Hi, this is my first story so critique is welcome. I'm warning you that there will probably be grammatical errors.
The flash of claws
Pain
A wave of water
Darkness
...
Needletail woke with a groan. Everything hurt. Her head was pounding. She stood up on wobbly legs and shook her pelt, realizing she was covered in sand. Looking around, she saw the lake behind her.
I must have washed up from the lake, she thought. But how did I end up in the lake in the first place?
Then she remembered. Darktail. She hoped Violetpaw had escaped.
But how am I still alive? she wondered. Hadn't Darktail struck her down?
Needletail limped back to the surface of the lake and stared at her reflection in the star studded water. She saw a cut across her neck and realized that Darktail had just missed the main artery in her neck.
But how did I survive the lake? she wondered.
She stared at her reflection and thought that maybe, after all, there were cats up in the stars who looked down upon the clans.
...
After staring at the lake for awhile and thinking things through, Needletail finally stood up and stretched. After several heartbeats she was able to determine that she was in Riverclan territory near the Windclan border.
She hesitated for a minute, then set her paws toward the direction of the Shadowclan border and limped on.
...
As Needletail got closer to the Shadowclan border, she realized how lucky she was no patrols had found her. She shuddered at the thought of what would have happened if they had got their claws on her. Then again, who would have time for patrols in the middle of a Kin invasion?
Soon, Needletail began to hear a sound she thought might have been weeping. As she padded on, she began to see two faint outlines of cats against the dark sky by the shore. She stopped dead in her tracks
Is that...? No, it can't be! she thought in disbelief. Violetpaw and Alderheart! If they were here, then the Kin must have been driven away, she realized happily.
But, they look so sad, and Violetpaw is crying. Did something else happen or... No! she thought in shock. Were they upset because she was believed dead!?
Needletail had never had anyone care about her like this before. The mix of emotions she felt was so overpowering that, for a second, she wanted to bury her head in her paws and never move again, so she stood still and listened for a bit longer.
"She's gone!" Needletail heard Violetpaw say and heard Alderheart murmur something indistinguishable.
Needletail crouched down and, ignoring the slight pain it caused her, crept up behind the other two cats and murmured, "Mouse-brains! Even if I was dead I would never leave you."
Seeing the two cats jump that high in the air and then the shock mixed with delight on their faces was enough to make Needletail purr with laughter and cause an emotion inside herself she never felt before.
Pure happiness.
That's it! Hope you enjoyed it! Again, reviews are appreciated.
