Roy & Thea – Numb

A/N: This is a fanfic of Roy and Thea from Arrow. It takes place after Roy finds Thea's letter to him.

"Thea?" Roy Harper bursts through his front door, out of breath and exhausted. He frantically searches for his girlfriend before noticing a note on his bed.

Roy,

I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I thought I could still be with you. I thought I could still be Thea Queen.

But Thea Queen was trusting. And I don't trust you. Or anyone. Not anymore.

Thea Queen was also weak, and no matter what it takes, I will be strong.

Don't try to find me. You won't. Even I don't know where I'm going. I only know one thing:

I'm never coming back.

Goodbye,

-Thea

Roy immediately shoves the letter into his pocket and goes to find her.

Xxx

Thea's heels clack against the concrete as she walks toward the private jet Malcom had arranged for her. She stops suddenly in her tracks, overwhelmed by the magnitude of what she was about to do.

You have to do this, she thinks. You can't turn back, or it will make you weak. You promised yourself you couldn't be weak anymore.

She steels herself towards the plane, as if the stronger side of her is dragging the weak side behind it, pushing thoughts of Roy and Oliver to the back of her mind. She takes those thoughts and locks them up in a corner of her brain.

She boards the plane and stows her purse underneath her, crossing her legs and staring at her hands. She feels numb, unable to let any of her emotions escape from the prison she's sent them to.

"Thea!"

She inhales sharply at those words, spoken by someone she loves- or loved. She looks up to see Roy standing in front of her, his chest heaving and his eyes wide.

"What are you-" She begins, but is cut off.

"I had to stop you. Thea, please don't leave." He begs.

She avoids his gaze, because she knows it is the only thing that can break her.

"I told you, I'm not going back. I have nothing left." She says in a monotone.

"You have me. And Oliver," Roy tries.

"No. You lost me." She states as if it is a simple fact.

Thea wills herself not to jump up and into his arms, because she is really just a scared child who doesn't know how to deal with pain. Back during the five years that Oliver was here, she'd drowned herself in pills and alcohol, partying her nights away just as numb as she felt now. She doesn't have a coping mechanism, and everything just overwhelms her like a tidal wave. Her mother is dead. Her father killed himself. Her brother had lied to her about who her biological father was. Roy had pushed her away by making out with a random girl in the storage room of her very own nightclub. Shutting everything out is the only way she can avoid the pain.

"I'm so sorry for letting you go, Thea," Roy's voice is breaking as he walks toward her. He kneels in front of her, but she refuses to look into those eyes…

Very carefully, as though he might break her, Roy gently opens up her fingers and places a silver bracelet in her palm. The same bracelet he'd given her not too long ago. He turned and left, and she curled up into a ball as her body is racked with sobs. She cries and cries until she is dry, and then she is done. She dabs away her tears with a tissue, reapplies her mascara, and vows to herself that she'll never let herself cry like that again.

Xxx Three Years Later xxX

Roy is standing less than ten feet away from Thea's table outside a quaint café on the outskirts of Toulouse, France. She's just as heart-achingly beautiful as he remembers, her shiny brown hair much longer now, her skin more golden from the French sunset. Her bright eyes scan the menu as he works up the courage to speak to her. Her slender legs are crossed, and he feels his eyes go up and down her curves involuntarily. But the thing that catches his eye is her jewelry. She was still wearing the silver bracelet, filling him with hope. She's kept that after all of these years.

He decides that he won't talk to her in a public setting, so he discreetly follows her back to a fancy hotel, which he wonders about. Why is she staying in a hotel?

He sweet-talks the young clerk at the front desk to give him Thea's room number with ease, and he hops on the elevator to her room.

He hesitates for a moment, with his closed fist hovering centimeters away from her closed door. What if she isn't happy to see him? He shakes his head and knocks twice, anxiously waiting with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Roy?" Thea sticks her head out of the door and looks him up and down.

"Hey." He manages, the right corner of his mouth curling into a slight smile.

"What- what are you-" Thea chokes out, clearly surprised at his sudden arrival.

"Can I come in?" He asks tentatively. She nods, opening the door the rest of the way.

He drinks in the sight of her. She's wearing an oversized, see-through white t-shirt, tied around her waist to expose her smooth midriff. Below her bellybutton, she has on short pajama shorts. Her long, dark hair is tied up into a messy bun that he wants so badly to put his fingers in.

She seems to sense his blazing stare, and she flushes. He smirks slightly, then takes a seat on a cushioned chair across from where she is sitting by the end of the king-sized bed, her legs crossed again.

"So, what are you doing here?" She asks, her fingers picking at the hem of her shirt.

"I came to see you."

"Is something going on back in Starling?"

"Well, yes. Oliver asked Felicity to marry him." Roy shifts in his seat, trying and failing to keep his eyes off of her. God, she was so effortlessly beautiful.

"Finally," Thea smiles with a bit of longing in her voice. Roy missed her smile.

"Yeah, they're planning a spring wedding."

"And… what about you?" Her voice is soft as the question hangs in the air. "Have you found anyone?"

He moves his chair a little closer, leaning over on his elbows to look her in the eyes.

"If I had, would I be here?" He says in a low rumble that he barely recognizes as his own voice.

She lets out a barely-audible squeak, but he catches it. He loves seeing his usually confident Thea like this. It gives him a rush to know that he makes her lose that control.

"Oh," She practically whispers, more confident this time. The tension is palpable.

Seconds pass as they are lost in each other's eyes. Seconds pass, and then they slam together, his fingers in her hair and her hands on his chest.

Thea's POV

His strong hands hold my waist as we kiss, and I can feel the soft bed on my back as he lies us down. Roy is my weakness, always has been. He knows exactly what I love.

Xxx

I wake up the next morning, happier than I have been in a long time. My body is intertwined with Roy's, and my hand is on his chest that is rising and falling with each breath. His head rests above mine with his chin on my head; we fit together perfectly. I feel him stir.

"Mm. Good morning," I smile up at him.

"I haven't done anything like this in three years. I've really missed it." He murmurs into my hair, but the words fill me with guilt. He waited for me. I break free of his embrace and curl up into a ball next to him, filled with guilt and disgust at myself.

He sits up, resting his weight on his elbows as he strokes me head with concern.

"What's wrong?"

"I've been so whiny these past couple of years, running away from Starling and always finding excuses not to go back. I fell back into partying, and I don't even know how many guys I hooked up with-" My voice catches on the last sentence, but that isn't even the worst of it.

"It isn't your fault. If anything, it's mine. I lied to you and covered it up by saying it was to protect you." His voice is sad.

"You aren't the one lying now," I say in almost a whisper, fearfully looking up to see his reaction.

"What are you talking about?"

I slowly reach into the first drawer of the bedside table and pull out a small item.

His face pales. The sight of my engagement ring has drained the blood from his face. I wince.

Roy says nothing, just gets up, puts his clothes on, and starts for the door before I jump up and run in front of him.

"Wait! Please… I'm so sorry. I-I thought that being with someone average would fix me. But being with you has. I don't want anyone but you. I love you, Roy." I beg.

I see him flinch at my declaration of love, but he is looking straight ahead. When he finally looks down at me, my heart viciously rips in two.

"I love you, Thea. But you're promised to someone else."

I am left destroyed by his words as he pushes past me and out of the room. When the door closes behind him, sealing his decision, I collapse against the wall and sob.

"Please…" I cry out, my body shaking like I'd promised myself I would never do again.

I cry for what seems like forever before my God-awful coping mechanisms kick in, and my sadness quickly morphs into anger.

How dare he fly to Paris, only to leave me again? Seeing my ring was just an excuse to leave faster than he was already going to.

A part of me knows I am wrong, that I am the one at fault, but the other seventy-five percent of me is hell-bent on torturing Roy the way I felt he had tortured me.

Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed!