SUMMARY: Bella was kicked out by Renee and moved in with Charlie when she was 16. Turns out he didn't want her much either. He was abusive to her. When she graduated, she went to community college for a year before transferring to Ball State University to major in architecture. She lived with her aunt, uncle, and cousin for the summer before going off to university. She got a summer job at a local ice-cream place where she met a few people also going to Ball State. Within the first week of university, she's already having roommate problems, which leads her to the Hall Director's office. She's seen him around a few times before and thought he was cute. Now talking to him and having a genuine conversation with this man makes her think about him night and day. It also brings to the surface things she thought she had under control.
(M for language, actions, mental behavior)
A/N: This is my very first fanfic. This being my first fic, please be gentle. I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. However, this story is somewhat autobiographical with some made up scenarios. I was tired of the stories with the generic plot lines and the HEA all the time and the damsel in distress. I wanted something real, so I decided to write it myself. My writing is not the best and for that I do apologize.
I hope you enjoy it :)
DISCLAIMER: SM owns all and I only own the plot.
CHAPTER 1:
I hate looking in the mirror. I don't like what I see. I'm not tall. I have small breasts. I'm pale as fuck and I don't tan-I burn. My eyes are a boring brown. Hidden away behind a pair of glasses. My natural hair is actually blonde, but that naturally changed to brown. I absolutely hated it. So I did something about it. One day I had it bleached and dyed it blue. I have since had practically every color of the rainbow. I have had red, orange, yellow, green/teal, blue, violet, pink and magenta. Like I said: every color. Right now I have magenta, violet and teal. As for the next week or the following week? I haven't the slightest. But I can guarantee that it will change.
I can say that there are two things I like about myself. That being my hair and my nails. I change my nail color every week. You will never not see me without nail polish on. The few friends I had back in Forks would say that I have "dagger nails" on account of them being long and the face that I would use them on people and scratch them.
People call me mean. People call me a bitch. Eh. They think it bothers me. I've been called that since I was ten. Now here I stand, ten years later in my empty dorm room. Needing to unpack and get what little I have in its place, waiting for my roommate, Lauren, to arrive tomorrow.
I just moved in today. I've been living in Indiana for the past few months. I was living with my aunt Jane, her husband Arthur (or Aro, as he likes to be called) and their son, Ben. They have been nothing but generous to me for the past couple months.
My dad is a whole nother story. He and I have never been close. The only times we were close was when he would hit me. He wasn't just physically abusive. He was also verbally and emotionally abusive.
While my bruises faded and my scars healed, his words never faltered. They are still there. While there are people who come out strong on the other end, I have not. I have let my thoughts get the better of me.
I guess why that's one reason why I dye my hair the way I do. It's one of the few things I could control in my life. One thing he couldn't control. Of course, when I came home with blue hair, he wasn't happy about it. Believe me; he let me know that he wasn't happy.
Now here I sit, in this shithole town, roughly 2,434 miles away from Charlie and 60 some miles from the only family that I can accept who care for me.
I stayed in forks a year after I graduated. I just went to community college, to get my general classes. I made sure the classes I enrolled in transferred to Ball State. Ball State had always been my first choice; they have a really well renowned architecture program and I have wanted to be an architect since I was ten.
I went behind Charlie's back and applied to BSU. I got a letter in the mail from them asking for my medical history, the letter said that without that, they couldn't give me a schedule. Well, confused as I was, I emailed them asking if I got in. My response came two days later announcing that I got in and that my package should be coming in the mail soon.
I told this to my aunt Jane, who has been helping me pay for my schooling. She told me that she was at work and was crying because she was so happy.
She asked me if I wanted to live with her and her family for the summer. I gladly accepted anything to get away from Charlie. She's the only person that I've ever told about him. She says it's because I remind him so much of Renee. I don't want to be compared to my mother in any way. She doesn't want me – she made that perfectly clear.
Jane said that she would co-sign on all loans that I would need. I said that I couldn't thank her enough and I don't know how to repay her. She simply said getting away from that brother of hers was payment enough.
The only bad thing about all of this was telling Charlie. I thought my "punishment" for coming home with blue hair was bad. That was more like a walk in the park compared to this.
I tried to cover up best I could for class that following day. People looked at me, but I just kept my head down, as per usual. Marcus, my now ex-boyfriend, seemed concerned. I just brushed him aside. I planned on breaking up with him soon.
I actually tried to back in December, but he manipulated my feelings into staying with him. I told him that I wasn't happy, but he said he would hurt himself if I left. Therefore, I stayed. So there we were, 5 months later and still unhappy.
When I told him about Ball State, he wasn't happy, wasn't happy because I'd be leaving. It was then that I decided to break up with him. I couldn't take it any longer. I told him that I hadn't been happy for some time. He said that he saw it coming, to which I asked him why he didn't speak up. He just shrugged his shoulders. I told him he deserves someone better – someone who'll treat him right. Thing is, I would beat on him, hurt him. It was my way of letting out my built up aggression I have towards Charlie. Marcus didn't deserve to be treated like that anymore than I deserved it. He tried to get me to stay and that it was only going to be me. I told him that I had to get out of here and to sever all ties I would have with this place.
I left him there – standing on my doorstep. Broken and alone. I felt horrible. I want to comfort him. But I need my space from him.
He skyped me that night, asking me to reconsider. I flat out told him no. he thought that just because I broke up with him, that I wasn't hurting. It pained me to do that, but I wasn't happy with our relationship anymore. I stayed to make him happy. I then cut him off completely. Blocked and removed him on skype and facebook, also deleting his phone number and all his texts. I needed a clean break.
However, I did keep one thing. That would be the ring he gave me on our first Christmas together. I told him how I don't like diamonds or yellow gold, so he got me a white gold band with a Chinese black pearl on top. It's a simple ring – just how I like it. I may not like him anymore, but I love the ring. It has no meaning – it's just a ring. I still wear it on my left ring finger though.
The day I left for Indiana was bittersweet. Charlie actually offered to drive me to the airport. I've never known him to be so nice, so I took it with a grain of salt. When he put the car in park once we arrived, he turned towards me, and I looked at him and out of nowhere, he says, "You know I love you, right?" I could see what looked like remorse in his eyes. I had no words, he left me speechless, and he continued.
"I hate what I've done to you. I've come to realize my own demons about your mother leaving me and when she kicked you out and shipped you to me…it just, I don't know. All that built up animosity I have towards her, I took it out on you. I realize my fault in that. And I truly am sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I am so proud of you. You're the first one in the family to go to college. I just want you to know this before you leave."
"Charlie…" I started.
He put his hand up to stop me.
"You don't have to say anything. I know you weren't expecting that. But I feared that once you were on that plane, I would never see or hear from you again. I don't want that. I want to have a relationship with you." He looked at his watch and continued, "You should probably get going. Do you need me to help you with anything?"
I just shook my head. I feared that if I spoke, the dam that I had built up was going to burst.
I could tell there was more he wanted to say, but he shocked me again by leaning over in his seat and hugged me. He kissed my cheek and said, "I love you so much and I am so proud of you. Good luck." He squeezed me tighter. That's when the dam broke.
"Thank you," I said through my sobs. I was clutching on his jacket at this point. He was the first to pull away and I saw that his eyes were watery somewhat.
Charlie isn't, by any means, a loquacious person nor does he show his feelings. So this has to be real then.
Doesn't it?
I am telling myself to believe it.
I got out of the car, got a cart for my stuff, and waved good-bye and we both took off. I looked back at his car and noticed his license plate; it had a frame around it. On top, it said "Ball State" and on the bottom, it said "Cardinals" with four cardinals in each corner.
I don't understand. I thought to myself. For three years, he treated me like shit and he goes and says all those things to me. Does he expect to be forgiven? Just like that? I just can't do that. I am grateful that he said it; I just don't know how to take it.
He singlehandedly ruined my self-esteem to the point of not having any.
My aunt Jane said she'd be waiting for me at the airport when my flight landed. I spotted her right away. Not a hair out of place on her perfectly styled and made up head. She looked perfect, as always.
She had, in her left hand, a stuffed swan with a navy blue ribbon around its neck. I made my way over to her and she cradles me into a hug.
"Welcome home," she whispers in my ear and leads the way to her car.
Home. I tell myself
Jane, Aro, and my cousin, Ben have been terrific these past few months. They live in a town called Zionsville. It's a small, affluent town. Get this – the only car dealership is a Bentley dealership, which is in between a liquor store and a Dairy Queen. It's a really quaint town.
I got a job at an ice cream store about ten minutes drive from Jane's house. I met a few people there that are going to Ball State too: Jake, he's tall and built with short, black hair with tanned skin. He's going out with Jessica, who's the RA on the 7th floor of Stu West, my building and floor. I also met Tyler and Victoria. They used to loathe each other, not they're going out. Go figure.
I absolutely hated that job, but it was a job nonetheless. I was able to save up some money, I'm saving up for a car, cliché, but I need transportation. I had one back in Forks, but it crapped out on me.
My move-in date is August 18th, which happened to be Jane's birthday. Aro, her husband, and Ben, their son, Jane and I went out for a birthday dinner the night before. We went to a local Greek restaurant called Zorba's. I can tell you now that I don't like Greek food, but I didn't complain.
My roommate, Lauren, is moving in tomorrow. We only started talking the other week. We got an email from the Palmer/Davidson hall director, Edward Cullen, stating that I was her new roommate and that we should get to know each other before move-in.
We only emailed a few times. She's a cheerleader. Not exactly my scene, but I think we can get along.
Jane, Aro, and Ben helped me move in. I live on the 7th floor. It's not too crowded today, people are saying tomorrow is going to be really busy.
As we're getting our stuff put on a dolly, I'm instructed to go inside and sign in. Being the person I am, I don't have the confidence to o up to people and I just feel like a fool when I do, thinking I look stupid. I'm hesitant when Jane reassures me that it's ok.
I make my way up the ramp and go through the open set of double doors. Desks are set up and I'm told to go to a room just to my right and get my welcome package.
The first desk, I have to fill out a slip of paper that's for my mailbox. I then make my way to the Palmer/Davidson section, the girl behind the desk asks for my name and she gives me an envelope that has my move-in checklist and my room key along with a Stu West lanyard and ID holder. She tells me to go to the next table where a guy tells me to write my last name and first name along with my room number on a small whiteboard. I do so, he motions for me to stand in front of a backdrop and stand on the X and tells me to smile, and I give my famous half-hearted smile.
"This table has pamphlets, explaining events for this week, along with various other programs and information. You're free to help yourself."
I look over the table and decide to grab one of everything before heading back to the parking lot.
A/N: Well? Be honest. Sorry for any grammar mistakes. English is not my forte. I don't know how often updates will come. I hand write the story first then I type it out. Pics can be found on my page. As well as any music that may be mentioned in the future.
