down only to turn a corner before continuing. As the horned freak disappeared, Venom's suit began to calm. Hissing and giving himself a relieving shake, he continued on his way via the ceiling.

"Rhino, no running in the hallway. This is your final warning." the computer once more reprimanded, her voice taking on a firmer, no-nonsense tone. But once again, her warning was brushed off by the subject of the scolding.

"What're you going to do about it? You're just a voice."

The instant he said those words, a multitude of mechanical arms suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Gripping his thick hide and wrapping around him in a powerful bind, the arms then hoisted him into the air and flipped him upside down. Not surprisingly, Rhino was rather shocked by this, blinking with wide eyes. His confused mind naturally thought that this was Doc Ock pulling some bizarre stunt before slowly realizing that the arms came from the surrounding walls.

Feeling a flash of indignation, the formerly rampaging mutant began to struggle, straining to break his restraints apart, but even with his great strength, his efforts brought no success whatsoever.

"Hey! Put me down!" he demanded in a huff. Another arm appeared from the wall, flowing towards his face. Its mechanical 'fingers' pinched his cheek in an almost playful manner.

"Mama has to teach little Rhino a lesson."


"Welcome, newcomer. You are now aboard the S.H.I.E.L.D. ship, orbitting the Earth while inexplicably remaining undetected. While onboard, please feel free to relax as you enjoy all the wonderful things we have to offer, such as:

Friendly Companionship

"Is it kind of weird that we're all in the same room together without you guys, ya know, trying to kill me?" Spider-Man asked out loud as he lazed around the lounge along with every villain he brought on board. He soon realized his mistake in asking that, however, when Doc Ock turned to look at him.

"Rest assured, arachnid. As soon as we're done with the tasks at hand, we'll go back to how it was before." he 'reassured', the other antagonists unable to ignore this subject as they all turned to Spidey with ominous looks that our beloved hero didn't like.

"Or...we can 'practice' on our free time." Scorpion snickered, cracking his knuckles.

"Oooooh boy..." Spider-Man gulped as his Spider Sense went through the roof. Finding himself surrounded by every villain in the room, he knew asking that question was a reeeeaaaaalllly bad idea...

Delicious Ethnic Foods

"What the hell is this?" the Green Goblin asked as he poked the gelatin clump of who-knows-what with his fork, a disgusted grimace taking over his face. The smell was horrible and he pushed his plate away as the computer answered his question cheerfully.

"It's Lutefisk. A Norwegian delicacy."

"Is it suppose to jiggle like this?" Spider-Man asked, leaning back from the food in an attempt to get away from the unpleasant odor as he too poked the blob with his silverware, only to find his silver fork actually beginning to melt. "What the-?"

"What is this stuff made of?" Venom asked. Even he, with his voracious appetite and indiscriminate eating habits, was more than hesitant to try this new food, especially seeing what it was doing to the Spider's fork.

"It's cod soaked in highly caustic lye. Warning: May burn the inside of a toilet."

"ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US?" yelled just about everyone in the dining room.

And Luxurious Living Quarters

"Is that a rat?"

And much, much more. So be sure to kick your feet up and enjoy yourself. Warning: We are not responsible for any physical, mental, or emotional harm inflicted during your stay here. Thank you and have a great day."


"Can you put me down now?" Rhino asked after a few hours of hanging there. He swore, he was starting to see in red from being upside down for so long.

"Is little Rhino going to behave himself?"

"Yeah, sure. Whatever." And with that, the arms released him, causing him to crash onto the floor with a yelp. Sitting up, he grumbled to himself as the arms above him retreated back into the wall and one more emerged with a special present. "Stupid, good-for-nothing lady. Always- Oh, cookies!" Forgetting all about his animosity towards the computer, he took a cookie and happily went about eating it as another mechanical arm emerged to pat his head lovingly.

"There's a good boy."


And there's the first chapter. I had tons of fun writing this and I hope you guys had as much fun reading it. Please review if you can!

Note: I heard that Lutefisk is actually pretty good, but try telling that to our lovable friends. :D