The Truth About Rob

By Cold-Zephyr

Starring: Rob Van Dam, Lilian Garcia, Candice Michelle, John Cena, and Vince McMahon

Genre: Romance/Humor

Rating: PG-13, for mild language and preludes to sex scenes

Disclaimer: I am not Vince McMahon, therefore I do not own the WWE or any of its Superstars...but man, oh man, what I wouldn't do to own the lovely Chris Jericho -drool-

Summary: A tragically heartbroken Rob Van Dam will stop at nothing to win his ex-girlfriend back...even though it could lead to strange and unexpected consequences.

Author's Notes: Okay, so I just watched this movie called The Truth About Love (Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jimi Mistry, Dougray Scott), and I didn't like it -- way too many contrivances -- but I thought the storyline, if tweaked properly, would make for a really cute WWE fanfic. Racked my brain for some playable characters, and, ta-da! The Truth About Rob. Without further ado, here it is!


Chapter 1: Chicken Soup for the Cheater's Soul

Today had been a good day for Rob Van Dam. His future was looking bright, and he was more than happy to be the top guy in the newly-reinstated ECW. There was one thing missing, though. He had to see her.

He drove up to a large white house. She's definitely gonna love this, he thought with a smile as he took the jug filled with hot chicken soup and a paper bag with two aspirin tablets and a Subway sandwich from the car seat. Classic Tuna sub -- her favorite.

His longtime girlfriend, Candice, had called to cancel their date that day saying she had fever, so Rob had decided to drop by to give her a nice surprise. He wasn't really the type to go out of his way for women, but Candice had a different effect on him.

He would do anything to make her smile.

There was something about her, and Rob knew it the first moment he saw her. Since he'd always held a torch for her, he was ecstatic when she finally agreed to go out with him. She's sexy, fun, witty...I think she's the one!

Setting down the jug and paper bag, he knocked on the door. No answer. He figured she couldn't get out of bed since she was sick, so he fished around the plant beside the door for the extra key and opened the door himself. As soon as he did, he could hear a moaning sound coming from her bedroom. Uh-oh, I think she's in pain! He grabbed the food and hurried towards her bedroom.

"Baby, are you okay? I brought some soup and---OH MY GOD!"

She was in bed, alright…but so was Vince McMahon, right on top of her. Their clothes were scattered all over the bedroom.

"Rob, I can explain..."

He dropped the soup and sandwich, turned and left the house, far too shocked to speak.

So much for having a good day.

-o-

Hi, this is Lilian Garcia. Please leave your name, contact number and message after the beep.

"Lil, it's Robby," came a frantic voice on the answering machine. "Please pick up, it's an emergency --"

Lilian set down her blow-dryer and rushed to the phone, worried that her best friend was in trouble. "Is something wrong?"

"Uh, yeah. Can I come over? I'd really like to talk to you. I feel like crap right now and I...God. It's horrible, Lil..."

"Sure, I'll wait for you."

She put down the phone, inhaled deeply...and went ballistic. She dashed towards the mirror. "Shit, my hair is a mess!"

Grabbing a brush, she headed for the kitchen and took out some ingredients from the refrigerator while attempting to brush her hair with her free hand. She took out a card from her recipe box.

"Got it ... got it ... okay ... 'bake for 30 minutes'... done." Lilian left the lasagna baking in the oven while she went to pick an outfit.

She threw open the doors of her wardrobe and began rifling through her outfits. "Too dressy. No. Eww. Not pretty enough. Okay, here. Low-maintenance but cute. Perfect!" She slipped into her choice ensemble of a pink t-shirt and faded jeans and returned to the kitchen.

Ding-dong! "Lilian, you there?"

After one last mirror check, she opened the door -- and there he stood, looking awfully cute even in just a black shirt and jeans. "Robby!" she greeted cheerily, until his sullen demeanor dampened her mood. "What's wrong?"

"Candice," he muttered. Once inside, he crumpled into her maroon sofa. "I caught her in bed earlier with...ugh...McMahon."

"She cheated on you with Shane?"

He shook his head. "Even worse. Vince."

"Gross!" she exclaimed. Her nose crinkled in distaste. "I always knew she was bad news!"

"Really?" he slurred.

"Yep. You're too good for her, Rob."

He blinked slowly and looked up at her, seemingly ignoring her last sentence. "You know what I need? A hug."

Lilian could feel butterflies in her stomach as she sat beside Rob and wrapped her arms around him. She snuggled closer, loving how their bodies seemed to fit perfectly together. Their moment was cut all too short, however, by the sound of the oven timer going off.

"What was that?"

"You'll see," she said, grinning as she led him by the wrist into the kitchen.

He sniffed around, smiling as he recognized the scent. "Noooo...you didn't!"

"Yep," she laughed. "No-fail lasagna, your favorite!"

"Aww, Lil, you're the best!" He gleefully helped her remove the tray from the oven. "I knew I could count on you!"

They shared piping hot lasagna and Pepsi on the couch. Normally, Lilian didn't want people eating on her favorite couch, but Rob was the sole exception.

"So...what happened?"

"She told me she had fever," he explained, mouth full of lasagna. "I thought it would be a nice surprise if I dropped by with some hot soup and her favorite Subway sandwich, so I drove over. I heard moaning in the bedroom, and, thinking she was in pain, I ran and opened the door. Then I saw...you know."

Lilian's knuckles whitened as she gripped her fork. "What a slut. She totally doesn't deserve you."

"I don't know...maybe it was my fault. I'm just not good enough for her."

"No, Robby, don't say that! You've been the perfect boyfriend!" She set down her fork and plate and held both his hands.

He sighed sadly. "I don't get it. What does Vince have that I don't?"

"Do you really need me to tell you that?" she asked with one eyebrow raised.

"Okay, yeah, he's rolling in money. So what?"

"Robby, don't you get it? Candice is a good-for-nothing gold digger!"

He looked at her, clearly shocked. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah! Don't you think it's weird that she used to ignore you completely, but when you won the Money in the Bank ladder match, she was all over you?"

He shrugged. "Coincidence?"

"Oh, Rob." She sympathetically placed an arm around him.

"But we were perfect together."

She shook her head. "She dumped you for money."

"Isn't there some way I could get her to see the light?"

"Women like that hardly ever change," she replied.

They both stared at the TV screen, where James Van Der Beek was blissfully sniffing the scent of a purple envelope containing a letter from a secret admirer.

Suddenly, Rob jumped up from the couch, shocking Lilian. "That's it!"

"What?"

"I've got the perfect plan to win back Candice!"


A/N: So, there it is. Rob's crazy about Candice, but don't think nothing will happen between Rob and Lilian -wink wink-. Let me know what you think! By the way, that movie I was referring to with James Van Der Beek is called The Rules of Attraction. I didn't like it much either, but if feeling both cynical and depressed is your thing, I recommend that you watch it. LOL.