It had started out simple. You know, a high school love, a first kiss, sharing of a milkshake, all that stuff that young couples in love do.
And we were most definitely in love.
It was just...different. We were different. And...even though we'd promised to have an open relationship, Hisana wasn't entirely open with me. I hated her for that. Still do. Just a little bit, though.
I remember when she told me. I remember that as clearly as though it had happened yesterday...
She'd been feeling kind of down lately. She was looking thinner too. I didn't realize it at the time, but she'd been getting thinner and paler as the week had progressed. That was a stupid mistake on my part. How could I even call myself a good husband, when I didn't notice the things going on to my wife?
At any rate, I'd pulled her over and asked her what was wrong...
"Hey, Hisana, is there something wrong?"
She'd looked up at me with those big black eyes of hers, and then it hit me: There WAS something wrong, something very, very wrong. And even though I wanted to fix it, I knew I couldn't. Not when she gave me that look of hers.
"Bya-chan...there's something I need to tell you."
"Yes?"
"I...I don't think I should see you anymore."
"WHAT?"
It was shocking to me at the time. It made me feel as though I had done something wrong, as though I had done something to reject her. And that, in turn, made me feel bad, made me feel guilty.
"No, no, it's not because of anything you did. I swear. It's just...there's a problem."
"What kind of problem?"
"A problem that'll interfere with our relationship if we drag it out any more."
"At least tell me what's wrong. Please, Hisana. I need to know. It's YOU we're talking about, and I care what goes on with you."
It never occurred to me that ten words could make such a difference in my life. But it did.
"Byakuya...I have a disease. I have a disease called leukemia."
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She'd told me that the doctors had told her she wouldn't last for the rest of this year, that at best she had two months or so left. She told me that it would be better if we stopped seeing each other altogether, in order to lessen the pain. What she didn't know was that the pain just grew worse, every day that I didn't see her.
So I broke the rules. I went to see her anyway. She tried to tell me not to come, because she didn't want me to hurt, but I kept doing it anyway. And every day, I watched her get skinnier, get paler, no matter how hard I tried to get food into her body. And, I guess, in the end, she was right. It hurt. A lot.
Looking back now, I don't know why I decided to go that last day. Her younger sister Rukia had already told me that Hisana was dead, and that...that didn't hurt. It just made me feel disconnected. Disconnected from everything. It was only when I went to see the body that I started to ache. I wanted to scream, wanted to kill myself, wanted to do something to let me be with her again. But there was nothing. Nothing I could do.
And I hated myself for that. I hated her, too, for leaving me. I'd thought she was selfish, leaving me alone like that. But now, now I know, that it wasn't selfishness. On the contrary, it was selflessness. Selflessness that she hadn't asked me to sacrifice myself so that we could be together in heaven. Selflessness that made her try to stop me from coming. It was that, and I had been too stupid to realize it at the time.
Now, I'm staring at her grave, overgrown with flowers and grass. She seems so small, here in the graveyard, where there are dozens of other tombstones exactly like her own. Hers is the only grave, though, that actually has a regular visitor. Me.
It's summer. Hisana's favorite season. I'm standing here with a small bouquet of daisies. My name is Byakuya Kuchiki, and, well, life has never felt so precious.
You should savor it while you can, too. You never know when you could be taken away.
