Returning home
Disclaimers: Well, I obviously don't own Hollyoaks, otherwise the Craig / JP storyline would have ended on a different (and much, much fluffier) note…
Author's note: I read somewhere that James Sutton has been talking about leaving the show next year… That's how I'd like JP's last episodes in Hollyoaks to be.
Please, be patient with me, this is my first Hollyoaks fanfic, and one of my first attempts at writing slash…
Part 1
It had been almost a year, a year since he had been in that same airport, a year since he left everything he loved behind.
Craig Dean had tried with all his might to move on, to forget his family and friends, to make Dublin his home, but no matter what he did, he always felt out of place, he always felt alone.
Sure, it was no different in Chester, it wasn't like he was the most popular guy in town, but the few friends he had there were enough for him not to feel lonely.
But he had made so many sacrifices to get into Trinity that he surely would not throw it away for a little home-longing. He shook his head. No. He was not back to Chester for good, like his mother hoped, he would only stay for the summer holidays.
As he made his way outside the airport, Craig could not help but remember the day he left. John Paul had promised to go to Dublin with him, to share this experience together, and he was happy about that, he truly was, but he did not know how to cope with the shame of discovering that he wasn't like he others, that he was different. He had tried all of his life to be the perfect son, the perfect brother, with a pretty little girlfriend everyone envied him, and the shock of finding himself in love with his male best friend, and of disappointing everyone was too much for him to handle. He could not stand the comments of the people, he could not stand the disappointed look in his mother's eyes, so he had thrown the best thing that ever happened to him away. He loved John Paul so much, and yet he could not kiss him in public, he just could not bring himself to. John Paul was right when he said he deserved more. He was so beautiful, he had a big heart full of love, and he had given him so many chances, that Craig was not sure he was worth it. He sometimes wondered what would have happened, if he had kissed him in the middle of the airport: would John Paul have followed him to Dublin? Would they have been happy together? Would Craig have felt less alone?
The brown-eyed boy smiled bitterly. He just didn't seem to be able to shut the regret out of his thoughts, he probably never would.
He took a cab, and the more he approached Hollyoaks, the more he wondered if he made the right choice to come home for the holidays. How would everyone react? He had left so many open issues, even with his family, he had never explained how he truly felt, who he really was. How would they welcome him?
As the cab stopped outside the Dog in the Pond, Craig smiled as he saw his mother waiting outside the door. She waived, smiling sweetly at him, and rushed to him, but once she got near, she stopped, and awkwardly said: "Welcome home, love". Craig felt his face fall: was he so disgusting to his own mother that she could not even bear to embrace him? Frankie helped his son with the baggage, and accompanied him to his room, which, to his surprise, had not changed since he left it. Craig would have thought that Steph would have made a huge wardrobe of it by now. And speaking of his sister…
"Where are the others"? He asked his mother. Frankie smiled again, but this time it was a forced smile, and she tried to explain that Jake was busy with Nancy and his son, while Steph was out with her friends. Craig lowered his head. Were they so busy that they didn't even have the time to say hello to their brother who they had not seen for a year? Or maybe they just didn't want to see him…
He suddenly had the urge to take the next flight to Dublin. Coming home had not been a good idea. "So"? His mother's question startled him out of his thoughts. "Sorry mom, I wasn't listening, what did you say"? She shook her head and said: "I asked you if you needed anything, I have to go back downstairs, customers are waiting. Do you want to eat something"?
Craig felt a pang of affection for his mother. Even though she had not fully accepted him, she just couldn't set aside her mother hen instincts. "No, mom, thanks. I think I'll come downstairs for a drink later", he answered.
Frankie smiled. "All right then, why don't you unpack, love? I'll se you later, and I want to know everything about your life in Dublin… It is clear that you are eating little, you look so skinny"…This said, she left, closing the door behind her.
She didn't notice the tears on her son's face.
Craig stood there, looking at the closed door, unable to stop the tears that were cascading down his face. He didn't expect a welcoming party, he had to be honest with himself, but no one had come to see him. They knew he was coming back, he knew, but no one wanted to have anything to do with him.
He lay on his bed, trying to rest, but he could not sleep. He kept tossing and turning and thinking that he really should go back to Ireland, he had nothing to do here, he should really consider forgetting everything and moving on…
But he didn't want to move on, Chester was his home, and as long as John Paul lived there he would always want to come back, even though he suspected that the blonde man couldn't care less about Craig's whereabouts.
Deciding that he could not stay in his bedroom for the length of his holidays, the brown-haired boy headed downstairs for the drink he promised to his mother earlier.
As he approached the bar, he could distinctly hear his mother talking to someone who just entered the pub. "It's better if you go somewhere else, Sarah, Craig could come downstairs any minute, I don't want him to see you like this". Craig stopped, his heart began beating furiously in his chest. Sarah was there, he so desperately wanted to see her, to apologize for the way he treated her, to see how she was doing. He approached his mother and spotted her, sitting on one of the armchairs under the window, or better, sitting on Rhys' lap, him touching her everywhere. She acknowledged Craig's presence with a nod in his direction, and then proceeded to insert the length of her tongue down the other man's throat. When she was finished, she sarcastically smirked, and replied: "I don't care if Craig sees me like this, Frankie, I honestly don't give a damn… He couldn't care less when he shagged with his gay best friend behind my back when we were together, so why should I care snogging my own boyfriend now that we aren't a couple anymore"? This said, she resumed her earlier activity with Rhys, but not before the other man could flash a victory smirk in Craig's direction.
"Don't worry mom", he heard himself say, "Let's leave them alone. You can offer me a beer or something, can't you"? He tried to look nonchalant, but his voice betrayed the guilt he was feeling at Sarah's words. He had broken her more than he thought, and he would never forgive himself for that, after all he had loved the girl very much.
When they arrived at the bar, Frankie smiled tiredly at him. "I'm sorry", she said. He shook his head "It's me who should be sorry, none of this would have happened if I had admitted my feelings sooner, if I hadn't stretched my relationship with Sarah to the point of no return. This is all my fault". Her mother took his hands in hers. "No one can stop what they are feeling, it is hardly your fault if you fell in love". "No, it's not, but if I had been honest with her, with all of you"….
"Well, it's in the past now, we should all try to forget". She flashed the first genuine smile at him since his arrival, and gave him a glass of beer.
He gratefully accepted it, and strolled to the last, isolated table of the pub, hoping that no one would notice him quietly sipping his beer.
After a few moments, he saw the door opening, and his heart missed a couple of beats. John Paul had just entered the pub, and was at the bar ordering a beer. Craig was enchanted. He was even more beautiful than the last time he had seen him, and all Craig wanted to do was holding the man in his arms and look into those amazing blue eyes.
But he couldn't approach him, he was too afraid; what if John Paul was still mad at him?
No, he couldn't go there and say: "Hey, John Paul, remember me? I'm the one who broke your heart, the one who was so ashamed of you that he couldn't bear to hold your hand in the street. What do you say? Let's forget the past and get back together". It was silly to say the least.
What Craig didn't know was that there was a reason for John Paul to be at the Dog. He knew that the brown haired man had returned home for the holidays, and he had rushed to the pub in the hope to see him again, to apologize for walking away from him and leaving him alone. John Paul ordered a beer at the bar, and sat on a stool taking a look around. He immediately recognized the familiar shape of Sarah, furiously snogging Rhys, and he wondered if that was her way of getting back at Craig for betraying her. He turned a little more and his heart missed a couple of beats when he spotted the brown haired boy, sitting all alone in a corner. John Paul released a breath he didn't know he was holding. Craig was really there, and he was looking at him with those breathtaking brown eyes. He looked older somehow, like he had aged a lot more than a few months, and his eyes held a trace of guilt and regret as they locked with John Paul's that it tore his heart apart.
All of John Paul's resolve crumbled: how could he approach Craig, when he had hurt him so badly, when he left him alone in the moment when he was most needed? What if Craig was still mad at him? No, he couldn't go there and say: "Hello Craig, do you remember? I'm the one you almost lost your family for, the one who left you alone just because he fancied a snog in a crowded airport when you weren't ready for it. Let's forget the past year and just get back together". He shook his head. It was really stupid.
All that John Paul could do was tearing his eyes away from Craig's, and this broke his heart, because all he wanted to do was letting himself be enveloped in the other man's arms and look into his wonderful eyes.
The two man turned away from each other at the same time, as they awkwardly continued to drink their beers, but every now and then they would cast a quick glance at the other, just to make sure they were still there.
There are many things you could say about John Paul, but not that he wasn't able to act on his feelings. He didn't want to miss this chance to settle things with Craig. After all, they had been friends before becoming lovers and blow it, and, as friends, they still cared for each other a lot. John Paul was sure of this. So, he made a decision: he gulped down his beer, hoping to get a little more courage, and strolled to where Craig was sitting.
The look of astonishment in the other man's eyes made his doubts resurface, but it was too late, for John Paul was already stretching his hand out to him.
Craig was speechless. John Paul had come to him and was now offering his hand to him in forgiveness, with a gentle smile on his face. "Craig"… is all the blonde man said, but John Paul 's voice was hoarse, and his name sounded broken. The pain behind his tone was unmistakable, and Craig felt a pang of guilt like never before. Had he hurt the other man so much that he wasn't even able to pronounce his name without suffering?
He looked into those wonderful eyes, wondering why he didn't notice before they were his favourite shade of blue, and he was suddenly aware that he should grab John Paul's hand and shake it, but he somehow couldn't bring himself to.
He continued to stare into the other man's eyes, he didn't know for how long , and he noticed that John Paul was not smiling anymore. He had retreated his hand and had cast his head down, obviously taking Craig's surprise as another rejection. Craig shook himself: John Paul was suffering , and it was all that it took for him to spring into action, he couldn't stand the thought of John Paul feeling rejected anymore, especially if it wasn't true.
He stood so quickly that his legs violently hit the table, making the glass of beer shatter into the floor, while the chair he was sat on was shoved aside with a loud screeching sound.
Craig was faintly aware of the looks the other customers of the pub were giving him, and he didn't care. All that mattered to him in that moment was John Paul, and John Paul alone.
As he wrapped his arms around the blonde haired boy and brought him as close as he possibly could, resting his head in the crook of John Paul's neck, Craig allowed himself to close his eyes, and he wondered why it felt like he had not closed them in almost a year.
John Paul, on the other hand, was amazed, he didn't know what to think. One moment he was stretching his hand out to Craig , thinking that the brown-eyed man would have never wanted anything to do with him, the other he was clinging to John Paul like a drowning man. Then everything clicked: Craig was really embracing him; he had been forgiven, then, maybe he was still loved.
John Paul allowed a smile to grace his features as he returned the embrace, wrapping his arms tightly around the other man's waist, and he wondered why it felt like he had not smiled for a year.
They stood there, holding each other in the middle of the pub, for a long time. They felt the stares of everyone around them, the frantic whispering, the smirks, but they hardly registered anything, for all that was important to them in that moment was the person in their arms. They had found each other again, they had returned home.
Craig slowly loosened his arms, and raised his head to look into John Paul's blue eyes. The love, the understanding, the forgiveness he found there made his heart melt. That was all the encouragement he needed as he closed his lips to John Paul's in the one kiss both of them had been waiting for a year.
And those lips were so pliant, the blonde haired man was responding to his kiss with so much passion that it made his legs suddenly weak. He clung to John Paul with all his might, as their tongues danced in an ancestral battle for dominance.
They reluctantly parted after a few minutes, breathless, smiling at each other as they continued to peck at each other's mouth, and they couldn't stop the contentment they both felt.
End of part one.
Well, what do you think? Should I continue?
My apologies if the characters seem a bit OOC, but Hollyoaks has not arrived here in Italy yet, and all I could catch of the show is what is posted on youtube…
Please, let me know if I made any huge grammar mistake, you know, English is not my language, but I'm eager to improve!!
