Who am I?

I could hear my pulse in my ears. It was as rapid as my breathing…well my gasping actually. I had a death grip on my sword and I clutched it close to my chest. Holding the Tetsusaiga made me feel safer, more complete. I was gripping it so hard my knuckles were turning white, as if letting go would cause me to shatter. Of course that wasn't far from the truth. This sword was my only lifeline.

Who am I?

My eyes closed as I attempted to slow down my breathing and my heart. Sweat rolled down my face, and I was literally shaking with terror. I had never been this afraid before…and I wasn't even afraid of an enemy, I was afraid of myself. I stared blankly at the ground, reliving that horrid nightmare in the depths of my mind.

Who am I?

I wondered how long it would be until the others realized I was gone. It didn't matter if they did, they wouldn't understand…no one ever did. No one ever could. There was only one person who was even close to understanding, and yet she understood so little. I gripped my sword tighter, I was so angry at myself; I wanted to slit my own throat open. Of course, I didn't…no I couldn't die yet. There was still something I needed to do.

Who am I?

I could still hear the echoes of them screaming, and I could still smell the blood. I felt tainted, dirty and sick. I knew none of it had been real, but despite how hard I tried to convince myself of that…I couldn't stop trembling. It had been one of the most realistic dreams I had ever had. I was still afraid, that if I went back to the others I'd find the same scene from my nightmare. I was terrified that I would look down, and see blood on my hands. And that same thought wouldn't get out of my head.

Who am I?

I couldn't answer that. I had no idea myself…I couldn't really be that monster deep down…could I? I knew that either way that thing was still inside me, waiting to break free. Is that really what I wanted? I couldn't bare the thought of that happening…if that dream had come true…I could never put up with myself. I felt like a danger to them, the people I cared about. If I hurt her…I didn't think I physically could.

Who am I?

The human in me yearned for her to come to me and to calm me, just to touch me. I needed her right now, and the strength of the desire shocked me. Yet after my dream I didn't dare go near her. If I killed her, I couldn't live with myself. I wanted to be near her, to know that she was safe and that she cared about me too. Of course, I was kidding myself there. Who could love a monster like me? A monster who loved the feel of blood on my hands, and the sound of tortured screams.

I punched the tree trunk I was leaning against. The entire tree shuddered and I sat there, with my eyes closed, almost crying with frustration.

What am I?