"And I fell right for it," Alison whispered brokenly before being pulled into a tight embrace by the taller brunette.
In that moment, Emily felt like a fool for distancing herself from her first love. When Alison was hospitalized, it felt like she was running on autopilot trying to keep Ali safe. A part of the reason was because she felt responsible for letting the blonde voluntarily check herself into mental institute. But if she was honest with herself, it was because she couldn't bare to see Alison hurt again. Her love had been through hell and back, but it seems hell kept coming back to haunt her. She wasn't sure how she would fare had anything happen to Alison this time.
But old habits die hard. So when her friends were convinced Alison had murdered Charlotte that night, Emily faltered. She knew it was a mistake to hand over the jacket to A.D. but Hanna was the one in immediate danger. It was either her best friend whose life was in jeopardy or the love of her life who she figured was safe behind the walls of the sanitarium. It was an impossible choice. And it was the repercussions of that choice that led to her distance herself from Alison when the blonde was released.
Emily grabbed at anything and everything she could to fill up her time. The A.D. mystery/covering up Elliot's murder kept her mind occupied and her days filled. Her bartending job at the Radley made sure her nights were effectively scheduled off and whatever nights she had free, she filled them with Sabrina. Sabrina. The barista seemed like a nice enough girl. Emily genuinely liked her and had she been in California without a care in the world, the two of them might actually strike up a real relationship. But here, in Rosewood, Emily knew Sabrina was just a distraction away from the blonde she really wanted to spend time with. She felt guilty for putting her own needs above Alison's obvious ones. So she reasoned with herself that Alison wasn't alone, she had Aria. The petite brunette had been by Alison's side throughout the whole ordeal and Emily was all too willing to let Aria continue.
But at this very moment, with Alison's tears steadily soaking her sweater and the sounds of her uneven breathing filling her ears, Emily knew she had been wrong. She could see just how broken Alison is—how much her Ali needed her. The blonde's tearful apology had barely been uttered before Emily felt all resolve leave her body and drew Alison into her arms. She felt the blonde hug her waist, burrowing her face deeper into Emily, and all the brunette wanted to do was soak up all of Alison's pain, the ones Elliot caused, the ones Charlotte caused, and even the ones Emily herself caused. Holding Alison in her arms, she began to realize for the first time how much she needed to be with Alison too.
When she left for Pepperdine 5 years ago, she had deliberately refrained from keeping in touch with Alison. It wasn't that she didn't love her. It was that despite everything that has happened, she was still in love with Alison, and that fact terrified her. She had no idea how the blonde felt about her—they still have never talked about it. Emily couldn't spend the rest of her life pinning over someone who might not feel the same way. Moreover, she wanted to discover for the first time who she was without the looming threat of A. So in a desperate bid to reinvent herself, she distanced herself from everyone Rosewood-related, especially Alison. She tried to stay away because every time she lays eyes on Alison, the little voice inside her head went into overdrive. The voice reminded Emily something she had always known but never wanted to admit: she will always be in love with Alison. When she had told Spencer that being back in Rosewood, they all have fallen back into old patterns, she was not exempt from that observation.
The fundamental truth is, despite being in love with the blonde for most of her life, Emily is scared to death to love her. Alison is the only one with enough power to shatter her heart into pieces. Since Alison's return to Rosewood many years ago, Emily had to keep her guard up around her, always had to keep her heart in check. But the way Alison looked at her tonight coupled with the sincerity in her voice and the vulnerability in her gaze, Emily had been struck to the core. Once the two were enveloped in each other's arms, she could feel the walls of her heart falling brick by brick.
Once the tears started, she couldn't quite get them to stop. It was as if the emotional weight of the past couple of days had caught up with her. Crying was not a common occurrence for Alison DiLaurentis. When the pressure was on, she toughened up, put on her best bitch face, and kicked her calculated brain into high hear. But the events of the past 24 hours had really thrown her. When she saw A.D's note affixed to her red jacket last night, she was truly hurt. Her friends had once again assumed the worst about her, all too ready to throw her to the wolves. It hurt to know that no matter how good she's been, she will always be the 15 year old manipulative, conniving Ali in their eyes.
When she showed up at the Brew that morning, she had initially planned to tear them a new one. If it was Bitch Alison they expected from her, then she was going to give it to them. But that plan dashed when she heard the hesitant tone in Emily's question. So she resisted her instinct to lash out and settled for a curt, sarcastic reply before storming out in true queen fashion. She had to admit she was a little disappointed when she heard running footsteps behind her and an arm grabbing hers that wasn't Emily's. The brunette had been avoiding her since her release, not daring to look her in the eyes for more than a few seconds at a time. She suspects now that Emily's actions were influenced by her guilt, but it still hurt to know that Em had let Spencer run after Alison instead of following her herself. Alison knew the other girls had their reservations about her but she always had the highest hopes in Emily's loyalty to her. Sure, that loyalty had been strained with the whole framing her and putting her in jail fiasco, but with her being there for Emily when she donated her eggs and Emily coming to take care of her after the accident, she thought they were beginning to rekindle their friendship again.
When Emily had shown up earlier that evening, face full of remorse and eyes shining with apology, Alison had reluctantly let her in. The two settled on the floor infront of her couch, the hesitant air around them manifesting into the physical distance between their seats. A barrage of emotions hit her all at once. She wanted to yell at Emily for betraying her again, wanted to ask why she'd been so quick to turn on her, yet wanted to crawl into the comfort of Emily's arms to escape the day's events, but she could do none of those things. So she settled for a clipped, "Don't" when Emily made a move to comfort her. She mentally slapped herself when she saw Emily's face fall as she slinked back, her shoulders slightly slumped in defeat. And as soon as Emily left her house, she felt a vague emptiness in her chest that she couldn't quite decipher. That emptiness is gone now that she's encased in the safe arms of her mermaid. As the brunette gently stroked her hair, whispering words of comfort in her ears, Alison knows that Emily cares and she believes that Emily is sorry.
Her feelings for Emily has been an enigma to her for as long as she can remember. Everyone thought that Alison had it all figured out when it came to her feelings for Emily, either dismissing it as a ploy to win someone over to her side or a flippant phase of "practicing for the real thing." The truth is, Alison herself isn't sure. The intensity of her feelings for Emily scares the living daylights out of her. So instead of facing them, she delays the inevitable by pushing them to the back of her mind. She knows Emily has always been her favorite, she has loved and cared for Emily more than anyone else in her life. When it comes to the brunette, Alison just has an instinctual need to protect and be around her. She knows whatever connection she and Emily have has always been more than friendship. She knows she loves Emily but does that mean she was gay? Or bisexual? She has never so much looked or felt for another girl the way she does Emily. So can one be "gay" for just one person? When she thought the A game ended 5 years ago, she thought she could give the two of them a chance. But with Emily bound for Pepperdine and herself no closer to figuring out her damn heart, she knew she couldn't ask the brunette to wait for her. So convinced herself it was for the best to leave things the way they were—friends.
She was naive to think that maybe the two of them would keep in touch. The calls became less frequent and the texts got increasingly shorter until they simply stopped altogether. Alison distracted herself by taking care of Charlotte, finishing school, and eventually getting a teaching job at Rosewood High. Throughout that time, Alison only saw Emily once. When the brunette returned for her father's funeral, Alison was by her side, knowing better than most the pain of losing a parent. Alison was a quiet but steady presence throughout the funeral, ready to comfort Emily but giving her the space to grieve when she needed it. But all too soon, Emily went back to California and Emily dropped off the radar once again.
It was around the same time that Elliot Rollins, or rather Archer Dunhill, made an appearance in her life. She'll admit it, she was lonely and Elliot was great at playing the faithful, caring gentleman. Her father had all but bolted out of her life, Jason was busy at the Carissimi Group, and her friends were busy with their own lives. So when Charlotte died, she felt like Elliot was the only one left and she fell right into his trap. Her knight in shining armor quickly morphed into her tormentor from hell.
In that miserable room, her limbs strapped to the bed and her head muddied with the drugs in her system, her fogged mind found its anchor in Emily. Running away to Paris with the brunette had been a fantasy of Alison's since their younger days. It reminded her of a simpler time when it was just the two of them, all loving glances, stolen kisses, and hopeful plans. Whenever she could feel herself on the edge of insanity, her brain held onto Emily and she felt secure.
That instinct has never been more true than it is now with her head tucked perfectly under Emily's chin. Since the whole Elliot situation has unravelled, being in her mermaid's arms is the first time she has felt truly safe, and if she dares admit it, loved.
She didn't know or cared how long they stood there in the middle of Alison's living room, all too content to hold Alison as long as the other girl needed. Eventually, the blonde's tears subsided and when she lifted her face up to meet Emily's, she hesitantly whispered, "Will you stay?"
"Of course," Emily replied, her quiet tone matching the vulnerability of the moment.
The brunette reached up to Alison's face, brushing the last stray tear with the pad of her thumb, and offered a gentle smile which the blonde reciprocated. Emily took Alison's hand in her own, leading the two of them into Alison's childhood bedroom. When Emily rushed to the house for the second time that night, she found a shaken Alison sandwiched between the protective arms of Spencer and Hanna. After the police finished up collecting evidence in the room, Emily guided Alison out to the living room and her friends took the initiative to clean the taunting words off Alison's wall. Emily knew that despite the events of the night, Alison would be more comfortable sleeping there than the master bedroom tainted with memories of Elliot.
She situated Alison at the foot of the bed while she went about the blonde's room pulling out a tank top and sleeping shorts for herself. Alison quietly watched Emily, amused that after all this time, the brunette knew exactly where everything was in the room and felt completely at liberty to take what she needed. Emily quickly disappeared into the bathroom to change and when she returned, she found Alison curled up under the covers. Thinking the blonde was asleep, Emily made a move turn off the lights.
"Where are you going?" Alison demanded, her slightly panicked eyes locking onto Emily's.
"I'm not going anywhere," Emily assured, "Just turning off the lights."
Visibly relieved at the response, Alison's eyes remain on Emily's as she pulls her covers back in silent invitation. The brunette complied, claiming her spot on the empty side of the bed. As her eyes drifted close, she feels Alison turn, throwing her leg over Emily's, and burrowing her face in the crook of the brunette's neck. Emily's arm instinctively wraps around Alison's waist, her hand drawing absent patterns on the blonde's shoulder.
"Goodnight, Em," Alison mumbled, her gentle breathing steady on the brunette's neck.
"Goodnight, Ali," the other girl replied, turning her head to place a gentle kiss on Alison's forehead.
Alison pressed herself closer to Emily at the the gesture and surrendered herself to the day's exhaustion. When Emily felt the blonde's breathing steady out, she shifted a fraction and allowed herself to really look at the blonde. Despite her tears-swollen eyes and slightly rounder cheeks, Alison DiLaurentis remains the most beautiful woman she has ever had the privilege to lay eyes on. As she studied the facial features of her first love, her fingers tentatively reached out to stroke the side of the blonde's face. She held her breath when Alison shifted but sighed in relief when the blonde smiled in her sleep, apparently content with the physical affection Emily was lavishing onto her. In that moment, Emily knew without a shadow of a doubt that she was falling back in love with Alison. And judging by the way the blonde had treated her tonight, Emily hopes that maybe those feelings weren't one-sided after all.
