Summary: Under my happy smile, under my cute personality, there is a me that no one knows about.

Warnings: Self mutilation, blood

Disclaimer: I don't own KH. There. I said it.

Sweet Release

Chapter 1

It hurt so much; to see Riku, my closest friend, betray me. It hurt more to see him come back, claiming that it was all a mistake and that he was sorry. Of course we welcomed him back, we're the 'good guys' after all.

For awhile, I actually tried to convince myself that he was really sorry, that things could go back to what they were before. After a few weeks, I saw that things have changed. Permanently.

Now, as I sit on the edge of my bathtub, holding a razor in my hand, blood running down my wrists, I realize that the one who has change the most was me. Staring at the deep red liquid coursing down my arms, I remember how this habit of mine began: I came home after a particularly stressful day with my 'friends'. Going to the kitchen, I grabbed a knife and started to peel an apple. Clouded by my thoughts, I wasn't careful with the knife. The blade slipped and made a gash on my arm. I dropped everything, and fell to my knees. I was about to cry out when I realized something: this pain, the feeling of blood on my skin, felt good. With my hands trembling in excitement, not pain, I picked up the knife and made another cut...

Ah, that memory will always be my fondest. In the weeks after that, I continued to cut myself. Eventually I went to a store to buy a real razor.

Riku and Kairi didn't have any idea about my... evening activity. I think that they were beginning to sense that something was wrong, so that meant that I had a few more precious days before they found out.

Lost in my thoughts, my hand slipped and accidently sliced my wrist too deep. My breath hitched as I watched the ruby red liquid come out faster than ever before. I knew then. I knew that this cut was my last.

I was prepared for this, I guess that I always was. From the minute the first heartless appeared on Destiny Islands, I knew that this is how it would end.

Now, as my vision began to go black around the edges, as I collapsed on to the bathroom floor, the door burst open. Riku and Kairi stood in the doorway, with looks of shock on their faces. That was the last thing I saw, before I finally received my...

Sweet release.