It's summer. Joy.
I've been waiting for this moment for almost a year, but somehow it doesn't live up to my expectations. You know how you build something up in your head and you end up expecting a lot more than you get? Then you end up disappointed and the whole thing is ruined for you. That's summer.
Why am I writing about summer?
What am I writing about at all?
Ugh. I have no idea. I have friends. I have a social life. Sort of. And most importantly, I've been waiting all year for summer. So why does it feel like this?
Maybe I'm just lazy.
My mom gave me an entire list of things to do:
Clean Closet
Clean Desk
Clean Shelves-
Enough. As you can tell, I'm not a very neat person. But I will not spend my entire summer cleaning.
Let's see, maybe someone's on Facebook? Ugh, Nina Petrano. Nope. Hmm, May's online. I can talk to her. She's asking about my day. Oh, yeah nothing much, just lazing around until my effing brain explodes. Oh, she still has her final exams? How. Sad. Ugh I don't have the energy to throw her a pity party. Bye. Ugh. Today is such an ugh day. Forget Facebook. You know what, forget social media. Let's do a cleanse.
I'm logging out of my Facebook, my Twitter, and my Instagram. I have a tiny moment of doubt when I get to Snapchat, almost giving up on the whole endeavour. But when I see that no one has sent me any messages, my resolve hardens. Goodbye internet friends! Don't miss me too much.
I tell my friends about the cleanse and they make high pitched voices and tell me how amazing I am, how they would never have the courage to do what I do. As if it's so great. I smirk and tell them I wouldn't either, I'm probably going to give it up in a day.
So now I'm lying on my bed, thinking about the future. More specifically, the next few days of my life. What do I do?!
Let's go outside. I step onto our porch, and watch the setting sun. What do I see? There's a woman around her mid twenties walking a dog. There's a cute guy riding a skateboard. There's a man mowing his lawn. So cheesy, I know. A mosquito bites my leg and my reverie is gone. I look down and slap my leg where it bit me. Curses too ugly to print run through my head and a second later I wonder where that anger came from.
Lately I have found myself prone to fits of rage – uncontrollable, savage, animal bouts of fury that come and go like the waves hitting the shores of a sea.
Anyway, that doesn't matter. I won't let myself think about it. All these thoughts pass through my head in seconds, flitting in one ear, then out through another. I finally look up, and realize the sun has set. With it, comes a darkness that weighs on my heart like sorrow.
As I turn to go back inside, a sleek, black car pulls up to our driveway. I squint my eyes, trying to figure out whether I know it. It seems vaguely familiar, like a face from my childhood I can't exactly place. I feel a tightening in my chest, as a thought dawns on me. Panic starts to set in, making my breath hitch and my legs to fold underneath me. I fall to the floor, feeling the hard wood under my hands. I vaguely feel a splinter pierce into the palm of my left hand as my vision starts to tunnel. I can't place the source of my crippling feeling of anxiety, but as I fade, one word remains in my mind – light.
