Master of Pemberley, Servant of God
Although it was about a month before Christmas, Darcy was thinking about the Christ child and his humble origins. Why was it that he could worship a Lord and Savior who was born in a manger to peasants, worshiped by likely smelly shepherds, but he could not marry a winsome lass born to a country gentleman? He was also thinking about gifts. The gift Darcy wanted most of all was to live his life with a wife who laughed and teased, who debated and questioned, who had fine eyes that seemed to look into his soul. Yet duty lay elsewhere. In stubbornness akin to Jonah's, Darcy ran away.
On Easter Darcy attended church with his Aunt Catherine and Cousin Anne. He felt all the irony that his attempt to flee from Miss Elizabeth ended with God delivering him to her. The pastor was preaching about how Christ's resurrection changed the apostles, made Peter (who denied Christ three times) brave. Darcy wondered if he, too, could be brave and seek after what he wanted most. Perhaps Miss Elizabeth was the pearl of great price; what would he not give up for her?
Miss Elizabeth had rejected him. After Darcy was alone in his room at Rosings, he allowed himself to feel all the pain of being denied what he desired most. He thought about how Christ had asked God to take away the cup, to find another way besides his death. And yet God had not spared his son. Darcy knew that Elizabeth's denial was a small blow compared to the suffering that Christ endured on the cross (both physical and mental when God turned his back on him). The pain Darcy felt was overwhelming, crushing. He could barely breathe; how much worse must Christ have suffered to take on all the sin of the world?
Darcy finally understood that his own pride, vanity, and arrogance had led to his downfall. Darcy resolved to change himself for the better, to attend to Miss Elizabeth's reproofs. He felt he had been like Saul, ready to stone others for not living up to his ideals. Miss Elizabeth's words had struck him blind, and when his eyes were once again clear, he was a new creation. He resolved to live as he ought, as a Paul, rather than under the blinders of his pride.
Months went by, with nothing to quench his thirst. Where was the living water when he needed it? But then having just arrived at Pemberley, he saw Miss Elizabeth walking outside at his estate. Before she appeared he felt that he had been condemned to wander forty years in the desert, and yet suddenly here before him was the promised land. He vowed to prove himself worthy of it, to show that he had remedied his mistakes. Where before he thought Miss Elizabeth was not worthy of him, now he knew he was not worthy of her. He resolved to labor as long as it took to earn her hand, much as Jacob had labored for Rachel.
Once again Darcy was betrayed by the man who was his brother, the Cain to his Abel. Although Wickham was no murderer (though Darcy supposed he had committed murder in his heart many times), Wickham was always jealous, bitter and angry at what Darcy had. Darcy knew Wickham was one of the wicked who prospered, he knew that even if men did not see his sin that God saw all and in the end there would be much weeping and gnashing of teeth for him in Hell. If Jesus could humble himself to wash the feet of Judas, knowing that Judas would betray him for thirty pieces of silver, it was a small thing to seek out Wickham and pay him to do the right thing by Miss Lydia.
Darcy finally knew what it was to love. Love meant sacrifice, even laying down his own life if needed. He knew the love he bore for Miss Elizabeth had changed him, made him patient, kind, and taken away his pride. It was only when he learned humility (from her well-deserved reproofs) that he had learned wisdom. Miss Elizabeth was more precious than rubies. He knew that Miss Elizabeth also knew what love was when she told him that she would keep no record of his past wrongs. Although they were both flawed (no one was perfect but God, after all), Darcy knew that the love they bore for each other could cover a multitude of sins. He resolved to be more humble, more thoughtful, to seek to understand and serve his fellow man, to be the man his heavenly Father created him to be (rather than just the man born to be Master of Pemberley). Darcy found proof of the God's existence and love for him in the way all things in his life had worked to unite him with Miss Elizabeth. He found comfort in the knowledge that God had provided Miss Elizabeth as his helpmate. Darcy rejoiced that God had deigned not just to leave him to his ignorance but to change him for the better. He knew with all his mind and heart that he could not help but be improved by becoming one flesh with Miss Elizabeth.
