Disclaimer: The MYST franchise belongs to the Miller brothers, the OFU concept belongs to Camilla Sandman, the PPC belongs to Jay and Acacia, TARDISes belong to the BBC, and (somewhat unfortunately) everything else belongs to Agent Sara and Tawaki.


Kelly Smith, a.k.a. Kellandra RivenMyst, was up late that night, working on her latest fic.

Her last had gotten so many flames that she had yanked it. How could the readers not have liked Saavedro's new love, Dessinda of Everdunes, Sirrus' daughter by Pran? What better reconciliation between Atrus and Saavedro could there be?

Her new fic was about how Kella returned to Narayan after her trip to Releeshahn with Atrus and how she fell head over heels in love with Saavedro. Not everyone was happy about her coming, however...

"omg Saavy i luv you soooo much!" sed Kella swetly.

"no u bitch Saavys mine!" screemed tarma and she attacked Kella she scrached her face an her eyes and pulls her hair.

"trama no!" yells Saavy and grabed his sord and tryd to get tmara off Kella.

"sav me mi luv!" Kella screemed then sudenly a bunch of Narayan men wit sords and hammers and axs ran up and pulld trmaa off Kella an thru her of the cliff into the samon sky, Saavy rushd to Kella an hugged her with all of his might he was afrayd of loosing her.

"r u ok?" he ask and she nodded and he kiss her and

Kelly Smith stopped typing and stared at the screen. What did people do after they kissed? She wanted to have a major love scene, but that would be after Tram—no, Tma—Taram?—that one chick who pretended to love Saavedro came back with an army of Bahro to kill Kella and take over Narayan. A thrill went down her spine at the thought of her delicious story.

"I do hope you don't plan on taking this any further," commented a pleasant voice behind her. Kelly practically gave herself whiplash as she whirled to discover who was in her room. Two large men in black suits occupied what little space was in the area, as most of it was crammed with MYST paraphernalia—including a life-sized cardboard standup of Saavedro.

"Who are you and what exactly are you doing?" Kelly asked, blinking. One of the men cleared his throat.

"You, Kelly Smith, a.k.a. Kellandra RivenMyst"—the other man snickered—"are summoned to the Official Fanfiction University of Myst. Your fanfiction license has been revoked as of now due to gratuitous warping of...well, of everything," he recited, looking bored. The other man slammed a stack of forms down on Kelly's desk and grinned nastily.

"Here are your enrollment forms. I suggest you think very carefully about how you fill them out, as what you put down now may come back to bite you in the butt later."

Kelly sat motionless, her mouth slightly agape.

"Wha...?"

The two men looked at each other knowingly and sighed. One took a pen from the desk and put it in her hand.

"You...fill...out...form," he enunciated slowly, as if talking to someone with a mental disability. Kelly managed to look down at the form on top of the stack and read a random entry.

"Wait, my species? What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, turning back to the men. She was startled to find that the room was empty.

"I am so hallucinating," Kelly mumbled. After a minute, she shrugged. "Can't, hurt, can it?" she asked herself, a little unsure. Then, with renewed resolve, she picked up her pen and filled out the top form.

Name: "Kellandra RivenMyst." Her real name was so dull.

Gender: Male/Female/Not Applicable (select one): "Female"

Age: She wrote the D'ni numeral for twenty.

Race/Species: "Human (Narayani)." The better to attract Saavedro.

Appearance: "I have eyes the color of amber and shoulder-length wavy auburn hair. My skin is slightly tanned." It was her own appearance, just spruced up a little bit. She had never been particularly imaginative in coming up with a gorgeous look for her characters.

Favorite Character: "Saavedro." She drew four hearts .

Least Favorite Character: "Tamra." She drew a witch's hat.

Lust Object: Lust object? She paused a moment, then wrote "Saavedro, but it's true love, not mere lust." She dotted the i with a heart.

Favorite Game: This was a no-brainer. "Exile. It has Saavedro."

Favorite Novel: What, she thought, there are books? ".Rehl tahgihnohkh vaysee khohrohtee(I don't know of any books.)," she wrote.

Favorite Age: "Narayan. Same reason as Exile above."

Have You Ever Written a Mary Sue? What a silly question, she thought. Mary Sues have no flaws. Both Dessinda and Kella had flaws, all right; Dessinda had been harassed in her youth over the fact that she was Sirrus' daughter and Kella could not hit that high C. "Of course not," she wrote.

Have You Ever Written Slash? "No."

Would You Read Slash? "If it's to my liking."

What Are You Afraid Of? "Spiders and the Bahro Nekisahl."

What Are You Allergic To? "Ragweed pollen."

How Much D'ni Do You Know? "!Muhkhohn rakhnahl (Quite a lot!)"

Kelly slowly felt herself getting drowsy as she made her way through the form. Putting down her pen after the final question was answered, she stretched and yawned expansively. She staggered to her bed and flopped down onto it, holding her Saavedro plushy close. She didn't notice her computer shut down by itself and the stack of papers disappear from her desk as she fell quickly to sleep.


"A golden Bahro?" asked Mr. Bentley, leafing through the papers. "What are these people thinking? Do they not know what canon is?"

"No," replied Miss Rowan, "or else we wouldn't be here." Just then, an Uru explorer dashed in. "What is it now?" asked Miss Rowan. "Ymur trying to kill someone again?"

"No, I just want to know what a TARDIS is doing in D'ni."

"Oh, good," said Mr. Bentley. "Our live-in PPC Agents are here."

"Marvelous," mumbled Miss Rowan distractedly, still looking through application forms. "You go greet them; show them the ropes. Ooh, this is potentially amusing...creamy skin...haha, let's see how she likes her skin to be really creamy."

Mr. Bentley left his cohort and followed the explorer to a massive orange construction cone, as high as your average doorway, that had materialized just outside the library. A door opened and two men in black suits and potted-cactus patches on their sleeves emerged.

"Look what form it took," said one, very amused, examining the cone.

"As odd as the form Melpomene said hers and Tawaki's took when they faced Dessinda," said the other

"Ahem," said Mr. Bentley.

"Oh," said the second Agent. "I'm Agent Gilbert Hawk, and this is Agent Kedri'Neref Hemelin. We are the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, Department of Mary Sues, Myst division."

"I'm Bentley, a Course Coordinator for OFUMREDURE." He shook hands with Gilbert, then Kedri'Neref.

Meanwhile, back in the office, Miss Rowan looked up to see Atrus. "Ah, my friend," he said, "we've returned. We have the first two Detention Ages ready for use. ri'Neref is just testing... the Device."

"Good," said Miss Rowan, not batting an eyelid. "I have yet to hear of an OFU where the students did not stampede the first day."


And there's the first chapter. Enrollment is open, and if you're interested just fill out the above form (this is highly recommended, mainly because we NEED more students). -Sara

The link for filling the form out is on our profile page or you can e-mail it. Do NOT sign up in the reviews column. -Tawaki