N/A: Hi there, you beautiful people! So I wrote this for the following kinkmeme prompt in the yjanon kinkmeme: yjanon-meme . livejournal (slash) 676 . html ? thread=1616804#t1616804
This deals with child abuse, suicide attempt and it will be very very very sad because I'm a terrible monster who feeds on Wally's tears. I also made Wally not know Robin's identity because, you know, I wanted to make it even more sad. I'm a bad person, I know. I've embraced it. Also, I know very little of the comics so I took some liberties to make this fic work. I sincerely hope you enjoy it.
xxx
"Useless."
Wally falls to his knees and grabs his head with both hands. There's someone in there, there's someone inside going through his memories. There's someone's watching them, eating popcorn and laughing.
"Useless and reckless." Someone says and Wally looks up to see Batman. He's suddenly back at Mount Justice, reporting the team failure, and he burns under the league member's gaze. "Useless and reckless and a murderer." He says and Wally remembers.
Wally remembers his friends, his team. He remembers their bodies and the blood. So much blood. He remembers Robin's eyes and they were blue; they were beautiful and cold and dead.
Then he remembers these aren't memories, they never happened. He remembers how to breathe.
Batman laughs and he's not Batman anymore, he's Psimon, the psycho creep that erased their memories in Bialya and is back for a second round.
"Get out of my head." Wally gathers every bit of strength he has left and yells at him.
"Useless." Someone says again and the Flash's suddenly there, by his side. "So very useless."
The Flash runs and Wally runs after him. He runs as fast as he can, he runs faster than he can. Wally jumps on him, fighting with all his might, reaching out for his mask because he won't fall for the same trick twice. He isn't useless. He takes his mask off and suddenly feels useless because that's uncle Barry's face and that's uncle Barry's voice and suddenly a door opens to darkness.
He goes through it.
"I don't want a sidekick." Barry says and he's in his civilian clothes in Wally's room and Wally's eleven years old, all over again. "I don't want the responsibility."
In seconds Wally is alone and he's holding the autographed picture of the Flash that uncle Barry gave him for his sixth birthday. He needs the Flash, he's always needed him, but the Flash doesn't need him back.
"Useless." His father comes into the room and he's even younger. "Useless." Rudolph West says it again and again and Wally's six, and then he's seven and eight and nine and ten and eleven and he can't take it anymore.
"Useless." Someone says, but it's not his dad anymore, there's no one around. Wally's twelve and he spends the whole night alone in his uncle's forensic lab, reading his notes, mixing chemicals and failing, over and over again. "I'm so fucking useless." His voice sounds tired and defeated to his own ears.
"Useless." Someone says and he doesn't even want to know who the voice belongs to. He's twelve and he's waking up on a hospital bed. His entire being hurts like hell, but he knows that he's going to be alright; he knows he's failed, he knows he's useless.
"Useless." Psimon says and laughs at the crying teenager at his feet. "Poor kid can't even kill himself right."
xxx
"Kid Flash!" Kaldur calls and kneels by his side, his concern over his frozen teammate worsening when he doesn't answer him, or acknowledges his presence, but continues to stare into nothing. "M'Gann, we need you!" He telepathically cries for the martian.
Robin's the first to arrive, detecting the urgency in his voice.
"KF." The boy wonder waits exactly five seconds for a reply that never comes. In the sixth, he's taking explosives out of his utility belt to throw at Psimon, who's also standing there, a few feet away, a sick smile frozen in his face.
"Stop, Robin." Kaldur grabs his arms before he can throw his bombs. "We don't know what's happening, what if their minds are somehow linked? We can't risk a direct attack or we might end up hurting KF even more. M'Gann's on her way."
"He's in pain." Robin glances at the grief-stricken look on his best friend's face. There are tears streaming down his cheeks, but Wally doesn't even blink. Robin looks away. "Aqualad, KF's crying, we have to do something."
Kaldur takes Robin's hand and then takes Wally's with his free one, not knowing what else he could do. "I've never seen him cry before." He confesses, suddenly feeling small and helpless and nothing like a leader is supposed to feel.
"I'm here!" M'Gann flies through the open window and Superboy comes through the front door, completely destroying it. Artemis comes running after him.
They all stop at the sight that awaits them. M'Gann recovers quickly and lands near his friends in a second.
"Can you bring him back?" Robin asks her.
She immediately nods, but her trembling hands say otherwise.
"I'll need to go inside his head." She pauses. "I'll need to break into his mind, that's just... What if he hates me for it?"
"Then he'll have to hate me, because I gave the order." Kaldur doesn't hesitate. Everyone's staring at him. "Do it."
"Kick this psycho's ass." Superboy agrees and touches her shoulder in support.
M'Gann closes her eyes and focus.
xxx
"Poor kid."
The whole place is dark, but M'Gann overhears Psimon's words and locates them easily. The satisfaction in his voice makes her want to throw up, specially because he's talking to a twelve years old Wally, who's sobbing and crying his eyes out at his feet.
"Can't even kill himself right." He laughs and M'Gann can't take it anymore, she can't hear anymore of this.
"Get out of his head!" She yells and the power in her voice takes him by surprise. He vanishes.
"Wally, Wally." She runs to him, dropping to her knees to hold him, but he flinches away from her. "Wally, it's me, it's okay. He's gone."
It's the last sentence that gets to him. He grabs her shirt, buries his face on her neck and cries even more, melting into her embrace. She doesn't know how long they stay like this. He cries and she holds him and whispers things in his ears, mixing martian with english, until his tears run dry.
"Let's go home, Wally. Our friends are waiting."
"I don't have any friends." He's gasping for air.
"You do!" His answer hurts more than a stab in the chest, but she refuses to give up now. "Don't you remember, Wally?"
"I don't want to remember anymore." His eyes start watering again. "I can't, I just... You can't make me."
"I won't. No one's making you remember anything you don't want to and that's a promise." She takes his hands. "I just need you to trust me, can you do that?"
He stares at her for what seems like forever, but he eventually nods.
"I won't go through your memories, but I'll let you go through mine." She rests her forehead against his. "Close your eyes."
He does. He sees everything.
"M'Gann" Wally opens his eyes and he's sixteen again. The sound of her name in his lips makes her smile for the first time since she got into his head. "I have a team, I have... I have friends."
"Let's go back to them." She presses a light kiss to his cheek and closes her eyes.
