I do not own any of these characters, my version would have porn, or in some cases more porn.
The whole ship was alight with noise and chatter. The commanders celebrated new promotions and mourned losses, ensigns celebrated none of them dying, or, just tcelebratign that the ensigns tat did nto maek it, were not them. Today was a day of joy and celebration, fro today was a day in which all officers, of all ranks would get up on a stage and humiliate themselves, because lets' face it, Kirk's 90th rendition of "I'm too sexy for my shirt." and Checkove's act, in which eh would say that every piece of equipment he used was invented in Russia, when he should have been doing a ocmedy act. People laughed anyway, but for different reasons.
The reason that hey were really excited was, however, was the rumour that the Vulcan Ambassador, Sarek himself, was performing with his son, Spock. Why on Earth these wise and noble people would choose hand themselves over to a few hundred drunk Terran's mercies, no one could quite figure out.
The entire hall hushed, as their First Officer, and the Vulcan Ambassador stepped out onto the stage. Uhurah caught sight of the reason for what surly be the awful result of two tone deaf Vulcan's. Fro right there, in Sarek's hand, was a chocolate bar. "Their drunk!" Nyota whispered to a smirking Captain.
"Yep."
"And you-"
"Yep."
"Then why-"
"How else can I get good blackmail material, hmm?" Uhurah pursed her lips, making a mental note to get an ensign to "lose" Kirk's porn collection.
Spock was the first to sit down, and speak into the microphone. "This is dedicated to a very special lady of mine." Spock hiccupped.
Uhurah smiled. "Awww, Spock. I love you too!"
"We love you Winnona Kirk!" Sarek and Spock said in unison.
"What?" Nyota asked, voice dangerously low.
"What!" Kirk exclaimed at a much higher volume. "It wasn't the enterprise? You sick bastards!"
"Be quite, we're singing now." Sarek ordered. He put an unnatural smile on his face and began to sing. "Everybody in the world loves irn bur!" Sarek sang at a falsetto pitch.
"I do!" Spock agreed.
"I do!" Scotty yelled.
" I do!" Ensign Cup cake exclaimed.
Spock's face lit up in what appear to be genuine shock. " Me too!"
" Everybody in the world loves irn bru!" Sarek continued, taking another bite of the chocolate bar.
" He does!" Spock pointed at his father.
"She does!" Sarek pointed to the frowning Nyota, who was only further angered by the participation in this madness.
"We does!" Spock gestured to the whole audience.
"Me does!" Kirk pointed at himself and stood up, getting quite caught up in the moment.
"And I especially love Irn Bru, even though I used to be a cat. Even though I used to be a cat!" Sarek finished off, doing his own small solo on the pian, before getting up to bow. The two promptly left eh stage, to make drunken calls to Kirk's mother.
"Well, Captain, did you get what you wanted?" Uhurah asked, kind of looking forward to the humiliation that the two Vulcan's would surly feel at their behaviours.
"Oh shit!" Kirk exclaimed, looking around. "I forgot to bring my camera!"
"It looks like they've escaped, this time." Threatened the still furious Uhurah.
The next day, Winnona Kirk awoke to nearly fifty messages, all from Spock and Sarek of Vulcan, she hesitantly open the first message. Sarek's voice bellowed through the receiver. "Hi, Mrs Kirk. I just wanted to say that I've got a Pon Far coming up, and you seem single..."
The End! This is my first published fic, please don't' hurt me! Reviews make me happy. I would like to give credit to my friend Amy for the brilliant idea!
